WENDY C. HORIKOSHI, M.S.
Certified NLP Coach, Trainer



"Life is about growth…changing…moving forward…taking off…Soaring”

 
  home     about wendy     coaching     training     media     events     thoughts     articles     contact wendy  
 


THOUGHTS

Happy Women's History Month. The following words express the meaning of many of my relationships with other women:

"In the best friendships I have had with women, there is a closeness that is unique, a sympathy that comes from somewhere deep and primal in our bodies and does not need explanation, perhaps because of the life-changing experiences we share—menstruation, childbirth, menopause. The same tragedies, physical, or emotional, threaten us: the infidelity of a spouse or boyfriend, rape, breast cancer, the death of a child who had grown inside our body. Whether any of these strike us personally or not, if we hear of it happening to a woman we love, we feel its reality like an electric shock along our own spine." -Chitra Banjeree Divakuruni, South Asian Writer

3/2023
Women and Meaning

This past year, my husband, Peter, and I became aware of many friends who were diagnosed with cancer. Both of us have had at least one good friend that passed away from it. I attended the Celebration of Life of my friend, Leslie. I found it meaningful to hear how every person who attended had a close relationship with her. I am continually reminded how being present in this moment with the people around us is special, healing and life-giving. During this month celebrating Women’s History, I want to highlight a couple of events - a documentary that focuses on enduring friendship between two women, and an exhibition by a Japanese American female artist, who utilized the Covid isolation period to create collages of her family’s story of forced evacuation during WWII. Deep meaning is expressed through the stories of these women.

There is special importance in the bonds between women. “Nai Nai and Wai Po,” features two immigrant grandparents who live together and share daily routines which embrace life, while helping each other to maintain their fitness and well-being, (streaming on Disney + and trailer available on the Center for Asian American Media, CAAM website, scroll down to the documentary). It is amazing that how an 88-year old and 94 year old are living independently, take care of each other, accept the joys and pains of each day, and find value in living. I was moved with how they relate to each other and to life.

Eugenia, “Jeanie” Kashima was caring for her mother, Amy, during the Pandemic and also used that time to create quilt inspired collages with photos of her family. Jeanie’s family was forcibly removed from Berkeley, California, to a concentration camp in Topaz, Utah, in 1942, along with all other Japanese Americans on the West Coast. “Topaz Collages: One Family’s Experience” takes us through the time when Jeanie was born in Topaz, to her family’s return. The process for the collages is layered and painstaking. Since cameras were not allowed at the concentration camps, it is remarkable that Jeanie had photos from this period of time. Jeanie’s two uncles, during their leave time from military service came to visit their families behind barbed wire and were able to bring in cameras and photograph them. About a week ago, on March 16, 2024, Jeanie presented a talk narrating her family story about the collages, which was touching and instructive about U.S. history. It was amazing to see the collages in person. They are on exhibit at J-Sei, in Emeryville through the end of the month.

On a personal note, I want to add that Jeanie’s mother, Amy Oishi Takagi, and my mother were cousins, part of a large family of Oishi relatives. Our families didn’t grow up in the same community, so although my mom had talked about her cousin Amy, I didn’t know Amy or her children (which includes Jeanie.) Last year, along with two other Asian American musicians, I performed in a concert about the Asian American Movement. When introducing a song about my grandmother, I talked about my grandmother’s deep throaty voice that is typified in singing with the koto and shamisen instruments and how I regretted not learning how to sing in this manner. I mentioned that the Broadway singer and actress, Pat Suzuki, was my aunt and my aunt probably got her voice from Grandma. Jeanie saw this concert online. Jeanie supposed we were related, as she knew her mother’s cousin, Marion, married a Suzuki. Not too long after this performance, I attended a talk that Jeanie was giving on the family nursery in Richmond and realized that we were related in the moment where she mentioned the Oishi nursery. At the end of Jeanie’s talk last year, we met in person. Jeanie’s mother passed away during the Pandemic isolation, and my mother passed about a year after that. It has been special to recognize our connection and to have discovered it though the sharing of our stories.

Jeanie’s artistic contribution is truly a tribute to her mom and her family. Both the film, “Nai Nai and Wai Po,” and Jeanie’s Topaz collages remind me of how important it is that we tell our stories, especially the stories of women, who have not always been in the foreground of historical accounts.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of a woman whose relationship with you brings you deep meaning? Tell me about it.
Who is a woman that has a profound affect on you, your family, or your community? What’s her story?
Is there a story about someone or some issue that you’d like me to cover in a future coaching blog? I’d love to hear from you.


2/2024
Black History is American History

“I was less concerned with the hoopla from a historical perspective. I’ll handle that when I get down. But I wanted to make sure that I did a good enough job that when I got down, people would say, Bluford did a good job and we can fly African Americans and we don’t have to sweat it.” -Guy Bluford, first Black astronaut in space when questioned while being in the space station.

During Black History Month, I try to read stories, hear speakers and watch programs that reveal parts of American history that have been hidden to us. Adulthood, has for me, become a quest to understand who and what I am, as well as to connect with the stories of people and communities who have been left out from our written history. There are two films that I want to share with you in celebrating Black History Month: one a short clip that I found on the Center for Asian American Media website, “The Barber of Little Rock” and “The Space Race.” “Barber of Little Rock,” which illustrates the African American experience of inclusion vs exclusion and what one person, Arlo Washington, is doing to bridge the wealth gap for African Americans. I don’t want to say much more about it, because this short documentary is currently available to view at no cost from CAAM, the Center for Asian American Media website.

Have you heard of the astronaut, Ed Dwight? In “The Space Race,” a a documentary directed by Diego Hurtado de Mendoza and Lisa Cortes, I was introduced to many African American space pioneers. It’s been a few years since “Hidden Figures,” the story of the team of Black female math brains at NASA has debuted. “The Space Race” uncovers additional stories about the history of Blacks in U.S. space exploration. Ed Dwight, an engineer and test pilot was chosen during Kennedy’s administration, to be the first Black astronaut to go into space. When President Kennedy was assassinated, the people in charge of selecting astronauts for space travel moved Astronaut Dwight off the list. Disillusioned, Ed Dwight left NASA and eventually became a well-known sculptor, commissioned for many pieces that depict African American history. (Of the many installations that Dwight has created, “The Space Race” documentary mentions the Texas African American Memorial, which portrays Black history from slavery to space.)

I learned about Victor Glover, the first Black astronaut to live aboard the International Space Station. He journeyed to space right after George Floyd was killed by Minneapolis Police Officers. Astronaut Glover took with him a painting of George Floyd and kept it close to him the entire 167-day mission. Glover shared, “It was an overwhelming and emotional time for me. … I thought about legacy quite often. Because it is a very small group of people that can truly understand what it’s like to be a Black astronaut. Growing up in America as a person of color, there’s this double consciousness pulling in different directions. That tension doesn’t get any easier you know when you get to be an astronaut.” For people of color, for persons from marginalized communities, daily navigating two worlds place stress and pressure to perform, never really being able to represent oneself as an individual, always being forced to represent a whole race of people.

My husband and I thought it was striking that even though many of the Black astronauts knew that they might be among the “firsts” to break the color barrier, they thought of themselves as engineers, pilots or scientists first. Yet, they were keenly aware of efforts to keep them from going to space as well as the pressure to do their best so that they wouldn’t be the only African Americans astronauts.

As a leadership coach who works with persons of color, this double consciousness to which Glover referred, is always at play. Part of the leadership and development journey is recognizing and dealing with living in two worlds. I especially appreciated hearing how Astronaut Glover initiated a call from space with all of the current and former African Americans astronauts. Each of them could identify with each other’s professional journeys and the monumental pressure placed upon each other. The group bonded and eventually called themselves “Afronauts,” naming themselves and providing support for each other as well as for future Afronauts. For me, Glover underscores the importance of community. The Afronauts connected and continue to meet together. This process makes space for personal support, as well as for collective healing. I often ask clients of color if they have a safe place where they don’t have to feel like they are representing their entire race. Since there may not be this haven in their workplaces, I also like to ask how they might connect to other persons of color, creating an affinity group which supports them in their work and life journeys. Sharing one’s stories of challenges can help one endure, overcome and accept issues. Identifying personal experiences and systemic racism, while coalescing into a supportive community can be powerful and redemptive.

Observing African American History Month reminds us to continually uncover and rediscover American history. I hope that you will take the opportunity to see ”Space Race” and “The Barber of Little Rock.” I’d like to close with a philosophical thought from Afronaut Guy Bluford. Learning about his story, Bluford’s quote does not ignore racism, but identifies hope in the struggle for change: “It takes an awful long time for our society to change. … There’s all of this inertia you have to overcome. But we eventually do it over time.”

Questions to reflect upon:

Because it is Black History Month, these “thoughts” were centered upon African Americans. Looking at the group(s) with which you associate your identity, have you felt like you were carrying the load for the reputation of your group(s)? (And/Or do you feel like you are currently doing so?) What does this feel like and how did this amplify the pressure to perform and relate?

Could you see yourself creating a group like the Afronauts, where former, current and future colleagues connect to support each other?


11/2023, 12/2023
Native American Heritage & The Holy Land

November is designated as Native American Heritage Month. I am writing to you from unceded Ohlone land. Acknowledgement of the land is a sacred act practiced by Native people and adopted by allies to thank Native Americans for their stewardship of the land, honoring Native ancestors, who are our country’s first people. I believe that this act also concedes how our country made claims on the land, basically stealing it from the Native people. Native American values did not include the concept of “land ownership.” Their philosophy is/was that people are stewards of the land which provides abundance and life-giving sustenance. People are to take only what they need, and give thanks back to the earth. Native American life honors ancestors who have created these traditions. Ines Hernandes-Avila writes:

“Ancestors, the good ancestors from the beginning of time to the present, the ones who’ve gone ahead, the ones who were consumed in violence not of their making, in sickness often passed on through the generations, the children who passed on too early, the ones who had the chance to love and lead full lives, in the Spirit world, they are the light(ness) we need to see and feel. Theirs are the voices we need to hear with the ears of the heart. Theirs are the messages we should welcome with our intuition’s blessings, and they are the ones who illuminate our work within and between our respective communities.”

The concept of ownership of land has been the root of imperialism and colonization, a way to take the livelihoods of persons already inhabiting it. In 1948, the United Nations declared an area in the Middle East as Israel, the homeland for Jewish people. About 25 years ago, when first learning about the creation of Israel, my question had been, who gave the U.N the right to designate the land already inhabited by many Palestinians? I understand that Palestinians, like Native Americans did not hold the principle of land ownership.

As global citizens, we need to take responsibility for the rampant hate against the Jewish people. When we learned about the Holocaust, it was presented as “other” people being hateful and antisemitic. And yet, if we carefully research our country’s history, many Americans recognized that the genocide occurring in Poland and Germany was an opportunity to scapegoat Jews and to spread hate and mistreatment against the Jews in the U.S, and Jews from Europe seeking sanctuary here. Antisemitism was alive in the U.S. Hitler rebranded White people’s enslavement of Africans in this county to the superiority of the Aryan race over the Jewish people. This hate directed towards the Jewish people continues, and it is not surprising that Jewish people, both in this country and around the world feel threatened, especially after the coordinated October 7, 2023 attack in Israel by Hamas, a militant Palestinian group. Nothing can condone the massive death and ongoing imprisonment of persons by Hamas who were kidnapped.

It may not be well-known that prior to the October 7, 2023 attack on Israel, Israeli forces attacked and killed five Palestinians in September of 2023 near the Al-Aqsa Mosque, a holy site in Jerusalem. Hundreds of Palestinians were left to survive on their own, without aid. Palestinian hospitals were bombed, slaughtering hundreds of children and civilians. During 2023 alone, the Israeli military killed over 247 Palestinians.

At a recent vigil I attended in Alameda, a woman shared that she, as a Jewish American, could go and settle in the West Bank, build a home and live there for free. If there was a building already there, she could take it for her personal property. I don’t know if the majority of Americans are aware of these settlements in the West Bank, which are growing and of the continued displacement of Palestinians and check points which restrict Palestinian freedom of movement within their own communities.

The historical mistreatment towards Palestinians and their living conditions are not well publicized through mass media and news outlets. I have found it difficult to get accurate information from our regular sources. (And yet, when I googled Hamas War of 2023 in Wikipedia, the background segment includes information on settlements and the historical context.) Immediately after the bombing in Israel, I was struck by how most news agencies didn’t refer to the persons living in Gaza as Palestinian, usually saying residents. (There are some Jews living in Gaza, but the majority are/were Palestinian.) Understanding the conflict and creating peaceful resolution are complex issues. While I am not an expert on this matter, I have listened to the stories of a couple of Palestinians from Wadi Foquin, a small village near Bethlehem, in the West Bank and feel compelled to learn more about the people, communities and situation.

Many of you may be more knowledgeable than I about the Middle East, however I hope my blog may help begin a conversation. There are many resources available on Palestinian/Israeli history with regards to “sharing” of the land.

Articles/Clips
“The Origin of the Palestine-Israel Conflict," written by Jews for Justice

"In 1948, Israeli forces drove 750,000 Palestinians out in the Nakba," - The Washington Post - Many resources here, it is like an introductory course on Palestine- - JVP 6 min. video about Israel and Palestine

The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine - Wikipedia - Wikipedia entry (explanation) of the book by same title, written by Ilan Pappe, published in 2006.

Books
The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine | Book by Ilan Pappe | Official Publisher Page | Simon & Schuster (simonandschuster.com) book explained in above Wikipedia entry.

Sharing the Land of Canaan, qumsiyeh.org, A book about the sharing of the land, and illustrates how the land use for Israel and Palestine has not been constant.

I Saw Ramallah, Murid Barghouti - a beautifully translated memoir.

There is one other resource which some of you may be interested in. I am currently learning more about Palestine through an Advent Study of the Christmas story. (Advent is the time of preparation, composed of the four Sundays before Christmas.) Jesus was born in Bethlehem. Bethlehem and the area around it are often discussed as the Holy Land. The Holy Land basically refers to a larger area than just Bethlehem-- the State of Israel and the region of Palestine. The Holy Land is considered holy by Jews, Muslims and Baha’i as well as Christians. The book, The Advent of Peace: A Gospel Journey to Christmas by Mary C. Grey, is providing me with a deeper historical understanding of the difficult conflict in the Holy Land. The Advent of Peace was written in 2010, many years before the recent October 7, 2023 attack on Israel. Grey proposes that as we build our hearts towards peace, we must also be committed to environmental stewardship and anti-violence towards women. The pro-Israel, Zionist government did not honor the proposed division of the territory of Palestine. With the initial creation of Israel, the U.N. proposed for Israel to be given 56% of the land, and for Palestinians to keep 44%. However, Israel took 78%. Palestinians were pushed out of the area that is now Israel and were forced to Gaza and the West Bank. Over time, Palestinians continue to be removed from their homelands and separated from resources.

Mary Grey (p. 24), explains how the Western Aquifer System on the West Bank is used by Israel,
“Palestinians now have roughly 20 percent access, Israelis 80 percent. …
“What this unequal distribution means is a deeply distressing and worsening water shortage that is especially hard on residents Palestinians that are not connected to a water network….
“Per-capita water consumption for household and municipal use in communities connected to a central running water network in the West Bank is 60 litres a day. In Israel, per-capita daily use is 280 litres, thus more than 4.5 times greater.”

With the Israeli policy of closure and check-points that preclude Palestinians from free movement to their farms and businesses, Palestinians cannot create their own water and sewage systems. In 2010, Mary Grey writes that this situation deteriorates daily. Today the current Israeli war on Gaza has further worsened Palestinians access to water, and access to their homes after being told to evacuate from multiple supposed safe areas. For those Palestinians who have left Gaza, their homes have been bombed and they have little hope of ever returning to their land. Evacuation basically means being forced to give up their home. There appear to be many parallels between the treatment of Native Americans in this country and Palestinians in the Holy Land.

The creation of Israel was an experiment that does not seem to be working. There may be a small ray of hope now that the U.N. has called for a humanitarian ceasefire in Gaza. I wonder what creative and human efforts might help create peace with justice for all of the inhabitants of the Holy Land. In place of my regular questions for reflection, I’d like to close with this poem by Rafaat Alareer, written on November 1, 2023 and killed in Israeli airstrike, December 7, 2023:

If I Must Die

If I must die
you must live
to tell my story
to sell my things
to buy a piece of cloth
and some strings,
(make it white with a long tail)
so that a child, somewhere in Gaza
while looking heaven in the eye
awaiting his dad who left in a blaze—
and bid no one farewell
not even to his flesh,
not even to himself—
sees the kite, my kite you made, flying up
above
and thinks for a moment an angel is there
bringing back love
If I must die
let it bring hope
let it be a tale.


In this month of July, which includes the day we celebrate America’s Independence from England, we typically enjoy fireworks, family get-togethers and barbeques. It is a day where community is celebrated. Although my life intersects with many different communities, I recognize that I connect and explore my “roots” through music, writing, and participating in community events. A high school friend, Eugene Tashima, grew up with me in the Japanese Christian church in the small rural California town of Livingston. He recently posted me after watching the online “Asian American Movement Music Concert” that Kyle Kashima, my husband and I shared at the Asian Community Center in Sacramento.

Eugene Tashima teaches race and ethnicity classes at Victor Valley College, a community college in Victorville, California. Eugene Tashima has served as chair of the sociology department, has coached football and holds a Master’s in Asian American Studies from UCLA. He understands the notion of leadership, coaching and race in America. At the end of each course, he asks his students, what is the most important thing you learned in this class? One comment was “Everything.” Students echoed that they didn’t know anything or very little about the histories of the BIPOC and immigrant groups, even if they were a part of these communities. These types of responses reminded Eugene how our childhoods were protected from the racism and pervasive fracturing suffered by our parents’ communities, such as the forced evacuation of Japanese and Japanese Americans in this country. We talked about how throughout our childhoods, the stories that we read and learned about did not have faces and names that included us, and how the Pandemic and current political situation have prodded us to further explore our own stories. Eugene’s children are “hapa,” or half Japanese and half white. This month’s “thoughts” is a poem by Eugene, prompted by the increased hate violence against Asians in the U.S.

Eugene is exploring the notion of sharing his reflections through a blog. I want to encourage all of you to share your stories, while also asking if you might be a guest writer and to contribute your “thoughts” with us.

7/2023
The Communities We Celebrate

For the First Time, Eugene Tashima

For the first time in my Sansei life
I’m in fear for my children
Because my Nisei parents chose to protect me
And nourish me
In a safe place
I’m in fear for my Yonsei children

I grew up protected
Isolated in small-town California
Where farming was the way of the land
It was a special place
My mom’s parents lived there
My mom grew up there
And My parents chose to settle there
I don’t think I really understood it till now…

As a kid in the 60’s and 70’s
I grew up with good folks from all walks of life
Different colors, different cultures, different beliefs, different faces
We went to school,
made music,
we danced,
we partied,
we laughed
and we cried
with no real lines drawn between us
except those that were self-imposed

Segregation existed, but I didn’t really see it
Race riots and civil rights protests were around
But they were only on TV
It was always someplace else
too far away
too long ago
at least that’s what I thought

I had to leave my home to realize
I grew up in a special place
The outside world was often not so nice as my hometown
Outside the boundaries of my little world
I found prejudice,
discrimination
and racism
Mostly directed at others
but I could feel their pain
Sometimes it was directed at me
But I learned to let it slide off my back

It took a long time
For me to realize
What hell my parents had gone through
To get to where they landed
They were the “greatest generation”
And they were Nisei
life was even more intense for them
And they just didn’t talk about it much

Oh, I knew about the “Camps”
They told me the basics
But not the whole truth

I had to take classes in college to “learn” about it
The book learnin’ gave me the base
to begin to understand my family
To ask questions about the history
To fill in the gaps
Redress and reparations happened
And my parents began to talk

It took most of my life to understand
That the choices they made
Were choices they made for me
Their choices were based on a world
Outside my bubble,
Outside my hometown
Outside my safety
Outside the boundaries of a small rural town where I was
free to breathe
free to dream
free to learn
free to play
free to fail
free to achieve
anything I wanted to

I realize now
That my life
was not always their life
They faced adversity
Stereotypes
Prejudice
Discrimination
persecution
And they chose to settle in a place
Where my life could be free
And their life, too

So, I was protected
I had the opportunity to go the distance
Do anything I wanted to try
School, sports, music
They made that choice
They gave me that opportunity
And I did

And now
I realize
We haven’t come that far
The old evils have raised their ugly head
And because my kids
look like me
for the first time in my life
I’m in fear for my children
Because we really haven’t come that far
From my parent’s reality

© 5/20/2020, Eugene Tashima, Oh Boy Sil Toy – Yo Mama’s Napa

Notes: Nisei is second generation Japanese in the U.S. or first-born here, Sansei is third generation, and Yonsei is fourth generation. (The Issei were first generation or immigrants.)

Eugene Tashima was an assistant football coach at Cal Tech and head football coach at Victorville Valley College in the late 1980’s to 1990’s. Eugene can be reached at e.etashima@gmail.com

Questions to reflect upon:
When did you first reflect upon your “roots?” Any situation(s) that prompted your reflection?

Most persons who are living in the U.S. came as immigrant families. Most parents tried to shield their children from trauma they faced.
-Can you identify similarities of your ancestors with other immigrant groups?
-What were hardships. discrimination and trauma that you/your ancestors faced?
-What might you like to ask your elders about, especially if they are still alive?
-What, if any, discrimination have you/your ancestors encountered?

How does the community/communities in which you live and socialize help you to better discover yourself and learn about other people?

“As a Vietnamese refugee who became an American writer, I can tell you that you matter, that your sadness matters, the story of how you survived and triumphed matters. For every story that belongs to you, in time, belongs to America.” -Andrew Lam, Asian American writer


Happy Gay Pride Month. I’d like to share with you an abridged message by Coke Tani, Spiritual Nurture Coordinator at Buena Vista United Methodist Church, (BVUMC). Coke spoke this past week on June 18, 2023, the day before Juneteenth. She eloquently addressed how this month helps us to begin to engage in liberation in her talk entitled “Right on Time.”

6/2023
Joy during Gay Pride Month

I miss the relative Queer-friendliness of the Bay Area. So, imagine my joy when one day while driving here in Torrance, I heard on the radio that San Francisco now has its first “Drag Laureate!” What an inbreaking of good news, relief and joy I felt, especially here in Torrance, and especially given the recent onslaught of anti-LGBTQ, anti-trans, and anti-Drag legislation we are getting hit by. The Human Rights Campaign is tracking the more than 500 state bills that have been introduced, to roll back rights earned, and to particularly criminalize trans existence. Imagine not being able to get gender-appropriate health care for your child. Imagine not being able to use the restroom you find appropriate. Imagine not being able to gather in joy and the fullness of your community’s creative expression.

In the midst of this legislative onslaught, the city of San Francisco named D’arcy Drollinger its first “Drag Laureate,” in a vein similar to Poet Laureates or Nobel Prize Laureates. The term “Drag” refers to a gender-bending art form, playfully exaggerating a particular gender identity in clothing and makeup. It might be considered a performative form of gender liberation.

Dr. Lawrence La Fountain-Stokes, professor of Spanish, American culture and women’s and gender studies at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor states, “Drag is likely as old as gender norms . . . As long as people have been using clothes or marking gender in different ways, you’ve had people transgressing and challenging those conventions.” In other words, Drag boldly resists the colonization of gender in a way similar to how Rap and HipHop resists oppression rooted in racism. …

And who, in turn, was Drollinger’s ancestor in her own LGBTQ liberation? It was a man named William Dorsey Swann, the first self-proclaimed “Queen of Drag,” born in 1860. What feels miraculous to me is that William Dorsey Swann was an African-American man born into slavery. … Swann, in turn, must have inherited strength from the earliest hosts of Drag festivities and balls in the U.S. These were held by and in the African-American community of Harlem.

If you’re like me, you may need a moment to pause with this reality, too--of how, Queer Joy is so closely intertwined with Black Joy. This calls to mind how the Reverend Dr Martin Luther King Jr said, “In a real sense, all of life is inter-related. All [people] are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny . . . I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be . . . ” King says, “This is the inter-related structure of reality.” To what “reality” was King referring, as a man of deep faith? And what is the Source of Black Joy, a fraternal twin of Queer Joy?

Juneteenth happens tomorrow, friends. It marks the day, June 19th, 1865 when enslaved African-Americans in Texas learned that they were free. ‘Even though the Emancipation Proclamation was signed into effect on January 1st 1863, these slaves had not been given the news. It is told they responded with a combination of shock and jubilation. How had the enslaved survived for so long? Not just for 2-1/2 years, or 40 years, or 80, but in 1865, for 246 years? For all. those. generations? What was the light, the vital life force in the African people that slave traders and slave masters tried to steal, commodify, own and severely control by any means necessary? …

In one central and west African indigenous tradition came to be known—among the enslaved, when they could gather away from the harsh gaze of their masters—as the Ring Shout. This communal ritual involved call-and-response chanting, the rhythm of clapping, of patting feet on the ground, and of a wooden stick percussing down onto the earth. It was done in a circular formation, and movement (as with our Ondo or Bon Odori dances) always moved counterclockwise. It was a spiritual experience directed to the Divine and the Ancestors. It was a return to the Source of their value, their beauty, and dare we say, their Joy. I’d like to play one example for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOJj_MNIBUg.

Whether during a Ring Shout, or 6 days of Uprising, or a Drag Celebration, or a Pride March, or the creation of a Drag Laureate—it is as if there is an inbreaking, into the “business-as-usual” or “Chronos” time of the everyday, of “KAIROS,” or “the opportune time” that people of faith also refer to as “deep time.” Kairos is Sacred Time, is Liberation Time, is Holy Ripe Time. It also refers to such a time, as with a weaver working with a loom, when there is a perfectly-timed opening in the weft of long yarns for another yarn to be pulled drawn across it, creating an increasingly strong foundation for cloth, for fabric, for a kind of interwoven reality reminiscent of what Dr King said.

Juneteenth, let us also claim and give thanks that we are heirs of Kairos, and of an Infinite Source of Revolutionary Joy. In closing, please participate in this call-and-response with me. I will say a phrase, and I invite you to respond, “You’ve Got a Right to the Tree of Life!”

When you’re hated because of how you appear
When you’re feared because of who you love
When you’re treated as less than fully human
When you’re treated as a foreigner
When you feel invisible or erased
When you feel barren and out of place
When you’ve not been told that you are free
When they say your Joy simply must not Be

You’ve Got a Right to the Tree of Life.
We’ve Got a Right to the Tree of Life.
All’ve Got a Right to the Tree of Life! AMEN.

*Reconciling Congregation in the United Methodist tradition refers to the commitment to achieve LGBTQ+ justice and inclusion. When BVUMC adopted this vow, it expanded it to embrace family, heritage, and diversity, grounded in faith, with the pledge to service, healing and liberation.

Note: Coke Tani serves as the Spiritual Nurture Coordinator of Buena Vista UMC, and facilitates the weekly "Body & Soul" embodied spirituality group, as well as the weekly support & prayer group for Caregivers (both online and all are welcome to attend). She is a Spiritual Director, writer and dancer, certified as both an InterPlay(©) Leader, and a Facilitator of Poetry as a Tool for Wellness (rooted in Poetic Medicine ©). Coke feels called to work at the intersection of spirituality, art and social justice, and holds an MSW, MFA and MDiv. Coke recently moved to Southern California and can be reached at dearcoke@gmail.com.

Questions to reflect upon: Think back to your upbringing.
Was there a time when you felt uncomfortable about gayness or queer identity? (or do you feel that now?)
-Has that changed and what were the conditions that helped you to understand and accept this diversity? (or how can you learn more about acceptance?)
-As allies with our LGBTQ+ friends, family and community, how can we help others by sharing our stories?

“When there are not civil liberties, we cannot make social progress.” -Bayard Rustin, Openly Gay Black man, Advisor to ML King, Jr. who organized the March on Washington

“Love him. Love him, and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” —James Baldwin, Black Writer

“Trans rights are human rights.” —Anonymous


Happy Asian American & Pacific Islander Month. I am devoting this month’s “thoughts” with information learned about the Redress & Reparations Task Force through presentations by Don Tamaki and Jovan Scott Lewis, at the Asian American Research Center, UC Berkeley and through another program at Buena Vista United Methodist Church.

When the mass shooting of May 7 occurred at the Dallas Mall in Allen, Texas, I realized that I hadn’t heard much about the victims. I also found myself thinking, “Oh no, not another mass shooting, wondering if the majority of the people were BIPOC.” It took a while to find information through the regular press, although their names were released by social media. One article, identified five of the eight persons gunned down. There were several Asian Americans among those killed: three persons from one Korean family-Kyo Song, Cindy Choy and their child, James (whose brother, six-year-old William, survived;) an Indian (Southeast Asian) adult, Aishwarya Thatikonda, who lived close to the city of Allen; two Latinx elementary aged sisters Sofia and Daniela Mendoza, (whose mother is in critical condition); as well as another adult Latinx male, Elio Cumana-Rivas; and a security guard who worked in the mall, Christian LaCour. (The names of three other persons were withheld because they were minors.)

Online, Next Shark identified Irwin Walker as a victim who was shot three times but survived, although with severe injuries. Although I do not wish to spotlight the shooter, Next Shark, posted some disturbing information about him. The killer had written on a Russian website displaying his deep-seated racism towards Asians, his self-hate, misogyny and denunciation of his own Latinx identity, his hate for East Asian men, describing them as “undesirable” and who are responsible for COVID-19, as well as his rantings against South Asians. Racism is alive and well even if the shooter is BIPOC. It has been sobering for me to realize that with the all too frequent mass killings, it is easy to not pay full attention to the people we have lost, to normalize the shootings and become numb to the violence in our communities.

5/2023
Racial Justice Reform: California Task Force to Study and Develop Reparations Proposals for African Americans

As we celebrate Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, it seems appropriate to draw attention to the California Task Force’s Racial Justice Reform Commission by Assembly Bill, 3121. I attended a seminar sponsored by the Asian American Research Center of the Institute for the Study of Societal Issues at UC Berkeley entitled Redress & Reparations, Black Asian Intersections,” with Dr. Jovan Scott Lewis, and Juris doctor, Don Tamaki. Lewis is an economic anthropologist and geographer, who researches reparations, the political economy of inequality and race in the U.S. and Caribbean, and is a member of the Reparations Task Force. Don Tamaki was appointed to be on the Task Force by Governor Newsom. He is the only person on the committee that is not Black. He is one of the attorneys who reopened the landmark Supreme Court Case of Korematsu v the US, overturning Fred Korematsu’s conviction for refusing to be incarcerated during WWII, merely by being of Japanese ancestry. The Korematsu Case of 1983 opened the way for eventual passage of the Civil Liberties Bill of 1988. The Civil Liberties Bill, granted reparations to Japanese Americans for enduring unjust mass incarceration in 1942 during WWII.

There are many reasons that the State of California created this Commission. Jovan Lewis mentioned that the composition of the California State Legislature, the political makeup having a Democratic governor and grassroots organizing are important reasons why California is the first governmental entity to take up a study for Black Reparations. The killing of George Floyd galvanized our country. Lewis reminded us that prior to George Floyd, the killing of Oscar Grant and the beating of Rodney King were examples in California of anti-Blackness and racial mistreatment by police, which had national attention. Lewis acknowledged that many people have issues with monetary compensation to Blacks for abuses that occurred hundreds of years ago. In our country, monetary payment is part of our institutionalized systems to rectify loss. Black Reparations would be a symbol for personal and community losses and as well as historical and ongoing mistreatment of African Americans. Lewis added that our world “has been used to getting everything for free from African Americans.” It shouldn’t be a surprise that there should be some compensation for slavery and its aftermath.

The Commission’s role is to address the lingering effects of slavery, the participation that the State of California has in disenfranchising and harming its Black residents. Tamaki noted that California, although a free state, allowed slave owners to bring their slaves to California. He spoke about how the Civil Liberties Bill was two parts, the study bill part and the monetary atonement bill portion. Even with the passage of the Civil Liberties Bill as a precedent, federal legislators have not been able to get Congress to pass a study bill for Black Reparations. Tamaki mentioned that coalition building has been important for this process. There is a list of organizations that endorse the Commission’s work to study Black Reparations. Tamaki shared, “Mutual support is there on the table and it is building.” He further warned us that racial pathology affects everyone and that while working in coalition building, we have to grapple with our own implicit bias.

I also had the opportunity to hear Don Tamaki at another session “Reparations Today: History and Hope, Connecting our Japanese American History with the Hope of Reparations for African Americans”, offered by Buena Vista United Methodist, an historically Japanese American church, as part of the annual Spring Bazaar, celebrating its 125 years of faithful hospitality. Tamaki tied the connection between the mistreatment that Japanese Americans endured with that of the Black community and how Blacks have suffered much more and for a longer period of time. He presented the argument that Reparations for Blacks is an appropriate action, legally and morally. In this session, Tamaki explained how racism in California was active in the anti-Japanese sentiment leading up to Japanese American incarceration. Many people are unaware of our country’s history of exclusion and bias with Japanese and Asian Americans, and also that of African Americans. The past personal and community trauma suffered by African Americans continue to recur as racial mistreatment and violence. Tamaki said, “The culture and bias originally set up to prop up the institution of slavery and all of the things that followed after the Civil War just morphed into something that caught us up in that as well. These things have reverberated forward.” Don considers himself to be well-read, but he found that his knowledge of all of the incidents and stories uncovered in this report didn’t “even come close.” He cited how we, as a society, are only beginning to learn about the burning of Black Wall Street in the Black community, Greenwood, 100 years ago in Tulsa Oklahoma, where 300 Black residents were killed and burned out of their homes. Tamaki reminded us that over the years, similar actions perpetuated against Blacks, have occurred across the nation, many of which are included in the Task Force Report.

An Interim Report is available on the Commission website. This document identifies and provides new avenues of scholarship in the history of our country. The Executive Summary chronicles how slavery continues to negatively impact Black Americans—through political disenfranchisement, in labor, housing, education, the criminal justice system and arts and culture. The Key Findings within the Executive Summary lay the foundation for how the government has directly created systems and laws resulting in keeping Black Americans from access to equal opportunity which leads to better lives, including generational wealth. The Preliminary Recommendations cite many areas for Future Deliberation: enslavement, racial terror, political disenfranchisement, housing segregation, separate and unequal education, racism in environment and infrastructure, pathologizing Black families, control over creative cultural and intellectual life, stolen labor and hindered opportunity, an unjust legal system, mental and physical harm and neglect, the wealth gap and a California African American Freedman Affairs Agency. Some specific issues include: identifying the impact of environmental racism by studying the unequal impact of pollutants contaminating water and the exposure to contaminants in communities where Blacks live, zero percent interest loans for Blacks from banks that historically denied Blacks mortgages, (redlining,) access to quality health care and quality education including funding in impoverished areas; and voter education and outreach, including conducting racial analysis impact studies of all legislation.

I list all of these facts and recommendations to name and provide language to grievances and wrongdoings. Learning about our country’s past helps us to become more familiar with the creation and barriers of opportunities resulting from racism as well as the intersectionality of marginalized communities. In coaching BIPOC, LGBTQIA, women, and persons who have and work with persons who have mental and physical difficulties, I find that naming the issue which is at the root cause of inequitable treatment is an important starting point. Perhaps, as in the naming of the individuals gunned down in the mass shootings, the naming of these issues and deliberating on how this country has harmed and taken advantage of Black Americans can be part of our healing processes to counter racial disparity, discrimination and inequity, as well as helping us to start our country’s journey to make amends.

In closing, I wonder if I were African American, would I have been approved for a home mortgage loan and been able to buy the home in which I am living? I also wonder if most African Americans were given the same access to education, healthcare and police protection as most White Americans, if they as a group, would have better health, safer lives, better jobs, and possess generational wealth. It’s certainly something to think about.

Questions to reflect upon:
How much do you know about how Blacks have been disadvantaged in California?
Can you see how granting reparations for Blacks can help all of us?

Both of the talks briefly referred to above were presented in the frame of the intersection between reparations for the Japanese American and African American communities.
What arenas might you continue to learn about that help inform us about these common histories of marginalization and the need to right wrongdoings?

Regarding organizations and grassroots organizing
Might your organization(s) provide endorsement for the Reparations Committee’s study and recommendations? How would you start this process?

“The culture and bias originally set up to prop up the institution of slavery and all of the things that followed after the Civil War just morphed into something that caught us up in that as well. These things have reverberated forward. … Mutual support is there on the table (for Black Reparations) and it is building. …The racial pathology affects everybody. No one is free from this bias, this thing, this phenomenon that originating at least in 1619 continues to pass on and affects each of the other communities, too. … We have to grapple with that.” -Don Tamaki, Asian American Attorney at Law, who served on the legal team overturning Fred Korematsu Supreme Court Case, and who is part of the California Black Reparations Task Force


April is Celebrate Diversity Month. We observe Earth Day on April 22 and National Holocaust Remembrance Day on April 18. This year, Passover was celebrated on April 6 and Easter on April 9. I was aware of all of these special days, except for Holocaust Remembrance Day, which was established in 2021 in the U.S. (International Holocaust Remembrance is January 27.) Last week, the mayor of S.F. commemorated National Holocaust Remembrance Day. This date marks the first major uprising in 1942, the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, where Jewish people resisted German troops. I realize that marking these days can be helpful for learning about our histories, about how communities have suffered, endured and contributed to our society.

Guest writer, Angelica Resendez, contributes to this month’s “thoughts” on leadership. I really appreciate Angelica for her willingness to be vulnerable and to share her story during this Celebrate Diversity Month.

4/2023
Leadership: Am I Good Enough?

A few days ago, I questioned my judgement, questioned my management style, and wondered if I was going about supervision in the wrong way. I’ve always prided myself on being a pretty good leader. I’ve been in supervisory roles since I was a late teen, which was 25 years ago. My first job was at an amusement park and after my first year, I was promoted to supervise the team I worked with, which included teens all the way to older adults who wanted to earn some extra income in retirement. I’ve been managing teams since then. I’m the oldest daughter to parents who emigrated to this country from Mexico, which basically means I have been managing my life for some time, taking and holding the responsibility for myself and often my family, as well. I hear time and time again what a great manager I am. I pride myself on being someone who can find connection with others. Still, I have my doubts and I feel like leading others is no longer for me. There are moments when I take responsibility for others’ actions and experiences. This is part of my healing journey. I’m working on this every single day. The questions I ask myself during these challenging times: “Am I good enough?” “Am I being supportive?” “How could I have prevented x, y, z?” “Am I too trusting?” “Why does this have to be so hard?” My management philosophy goes a little something like this:
1. My team is a reflection of me. If they’re struggling, so am I. If they’re thriving, yay, I’m doing things right!
2. Follow the Golden Rule and treat others the way you want to be treated. I am not one for micromanagement. Therefore, if you’re on my team, I don’t do that, even if you want me to.
3. Advocate for those on your team. Give them raises and promotions. Value them.
4. Don’t fake the funk. When I’m having a tough time, when I’m feeling behind and my team is waiting on me, I really try to own it. I show up as me for the most part…of course some things need to be filtered, but the point is, come as you are--all of us.
5. I am responsible for my team. And this is where the challenge lies. As a woman of color in leadership, this belief is both honorable and ridiculous. This is my internal battle.

When I first offered to write this, I thought I’d be writing about my team and the challenges I’m experiencing with them. Wrong. This is more about me and how the healing journey that I’m on translates into my work. I’ve been attending Al-Anon meetings for almost a year now and what I have learned (among the long list in the recovery process) is that I am not responsible for others. I am learning that I need to surrender more often than my controlling self ever thought possible. This is the true work. I was sharing with a colleague of mine that I was disappointed in myself for “trusting too much.” She responded to me that trusting those on my team is a good thing-- it’s part of what makes me so successful as a manager. And then she gently encouraged me to be kinder to myself. I’ve been sitting with this thought. I do an overall good job of acknowledging others’ humanity and recognizing that life happens. We all have our good days and not so good days. The truth is that I don’t apply this philosophy to myself. I can be a trusting, supportive, caring supervisor AND still have a right to be disappointed, upset, and frustrated by others. If someone on my team has genuinely messed up, I am not responsible for this. Sure, I might lean in a bit more, ask more follow-up questions to understand the why and how but, in general, this is not a reflection of me. I’ve yet to talk to the team member who led to me writing this but when I do, it will be with compassion, curiosity, and concern. I will listen and I will give feedback where warranted. I will honor the relationship that has been established and trust that through dialogue, we can get to a place of understanding. And I will not absorb the fault for how we ended up here in the first place.

Wendy’s Note: Angelica Resendez is a proud Bay Area native who has dedicated her life's work to social justice, community engagement, and societal impact. Angelica attributes her commitment to equity, inclusion, and all good things to her mom, who from a young age instilled in Angelica and her sisters the value of challenging the status quo, never forgetting where you come from, and giving back. Currently, Angelica oversees homeownership programming at Habitat for Humanity Greater San Francisco, an organization whose mission impacted Angelica's own family more than 30 years ago. In her free time, Angelica appreciates connecting with loved ones, getting a good night's rest, exploring the outdoors, and drinking good coffee. She can be reached at aresendez@habitatgsf.org

©Wendy C. Horikoshi & Angelica Resendez, 2023, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
In working/relating with other people and some unexpected result/error occurs, what is your natural reaction? Might there be some “wisdom” you might want to share with yourself?
In your growth areas, how do you treat yourself? Is it with compassion, curiosity and concern? If not, how might you engage supportive responses for yourself?

“As women, we need to develop our leadership in all senses of the word. In order to become community leaders, first we need to become leaders of our own lives. We need to open minds, become alert to the problems we face and help each other realize our potential.” -Claudia Llanos, Latina Immigrant Activist


March celebrates Women’s History. Shout-out to Olivia Picardo, who is the first woman to play in a NCAA Division 1 baseball game, on March 17, 2023. Picardo is a freshman at Brown University, so we look forward to more of her as well as other women participating in the game in this Division!

In this month’s “thoughts,” I am thrilled to offer another guest writer, Katherine Hirsh. Women are the primary caretakers of our families, communities and our world. As I work with many women leaders in my coaching practice, I find a common theme -- how they have difficulty in prioritizing self-care.

Katherine reflects upon her health journey and how that is tied up with her identity. I feel fortunate that most, if not all of my clients, allow me to accompany them through their healing journeys. I believe that healing occurs through transformative change. I want to share what Katherine said in the submission of this coaching blog: “I am so impressed by how you and your guest authors model courage and integrity and by the safe space you create for people to reflect and grow.” Thank you, Katherine, and all of you who have contributed to these monthly “thoughts,” for your willingness to be vulnerable and pass on learnings that have been part of your healing journeys!

3/2023
Health and Identity: My Healing Journey

When Wendy invited me to be the guest author for her blog this month, I decided to use it as an opportunity to dig deeper into the meaning of illness, getting older and their impacts on identity. One thought reverberates in my mind, “Health is not just the slowest possible rate at which one can die…,” Caroline Myss, Invisible Acts of Power: Channeling Grace in Everyday Life.

Identity issue: Will I ever be the same again?
My previous experience with chronic health issues led me to expect there would be a rhythm or arc. Like a good novel, problems would begin, reach a crescendo and then resolve either as time passed or as the result of some intervention. Trying to fit my current experience into this narrative has been counterproductive, however, because it keeps me searching for a clear before and after. If I could just discover the point at which I became broken, I might be able to figure out what to do to become whole again. If I could confirm that something had broken me, I might be able to mourn the loss of the old “whole” me. If I could pinpoint the border between wholeness and brokenness, I might be able to preserve the illusion that everything happens for a reason. While I love the idea of fitting my health journey into tidy boxes and am unlikely to ever completely give up the idea that with the right set of boxes, I will finally understand how to go back to the way things were, I have been attempting to think more about growth and change and feel more comfortable with uncertainty. I’m still working out how to put this into practice, but a few things that seem to be helpful are:
• Enjoying times when I feel whole rather than getting caught up in if or how long they will last
• Finding meaning in the quest without placing too much emphasis on taking any particular route or getting to any particular destination
• Embracing the upside of not knowing what’s to come – after all the next surprise might just be a good one and if it isn’t having worried about it won’t have made any difference

Identity issue: Are my assumptions up to this point still valid, or have they always been wrong and I just didn’t know it?
My understanding of how to act as a patient told me that if I something didn’t feel right, even if it remained invisible to others, even if I had to struggle to convince a doctor to take my concerns seriously, in the end there would be a test or a procedure that would give me answers and point the way to a treatment. Disease was the enemy and I had to defeat it. I took pride in persevering and in having my efforts vindicated by a diagnosis. As frustrated as I was with all this battling, with needing to psych myself up for the next round of hostilities, I saw it as a duty to myself to keep going, to never surrender. Indeed, this metaphor so inflated my sense of power and agency that I wept at the thought of others being unable to fight the good fight. It just wasn’t fair that I was so strong and these imagined others were so weak. While the siren song telling me that victory is just over the next hill remains incredibly seductive, I am trying take off some of my armor and begin to explore what vulnerability and acceptance feel like. These “peace talks” are a work in progress and it remains challenging to acknowledge that I do not and have never had the control that I thought I did, but a few practices that seem to be helping are:
• Recognizing that if my actions were not the decisive factor in the past, then perhaps it’s not my fault that I am less healthy now
• Choosing to be compassionate and tender with myself and others
• Appreciating the urge to shame and blame will recur and being thankful when I can unhook from it just a little bit more quickly

Identity issue: Who is this person in the mirror? We often figure out who we want to be and how we should behave are by comparing ourselves to others. I had a very potent model of female ageing from spending two summers, one in my teens and one in my twenties, with my grandmother. She lived on her own as a widow for more than twenty years. She traveled widely, enjoyed a good book, a stiff scotch and an afternoon at the beach. She also had a pact with my dad that she would tell him when she felt old. She died just after her 80th birthday without ever having honored their deal. I never thought to ask where the aspiration to remain young until you died originated, and instead I absorbed the message that ageing was something to be resisted. With two years to go until my 60th, I am starting to understand that by celebrating this (supposed) triumph over ageing, I have been buying into a restrictive and limiting view of what a good life is and what good health means. Reckoning with my ageism and ableism is humbling. I’m training myself to notice outdated cultural norms and family lore and trying to shed them in favor of a richer and more nuanced view. Several practices feel helpful as I grapple with how to approach the future with creativity and hope:
• Seeking out more balanced role models and trying on new archetypes such as Elder or Crone
• Focusing more on opportunities than limitations by trying to replace ‘not possible’ with ‘not yet’
• Discovering what feels most authentic, nourishing and fun and doing more of it

Wendy's Note: Katherine W Hirsh is a writer, facilitator and coach dedicated to encouraging people to live their best possible lives despite the ups and downs of human experience. She has been entranced with psychological type for over 25 years and is a co-author of several publications on the topic including Introduction to Myers-Briggs Type and Teams. To continue the conversation, you can reach Katherine at hirshworks@gmail.com.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi & Katherine Hirsh, 2023, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
Who are my models of health and aging?
What is my journey of health and living fully?

“Keep in mind that the laws governing slaves were adapted from the laws governing wives. We were all property.” -Gloria Steinem


2/2023
Being Intentional During February

“My father taught me to be careful, precise and intentional about what I wrote about because my voice is a powerful one.” -Nikki Finney in interview, African American poet, writer and professor

February is African American Month and also marks a Day of Remembrance, when President Franklin Roosevelt signed Executive Order 9066 to remove and incarcerate Japanese Americans from the west coast. It is interesting that both of these events include histories of forced removal of their people as a part of their underlying stories. I believe that these events give me opportunities to focus, reflect upon from the past as well as to become more intentional about the stories to which I give voice.

In viewing the PBS News Hour on 2/15/23, I learned about the Ernest A. Finney J. Cultural Arts Center, in Columbia, South Carolina Mr. Finney was a grandson of Black Virginia farmers and became the first African American Circuit Judge and first Black Chief Justice in South Carolina. In a city where two Black movie theaters used to operate, a cultural arts center now resides. The community is working to bring things back—a sense of community, and to instill opportunities for the community to remember and grow. The Finney Center is a powerful symbol of “place,” which goes beyond history and education. It inspires new ideas, while providing healing and creating beauty.

The construction of this Center and the selection of the building site are intentional. The Center is located between two Black Colleges--Allen University and Benedict College. Professor Finney states that the Finney Arts Center “is a place to be. It’s a place where people are discussing things and having new ideas that then go out to different areas of the community. It’s like a womb space.” While Ernest worked through the law for civil rights always believing that “the law works,” his daughter, Nikky, has helped create this space which continues the legacy of her father through poetry, music, visual arts, teaching and the building of community.

This Center, which encourages the gestation of ideas in community with other artists, may be like the collaboration work that Nikky and composer, Michael Ables, created in “At War with Ourselves: 400 years of You,” poetry read by a narrator, accompanied by a string quartet and adult choir: “Your vermillion quiet, your indigo jar of morning whispers, the midnight calculations of your muzzle.” Finney imparts, “The music balloons the words out into the audience in a different kind of way. It’s almost like the light that bounces off of a reflection point in the room, and it’s dispersed differently.” Finney speaks of how this work explores the “interior space” of African Americans.

Interior space is a new concept that resonates for me. The word evokes this feeling of spending a great deal of my life searching for the connection with my world and the stories that help me understand these connections. I also think that this process of finding interior space may be at work while coaching clients--helping them explore their histories and past, identifying their stories of individual and collective journeys.

The Day of Remembrance programs I have attended have me reflecting upon my own interior space. There has been increasing number of communities marking the Japanese American Day of Remembrance, from the late 1970’s. Last year, in 2022, President Biden proclaimed February 19 as Day of Remembrance of the Japanese American Internment. With this declaration, there has been more opportunities to learn about the history of my community. For although I have studied and participated in programs identifying this unjust act of imprisoning over 120,000 persons of Japanese ancestry, there are new things that I’m learning from each retelling of this historical event. Early this month, I attended a dedication of a memorial statue erected to commemorate each of the individual Japanese Americans who were forcibly evacuated from the Hayward area of California to Tanforan, the former race track detention center, in San Bruno and later to Topaz, Utah, the concentration camp. My husband, Peter and friend, Kyle Kashima and I sang the song, "Tanforan" to the group, youtu.be/OxlYjzGCg8I (written by Peter Horikoshi and Sam Takimoto, ©1977).

Prior to participating in this program, we didn’t know that there was an initial round-up place before the Assembly Centers. Some of the well-known photos included within Dorothea Lange’s documentation project showing children, families and seniors with their luggage and name tags are from this Hayward site, which I’ll call a “preassembly” site. The name of my mother’s sister, Sada Mori, was on the art sculpture along with the other names of persons who were corralled there. This was surprising to discover because in 1942, my Auntie Sada was living in Oakland, across the street from where my mother and she grew up. Peter and I learned that my Auntie Sada and her husband, Masao, with their sons, Bill and Jim (James), were a part of this Hayward group. We surmised that the decision was made for the family to be together with Masao’s brother’s family, the Mori’s, who owned a nursery in San Leandro, (city adjacent to Hayward).

Toshio Mori, my uncle’s brother also left to Topaz from the Hayward site. Growing up, I was familiar with my uncle’s brother by name because we had a book in our bookshelf which was written by him. Yokohama, California was set to be published around 1942, but with the anti-Japanese sentiment and onset of WWII, it was delayed until 1949. William Saroyan penned the original introduction, identifying Toshio as a “natural-born writer, …probably one of the most important new writers, … the first real Japanese-American writer, … and important American writer.” I have heard Toshio Mori’s writing was similar to Sherwood Anderson’s “slice of life” style. Peter had interviewed Toshio, while at Cal, as an Asian American Studies major. Toshio, Sada, Masao, Bill and Jim and so many of the internees have passed so it is difficult to follow up on many of the pieces of their stories and details of our family histories. Now, I am curious about where my father and mother and their families “preassembled” and how they got there—more stories to explore about the interior spaces of my family.

You can visit the Japanese American Commemorative Marker at the Hayward Heritage Plaza. The sculpture, designed and created by Patricia Wakida depicts over 600 names of persons congregated at the site. It beautifully represents symbols and themes of earth, man and heaven. Earth is portrayed by the surrounding geography of the undulating hills, the spring streams and the oak and bay laurels of Hayward. Man is illustrated with Japanese Americans settling and creating flower businesses, growing carnations, chrysanthemums, lilies, and roses, amidst the backdrop of the barracks of Topaz. Circular motifs represent heaven, giving meaning to Japanese and U.S. solidarity, with an apology finally given to the Japanese American communities who were exiled in 1942.

An additional note of interest: The Japanese American sculpture is the first installation. Two other memorials are in the planning phases: one for the Muwekma Ohlone Tribe Art Piece and the other, the Russell City Heritage Art Piece. Both the Ohlone People and African Americans were also removed from Hayward. Hayward annexed Russell City, an African American community, and unincorporated area of Alameda County and declared the property for redevelopment. All of Hayward and Alameda County sit on land recognized as Ohlone, the Chochenyo-speaking People. All tribes and indigenous people in our country were killed, infected with small pox and/or forcibly driven out of their lands.

I hope you might use heritage celebrations and special proclamations to be intentional about your exploration of place and connection to the people who are living in your communities and who historically occupied the land.

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you be intentional about celebrating Black History Month and/or observing the Japanese American Day of Remembrance?
What are some of the stories occupying your interior space?
Did you learn about the incarceration of Japanese Americans in elementary, high school or college?
If you have children, do their schools include curriculum about Japanese American, Asian American, African American, Native American or Latinx in American history along with people who European American?


1/2023
Celebration and Grief from Violence in the New Year

Happy New Year and Happy Lunar New Year. The State of California officially passed legislation to mark the Lunar New Year as a state holiday, authorizing any state employee to receive eight hours of holiday credit rather than personal holiday credit and utilize eight hours of vacation, annual leave or compensatory time off to observe the Lunar New Year. Since the eve of this first official holiday, we have been inundated with incidents of violence and senseless death: Monterey Park mass shooting at a dance studio, followed by the shooter entering a different dance studio in Alhambra; and the Half Moon Bay killing of workers at two different mushroom farms.

In early January I had contracted some type of stomach flu and was in bed for a few days. Although I seemed to be “healthy” again afterwards, I continued to have a lack of energy. I wondered if I was feeling “blue,” from the heavy days of rain and darkness here in California. During the Fall and Winter seasons I know that I often feel that urge to hibernate and move inside myself, although it was difficult or me to understand why I didn’t have my natural desire to get things done, and found myself needing to push to do the bare minimum each day. A good friend said I was probably grieving from the loss of my mother. This helped me understand myself, as she named the process that I was feeling. Soon afterwards, the Monterey Park mass killings occurred and I felt the sadness and senselessness of it. Many friends, local as well as those who have lived or live in/near Monterey Park were reeling from the news. These shootings add to the trauma that Asian American communities have been suffering from—acts of hate perpetuated on Asians since the Covid Pandemic. Soon afterwards, farm laborers, in California, Asian and Latinx were killed at two mushroom farms. The shooter was an Asian farmworker, who had worked at both of the facilities.

The Monterey Park and Half Moon Bay incidents were Asian on Asian/Latinx crime. We are becoming more aware of Asian-on-Asian crime, probably because of these mass shootings, growing media presence and social media capturing them. Since the Coronavirus pandemic, Asian businesses have suffered large economic losses from anti-Asian sentiment. Asians have become much more fearful of random violence. Within the past few years gun ownership has grown in Asian households, whereas pre-pandemic Asians had lower rates than the rest of the general population.

We have started out the first month of the year with all of these shootings. It is very sad and traumatizing. Thirty-nine mass shootings have taken place across the country in just the first three weeks of 2023, per the Gun Violence Archive "Gun Violence Archive," https://gunviolencearchive.org/reports/mass-shooting?page=1". Last week videos were released of the killing of Tyre Nichols, a young Black man in Memphis. Some persons, even within policing institutions, seem to be astonished that it was Black officers who shot and beat Tyre Nichols. Perhaps Black-on-Black crime should not come as a surprise. For although there are predominantly more incidences of White on Black killings by police, anti-Black policing is instilled within our structures. Our institutions impart the belief that Black people are more prone to violence. Black officers are not immune from this teaching and internalization of values. It is a constant learning process for BIPOC, underserved, and underrepresented people to identify, counteract and heal from internalized oppression.

Memphis invested in a special task force called, the “Scorpion unit” or hot spot policing. It is aggressive policing. In the Memphis killing, a large number of police were deployed to deal with a traffic stop. The five officers who were fired all had less than five years of experience. (Note: I am not sure of the tenure or race(s) of the additional officer and EMT officer fired yesterday.)

I don’t have a lot of answers for what we, as individuals or as a society, need to do with curbing the kind of violence that seems to be growing in our society. Some people might say that the violence has always been here and that we are becoming more aware of it. Perhaps becoming aware of the viciousness and inhumanity is integral to wrestling with what we want to do about it. How do we create “healthy spots,” in our communities, especially in areas of high crime? How do we engage the diversity of persons in our communities to address the needs of the communities in which they live?

How do we heal from the trauma that all of these acts of violence inflict upon us—the haze, fog, inertia and hopelessness that it may create in us and in our communities? How do we honor the victims of these horrific crimes? How do we become aware of the crimes, the inequities of the living situations of the victims, and sometimes the perpetuators as well? How do we find and/or shine a light on the way forward? How do we keep the trauma from overwhelming our daily lives? How do we keep hope alive? It seems like the building of trust and partnership is integral to healthy communities.

Questions to reflect upon: What do the shootings this past January bring up for you? What are ways that we can work to try to create solutions for this seemingly increasing violence?

"The first thing we have to understand is that racism is not a "mental quirk" or a "psychological flaw" on an individual's part. Racism is the systematized oppression by one race of another." -James and Grace Lee Boggs, Black and Asian American Activists


12/2022
Ending the Year and Letting Go

Last month I wrote about Fall Transitions and how my body seems to move into a different mode and mood, wanting to stop, drawing inward. This month’s colder weather seems to intensify that feeling. As we travel through December, the end of the season and the end of the year, it is a great time to reflect, to gather our energy and to listen for our inner voice. I found myself contemplating how we discover or greet our inner wisdom on two different occasions this past week: during Prism Coaching Circle, (coaches of color meeting) and in my church community’s “Body and Soul” program. (Body and Soul follows the model of Interplay, forms that prompt movement that can unlock the wisdom of the body.)

The first instance was when my African American coaching colleague addressed how through great challenges, he has been discovering how fear traps him. When he is willing to identify the fear and let it go, the way forward opens up. This is such a profound idea. I think about each of my coaching clients and how the transformative process is often about letting go--about how fear, even if not named as such, is what keeps us stuck. How do we let go and open ourselves to that which can connect us to our next step in life? I think that the letting go process is often a dynamic one, a type of unfolding that can become easier with practice. Hopefully in the process we become more patient with ourselves.

In the second occasion of experiencing inner wisdom, at the Body and Soul session, our leader talked about how we travel in the dark. She then read us a poem about traveling in the dark, and provided us with the prompt for movement: What else can be on the way to the opposite--towards the light? I want to add that our facilitator, who specializes in racial equity and transformation, has helped me to connect with this practice, which at first seemed foreign, maybe even a little bit uncomfortable. One movement includes picking up heavy weights we cart around and throwing them upwards. These burdens may come from prejudice, violence, mistreatment or simply not being heard. She reminds us that being human means experiencing and carrying hate, fear, shame, unresolved and unsettled issues. I find resonance with how she calls attention to the histories of oppression and how they live in our bodies. Releasing that which is not needed helps us to heal and grow. The exploratory dances remind us of our cultural strengths, and help us recognize our resilience.

In hearing the poem, I pictured a big window well above my sightline, and there was only darkness. I thought of times when I feel like I’m in the dark and how that window beckons me; that there is light and a way to move towards what’s calling me. There are options and opportunities. It doesn’t matter what emotion I am experiencing--there is light. If I can stay curious and open to what life has to offer, there are possibilities and new directions. We engaged in a dance which gave me renewed energy, hope and confidence. May any darkness that you are experiencing, or have experienced in the past year become part of the journey. May light and love carry you through any transition you are encountering. Happy December—may you carry joy in to the New Year.

Questions to reflect upon:
What might be keeping you in a holding pattern?
How might you let go and open yourself to following your path?
How might you move to the opposite?

“Empowerment comes from ideas—our revolution is fought with concepts, not with guns, and it is fueled by vision. By focusing on what we want to happen we change the present. The healing images and narratives we imagine will eventually materialize.” –Gloria Anzaldua, Latina Writer


11/2022

Fall Transitions

I have been enjoying the turning of the colors of bright orange/red leaves on trees near my house. The fall season in California, has been punctuated by rainy and cold weather, returning to the pattern for November weather that was common before the 3-year drought in our region. However, in the past 5-10 years, the changes from periods of warm, sunny days to cold, dark days seem more abrupt. I notice the stark temperature changes, but it seems to take longer for me to remember that these changes also influence my mood and rhythm. My body wants to move slower, yearns to rest—almost like desire to hibernate.

During November and December on my family’s farm, I remember “cutting middles” out of the grape vines. This was a process that helped my dad prune the old growth so that over the year, the vines could produce new growth. The dawning of Fall reminds us of drawing inward, beginning to weather the dormancy which moves us through the Winter. Perhaps the end of daylight saving time further accentuates the light and mood change of these transitions.

I lost my mother this past month. She was 97 years old and we were blessed with her longevity and peaceful passing. My mother had been confined to her bed for about a year and was sleeping much of the time. It has been a long journey for my mother and my family. Her pace in life was definitely slower and she spent much of the time in her inner life during the past year or so.

It wasn’t until I had a child that I fully recognized the time and effort she focused upon caring and loving us. I remember how my mother was such an eager listener--to each of her five daughters and to her parents-in-law who lived right next door on the same farm property. From when I was a young child through undergraduate school, my mother would take the time to fully attend to the individual in her presence. My sisters often said, “I want a piece of mama.” My mother would immerse herself in us, engaging us by asking questions, acknowledging and validating us. Sometimes at a later date she might have made suggestions about our behavior or potential responses, but I don’t remember this occurring during that special time of focusing on us. At times my mother would remark “how slow she was” referring to unfinished chores or tasks. As I grew older I realized that she was making choices about what was the most important to her. And in the long run, I think this choice helped our development and gave us the opportunity to create a sense of self.

In an intuitive way, she worried about the health issues of all of her five daughters, and her parents-in-law. When the youngest sister went full-day to school, she returned to working outside of the house as a physical therapist and drove about 40 minutes away, sometimes through the low visibility tule fog, to work with children with cerebral palsy.

My mother, along with 110,000 other Japanese Americans, endured and lived through being incarcerated during WWII. I believe this was a major life event that influenced her conviction for social justice. She believed that patriotism included speaking up when any person or any group’s rights were encroached upon or abrogated.

Mom lived a life of kindness and compassion. I suspected that it might be some time before I would feel my mom’s presence. I lost my father in October of 2019, before the Pandemic. I hadn’t experienced sounds of my dad’s voice and image in my head immediately afterwards. It wasn’t until this past year that I heard him laugh in my thoughts. When my father passed, my family’s focus turned to continuing to care for my mother. Perhaps another reason memories of Dad weren’t activated sooner was due to the hunkering down at home and the absence of travelling or attending public gatherings. And yet, within a week or two after my mother’s death, I was happily surprised to experience my mother’s presence--to see her smile and be filled with her upbeat attitude.

During this season my son and nephew have each announced their engagements, friends are celebrating the birth of grandchildren, and clients and extended family experiencing or awaiting the birth of a new child. Nevertheless, Fall is often a somber time. It can be an opportunity to draw inward: to reflect, retreat, repair, refresh and move through transition. When in this state that the Fall season may trigger within us, I try to coach myself and my clients to honor the introspection, and ask oneself if the body is trying to reveal anything: maybe acceptance, a letting go or a time for self-care. I do find that through our transitions, we can honor a reverence for life, struggle and happiness.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there a transition you are undergoing?
-What questions might it bring up for you?
-Are there barriers that are keeping you from accepting and understanding this transition?
-Is there something you are wanting to let go of, accept or acknowledge?

“The stuff I need for singing by whatever means is garnered from every thought, every heart that ever pounded the earth, the intelligence that directs the stars. The shapes of mountains, cities, a whistle leaf of grass, or a human bent with loss will revise the pattern of the story, the song I take it from there, write or play through the heartbreak of the tenderness of being until I am the sky, the earth, the song and the singer.” –Joy Harjo, American Indian Poet


October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. October is also Hispanic/Latinx Heritage Month. This month, I want to highlight a domestic violence prevention program from Homeless Prenatal in San Francisco. Homeless Prenatal focuses on healthy babies, safe/stable housing, nurturing relationships and economic sustainability. They help families hone five protective factors: parental resilience, social connections, knowledge of parenting and child development, concrete support in times of need, social and emotional competence of children.

10/2022
Healing, Strength and Resiliency

As part of my observance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I interviewed Sonia Batres, who works at Homeless Prenatal in San Francisco, which delivers advocacy support for affordable housing and services for expectant mothers by addressing the root causes of homelessness. There has been an increase of domestic violence during the Pandemic. Sonia disclosed additional challenges facing her organization in providing services to the women’s group she facilitates, “Construyendo Familias Fuertes, CFF,” Building Strong Families. CFF, is a support group for Spanish-speaking mothers who are survivors of domestic violence. Sonia shared that in the beginning of the Pandemic, "We couldn’t conduct groups, but then became trained in Zoom. In August of 2020, we began to meet virtually.”

In the beginning of the online group, it was difficult for Sonia’s clients to log in by the starting time. The women struggled with getting their children online for school, sometimes having only one computer for all of their children. The mothers were often sharing the devices with many other family members where more than one family may live together. They had no “private” rooms in their homes, making it difficult to participate in a confidential manner, which may be filled with background everyday living noise. Meanwhile, they continued to experience community violence in the streets of S.F., around the country and the world. Their lives became more unsafe. Amidst these challenges, CFF became a lifeline. Her clients now log-on before the start time, stay for three hours and they don’t want to leave the session. Sonia has created an environment where the mothers experience trust and acceptance. Sonia is feeling a bit uncomfortable in the sharing of this story because it is a community effort and she doesn’t want to take the sole credit for it. She is grateful for the trust that these women place in her and in their building of community. Sonia believes that these mothers are strong, resilient and willing to take steps to heal and thrive.

Healing
In Sonia’s words, “We had to get creative. We became experts on Zoom and started distributing food, and then June 2020, got funding to share food to families. Meditation, karaoke, affirmations, are a part of our weekly program. We found a way to mark celebrations, such as Christmas, Mother’s Day and the Candle Vigil. For the Candle Vigil, we brought in a community person who offered a ritual to help with healing--to light a candle for those who have died, to light a candle for those children who have not made it and to honor people who are no longer with us. This helped us to recognize a different routine in our lives. We will also be participating along with Good Samaritan in their Mujeres Unidas ‘Si Se Puede Conference’ in October to mark Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

“The Si, Se Puede Celebration is for the community. Each participating organization will recognize two women who have experienced domestic violence and who are supporting the community in some fashion. The two representatives from Homeless Prenatal are thriving and planting seeds of hope for other women. Their message is ‘it is hard, but not impossible.’ Survivors have become facilitators in the group. They have become part of the advocacy we provide, including giving testimony at City Hall and talking with families and the community.”

Strength and Resiliency
Sonia shared with me the plight of many immigrants in this country. They have families who live here, but don’t have citizenship. There are about 11 million immigrants already here in the U.S., awaiting immigration reform and trying to obtain legal status. They have families, jobs, businesses, children attending schools. They provide services to our communities, pay taxes, and even are purchasing homes. Many immigrant families have served as essential workers during this Pandemic, working in the fields, restaurants, grocery stores, childcare, hospitals and medical facilities. Some of Sonia’s clients who don’t have citizenship three years after their families immigrated, and not for lack of trying. The work and services provided by immigrants help the economy in this country. Many of Sonia’s clients also send money regularly to their families in South America, which helps pay for things such as their families’ health care and also supports the economy in their home countries.

CFF of Homeless Prenatal started with 10 women online. Currently there are 45 to 50 women logging on each week. (CFF had 25 people participating in the support group before the Pandemic.) During the support group they answer questions such as: Where do you get food, where you get vaccinated, medical care, where do you get a restraining order, how do you get in to the shelter system, mental health issues for one’s entire family including looking for signs of anxiety and depression and where do you call to reach crisis lines that offer assistance in Spanish. Participants help share information to each other—food distributions sites, how to access to other services and support, which was critical, especially during the Pandemic. Construyendo Familias Fuertes has become a peer support group, where participants are not only helping each other, but growing in their own advocacy skills and community leadership.

Sonia wants us to recognize that addressing domestic violence is a community issue, where we work together with the legal system, healthcare, education, child protective services as well the police. One person or one organization can not do it on their own. The community must all work together with individuals and organizations collectively advocating for change. Sonia’s story reminds us that Sonia’s reminds us that “collective efforts help provide safe housing, health access, building of confidence, and movement towards economic security. When community persons can gain the trust of individuals, it helps the organizations’ goal to build community. When mothers get the emotional space and become ready, Homeless Prenatal and other supporting organizations are here to help them.”

Note: Sonia Batres, DV Services Community Engagement Coordinator at Homeless Prenatal in S.F. is a survivor, community health worker and mother. She received training from Homeless Prenatal in domestic violence prevention and it was part of her healing journey. Sonia believes that DV prevention is like a sea of hope, which engenders opportunities for her child and the next generations. She is grateful to Homeless Prenatal because they kept all of their workers during the Pandemic, and continued to support the staff’s emotional and physical health, giving sick time, and giving opportunity for them to care for their families suffering from Covid. She is proud to be working for Homeless Prenatal who provides community education and services and who have invested in the growth of their staff. She can be contacted at soniabatres@homelessprenatal.org.

Questions to reflect upon:
During the Pandemic, what gave you strength?
Since the Pandemic what type of challenges have you faced? Have you built some resiliency in living through them?
Reading Sonia’s story at Homeless Prenatal, is there some kind of advocacy or healing which she inspires in you?

“Imagination, like memory, can transform lies to truths.” –Cristina Garcia, Latina Writer


We went from a Hot August to a hotter September. With record temperatures last week, as well as the possibility for rolling black-outs, the Asian American Movement Concert that I was scheduled to present on September 6 was postponed.

This past Sunday marked the anniversary of September 11, when four coordinated suicide attacks were carried out by militant Islamic forces on the U.S. It seems appropriate to take a moment to remember all of the persons who died and were hurt on that day, as well as to remember their families and loved ones. Thoughts also go out to towards Arab/Arab Americans and Muslims who became targeted through racist responses and systemic and unjust policies which infringe upon their civil liberties. I mention these conditions in order to underscore the notion that in our democracy, a single individual from a specific group is not responsible for all other individuals within that group.

With September marking the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, this month’s “thoughts” are about remembering the Holocaust.

9/2022
Insights about the Holocaust

I have always thought about September being the beginning of a new school year. For Jews this year, September is the beginning of new year. Rosh Hashanah, which begins at sunset, September 25 is a day of remembrance and appreciation of a day to reflect upon what’s happened in the previous year. For the Jewish people, this High Holy Day commemorates when God created the universe and the first human being. Rosh Hashanah begins a 10-day observance which culminates in Yom Kippur, a day of atonement and repentance. I was thinking of both of these holy days as I watched a segment on CBS Sunday Morning, 9/4/22, informing us about a film, “The U.S. and the Holocaust.” (The video will be aired on September 18, 2022 and is produced by Ken Burns, Lynn Novick and Sarah Botstein.) It examines how America failed European Jews during the holocaust. I recognized patterns of exclusion within the U.S. which are still happening today in our immigration policies. During post WWII, xenophobia, or the fear and hatred of things that are foreign, applied to the Jews.

I learned that in 1938, a Gallup Poll revealed that 21% of Americans (in the U.S.) believed the U.S shouldn’t accept more Jews who were fleeing their countries. In April of 1939, after wide reporting of mass killings and thousands of people fleeing Germany and Poland, Fortune Magazine reported that 1 person in 10 in the U.S. believed that no more Jews should be allowed to enter our country. Then, as is still the case, there were quotas for how many persons from each country who could be admitted. The numbers differ by the country. The U.S. passport process was tedious, arduous and took a long time. Many Jews in Europe died before completing the process. To put this in perspective, Jews from Germany, Poland and all occupied countries had become stateless.

In case you might be interested in viewing the “U.S. and the Holocaust,” I understand that it will present: -Controversies surrounding America's response to the Holocaust -How are we still dealing with questions about refugees being welcomed into the United States -Challenges of nativism, antisemitism, xenophobia and racism: Are these still in existence today? Are these concepts buried deeply and permanently in the past? -What lessons might be learned from U.S. response to the mass extermination of Jews?

The Ken Burns video reminds us that antisemitism is still present, or perhaps technically more precise to say that it has always been present. In 1945, two-thirds of European Jews had been murdered. Although the U.S. had taken in record number of Jews, in 1945 only 5% of Americans wanted to let more Jewish refugees in. At a time when Americans were already aware of the gas chambers, concentration camps, and liberation of Jews, more than 1/3 of Americans believed the U.S. should allow fewer Jewish immigrants. This disease of xenophobia has replayed over and over again, with sentiments against Japanese, Asians, Mexicans, Central and South Americans, Muslims, Haitians, and Africans. There are times when fear rises higher for certain groups. Currently, anti-Asian and anti-immigration sentiments for people from Southern and Central America is rampant.

This past week I discovered that Ukraine is home to Jewish people. Some Jews were in the Ukraine before the Holocaust, and were forcibly evacuated and some of them returned after WWII. While watching PBS Newshour (on September 7, 2022), I heard that a number of Ukrainian Jews who were living in senior care homes have recently immigrated to Germany—quite a paradox. Through long ambulance trips from the Ukraine, these senior-citizen Jews are now residing in community with other Jews in Germany. They are grateful for their new home although many of them hope that they will be able to return to Ukraine.

In the 1990’s, I first became aware of structural antisemitism when I heard that the B’nai B’rith building in S.F. had 24-hour building security. It was not uncommon to have daily bomb threats. Whenever there is an increase of immigration of persons from groups that are considered to be “different,” xenophobia seems to rear its ugly head. It is horrifying to think that had the U.S opened its doors to more Jewish people during WWII, that xenophobia and antisemitism may have been higher than it was at the time. (Not that this is an excuse for this country not doing more to try to provide safety, statehood and a home for the Jewish people.) Antisemitism is alive and active today. We are aware of the increased bombings of Temples. During these High Holy Days, many Jews are discerning whether they will attend Temple, due to the fear of attacks.

As Jews celebrate Rosh Hashanah, perhaps we can all look forward to new beginnings such as Germany welcoming Jewish people into their country. Considering the Jewish observance of Yom Kippur, I wonder if use this Jewish New Year to reflect upon the act of atonement as a country: acknowledging unequal treatment, in becoming more welcoming of the Jewish people, in celebrating who they are and in learning their stories. My sister-in-law, who is Jewish and formerly taught at Berkeley High School, used to tell her students that they each have their own stories. She would remind them that where they come from contributes to who they are. My sister-in-law views the Jewish Holidays as a beginning of a New Year for all people of all races and religions to practice acceptance of all. She would tell her students that they need to remember their own histories—that “who you are and what you stand for is important and to never forget!” I believe my sister-in-law states a very important value that the Jewish people teach us--to remember the past so we don’t repeat it. Acknowledging our mistakes and trying to right our wrongs can help us heal and become a stronger people.

Questions to reflect upon:
Who are you? Where did you come from?
Reflecting during this current time of the Pandemic and the political climate of our times, what’s happened to you in the past year?

Thank you to Joan Horikoshi for reading and contributing to this "thoughts."

“Rosh Hashanah isn’t just about being new, it’s about a change,” Rabbi Eliyahu Hoffmann.


8/2022
Hot August Morning

“Eight o’clock and the sun is out, the morning air is hot today,
and there is something I’d like to say, …

Check the skies for B-29’s that would not come today.
Hot August morning in Hiroshima, what more can I say.”
-Peter Horikoshi

These are the beginning and closing words of the song, “Hot August Morning,” written by Peter Horikoshi and recorded on the album, Yokohama, California in 1977 and re-released on CD in 2016, yokohama.com. This past week-end, I was out on our deck with my husband, Peter and Kyle Kashima practicing music for an upcoming concert about the Asian American movement. We were rehearsing this song, Hot August Morning, (see video) and although these words were written in the 70’s, they have application for today’s current environment. The last lines from the song, “Check the skies for B-29’s that would not come today, Hot August Morning in Hiroshima, what more can I say,” reverberated for me.

In Alameda, the sun was pretty warm and a navy plane flew over a couple of times. It sounded just like the Blue Angels practicing, as they do in October before their annual demonstration in San Francisco, each year. We later discovered that there was indeed a flyover for the anniversary of the first U.S. aircraft carrier that was built 100 years ago. The celebration was held on the Hornet ship, which is permanently docked in Alameda as a museum. The Hornet was active in many campaigns during WWII. The first atomic bomb ever used in combat was dropped with a B-29 by the U.S. on Japan during WWII. It felt synchronistic to be singing this song with the words recalling the warmth of an August day and the sounds of fighter jets.

The spoken introduction of Hot August Morning invokes the hot heat experienced in the Central Valley, close to where I grew up on farming lands. The words compare the temperature of Fresno with the August 6 day Peter experienced while attending a protest at the Lawrence Livermore Lab in Berkeley, California. At that time the Lab was still researching and testing nuclear energy. I began to think about how our planet is heating up and my hometown continues to experience much hotter summers, less availability to irrigation water and longer duration of sweltering temperatures. Watching current weather reports and listening to stories of catastrophic rain and floods, as well as increasing occurrences of droughts and uncontrollable fires throughout the world, I find it difficult to understand that many people do not believe that we living with dramatic climate change.

Hot August Morning paints the picture of the devastation caused by the dropping of the atomic bombs—“I feel the pain in you, Hiroshima, was it in vain?” The many civilians who were killed by the bomb, the contamination of the water and earth from the radioactive materials, as well as the horrific health effects which are still being felt today. Beyond the huge number of deaths from the blast itself, the bombs caused radioactive poisoning, water supply contamination, and many health issues including high rates of cancer for persons around the blast site. Other effects of the atomic bombs: American military persons from the U.S. who dropped the bomb were exposed to the mushroom clouds of radiation, as were military and persons from allied countries or territories watching the testing of the bombs from a distance.

Hot August Morning reminds us that a second bomb was deployed by the U.S. on Nagasaki. Many years ago, probably a few years after Hot August Morning was released, I was watching a program on television about Robert Oppenheimer, one of the persons considered to be a “father of the atomic bomb” for his participation with the Manhattan project. I believe the program was intended to honor Oppenheimer for the advancement in technology, and the successful creation and delivery of two different types of atomic bombs--one from uranium and the other from plutonium. When the first bomb was dropped the teams were ecstatic that the uranium bomb was successful. At this point in the film, it was acknowledged that some civilians were killed, yet the fact that 40,000 civilians died from a single bomb wasn’t mentioned. I was deeply struck how this story’s narrative depicted the curiosity of the Oppenheimer-led teams. Would the other type of bomb also be successful? The message I received was that the main reason for dropping the second bomb on Nagasaki was for testing purposes—the desire to see if how the plutonium bomb would work. It was at this point in my life when I began to severely question aspects of technological advancement—whether experimentation and success in the absence of the integration of values and ethics are wise for humankind and our planet.

Around the same time as viewing the Manhattan Project documentary, I attended a presentation with Michio Kaku, who was a graduate physics student at the time with the Lawrence Laboratory in Berkeley. (Michio Kaku went on to become a theoretical physicist and futurist and is a renown scientist who has the talent of explaining science in common language.) Michio Kaku was influenced by the work of Albert Einstein and wanted to complete Einstein’s unified theory. Interestingly enough Einstein was against the use of nuclear energy for military purposes.

While at the Lawrence Berkeley Lab as a PhD student, Kaku had wanted to study atomic energy and how it could be used peacefully. If I remember correctly, Kaku’s grandparents were from Hiroshima. After Kaku completed a high school science project on smashing atoms, Edward Teller, considered to be another “father of the atomic bomb” identified Kaku as his protégé. Through Kaku’s educational and life journey, Kaku decided that the proliferation of nuclear energy was inhumane had the capacity to cause unfathomable devastation. He strongly opposed nuclear warfare. Michio Kaku actively participated in the building of the global anti-nuclear weapons movement.

Towards the end of the song, the words pose, “In Nagasaki, as the war ended, they opened a wound that will never mend.” How do we heal from this wound? How do we learn from history?

Questions for reflection:
What lessons do you think the use of nuclear bombs in Japan have for us today, with such threats looming in Ukraine and Taiwan?

*See Asian Community Center in Sacramento, ACC Music Makers to register for the Concert on Asian American Movement on September 6, 2-3 pm. To access after the date, there will probably be a youtube video posted on this website sometime after the concert.

"We don't have to accept the dictatorship of high-tech. Human beings can make decisions about when and where to use high-tech, low-tech, intermediate-tech, or a mix of these, on the basis of what best develops people and communities and at the same time maintains the health of our ecosystem." -Grace Lee Boggs, Asian American Scholar


7/2022
Being Discounted, Disrespected, Dismissed: How One is Rendered Invisible

In a recent conversation with my coaching collective, we landed on the topic of respect. I shared the concept of the three D’s—being Disrespected, Discounted and Dismissed. I had learned about this theme from a friend, who was listening to me process an issue which involved being discriminated against as an Asian woman. My friend, who supervised primarily women, said he needed to keep in mind these three words of disrespect, discount and dismiss--to reflect upon if he was employing them and to transform his mindset and actions in order to be a better and more humane leader. They were powerful words that helped me to understand what I was feeling, and in their essence have helped me to articulate when my clients seem to be experiencing being invisible, unheard and disregarded.

The resonance these words hold cut through whether it be a personal dissing or one perpetuated upon another person due to systemic bias-- an action thwarted upon somebody due to gender, or being LGBTQIA, being a person of color, or being poor. These words cut through the lumping a person in to a group through systemic biases, which are often unconscious. It’s a type of “one upmanship” where a person can use either the personal relationship or the conscious or unconscious bias to feel power, control or just feel better about oneself at the expense of the other person.

Identifying these three D words brings the assault or injury to the foreground, and may help lift the burden for the person on the receiving end to move from “what I might have done wrong” to acknowledging the one upmanship and/or systemic biases within our culture. In the coaching realm, it is also important to help the client process how the client wishes to respond. And yet, it is amazing how much identifying one or more of the “D” words can help the client heal and move towards formulating a response action. These concepts go hand-in-hand and many issues can encompass one, two, or all three of them. I’ll share a little more about each of them.

Being Discounted
I asked a friend to share a story about being discounted. In her own words:
“I had to end a friendship, a long and significant friendship, after my friend got involved with a man who brought out the worst in her. In the past, there had been occasions when she could be dismissive and even rude, but I just let it go because we had things in common and could really enjoy each other’s company. But little by little her cutting remarks became more frequent, and eventually they cut right through the material of our relationship. She was saying things you wouldn’t say to a friend or to anyone who meant something to you. She had her PhD by that time, and I think that had something to do with it too. She moved into the administration of a university, and after all, I only had a Master’s Degree, so I think that degree, her job, her boyfriend (who she knew I didn’t think much of), I think all of that led to her needing to discount me in any way she could. She’d scold me suddenly saying I talked too loudly, or she’d criticize the color of my nail polish. It got so that I didn’t know where the next jab was coming from, and finally I had to say literally, ‘I’m not taking this from you anymore.’ It was really hard to do. But I knew that I wasn’t looking forward to spending time with her anymore.

“Honestly, I thought that after she got over my being that frank and honest with her, she’d realize that I wouldn’t have broken with her without a good reason. I thought I might get a letter or a call from her that would exhibit some reflection, so that maybe we could reweave the relationship. But it never came and years have passed. I still feel badly about it. But you know, standing up for yourself with a friend is much harder than standing up for yourself against a stranger or an enemy. And in my experience, the friend doesn’t give you credit for standing up for yourself against them. You have to walk away feeling sure of yourself. It feels like a gamble, but if you are gambling on yourself, you will feel proud of yourself in the end.”

It can be difficult to come up with an example that fits into any one of these D-words. Perhaps actions have become a pattern of response and the story doesn’t necessarily surface all of the other instances that support the pattern. Or some behaviors could be generated by another or multiple reasons, including a combination of these D-words. When working for the University of California Cooperative Extension, I remember volunteering to enlist speakers from throughout universities and community agencies to speak at our State Youth Development conference. The core committee had identified a few names of persons to contact and wanted to maintain the selection of the keynote. The rest was up to me. One of the core committee members was in charge of putting together a program. When I sent her the completed line-up of names with their submitted biographies, she said to create the content of the program and send it to her secretary. She was clear that she wasn’t going to do it. I wanted the speakers to get a good write-up, so I relented. Although I had not planned to place so much additional time in with this job, I took pride in it. I communicated with each speaker and drafted and/or asked for brief descriptions of their talk and how it related to youth development, and sent a draft to each of the speakers before finalizing it. It was an enjoyable follow-up process to get to know the speakers better, for them to be comfortable with how they were being presented, as well as to help conference attendees to have a better idea of the presentations.

During the ending ceremony, the core organizers of the conference were announced making it appear that “all of the persons who helped make the conference happen,” were acknowledged. I knew that the core committee persons, who had been the same group from the one or two previous conferences, were quite proud of innovating this annual event. I anticipated that they would take primary credit for the event. But when the publicity person was announced as assembling the speakers and putting together all of the program and the flier for the event, I realized that although I didn’t feel the need to be identified as the person who did almost all of the speaker work, it bothered me that someone else was taking credit for the work. Interestingly enough, when each of the core committee members got up to say something and take a bow, none of them corrected this error. A community person, one of the presenters, who held a PHD, came up to me immediately afterwards, and said that he was surprised that I didn’t receive kudos. He said he was waiting to clap for me. I had worked with him in getting the necessary bio from him and had helped him to construct his outline for presentation. I didn’t say much, because I was kind of in disbelief at the moment. I learned from this instance that it is important to identify one’s own contributions, especially with promotion and advancement processes with the University.

Being Disrespected
Both of the two previous stories are individual ones. Sometimes our stories can be layered with systemic prejudice, as well. Here's an instance which reflects racism, a time when a friend of mine felt disrespected at his neighborhood coffee shop: "When I moved into the predominately white Temescal neighborhood in Oakland about five years ago, I discovered a small storefront coffee shop that was only a few doors down from my home. The baristas were nice, and I patronized the store often, always ordering the same drink: an 8oz decaf oat milk mocha. About four months ago, I walked over one afternoon to order my usual. The barista, a young woman in her early 20s, took my order and was going to make my drink when the other barista, a young white man in his early to mid-20s, and who I had never seen before, stepped up and very rudely told me that they only offer my drink in a 12 oz cup. When I politely told him that I live in the neighborhood and had been ordering the same drink for the last five years, he said that they have never served my drink in an 8 oz cup, that I didn't know what I was talking about, and that if I didn't want the 12 oz mocha, I could just leave. So, I said OK and left. I no longer patronize that business."

Another story comes to mind with regard to being disrespected. I had a client, an African American woman, who created and led programs, that had young people working with youth--boys, girls and non-binary persons. They were building leaders and youth who would stop the legacy of domestic violence in our communities. They modeled how to be antibiased, non-violent and healthy, especially with regards to their relationship with girls and women. They allowed the young adults to create positive social interactions and learning opportunities for youth. During a camp, one young adult leader, an African American male, had gone out during either his break time or the evening, and made a poor decision. I can’t remember exactly the exact “incident” that occurred but I think it was something like he went to a nearby store and purchased some alcohol. He exercised poor judgment, especially as a leader. The top administrator of the organization, a White woman, decided that the young adult leader should be summarily dismissed. The administrator had begun steps to oust the young man, without consulting my client, whose program it was.

My client talked with the young leader and also separately with her boss. She wanted to gain clarity on what had happened, and how the young man’s decision placed the entire program in jeopardy. With her boss, my client explained that this could be a learning opportunity, especially because the young man was quite good with the youth, had been responsible in the past and had good promise for leadership and continued growth. My client wanted this young man to be respected for who he was, what he was contributing and to be given the same type of respect which an adult often receives in hopes of the individual becoming a better employee and leader. All people make mistakes and we cannot expect young adults to all of a sudden “know” how to act as responsible “adults.” In recounting the story, it seems to me that this administrator not only disrespected the young adult, but my client as well.

Being Dismissed
Have you ever worked with or been in relationship with someone who you felt was listening to your input, but then as soon as you strayed from the idea that the other person was referring to, cut you off? It has taken me years to identify when this is happening, I think in part because I strive to listen and to be open to hearing different perspectives. I may not be the best listener, but have worked at getting better in hopes of understanding the other person’s focus and experiences. I remember one time where I had felt like the other person was listening, but realized that that person seemed to listen only as long as I went in the same direction. If I began to explain how I viewed the situation, I experienced different blocking techniques from the other person, such as “I don’t have time,” “You’re giving too much detail,” or even “I don’t want to hear that, just tell me if you’re going to get on board.” In situations where I have been the recipient of one of these D-words, I feel like the wind is knocked out of me, even if I have had experience(s) in being disregarded by this person previously. When one is the target of any of the D-words, I think it feels deeply personal.

I had an African American client who worked tirelessly for her organization, willing to take on extra projects where she represented the organization and worked collaboratively with other agencies. My client was spearheading a task force of community organizations, the county and city and was the primary writer of their proposal. It had been accepted by the entire team of many partners and they had received funding and were already implementing the project. When her new supervisor, who was White joined the organization, this supervisor repeatedly mentioned that my client’s writing needed help and kept pressuring my client to rewrite the proposal. This really triggered my client, saying she had a Master’s Degree and didn’t understand why her supervisor would undermine her work when the team members respected not only her writing, but the way in which she contributed to the joint project. My client was being dismissed and probably discounted and disrespected, all at the same time.

I believe that we have experienced another instance of being dismissed recently with the Supreme Court striking down Roe v Wade. The Court sided against the “historical” precedent of Roe v Wade and went against the majority opinion of the people in this country. It is amazing at how so many other countries give women this health decision of reproductive rights, yet our country has taken this extremely personal decision away. It is a “supreme” example of being dismissed, disrespected and discounted in our society. It is an issue of control.

Have you been discounted, disrespected or dismissed? Please feel free to share your story (stories) with me.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of a time when you’ve been discounted, disrespected or dismissed? How did you feel? Do you still carry a resonance of that experience with you? What kinds of responses or defenses have you developed? How successful have they been?

“You may trod me in the very dirt / but still, like dust, I’ll rise.” -Maya Angelou, Black Poet


Happy LGBTQIA Month! Jason Galisatus, former ED, writes to us about Pride. He shares some interesting trends about changing attitudes, which makes me hopeful that Generation Z, the most ethnically and racially diverse generation in history, will lead us into a future that is more equitable, inclusive and accepting of differences. Thank you, Jason reminds us, of how important telling one’s story is😊

Celebrating this month, I’ve come across a source which provides useful language and has given me some tips for being an ally to LGBTQ. Written for youth, it is a great tool for adults, too.

6/2022
Visibility and Truth: Unpacking the “Why” of Pride

With acceptance of LGBTQ people at a record high level in the United States, it’s easy to take for granted the need for Pride.

Practically every major corporate brand express, at least on its face, a welcoming attitude towards LGBTQ employees and customers. LGBTQ characters feature prominently in uncountable numbers of television shows and movies. And once-hot button political issues like marriage equality are all but resolved, one could hardly be blamed for asking, “why is Pride even necessary in 2022?”

Let me first dispense with my strawman premise; we still have a long way to go. The war has not yet been won.

Conversion therapy, proven destructive and ineffective, remains fully legal in nearly half the states in the union. Reported fatal incidents against transgender people hit a record high in 2020 since the Human Rights Campaign began tracking such statistics. Basic needs such as housing and healthcare remain out of reach for many LGBTQ people, especially low-income people of color. And of course, we can hardly forget that a radically conservative majority in the Supreme Court threatens to unravel the legal frameworks protecting LGBTQ people with the stroke of a pen.

But, as far as public opinion is concerned, the gains the LGBTQ community have made are undeniable.

A prevailing theory, championed by the first openly gay man elected to office in the United States Harvey Milk, is that as more LGBTQ Americans take the brave step of coming out, more and more heterosexuals personally know someone who is LGBTQ. By putting human faces to a once-abstract issue defined by theology and Red Scare-era associations of queer people and Communism, it becomes harder to hate those you know personally.

This theory, dubbed “contact theory” by academics, was confirmed in a 2018 study, which found that having at least one gay or lesbian acquaintance makes them more accepting of gay people in general. According to the author, “coming out works as a strategy for changing minds.”

In fact, in 2016 Pew Research found that a full 87% of Americans know someone who is gay or lesbian. Gallup in February of this year that a record 7.1% of Americans identify as LGBTQ. Perhaps more striking, about 21% of Gen Z— those born between 1997-2003— identify as LGBTQ, placing into question Alfred Kinsey’s long-held theory that 10% of world population is LGBTQ.

If true, contact theory explains why acceptance of LGBTQ people has increased five-fold between 1973 and 2016. As a public relations professional, I am astounded by these vast swings in public opinion. People in my profession can only dream to shift public opinion by that large of a degree. No finely crafted message nor slick political advertisement can replace the power of personal connection.

Other examples of radically changing beliefs over time certainly do exist. In 2021, another Gallup survey found that nearly half of all United States reported using cannabis; over 50 years ago only 4% of United States adults reported having tried cannabis. According to Pew Research, support for legalizing cannabis increased from 12% to 67% in 2019. Evidence also suggests the same phenomenon affects American’s views of abortion— those who personally know someone who has had an abortion (59% in 2019) are more likely to support legalization.

What takeaways can this offer those trying to influence public in opinion in support of their cause?

First, as tempting as it is for policy wonks and the people doing the work on a day-to-day to beat the public over the head with facts and data, personalizing an issue is key to success. Voters support real people, not abstract issues. When voters feel that an issue affects them personally— or those around them personally—they respond. This is why storytelling remains a powerful tool of persuasion. Transforming an issue from an abstract one into one with which voters come face-to-face is critical for success.

Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, at a more individual level it is critical to be visible, proud and authentic in life and in the workplace. Breaking down taboos around issues like poverty, mental health, and reproductive healthcare are vital for affecting change.

To be sure, contact theory is not a panacea for every social woe. Americans are increasingly divided and insulated in their informational bubbles on social media or their cable news station of choice. Personal connection, however, can help break through these artificial barriers, and reach hearts and minds. Pride remain relevant as ever. Brave LGBTQ people who have come out have led the way and serve as inspirational examples to all. Pride teaches us to dispense with shame, to live visibly and proudly, and in so doing change the fabric of public opinion.

Wendy's Note: Jason Galisatus is an Account Director at Singer Associates, a leading public affairs firm based in San Francisco. Views are his own. He can be reached at galisatus@singersf.com

©Wendy C. Horikoshi and Jason Galisatus, 2022, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
How have your attitudes and perspectives about LGTQ people and issues changed over time? Can you point to why they change? Is it related to meeting or knowing LGBTQ people or finding out that people you know are LGBTQ?
How can you help friends or relatives understand why Pride is still needed?

“Deviance is whatever is condemned by the community. Most societies try to get rid of their deviants. Most cultures have burned and beaten their homosexuals and others who deviate from the sexual common. The queer are the mirror reflecting the heterosexual tribe’s fear: being different, being other and therefore lesser, therefore sub-human, in-human, non-human.” –Gloria Anzaldua, Latinx Writer


5/2022
Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander Heritage Month

Happy Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) Heritage Month, which some people are now referring to as Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander (AANHPI) Month. This posting, I’m presenting some information about Asian Pacific Islanders and including a focus on the Stop AAPI Hate movement. There are twenty different cultures that comprise the Asian category of 22 million people. AAPI’s come from unique histories, cultures, languages and experiences with different patterns of immigration-with some persons ancestors entering this country in the early 1800’s. (While a small number of Chinese immigrants arrived as early as 1815, a large wave of Chinese immigrants came during the 1850s.)1 According to the Pew Research Center, AAPI’s are projected to be largest immigrant group, surpassing Hispanics by 2055, and reaching 46 million by 2060.2

Hate crimes towards Asians in the past couple of years, with an uptick of 149% between 2019 and 2020. Yet it is difficult to reconcile this with an overall decline of hate crimes during the same period. Paradoxically, the number of hate crimes is undoubtedly far greater than this because these incidents are likely to be underreported within the Asian community. Fear of reprisal, language barriers, being unaware of how or where to report it, not wanting to bring attention to self, family or community and citizenship status contribute to a reluctance to come forward. Stop AAPI, at SF State University was created specifically to gather data, providing a safe space while advocating for public policy change. The Asian American Studies Department initiated this program as a response to the rise in public displays of racism during the Pandemic. Their work and community-based approach and relationship building with Asian communities have helped to allow for more accurate reporting: Report an Incident - Stop AAPI Hate.

Some other interesting facts about the AAPI community from the Pew Research Center: Nearly one-half of all Asian Americans live in the West, with 24% in the South, 19% in the Northeast and 12% in the Midwest. Six out of 10 Asian Americans were born in another country. A large number of Asian Americans live in multigenerational households (27%), with Asians who are immigrants (29%) only slightly more likely than U.S. born (23%) to live in multiple generations under one roof. In measures of economics, although Asian Americans seem to do well, there is a wide range of disparity between the different cultural groups with 10% of Asians living in poverty, as compared with 13% of all Americans. Mongolians had the highest poverty rate for Asian Americans, or 25%. Asian Americans have had higher rates of completing college, with more than 50% of Asians, 25 years and older holding Bachelor’s degree, compared with 33% of the U.S. population. Interesting enough, this statistic doesn’t vary much between foreign or U.S. born.

Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders encompass a broad grouping of people from diverse cultures. At the beginning of this coaching blog, I mentioned that AANHPI is also being used in referring to the ethnic grouping for Asian Americans as a category. When reviewing demographics, identifying Native Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders, we can improve capacity to serve these specific communities that struggle from living with lower income and less access to opportunities. In many ways, Native Hawaiians and Pacific Islanders’ issues are more similar to those of Native Americans than with the broader Asian American grouping on census information that is often used research and funding. Nevertheless, even with recent data from the Pew Research Center, that groups information from persons that came to the U.S. from 20 different origin countries in the East, South East Asian and Indian subcontinent, it is not identified by Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander. However, the PEW Center is a very good source of facts about Asian Americans and I’m learning new information from their fact sheets and publications. (See Resources below.)

Hate crimes against Asian Americans spiked during the Pandemic, although there have always been verbal and physical assaults perpetrated against Asian Americans. In its Policy Recommendations to Address AAPI Hate, Stop AAPI Hate, has recommended two major recommendations to the State of California: 1) create public health policies which prevent hate in public spaces and to 2) respond to hate when it occurs in businesses. These policies must engender public health and gender-based approaches which address the street harassment of AAPI women and other vulnerable communities. The framework must define street harassment and how it affects individual mobility, freedom of safety and movement, as well as physical and mental well-being and create strategies which identify multiyear, multifaceted public education campaigns. Hate crimes at businesses are primarily incidents perpetrated by other customers. Therefore, Stop AAPI Hate suggests new policies require businesses, such as public transportation systems, to provide training which engenders understanding and the provision of services which maintain spaces free from bias-harassment and discrimination, even if committed by other customers. I look forward to seeing policies that help educate the general public about harassment and hate. It seems to me that these recommendations are specific to the type of hate crimes committed against Asian Americans, yet are also cognizant of the need for public health policies that strengthen the civil rights of all vulnerable communities.

May this Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander Heritage Month help us appreciate and honor our AANHPI communities, even if is merely by learning more about any one of the many communities in your neighborhood, county or state.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you have any AANHPI friend, colleagues, neighbors? If yes, how much do you know of their immigration histories and childhood experiences? What kinds of questions might you ask them to find out about their family histories?
Do you know if your AANHPI friends, colleagues, neighbors have experienced or know of someone who has experienced hate incidences over the past couple of years? Have they been able to share their stories and begin to heal from them?


1 Information from Dr. Michael Omi, Asian American Studies, UC Berkeley in conversation, May 6, 2022.

2 Budiman, A, Ruiz, N, "Key Facts about Asian Americans, a Diverse and Growing population," Pew Research Center, April 29, 2021.

3 Dr. Omi also mentioned that the word, AANHPI, collapses two distinct Census racial categories (from the 1997 Statistical Directive 15), namely "Asian American" and "Native Hawaiian and Other Paciric Islander." When the "NH and Other PI" category was being debated, Guamanians/Chamorros wanted their name included as well.

“’Asian American’ is and has always been a political identity rooted in anti-imperialism and solidarity with Black and Indigenous peoples across the globe.” -Yellow Power: The Origins of Asian America, Densho.


Resources

1. From the Pew Research Center:
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/04/29/key-facts-about-asian-americans/
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/04/29/key-facts-about-asian-origin-groups-in-the-u-s/

2. AAPI Data — great source of survey data:
https://aapidata.com/

3. From the US Census:
https://www.census.gov/about/partners/cic/resources/data-links/asian.html


“’Asian American’ is and has always been a political identity rooted in anti-imperialism and solidarity with Black and Indigenous peoples across the globe.” -Yellow Power: The Origins of Asian America, Densho.


I’ve asked Chris Kubo, head the youth taiko group with Ballico School in California to be a guest writer. Ballico is a diverse town and having Chris write about the arts group during “Celebrate Diversity Month” seems appropriate. In reading Chris’ “thoughts,” I have learned more about the cultural history of Ballico School, where I attended the 5th through 8th grades. I hadn’t realized that Ballico School began as one which was primarily Japanese American. Chris believes that it was not a segregated school, however, I do remember my dad saying that they started Ballico for the Cortez community as Japanese Americans began to move to this community. Mr. Abiko, a newspaper owner in San Francisco, had purchased the land and encouraged Japanese laborers to move there. Throughout my childhood I had noticed strong Japanese American parent participation within the schools, as well as through the initiation and leadership of sports within the summer community programs. The secretary of the school was Japanese American as was the head cook. Interestingly enough, when my mother went to speak with the principal of the school to mention that the city of the school district where she worked was holding a “career fair,” all of the Ballico upper grades went on a field trip to visit it. My mom was surprised that something she had said was listened to and acted upon so very quickly. This was in a time when most parents were reluctant to speak with the administration. I know I have benefitted from this mindset of “belonging” and it gave me confidence to strive to develop leadership skills.

Taiko is a part of the school curriculum at Ballico School. Arts education can enhance the development of different parts of the brain and also build community and respect for culture and the arts. Engaging in the arts can help us discover and share our own stories.

I first saw the Ballico Taiko while attending the Japanese American Cortez community’s celebration of “Obon,” where ancestors are remembered and the public joins in with the dancing. During the program, I was struck seeing Latinx Asian and White students seriously, passionately and proudly playing Japanese drums. Art, at its best evokes an emotional response. I felt moved and especially touched by such diverse participation. The students also danced, as did many of their family members. The drummers and their families knew the dances better than I did! It was evident that this annual event, which was formerly observed by the Japanese American population has helped the larger community to grow and to become a more vibrant and inclusive community.

4/2022
Building a Foundation for Diversity and Inclusion

Ballico is a tiny rural community in the northern part of Merced County, almost in Stanislaus County. On a clear day, you can see Half Dome in Yosemite from parts of our area. In the neighboring community of Cortez, just three miles north of Ballico, is a Japanese American settlement that started in 1919 with 17 families. As the years and generations passed, there are fewer Japanese Americans living here, but our community remains intact.

At Ballico School, established in 1924, a photo of the students at Ballico that year were predominantly Japanese American with a few European American students. Now our students are about 50% European American, with about 40% + Latinx, and less than 10% African American, Asian American. The majority of the parents are in agriculture related occupations or living on farms.

My husband, Dan, attended Ballico School with his siblings and cousins, as well as his father and his father’s siblings. In the school photo from 1924, my father-in-law is the one in the front row with the scowled face when he was 10 years-old. Our children all attended Ballico School and, now, we hope that our granddaughter will attend Ballico as well.

Dan and I met at San Jose State University and worked together in establishing an Asian American Studies program at the University and then moved onto implementing our studies to be in the community and work in the community. As we became acquainted with the Japantown community in San Jose, we developed a deep appreciation for the support from the church organizations and the elders in the community. Despite our appearance (long hair, jeans, etc.), they accepted us into their churches and homes to help develop programs that would benefit the community. We pounded mochi, served soup, and entertained at community gatherings. Then we decided to go “home,” return to our roots, and be a part of our historic community.

Within the Japanese American community in San Jose, a taiko group was starting around the same time Dan and I decided to return to Cortez. Although we wanted to become part of this group, learning taiko would be put on hold, as our return to the farm would involve all of our time and energy.

In 1990, Rev. Dave Matsumoto started a taiko program at the Buddhist Church of Stockton, of which Cortez is an affiliate. We were able to start playing in 1995. Our three younger children played taiko along with me and passed on the interest in taiko to their friends at Cortez as well as to Ballico School community. In 2003, four students, including our youngest son, played taiko at their eighth grade graduation at Ballico School. Two years later, three students, Jesus, Esmeralda, and Evette, approached me and asked if they could learn to play taiko to perform at their graduation. They worked diligently with me and played their hearts out at their graduation.

Taiko is a way to have a voice: it is animated and spirited. More than anything else, it is a vehicle of expression. At Ballico School, all students are encouraged to write a speech to enter the county speech festival as well as write an essay or poem to enter into the county writing festival. All students are encouraged to participate in sports and other activities as long as their grades are reasonable. Taiko is our music program for Transitional Kindergarten through second grade. It is considered a music and motion class which incorporates music with physical education. Towards the end of the school year, we hold a recital. For the third through eighth grade students, taiko is offered as an afterschool club. We have three levels: beginning, intermediate, and performers. We meet for practice together on Wednesday afternoons; warm up and drill together, then split into level groups with the performers helping the beginners and intermediates. The beginning and intermediate classes end after an hour, then the performing group continues for another hour to develop new skills, as well as prepare lessons for the next week. Additionally, we hold a weekly 30-minute session with Special Needs students.

When taiko developed in North America, it soon became a voice for Japanese Americans; a way to express ourselves with movement, voice, and sound. It was powerful and liberating! I wanted that power and liberation for our students; a way to express themselves. Regardless of who we are, taiko gave us the power to move and be heard. At our school, taiko is a means of empowerment.

In 2022, our group in Ballico is predominantly Latinx, with a handful of European Americans, no Asians. There are students whose parents were my students “back in the day.” There are families who have multiple children going through the program. We have an Ensemble group consisting of high school and college students who played with us in the past and want to continue. Although we meet online the majority of the time, and get together in-person occasionally.

Eleven members of our performing group attended and performed at the North American Taiko Conference held in Portland, Oregon in 2019. They were rather hesitant about performing, especially since half of them had attended a previous conference in San Diego and knew the magnitude of performing at such a venue. They worked diligently at designing heartfelt performance with the help of Kristy Oshiro, a professional taiko player and instructor. The Ballico Taiko played beautifully. Their song, Okagesamade (thanks to all who came before us), expressed gratitude to all who made our lives possible: the Native peoples, immigrants, and laborers. As their teacher, it is the okagesamade attitude that I would like our students to embody: appreciation of all of our forebearers while playing with exuberance and joy!

Wendy's Note: Chris Kubo grew up in Japan, born to a Japanese American father and a Japanese mother. She attended DOD (Department of Defense) Schools through high school and came stateside to attend college. She met Dan Kubo at San Jose State University and worked as a student activist. In 1974, Chris moved with Dan to farm the family ranch. Chris raised five children, taught kindergarten through eighth grades as well as served as Resource Specialist at Ballico-Cressey School District for 30 years.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi and Chris Kubo, 2022, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you ever participated in activities that are different from your own culture? How did that make you feel? What did you learn from it?
Have you participated in an activity from your own culture that you didn’t learn while growing up? How did that make you feel? Any learnings?


“Creativity is the antidote for violence and destruction. Art is our most human expression, our voice to communicate our stories, to challenge injustice and the misrepresentations of mainstream media, to expose harsh realities and engender even more powerful hope, a force to bring diverse peoples together, a tool to rebuild our communities, and a weapon to win this struggle for universal liberation.” -Climbing Poetree (Alixa and Naima), Black Artists


March is Women's History Month. I've asked Angelica Resendez if she might share her "thoughts" and she chose to write about self-care, an appropriate topic, especially as we reach the second anniversary of the Pandemic.

3/2022
Women’s History Month: Self-Care

It’s 8:30 pm on a Monday, I’ve just spent countless hours in Teams meetings, and just finished playing catch-up on “work,” which these days means getting through some emails and hopefully, just hopefully, scratching off a thing or two from the to-do list. Lately, my life seems to be in “mark as unread” status. I’ll read an email, realize that it requires much more than a simple response, and then mark it unread for the day that I can get back to it. Sometimes, that day doesn’t come. It seems like more than ever, I’m just trying to keep up. Even personally, my laundry is marked as unread—it gets folded, but it doesn’t get put away. It’s just there, waiting for me to attend to it when the time comes around. I used to pride myself on having a clean inbox, on rarely missing timelines, on being two steps ahead. These days, I pride myself on being able to get through a day without losing my sh*&. These days, I pride myself on showing up, messy hair and all. Point is, that these days, self-care looks and feels a lot different.

When Wendy first reached out about contributing to her coaching “thoughts,” I was both flattered and curious. This would be my first experience contributing to a blog and I thought to myself, yes, I can channel some creativity and focus on self-care in honor of Women’s History Month. And then I realized I had left Wendy’s follow up email as marked as unread and ironically, I’m writing this after a really long day and eventful weekend at the very last minute. But I committed to this. I said yes.

As a woman of color who identifies as Latina and is the daughter of Mexican parents who emigrated to this country to WORK, this value has been instilled in me since I can remember. I have clear memories of my parents working multiple jobs and when they weren’t working to get paid, they were working to nurture our family, to clean and maintain our home, or to support extended family. Every Saturday morning we all worked to the sounds of cumbias and rancheras, (folklore genre of music). Given the month we’re in, I’ll focus on my mom. The term self-care was foreign to her and the mujeres that came before her. To take care of oneself would seem selfish, a bit weird, and unrealistic because there’s just no time for that. In my community, we take care of one another, even at the expense of self. Saying “no” is offensive, and boundaries, what are those!?! I learned early on about the value of hard work, family, and community. These are gifts that I know have made me into a good leader, a loving person, and also, a very tired woman. With the help of my therapist, loved ones, podcasts, and books, I’m working on unlearning some of these habits and embracing the “mark as unread” life.

This self-care stuff is a different type of work. It means turning the camera off on Teams and not feeling a type of way about doing so. It means taking a day off here and there, perhaps even intentionally scheduling a medical appointment during the workday. It means wearing soft pants with an elastic band. It also can look like walk and talks, connecting with a loved one, taking five deep breaths, declining a meeting, screaming into a pillow, and just laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. As a woman who leads an affordable housing program and manages a group of unique, complex individuals, it’s often easier for me to care for everyone else but myself because it feels good…until it doesn’t. There are so many stressors that the clients I serve are dealing with, stressors that my colleagues are experiencing, stressors that our society as a collective are dealing with especially in the last two years and I don’t know about you all, but it feels like we are all reaching our tipping point. And I wish I had something profound to say about self-care, and collective healing, and being able to navigate all this as a woman of color in a high-stress profession, but I really don’t. All I can share is that we gotta be easier on ourselves. Love ourselves like we love our clients, the work, the mission, our loved ones. Let’s be OK with leaving some things unread…it’ll still be there when you wake up tomorrow.

Wendy's Note: Angelica Resendez is a proud Bay Area native who has dedicated her life's work to social justice, community engagement, and societal impact. Angelica attributes her commitment to equity, inclusion, and all good things to her mom, who from a young age instilled in Angelica and her sisters the value of challenging the status quo, never forgetting where you come from, and giving back. Currently, Angelica oversees homeownership programming at Habitat for Humanity Greater San Francisco, an organization whose mission impacted Angelica's own family more than 30 years ago. In her free time, Angelica appreciates connecting with loved ones, getting a goodnight's rest, exploring the outdoors, and drinking good coffee. She can be reached at aresendez@habitatgsf.org.
©Wendy C. Horikoshi and Angelica Resendez, 2022, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are some items in your life that can be “marked as unread?” Are any of these tasks or requests that can be left for a while longer so that you can better take care of yourself?

“But there are no new ideas waiting in the wings to save us women, as human. There are only old and forgotten ones, new combinations, extrapolations and recognitions from within ourselves, along with the renewed courage to try them out.” -Adriana Lopez, Latinx Writer


February marks African American Heritage Month. I’ve asked Kad Smith, to write about Black History Month and to share some of his insights. I’ve always appreciated Kad’s analytical and people skills, his deep understanding of young people, as well as his commitment to building community. In pondering Kad’s “thoughts,” I wonder how each of us can use this month to commit ourselves to discover and learn about a more inclusive history of the U.S.

2/2022
Black History Month 2022: Committing to Reflection

As I sat down to write this, I had just finished flipping through the pages of How Europe Underdeveloped Africa, by Walter Rodney, and became familiar with Rodney’s definition of “underdevelopment,” or not “developing” because of the country’s past, which continues to affect the present exploitation, and cements its socio-economic position in a hierarchical manner. Lately, I've been trying to broaden my awareness on the experiences of Black folks across the diaspora. Coincidentally, this month happens to be a symbolic one (within the US, Canada, and UK at least). It is a month that has been dedicated to remembering the histories of Black people. Growing up, I remember loosely how February would begin and I would be inundated with messages about what it has meant to be Black in this country and what it could mean for the future.

More specifically, I recall early childhood experiences where I was introduced to what I would claim to be a white-washed legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King. I now know that he was so much more than the palatable pacifist he's often made out to be. The palatable pacifist pairs neatly with stories of American progress and promise. It wasn't until my early adulthood that I learned of Dr. King's unadulterated legacy. A man who was gravely disliked by the American majority in the months before his passing –– due largely to his harsh criticisms of the war in Vietnam and his commitment to embarking on a poor people's campaign as an anti-capitalist –– had been presented to me year after year, February after February, as only a fraction of himself.

I have come to the conclusion that a great deal of America remains interested in only telling convenient and partial truths of Black History during this month, and during any month for that matter. This includes the Black history of our country and more broadly across the globe. I have accepted that to maintain the balance of things in our current social order, such as a racialized caste or an economic system that is fueled by racialized exploitation, partial truths must be delicately preserved and prophesized. The full truth would too clearly help us understand the roots of injustice, inequity, and inequality. For Black Americans, most of us at some point develop the capacity to decode and dissect the origin of these partial truths as we hope to survive and/or thrive within this country. Thinking back to historic moments as symbolic as the Emancipation Proclamation (and of course, many moments before then) the stories that we are enculturated to remember are riddled with partial truths. There is power to be gained in understanding the fuller truth of our histories, which is why I suspect there is such a concerted effort to deter the majority of the American populace from doing so. You can see that obstructionism playing out in real time today. Look no further than the current debates about "Critical Race Theory" in our educational systems. The bastardization of American History, and this underlying assumption that it should be recorded and consumed as if it were mythology, continues to deprive us of the historical analysis needed to identify a better future.

Regardless, Black History Month is indeed a time for many of us to unapologetically embark on a quest for truth. It is a time for reflection. How did we get here? Where are we hoping to go? I am confident that the spirit of the millions of Black ancestors who fought so hard to contribute to the possibility of a liberated future carries forth when we take the time to be intentional in our acts of remembrance. During this month, I set my intentions on revisiting the teachings of those who have significantly changed the course of my life. George Jackson, James Baldwin, bell hooks, Maya Angelou, Malcolm X, Angela Davis, Afeni and Tupac Shakur, are a few that come to mind. I also set my sights on studying something unfamiliar to me, hence the aforementioned Walter Rodney reading I am currently doing. This is not to say I do this only in February, but it carries a certain weight to it when there is communal energy to do the same across racialized identities.

Most of you reading this will agree with the statement that Black Lives Matter. This is undeniably true. But wrapped within that statement is that Black History Matters. If you take nothing else from what I've shared here, remember that this month presents a unique opportunity to commit yourself to embracing the history that we so desperately need to fully understand, if we want to play a part in changing the circumstances of our present and influencing the conditions that will create the future. Enjoy the learning, leverage the lessons, and keep fighting the good fight y'all.

Wendy's Note: Kad Smith has 14 years of relevant experience that led him to start Twelve26 Solutions. A native of West-Berkeley, CA, he is most passionate about changing the material conditions of BIPOC folks across the country. He spends a significant amount of his time focusing on civic engagement, political education, climate justice, and imagining the bridging of world-views across the globe. Kad worked as a Project Director at CompassPoint Nonprofit Services and is currently on their Teacher Team. Kad can be reached at Kad@twelve26solutions.com, (510) 318-3737.
©Wendy C. Horikoshi and Kad Smith, 2022, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you broaden your awareness of experiences of African Americans?
-What is one partial truth you might explore?
-How will you gain a fuller picture of American history which accurately includes Black experiences?

“We need a moral prophetic minority of all colors who muster the courage to be impatient with evil and patient with people, and the courage to fight for social justice. In many instances we will be stepping out on nothing, hoping to land on something. That’s the history of black folks in the past and present and of those of us who value history and struggle. Our courage rests on a deep democratic vision of a better world that lures us and a blood-drenched hope that sustains us." –Cornel West, Black Scholar

“Yesterday is gone, but we must hold on to its anyway. Its meaning is the sense of our lives. We must be careful not to fictionalize and romanticize our stories. We must look at the beauty and the failures of our history with equal love and understanding." –Walter Mosley, Black Novelist


1/2022
A New Year

Shinnen Omedeto-Happy New Year. Thank you for being my client this past year. Working with you has been a privilege and I am grateful for the opportunity.

I recently took a picture of a group of pelicans on the Alameda Estuary, a few blocks near my house/office. Throughout many days in December and close to time of the Winter Solstice, there were flocks of birds, many different kinds, many that don't usually come in large numbers at the same time. Pelicans, coots, gulls, egrets, sea gulls, ducks and geese surrounded the shoreline in both directions where I generally walk. On December 17, there was a convergence of these birds with many seals. Seals are a rare occurrence here, so I captured them on video. Occasionally a single seal can be spotted, and one needs to watch carefully as it usually bobs up and down through the water and then dives only to surface yards away. This particular day, over the distance of a mile walk in one direction, seals were swimming, with each of them remaining in the same vicinity. Apparently, herons were laying eggs and with the low tide, this resulted in the very special sighting of seals and birds searching for food.

Although the Winter Solstice comes once a year, this particular convergence of marine life does not. I'm hoping that this New Year will bring special and surprising moments in your work and in your personal life. Below are a couple of poems that I thought you might enjoy reading as we begin 2022. One speaks to me about focusing on continual growth and development, allowing oneself to blossom into one's full self. The other poem is an excerpt from Amanda Gorman, Poet Laureate, for the Presidential Inauguration of 2021, which I believe beckons us to collective growth in these difficult and challenging times.

“No Longer Waiting,” -Mary Anne Perrone

I am no longer waiting for a special occasion; I burn the best candles on ordinary days.
I am no longer waiting for the house to be clean; I fill it with people who understand that even dust is Sacred.

I am no longer waiting for everyone to understand me; It’s just not their task.
I am no longer waiting for the perfect children; my children have their own names that burn as brightly as any star.

I am no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop; It already did, and I survived.
I am no longer waiting for the time to be right; the time is always now.

I am no longer waiting for the mate who will complete me; I am grateful to be so warmly, tenderly held.
I am no longer waiting for a quiet moment; my heart can be stilled whenever it is called.

I am no longer waiting for the world to be at peace; I unclench my grasp and breathe peace in and out.
I am no longer waiting to do something great; being awake to carry my grain of sand is enough.

I am no longer waiting to be recognized; I know that I dance in a holy circle.
I am no longer waiting for Forgiveness. I believe, I believe.

Excerpts from "The Hill we Climb," -Amanda Gorman

When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade? ...

We braved the belly of the beast.
We've learned that quiet isn't always the peace, and the norms and notions of what "just" isn't always justice.
And yet, the dawn is ours before we knew it.
Somehow we do it. ...

For there is always light, if only we're brave enough to see it.
If only we're brave enough to be it.

Thank you for sharing me some of your never-ending shade and for bringing light to my life.

Questions to reflect upon:
Within the past month or within the past few days, has your life brought any surprises? What is it like to observe or witness this?
What is one thing that you are grateful for?

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.” -Martin Luther King, Jr


12/2021
Closing of this Second Pandemic Year

“Be True,
Be Beautiful,
Be Free.”
-Debbie Allen in “Turning the Tables with Robin Roberts, 7/28/21

Debbie Allen, famous choreographer, dancer and producer said that this is what her mother always told her. Her mother’s words prepared her to withstand the declarations and mindset of persons who told her to “stay in their lane.” Allen seems to be living her life integrating this philosophy. Her philanthropic Debbie Allen Dance Company teaches young people about dance with the excellence and depth of background she feels is only available in other countries. Her Company not only mentors and guides students in dance and art--it aspires to enrich, inspire and transform their lives.

Allen’s attitude is a powerful notion that supports the premise that how we think about ourselves can greatly influence who we are. In that way it has universal meaning. It can also be inferred from the rest of her talk that as an African American woman, she will always be fighting for freedom. People do not come to the notion of individual freedom in a vacuum. For example, does freedom mean the right to not take the Covid vaccine even though it is a public health issue and affects the health of all other people in the community (and world)? Is freedom the right to demand that our organizations celebrate Christmas, even though many persons do not and may even be discriminated against due to their religion? Is freedom being able to have certain privileges as a result of one’s family, culture, sexual orientation, gender or class? It seems to me that until we understand and respect the many differences in our lives, and hold each individual with equal regard, it is difficult, perhaps impossible, to adequately expect freedom to be accessible for every individual.

In other words, we can’t assume that we all share the same starting point towards the journey to freedom. Perhaps this is one way in which the word, “trauma-informed” can help. I first became familiar with this word, trauma-informed, in working with women who are survivors of domestic violence. Over time, I am beginning to understand how this word can apply to Native people, African Americans, Latinx, Asians and immigrants and other people fleeing war, violence, and natural disasters. It is becoming patently clear how my Black brothers, sisters and siblings are not coming from the same starting point when it comes to running the race of equal opportunity. Even though many persons do not live in a society that provides the same advantages to everyone, they have risen and contribute to our society. Maya Angelou’s words, “I rise,” ring in my ears. Debbie Allen’s mother offered the advice, “Be true, be beautiful, be free,” with the knowledge that her daughter would face discrimination, and that as a Black woman may be told that she was striving too high. It also seems like Allen’s mother was grounding her with tools to be resilient, to focus on a path towards growth and development, while encouraging her to search with integrity for joy and happiness.

I believe that Allen’s mantra is fitting for the journey my clients walk in their coaching engagements. Clients share their strengths and hone their skills, while growing through the challenges they face. For many people of color, women, LGBQTIA, the poor, mentally/physically challenged, and persons who are not afforded opportunities as easily, coaching can help recognize that they don’t have to follow the societal message to “stay in their lanes.” For clients who are advantaged in sometimes “seemingly” obscure ways, culturally-aware coaching can help them understand how societal mindsets affect opportunity, self-confidence, relationships, growth and development in their staff, colleagues and themselves. By naming of the issues that block us, affording opportunities, respecting the history and dignity of each person, culturally-aware coaching can unlock powerful growth and contribution to our community and society. I believe all of my clients leave their coaching engagements hopeful of getting the best out of their teams, remembering the meaning of their work and focused on their priorities and plans they have developed to achieve their goals.

As we close this second Pandemic year, I want to acknowledge the isolation and challenges you may have faced and any losses you’ve experienced the past two years. In our current environment, difficulties may have been amplified. From the bottom of my heart, I thank each of you for sharing your stories with me. You enrich my life! Best to you as you enjoy any of the holidays you observe during this season. I wish you hope, joy and love as we move to a New Year!

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you follow Allen’s mother’s advice to “be true?”
What is beautiful in your life?
What might be a next step for you to “be free?”


Last month we highlighted empowerment to families of domestic violence (DV) and this month I’ve asked a leader in the DV community, Sharon Turner, to share some reflections about her life’s work with social justice, especially in communities of color. I had the privilege of working with her as a coach when she was the President of the Statewide Coalition on Domestic Violence and leader of a DV organization. Her perspectives and wisdom on community-building, dealing with privilege, and her way of making meaning within the socio-political constructs of our lives have profoundly touched me and deepened my understanding of racism and domestic violence in our country. Sharon began creating a pilgrimage to major landmarks of African American history, which is informed by her life experiences of working alongside civil rights activists. The Pandemic shut down further progression of this trip, but if/when she organizes it, I’ll put a word out on this site. (Please feel free to get in contact with Sharon or send message to her through me if you might be interested.)

11/2021
Stringing Together Some Pearls of Belongings

Gratitude to Wendy for this invitation. There were so many times when I felt seen and validated during our coaching partnership. I am partly a coach today because of her influence. Through coaching I have found another way to offer and give to others the gift that was given to me.

Nowadays there seems to be a fair amount of buzz about the word “belonging” and how it applies to our individual and collective lives in this particular moment. Not too long ago I listened to a podcast about belonging and found myself getting more curious about:
• why is belonging showing up now?
• what does belonging have to teach us?
• how is belonging more than membership?

Here are some things that I’ve reflected upon and got from the podcast:
• When I think of the word belonging, words like connection, validation, being seen, community, acknowledgement come to mind.
• Throughout our lives we receive many messages from our families, various communities of which we are a part of, society, and social media about the status of our belonging (e.g., appropriate dress, language, rules of workplace culture, etc.) These messages of our “belonging status” serve to inform us whether we’re in, out and/or on the verge of being out.
• Our lives are shaped by these messages of inclusion or exclusion.
• Policies, laws, organizational practices, etc. are often shaped by who belongs and who doesn’t.
• Belonging is not based on a set of conditions
• Belonging is fundamental to our existence. Each of us has a profound need to belong to be accepted, to be seen no matter what. Belonging is existential. Belonging is our birthright.
• Membership is conditional. Belonging is non-negotiable. We belong.
• Belonging starts with SELF, i.e., comes from within oneself. It requires commitment to be on a journey of discovery and curiosity within yourself. Belonging is affirmation of who you are just as you are. It simply requires accepting the fact that you belong. There is nothing in this moment that you have to do to prove you’re worthy but simply accepting the fact that you belong. In this sense for me, belonging is a radical act of resistance and love for oneself.

Recently I heard a story about a Canadian filmmaker, who this year completed a six-year solo pilgrimage across the Trans Canada Trail, a distance of 16,000 miles spanning from the Pacific Ocean, to the Artic Ocean, to the Atlantic Ocean. As she reflected on her journey, she spoke about really learning that when things were the most fragile, when things fell apart, there was something that awakened inside of herself and that she felt more connected to this web of life than ever. She spoke of the fact that she never really felt lonely on the journey, not just because of the strangers she met, but because she felt a strong sense of connection and being linked to the web of all life forms, including herself.

As I heard the interview, I felt a stirring of affirmation within myself about being connected to this web of life. I realize now that the sensation that was being evoked was about belonging. Those moments in my life where a particular image or bubble that I had about belonging got burst, and an opportunity presented itself for me to belong.

My Story
Towards that end, I’m reminded of a story that I’ve probably told many a time but will tell it again today in the context of belonging, i.e., stringing together my Pearls of Belonging.

Many years ago, I went on a spiritual adventure to Tibet. I still can’t tell you why Tibet of all the places. All I can say about the decision was the thrill of being invited by my colleagues. And I could mark it down as another accomplishment. I now understand that because of who I am/was...i.e., African American, lower economic status, somewhat educated, having worked in many different countries around the world, but still perceiving and acting from a part of myself that says “not as good as” in that moment of asking and accepting I felt seen. I was trying to fit into a larger societal image of success.

Being in that part of the world came as a huge learning curve, not because I hadn’t traveled to several countries outside of the US, (where I actually spent a great majority of adult life until that year outside), but because I really felt like a stranger...and a guest. I was on a steep learning curve learning about Tibetan Buddhism, while learning about the history of its occupation, as well as the customs while learning about customs, and adjusting to being one of three women of color (two African American and one Asian) on the trip. Additionally, I wasn’t a practitioner until that trip. Probably most important, I was trying to fit in...belong to this unique adventurous group of travelers. While there were many mind stopping events that happened, I will share this one story that still serves as major teaching for me.

One of our first stops was in Lhasa. We were staying at the Holiday Inn, Lhasa. After breakfast one morning, I felt the need to get away from the constant chatter of the hotel guests and my fellow travelers, I needed to clear my mind and managed to slip alone outside into the courtyard.

I have always loved to wander into unknown territory and find my way back to where I started. Normally, I would have wandered off to acquaint myself with my new surroundings just to enjoy the thrill and accomplishment of getting lost, and finding my way back. However, our group had been told that we were not to go anywhere outside without a guide. Wanting to be a “good” guest, while simultaneously resisting authority, I tested the boundary and walked slowly at the “edges” of the courtyard.

As I was walking, I happened across a group of three Tibetan Women who were trying to sell turquoise. Out of respect and curiosity I stopped and listened to the women. I didn’t really want to buy anything, but it was a good chance to be with the “real people.” As I was deciding whether or not to purchase a stone, I realized that all three of the women were looking at me and gesturing as if they wanted to touch me. Although I was hesitant, I began to edge forward, thinking they would just touch my arms. I still don’t know how my eyes came to be closed but they were closed. I became aware that the touching had traveled from my arms to my face and I began to feel unsettled as they kept gesturing towards my teeth as if to feel them. A jumble of indescribable emotions ran through me and I could feel my body tighten and begin to move into pounce state while simultaneously having an urge to run, even though my feet were feeling like they were stuck in mud. I didn’t know what to do or say or if to open my eyes. Before I knew it or could stop their touching, I felt all of these hands on my hair. Sure enough, a danger signal went off in my head.

My body was poised for protection from rejection. Perhaps I was in a primal state of warfare. Inside of myself I felt myself shaking my head no...and coming up with excuses for why it felt so strange or spongy. However, no words were escaping my lips as I began to open my eyes in anticipation…

What I was expecting and what I saw was enough to momentarily give me pause because there was a subtle wordless shift in my body. As I slowly opened my eyes expecting to see quizzical looks or judgement or fear, I saw none of that. I saw eyes that were shaped into a knowing smile, I saw three faces gazing softly with pure wonder and dare I say adoration. I didn’t need to have words that said you belong or that you are meant to be here or that you have nothing to prove, or that you’re not a mistake. I just knew that something was different.

I have come to think of that experience as one of liberation and as one of how we’re meant to belong in this delicate web of human and natural systems called life. In that moment of seeing the wonder in the women's eyes, I now believe that I was blessed with an opportunity to simply accept my belonging, not as conditional, not as something I have to do or perform, but as a fact. Belonging starts with me and perhaps later I may do more.

Questions to reflect upon:
How would you define belonging?
What are some of your earliest memories where you knew that you belonged? What were the messages you received? In those moments, how did you know that you belonged?
What are some of the other messages that you received about belonging? How has your life been shaped by those messages?
What messages have you received that said “you don’t or will not belong if you do or don’t these things?” What were the rules that defined membership? How has your life been shaped by those messages?
What are the things that you have left behind so that you could belong?
How can belonging be a liberatory practice?

Note: Sharon Turner is a certified professional coach working with individuals and organizations committed to manifesting justice in communities, the workplace, and individual lives. She currently lives in Oakland, California. For more information see http://sharonlturnerthenextstep.com.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi and Sharon Turner, 2021, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

"One must view the world through the eye in one's heart rather than the eye ie one's head."


10/2021
Empowerment to families of Domestic Violence

I feel fortunate to have coached many leaders serving non-profits who provide shelter, services and support to families of domestic violence. October being Domestic Violence (DV) Awareness month, I wanted to share about the work of a former client who heads up Nurturing Empowerment Worth Safety, (NEWS), Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse Services in Napa as a sample of what many DV services across the nation provide. NEWS brings hope to families in crisis, serving all people: 12% identify as male, 76% as female, 60% as Latinx.* Their first shelter was established in 1981. Seventeen years later they created a larger shelter. As our society began to recognize DV as an issue, the Federal Homelessness Prevention & Rapid Re-Housing Bill of 2009 helped NEWS expand housing and self-sustainability services.

Crisis Services
Domestic Violence staff services tend to be highly skilled in emergencies. After the 2014 earthquake, due to their agility in crisis intervention, Napa Valley Community Foundation funded NEWS as second responders. During the fiscal year 2020-2021 NEWS services increased 28%, which may be a result of increased need during the Pandemic but also the Napa Police changing their protocols. Like many of the DV shelters, NEWS strives to work closely with police to help survivors utilize DV services. DV services often provide the police with trauma aware education, training and protocols to help gain the trust of survivors and ways in which they can treat victims with dignity and respect.

Prevention
“One in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to the violence,” writes Elizabeth Alfaro, NEWS, Kids Exposed to Trauma. NEWS focuses on sexual violence prevention, trying to teach the root causes of sexual violence and breaking the cycle of violence.
In 2018, NEWS opened Miner House, a modular unit to serve male and LGBTQ victims. NEWS and other DV services throughout the country focus on children and education by fostering wellness in children exposed to trauma.

“Unhealthy relationships impart the mental health of a student and this ultimate reflects in their ability to thrive in different areas of their lives,” writes Roxanna Plancato, School Social Worker, Wellness Program, Napa Unified School District. Boys and girls are provided education and support through NEWS outreach and prevention programs. I also remember learning about a program led by a different coaching client that served high school boys, helping them become leaders while promoting safe, respectful and responsible behavior. This seems like a highly effective strategy for changing the culture, as males are more often than not the perpetrators of sexual violence.

Empowerment
NEWS Housing Assistant Property Manager Michelle Sanchez, tell us that “The most meaningful thing you can do for a struggling family is to help stabilize their housing. It’s hard to work or take care of children or pay their rent when you don’t have stable housing.” Providing housing, safety, community, training and skills can be very empowering. One DV shelter I know runs a café as a non-profit business so that individuals learn skills which help with employment and employability.

Creativity and Leadership
In the strained economic times we are living, all non-profits are struggling to get their stories out there and to have stable funding for the important work they are doing. This takes creativity and leadership, as well as stamina and passion. As I review Napa NEWS Annual Report, it is clear to me that they are exercising all of these qualities. Their partnership with the schools, the police, their clients, the community and their funders all point to a dream which the community is embracing together. I want to mention their fundraising campaign: “$40 for 40 years,” which seems catchy and future-oriented. I commend Napa NEWS and all of the DV organizations in our communities for their work in delivering services to keep people safe, extending a life-line and teaching us how to be more compassionate and caring. We owe them a debt of gratitude. I hope you will consider supporting and donating to local DV services, especially during this month.

Culturally-Aware Services
I worked as a leadership coach for the Executive Director of NEWS several years ago. At that time, Tracy, a white woman, used her grant money from her leadership program to engage in an intensive language program living in Mexico because of Napa’s a large Latinx population. She wanted the total immersion experience to learn more about the culture. Before she went to Mexico, she practiced speaking during coffee and lunch breaks to Latinx staff members and to her delight, discovered things about them that she would have never known. She felt privileged that they would chat together and share their life stories. Tracy would share with me candidly; about the work she was doing in ethnic affinity groups during diversity trainings and how it was hard work, yet necessary to come to terms with her white privilege, white mindset and how these issues are embedded within our institutions.

When I spoke briefly with Tracy last week inquiring about diversity and equity issues, she responded, “We have more to do.” In Napa County where about 35% of the population is Latinx, about 80% of NEWS staff, two-thirds of the program managers are Latinx, however, among the four program directors, none are Latinx. All of NEW’ services, literature, website info and communication are available in Spanish. NEWS has some Latinx Board Members, including the Napa County Sheriff.

Tracy’s response of having more to do, can be a reminder of how much more we have to do to create services that are safe, accessible and culturally-responsive. NEWS’ commitment to providing trauma-informed services is extremely important, especially in times of crisis. Taking into consideration all our differences of class, color, gender, sexual orientation, and mental or physical ability is a continual journey, and we must be vigilant to help keep the advancements that have been made.

Tracy and Alejandra Mendieta-Bedolla, the Crisis Intervention Manager, share that in dealing with domestic violence there is no easy answer. Going to the police or going to a shelter isn’t going to take care of everything. Some persons call NEWS and ask why someone won’t know leave an abusive situation. For many individuals, issues of finance, health, relationship and age all factor in to their decision-making and it may sometimes take years for persons to take action. Fear can lead to isolation, yet the prospect of leaving can also amplify the thought of losing connection and social support. Alejandra has heard victims say they adore the husband’s parents and that they are wonderful people. It breaks their heart to be responsible for putting their partner’s child in jail, negatively affecting the husband’s entire family. Breaking emotional ties can be extremely difficult. Leaving a stranger is one thing, but the victim knows one’s partner for many other qualities. NEWS’ website has a specific area on their website that addresses questions about abuse. If you or someone you care about needs help or want to talk with someone, call the National Hotline, 1 800-799-SAFE (7233).

Questions to reflect upon:
Why might it be hard for someone to leave an abusive relationship? What might you say or do to help a person in crisis?
Have you ever been in a difficult situation? What helped you resolve it? Have you had to make a difficult decision that you knew was a right one that helped you commit to making a change?

*Most of this information from this blog comes from Napa NEWS’ Annual Report 2020-21, available on their website. Thank you to Alejandra Mendieta-Bedolla for developing he questions to reflect upon and to both Alejandra and Tracy for sharing information and wisdom.

“The work of sexual violence prevention education is important because of the way it challenges pervasive myths and educates people about the root causes of sexual violence in order to promote culture change. They also help create environments where victims feel comfortable accessing resources and help without judgement and blame.” - Coach Baile, Sexual Assault Services with NEWS


I am very happy to present this month’s guest writer, Adriana Diaz, who has written about Hispanic Heritage Month. Adriana, a colleague from Prism, a culturally-aware coaching collective, shares “thoughts” on being Latina. Her words paint her rich cultural legacy and includes the story of how the Spanish first entered the Americas, connecting us with our Latinx, Raza, Hispanic heritage.

9/2021
La Raza/Hispanic Heritage Month: What We Are and Who We Are

I’m a little envious of children growing up in a time when a month is set aside nationally to celebrate our race and our culture, even though we can’t seem to agree on what to call ourselves. Actually, that speaks to the great diversity within us-- all the colors and facets of our culture.

Where I grew up, I would say probably 85% of the local population was some form (Hispanic, Latino, Chicano) of our Raza. In fact, when the term, La Raza came to the foreground, I felt very proud that we had one word to unite us. To me the term Raza holds us together better than any of the more currently acceptable terms, which more frequently divide us. I consider us all part of the human race, nevertheless, the Spanish word Raza, meaning race, in my mind, speaks to an ancient and molecular essence that holds us together.

There’s a lot of ignorance and misinformation about those Spanish-speaking guys that came to the Western Hemisphere for the first time. In school we were taught that they were Europeans. They did fly the Spanish flag, so they are not incorrectly labeled as Spaniards, but they should not be defined as European Spaniards, nor thought of as the European Spaniards of today. The Spaniards that first came to the Americas were already a very diverse people, not much aware of Europe or its cultures. Many races and tribes of people had crossed and cultivated Iberia, that which became Spain and Portugal. It’s enormously important to know that from the year 711 until 1492, all of Iberia was an Islamic country called Al Andaluz. The southernmost region of Spain is still called Andalucía.

The year 1492, is the marker for Catholic victory over the last Islamic stronghold in the land mass that eventually became unified Spain, and it was the year that the victorious Catholic queen, Isabella, sent the first “conquistador” to claim even more territory and people for the Roman Catholic Church. Remember, they didn’t know they’d find gold, but they were pretty sure they’d find people. Even the first people that Columbus met did not have a lot of gold. Spaniards came to the western hemisphere as much to make a conquest for Roman Catholicism as for their flag. In those little ships they brought all of their diverse biology and cultures: their musical instruments, their swarthy complexions, their language, their animals, and even their physical characteristics. The fact that they intermarried with native people was also a continuation of what had already happened in Spain for centuries. This is something that did not happen with Northern European exploration in North America.

When I think of the “conquests” of Latin America, I never think of white people coming to the Americas for gold. Spaniards were a multi-racial people determined to proselytize, and create Catholics. Catholicism was the dominating force behind the conquest of Iberia, and the Americas. By the time of Spanish conquest in the Americas, thousands of Jews, Muslims, and others had already been tortured and burned in Spain for the sake of Roman Catholicism. Not many people realize that the Spanish Inquisition began in 1478 and it didn’t end until 1834.

If you are one of us, La Raza, you probably cannot know all the genetics of your being. I have a strange personal experience: I was raised Roman Catholic. But for some weird reason, I always felt Jewish. And through my life, without realizing it, many of my friends have been Jewish. I always have felt comfortable with Jewish people. For a long time, I didn’t know that many Jews had come in the Conquistadors’ little boats, escaping the Inquisition. Pockets of Jews across the Americas have been celebrating their religion beneath the veneer of Roman Catholicism since 1492. A couple of years ago through 23 and Me I received correspondence from a third cousin in Germany who is a practicing Orthodox Jew. He has taught me a good deal about our heritage dating back to Christ.

History seems so poorly taught in American schools, that I have had to put together this understanding about the New World over years of personal study. My research about the Islamic presence in the history and culture of Spain was triggered by the many times I’ve been mistaken as a Middle Eastern person, by Middle Easterners. My maternal family is from Andalucía. I’ve also been taken for Mexican and Argentine. Let’s face it, when “Hispanics” (I’m choosing one term for simplicity) are out in the general public, no one knows if we are Peruvian, Mexican, Cuban, Spanish, or Tunisian. Our beautiful diaspora is a tea that began steeping hundred of years ago. My skin color, the shape of my nose, my brown eyes and hair are evidence of that. And if you look at the now visible faces of La Raza in public life you see that the tea is still steeping.

What is America celebrating during Hispanic Heritage month? I doubt that most Americans know. I fear that Americans who have no personal sense of cultural or racial heritage file all designated celebrations under “Political Correctness”. To them, all the televised history and the reclaiming of courageous individuals is not interesting enough to watch, it may be considered for “Hispanics” or “the others.” The most important thing is that we know such programs can increase our understanding and the understanding of everyone. Whether we call ourselves Hispanic, Latino, Latinx, Chicano, or Raza we are learning that we are a glorious amalgamation of cultures, and that our people have contributed immensely to the world. Recently I watched a program on Public Television about an Indian musician who had approached a Spanish musician hoping to bring the two cultures together. They both recognized that the Romani people who brought Flamenco north to Iberia came from India. The music these two musicians are making together now is a beautiful cross-fertilization, a blending of rhythms and sounds that obviously have common roots.

I think Hispanic Heritage month is essentially a challenge, a way to push back against to the racism and discrimination the Raza has suffered and continues to endure in these post-modern times. I can’t imagine that there’s a single one of us that hasn’t felt the sting of it at some point.

As a child, I spent a lot of time with my paternal grandparents who were from Extremadura (Spanish province between Madrid and Portugal). I treasure my memories of them. Both my grandfathers spoke some English, my grandmothers did not. As if the language barrier were not enough, my paternal grandmother was profoundly deaf. We had to speak up for her, so the fact that we were Spanish-speakers was evident wherever we went. I must have been aware that people sometimes looked at us as we traveled on road trips every summer. I always presumed that we were admired, because to me my grandparents were amazing and courageous people. They left Spain as “indentured servants” and was actually called “bondage”. They sailed from Spain to Hawaii to work on sugar cane plantations in Hawaii. What great fortune, I thought, that these are my grandparents, and we speak Spanish as well as English. I felt sorry for people who didn’t speak Spanish. It seemed such a hardship.

I was lucky alright, but not exactly in the ways I thought. The pride I developed because of my grandparents became my fortress against epithets and hateful glances intended to diminish me and what I am. Some of those came even after Hispanic Heritage Month was declared, so I guess we still have work to do.

I began this piece by saying that I’m envious of young people growing up in a time when there is a national month designated for our culture. I’m not envious because I think children won’t hear epithets or insults, but because as a nation, we now have a month to bring us together and empower us in pushing against bigotry. We have a month to help us share a growing national consciousness and a greater sense of solidarity despite or because of the broad colors and textures of our diaspora.

My childhood experiences taught me a sense of pride in what I am before I even knew I needed to have pride in who I am. Multiple messages about modesty, consideration, respect for others, often teach us to put ourselves last, especially for girls. If we are honest, we know that our culture teaches girls to mother everyone and minimize personal physical, psychological and intellectual needs. Personal pride is something all children need to learn. For girls, striving for unconditional women’s dignity is often a campaign across cultural movements. For women, it’s often easier to stand up and speak out for our people than to stand up and speak out for ourselves. Women, especially, have a hard time with this. I’ve had to work on it all my life, in work and in personal situations.

Mine has been a life in the arts. I am a visual artist (a painter) and a writer. I became a life coach in 2000, and I marveled at how the tools I was learning in training were useful to my own process of individuation. I had already written a book about creativity (Freeing the Creative Spirit, HarperSan Francisco) but, having written such a guide for readers didn’t mean I had all the answers about the odyssey of my personal creative process.

Studying Art History, I felt proud to learn that some of the greatest painters in western art, were Spanish: Velazquez, Goya, Picasso, Tàpies (a Catalán). In my opinion Goya’s painting “The Third of May” is the first “third world” painting. That term has since been disused, but it is significant that in 1814 Goya opened the door for protest painting, a form of painting that still speaks for culturally or racially subjugated peoples around the world. The Third of May subject has become a tradition in Latin American art. In The Third of May, Goya illustrated the way institutions use their armies to torture, kill, and control their people with one of the most powerful and memorable images in western art.

I wish I could say that Goya’s genius somehow feeds my own painting. Intellectually and aesthetically, it is part of the foundation; energetically, it serves to push my brush. I suffer from always wanting more from my subconscious mind. I try to open the not conscious dimensions of being, to make that region available to my pencil, crayon, and brush. It is a region beyond what we know about ourselves, where the chemistry of “conquistadors” mixes with the dreams of a twenty-first century woman, and this ego--I hope to stand out of the way.

*Hispanic Heritage Month is September 15-October 15.

Wendy's Note: Adriana Díaz is an author, teacher, visual artist, and certified life coach living in Oakland, California. Art has prepared her to be a life coach-- creating art can provide perspective and, like life, challenges us to grow and change to accomplish what makes us happy. Adriana’s first book Freeing the Creative Spirit has influenced the lives of artists around the globe; her more recently released novel, Tango Lessons is a suspenseful tale that takes place in Buenos Aires, Argentina. To see some of Adriana’s art go to the ACCI Gallery in Berkeley or go to https://Pinterest.com, search: Abstract Art – Adriana Diaz.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi and Adriana Diaz, 2021, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Question to reflect upon:
Thinking back over your life and the evolution of who you are, how did cultural or racial identity connect or counteract with your personal identity? What kind of fusion has occurred, and who are you now?

“ ...it is not surprising that our debate with Spain should have been, and continues to be, so intense. For it is a debate with ourselves. And if out of our arguments with others we make politics, advised W. B. Yeats, out of our arguments with ourselves we make poetry. It is not always a well-rhymed or edifying poetry, but rather, at times an early dramatic, self-critical, even negative lyricism, as dark as a Goya engraving or as compassionately cruel as a Buñuel image.” The Buried Mirror, Carlos Fuentes, Mexican writer


I want to open this "thoughts" with a shout-out to Sunisa Lee, first Hmong American to medal in the Olympics, where she won a gold, silver and bronze in gymnastics. This year's Games continue to be protested for many reasons by the Japanese people, including the health dangers of Covid-19 and the economic expense that could go to many other critical issues. Amidst the challenges for all of the athletes these two past years, it has been inspiring to watch Sunisa bring pride to the Hmong community. This month, Jamie Ramola, specialist in diversity, equity and women's rights, joins us as a guest writer. I think her story underscores how when one stands up against inequality, there is often a price to pay.

8/2021
The Drumbeat of Equity

I was recently named in a Boston Globe article as “orchestrating” the “drumbeat of dissent.” The article was supposed to be an expose about the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) unrest at my (former) nonprofit that led to the executive director’s departure. It turned out to be a “nothing burger” - a term coined by a former colleague’s mom - where so many opposing views were brought to light, that it diluted the key issue of racism into a “she said, they said” quagmire.

"The 'Problem' Woman of Colour in the Workplace" cycle held true, again. People of Color (POC) are sought after, intentionally recruited, have a (short) honeymoon phase, and then the second we start to engage in Diversity, Equity and Inclusion DEI, work, BOOM goes the cannon and the clock starts ticking down the days we have left before we resign or get fired. I truly, and I mean truly, believed this time would be different. This organization had social change as a mission and social justice as a value. I was brutally honest in each interview about how important DEI work was and that as an executive member I would be centering equity in both the leadership of my department as well as in senior leadership meetings. I thought there was no way that I would get blindsided yet again by tokenizing, gaslighting, and white supremacy culture behaviors and actions.

Keep in mind that I worked for this company for less than two years. Although I had not been with the company long, it was apparent from day one (literally day one) that there were significant issues at the senior level around DEI. Since this was not my first rodeo, I started documenting all the microaggressions I witnessed or heard about immediately. This, and news that the executive director discussed firing me with one of my peers while I was out on medical leave after three months of work, led to me file a racial discrimination and retaliation grievance as well as a separate letter begging the board to intervene.

One rogue board member responded to my letter agreeing that the organization has had a long-standing issue with white supremacy culture and hoped that things would change with me naming it outright. The official board response was to hire an international law firm that represents management, exclusively. Shockingly (heavy sarcasm) the investigator sided with the Executive Director - and did so again three more times as three additional staff filed grievances for similar reasons. All four of us are no longer employees. Close to twenty staff have left since my departure in May - nearly half the organization in two months.

And yet, I am the one named as orchestrating dissent. This language is so powerful and dramatic. I have visions of myself meeting with people under the cover of darkness, plotting moves and countermoves, when in reality, I am the type of person who eats dinner at 5:30 pm, goes to bed at 8 pm, and does not get to see anything cool on Netflix because PBS kids is ALWAYS ON. Did I mention I am trying to sleep train a baby? I am, unsuccessfully.

After my fruitless attempts to create change, I experienced the official Time-For-You-To-Leave treatment. Everything I did was suddenly wrong. I was told I was inept and didn’t know my role, my job, or even how to prioritize my work anymore. The end had come.

I resigned. I gave the customary four weeks’ notice. In an unsurprising move, I was cut off of my work email three days later and told that I would get paid the remaining four weeks but that my services were no longer needed at the organization. Four other staff resigned that same week but all of them were allowed to keep working until their final day.

After my last day, a black woman who had defended me in an all-staff email was fired. This galvanized the staff. Thirty-two out of forty-seven staff filed a “vote of no confidence” letter demanding the resignation of the executive director. (I was not working when this took place. Honestly, I wish I had thought of it. Someone else was better at orchestrating dissent than I.) The executive director then “retired” giving three weeks' notice. She was allowed to continue to work her final weeks.

Racism is alive and well in nonprofits, even “radical” ones. I do not harbor ill will toward the ED (okay, maybe a little). It is it is clear this is a systemic issue, particularly in nonprofits. The former ED did not work alone. She was not able to cause the harm she did without allies and support and people willing to turn a blind eye. She was just a cog (albeit a powerful one) in the wheel of white supremacy culture. The board continues to state their unwavering commitment and dedication to DEI by hiring the fourth DEI consultant in less than two years to turn everything around. No one seemed to bat an eyelash when only white board members were on the DEI hiring committee.

With the Jan 6th racist and violent attacks finally being investigated, it’s easy to point and say, "What those people did was wrong." It is MUCH harder to understand the subtlety of racism at nonprofits. Advocating for DEI change as a POC can feel almost futile - rolling the proverbial boulder up a mountain type of impossible. White supremacy culture does not smash in your window or leave you with bruises, but it can feel just as terrorizing over a long period of time. It makes you question yourself, your reality, your mental health. It is anxiety-inducing and can cause actual physical pain, including PTSD.

While interviewing for a job, the article came up. I did not deny that that particular quote was referencing me. To my surprise, I was told that I should put the article in my cover letter and wear it like a badge of honor. I can tell you with all humility that being unemployed at 40+ with young kids, a mortgage, and car payments, does not feel like a win. I do not regret being vocal and advocating for myself and others, but it is a lonely and fraught place to be.

If I could re-write that article, I would share that I am no one special. What happened to me has happened and continues to happen regularly to POC staff who have the audacity to try to move DEI work from concept to action. I would share that DEI consultants are not going to save you. That they can often be used as a shield for more white supremacy culture. That formal channels of advocacy like grievances can actually uphold racist behaviors because they serve to protect those in power, who, at least in Boston, happen to almost always be white (senior leadership and board chairs). My former colleague said it best when she wrote to the executive director about her ineptitude in leading DEI work, “Do better, or leave.” I am looking at you, nonprofit board members, and senior leaders who say you are deeply committed to DEI. If you are the constant in an organization struggling to truly embrace DEI, then you should indeed, do better, or leave.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you concretely identify how you have supported staff of color? How? Would staff of color identify you as an ally?
Are you involved with Diversity, Equity and Inclusion efforts at your workplace? Does your organization have equity initiatives? If yes, how have you contributed to actionable change?
How will you ensure your DEI efforts, both individual and/or systemic, live beyond a DEI consultant or a lone staff member with a DEI title?

Note: Jamie is a transracial Korean adoptee and has 20 years of experience training and leading change in a variety of settings. She has worked in nonprofits across the US including rape crisis agencies in Minneapolis and Boston, running training and events teams for national organizations including uAspire and YouthBuild USA, and delivering state-wide training for the MA Office of Victim Assistance and the Asian Taskforce Against Domestic Violence. She has taught English in South Korea and worked for San Diego State University and Cirque du Soleil in California. Colleagues describe her as high energy, supportive, strategic, and passionate about equity. Whether it’s a global pandemic or not, she can be found going on many family nature hikes, eating Korean BBQ, and smack-talking during card games.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi & Jamie Ramola, 2021, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

“The fact that we are here and that I speak not these words is an attempt to break that silence and bridge some of the differences between us, for it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken.” -Audre Lorde, Black Writer


7/21
Continual Growth of our Nation

I am a leadership coach/trainer and my area of focus is learning and development, with an emphasis on transformation and equity. Having just celebrated Independence Day, I believe that collectively as a society, we are tasked with the dream of striving towards “a more perfect union,” as cited in the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution in 1787. During this holiday, I think of words from the Declaration of Independence, adopted in 1776 by the Second Continental Congress, “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Since the birth of our country, the word, “Men,” has been interpreted by courts and Congress, to encompass all people, whether it be women, persons from other shores besides European countries, native peoples, persons forcibly brought here as slaves, gay, straight and transgender people, as well as persons with mental and physical challenges. This is a dynamic, changing process, which does not grow without challenges. Just as the Statue of Liberty beckons people to our shores, the principles of liberty and justice beckon us. Lin Manuel demonstrates in his Broadway musical, “Hamilton,” with persons of diverse backgrounds playing characters from our country’s history, and this story represents the diversity that has always existed in this country. “Hamilton” carves out a fresh new way of understanding “self-evident truths.”

If we review how post-Civil War Jim Crow laws sprang up to keep former slaves from working for compensation, owning land, living as neighbors with White people, shopping and going to school in our communities, today, many rules and prevailing power systems seem to be counterattacking the self-evident truths that all people are created equal. After electing an African American president, we experienced the backlash through the selection of a racist white leader. With Black Lives Movement mobilizing the voice of racial inequity and our country experiencing the highest voter turn-out with record highs of African Americans voting for 2020 elections, we also watched in horror how many citizens stormed the Capitol on the day Congress was certifying the election of President Biden and Vice President Harris. Indeed, we seem to be reliving the Jim Crow era, accompanied by continued legislative sanctions by individual states to limit voting rights. There is increased violence and hate crimes perpetuated against Asians, continued detention of immigrant children, construction of pipelines through Native territories and continued violence, death and curtailment of civil liberties, which heightens the trauma for people of color. Are we at a turning point where we, as a society, will move towards a more perfect union of self-evident truths, or will we close our eyes to the disparities in our communities that wish to keep the same power structures in place that disadvantage BIPOC and the poor? Are we willing to examine our economic systems, even if it means that we can’t hang on to privileges that we may have to share in order to promote equal opportunity for all people?

I’m realizing that I can celebrate the Fourth of July, with my eyes upon the vision of a more perfect union, as declared in the Preamble of the Constitution. Although many social justice advocates are driven by this vision every day of their lives, perhaps this day is a special one in that can propel and motivate us towards the healing, growth and transformation of that dream of a more perfect union. Hope you enjoyed the holiday and that throughout this month ponder, how can we individually and as a nation promote self-evident truths of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for all people in our communities and country.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you have certain traditions for the Fourth of July? How might they embody the vision to create a more perfect nation?
As a leader, how can you grow to be a more accepting and inclusive person who strives to bring out the best in other people?

“Maybe it was impossible to disentangle one’s motives. I recalled a sermon by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., called ‘The Drum Major Instinct.’ In it, he talks about how, deep down, we all want to be first, celebrated for our greatness; we all want ‘to lead the parade.’ He goes on to point out that such selfish impulses can be reconciled by aligning that quest for greatness with more selfless aims. You can strive to be first in service, first in love. For me, it seemed a satisfying way to square the circle when it came to one’s baser and higher instincts. Except now I was also confronting the obvious fact that the sacrifices were never mine alone Family got dragged along for the ride, put in the line of fire. Dr. King’s cause, and his gifts, might have justified such a sacrifice. But could mine?" -Barack Obama, A Promised Land, p. 71


6/2021
June is Gay Pride Month and I’ve asked Kira Salde-Azzam, a community leader and organizer, to write this month’s “thoughts.” I really appreciate Kira’s reflections which help us understand differences that we do not live.

Reflections on Ancestral Wisdom and Healing from the Internal Struggle of Being "Different"

After listening to Robert Kikuchi-Yngojo’s song, "Different Picture," (shared in Wendy’s “thoughts” last month,) I resonated deeply with this idea of people having questioned “what I am” from a very young age. This questioning has often shaped the way that I navigate and negotiate spaces that I’m in. My parents taught us from a young age that my brothers and I are mixed race and that we are Filipino-American and White. It wasn’t until 9/11/2001, when the World Trade Center was attacked and the U.S. went to war that I began to learn about my Palestinian history. My paternal grandfather, whom had passed in 1997, was Palestinian-American, from Jerusalem. And because my last name was Azzam, people started teasing me and calling me names at my high school. This was the first time I remember feeling ashamed for being different. On my maternal side, our family was fisherfolk and farmers in the Philippines and came to California by way of C&H Sugar Company in Hawaii in the late 1940’s. Both sides of my family kept from teaching their children, my parents, their own languages, as they worked to assimilate into U.S. society and culture. I have often felt ashamed that I don’t know the languages that they spoke or know how to cook their traditional dishes. This separation from culture has made me question myself, even asking myself “what I am,” and to where I belong.

As I have yearned to learn more about my own history, I have come to learn about the struggle for justice and liberation in the countries of my familial origin. And I have come to learn of many countries who struggle against the exploitation of land and people because of U.S. Imperialism. As a person now living in diaspora, because of the forced migration of my Filipino family due to harsh economic conditions and the forced migration of my Palestinian family because of genocide happening in Palestine, I know what privilege I have in the U.S. and also what responsibility I have. Part of responsibility is to raise my child, and hopefully future children to know our heritage and teach them to be critical thinkers and hopeful believers in a different kind of society.

My partner and I have been together for almost 12 years and we are co-parenting to raise our mixed-race child, who is now 3 years old. Though we both come from different ethnic backgrounds, my partner’s being Chinese and Filipino and myself Filipino, Palestinian, and white, we both have searched to understand history by traveling to the places where our families come from. For myself, I have romanticized many times, the familiar smells of food cooking, the familiar sounds of the language, the familiar faces to my eyes. But there is also a shared heartache and pain of feeling as though there is no land that you belong to. And so I think about “what I am, who I am, where I am.”

I have found the ocean to be the great connector. Mama Ocean is where I sometimes tell my family I’m going when I need some healing space or somewhere to connect back to self, or feel connected to ancestors and earth and spirit.

I feel the presence of our ancestors with us as we walk throughout this life together. And although times are changing, and we are moving towards hearing and seeing more people of color in mainstream media, I can also say that as queer people and queer parents, it sometimes feels like we’re overwhelmed by all of images of nuclear white families. Now having watched many Children and Family Movies, it is glaringly obviously that there are so many that have only white families with a mom, dad and 1-3 children. We see this image of family in our stores, in the media, and even walking down our street. Of course, our daughter is going to then play with her dolls and give everyone a Mom and a Dad. To her, our family is the exception. Even of our organizer friends that are growing their families and having kiddos, there are so many straight couples and households that look similar, but not quite like ours. Even the support for my partner, as the non-birthing parent has been hard to find - not because our community doesn’t love and embrace her, but I think because folks don’t think of inviting her into their “Papa’s groups” because well, she’s not a “papa.” We are also among the first of our queer friends to have a child. So, there was limited information available to us about what our options are and what’s safe for us which caused us to have years of conversation, research, and planning before we even tried to have a baby. And then we have to take into consideration the fact there are so few Asian American donors in sperm bank registries, and we only had two choices of Filipino donors to choose from. It seems lucky, or maybe divine timing that we were grateful and excited about the donor we chose. All this is to say that we still have a long way to go as a society. Queer families are under-represented in media and information about queer family building is not easily accessible.

As a queer family, we have also experienced times with our physicians that have been both humiliating and traumatizing, during this process. This led us to choose a home birth for our daughter. We worked with a midwife, who provided the knowledge and medical support that we needed, and she upheld our rights as parents.

Somehow, having a home birth helped me to feel more empowered and more connected to my ancestors, and in particular, my mother figures, including Mama Ocean. When I think of myself as a mother, I hope that my daughter knows that she was raised collectively, and that she is a product of hundreds of years of resilience and strength. I hope that she knows that what she is, is beloved and that just by existing she is a symbol of hope and of resilience. I believe that my feeling of difference has given me opportunity to be with those who also straddle the margins, who swim in the seas of diaspora, and that maybe this labeling of “difference” is really a connection to our internal wisdom, our internal divine spirit.

Wendy's Note: Kira Salde-Azzam is a third generation Filipina-Palestinian-American from Los Angeles, California. She moved to San Francisco to pursue an undergraduate degree and graduated from San Francisco State University in 2009. She has worked as the Community Organizer of the Palestine Program at Buena Vista United Methodist Church in Alameda. She also staffed the Friends of Wadi Foquin, an organization in partnership with the village of Wadi Foquin, located in the Occupied West Bank, Palestine and the Stories of Palestinian Diaspora, documenting the lives of Palestinians living in the SF Bay Area, and their journey from Palestine. Kira currently works with the CA-NV Philippine Solidarity Task Force and the Northern California National Ecumenical Forum for Filipino Concerns (NEFFCON NorCal), both organizations committed to human rights in the Philippines.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi & Kira Salde-Azzam, 2021, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Question to reflect upon:
In what ways have you experienced difference and how might it push you to, or how has it pushed you to recognize injustice in our society?
How can recognizing these differences help you to be a better leader?

“We should indeed keep calm in the face of difference, and live our lives in a state of inclusion and wonder at the diversity of humanity.” -George Takei, Asian Actor, Writer, Gay and Community Activist

“There are so few truth-speaking traditions in this society in which the myth of ‘Western civilization’ has claimed the allegiance of so many. We have rarely been encouraged and equipped to appreciate the fact that the truth works, that is releases the Spirit and that it is a joyous thing.” -Toni Cade Bambara, Black Writer Activist

“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” – James Baldwin, Black writer, Civil Rights and Gay Liberation Leader


5/2021
Our Family Portrait

My husband, Peter, and I were singing the song, “Different Picture” by Robert Kikuchi-Yngojo from the CD, “Yokohama, California,” ©1977, which was first circulated as a record album in 1977, https://youtu.be/O2sDDDZegPM. Robert and Peter were bandmates in this group. Last week we offered the song to celebrate Asian Pacific Islander Heritage Month and to speak up and against the racial hatred against Asians in America that has ramped up this past year. Not only does the song point out racial injustices and stereotypes that have been occurring throughout our country’s history, but reveals how interwoven racialized thinking is embedded within everyday life. It doesn’t take much for racism to rear its ugly head. As I was reviewing the words, I began to understand the meaning of the words, not only for us as Asians in contemporary times, but also in the racial history of BIPOC communities. How we see things, the images that are painted in our minds and that we project out to the world, have great impact and influence. Leadership in our world requires understanding differences and doing our own work to learning how differences affect equal access and opportunity.

Verse 1
Can you tell me who I am as if I didn’t know.
You have tried to paint my portrait but the truth you failed to show.
Just what image do you conjure when you look at me?
Do the memories of Charlie Chan make you doubt I’m American?

The first three lines of Verse 1 apply to all BIPOC people. The stories of Native people, Asian Americans, Latinx, African Americans are rarely told, and up until recently, they were narrated from a white perspective about how “other” people affected what was considered the “normal” or European way of life. In an “Unlearning Prejudice” workshop I was leading, I remember being told by a participant that when she came from her country to the San Francisco Bay Area on an exchange program, she was warned to be wary of Blacks and the Black areas of town. She believed that this orientation reinforced that they all needed to fear Black people.

The last line of Verse 1 refers to Charlie Chan, which is a character in a series of murder books and movies. These stories followed a Chinese detective who worked as a Honolulu police officer, and was a “good” person as opposed to the few Asian characters in other movies who were always the villains. Charlie Chan embodied the “model minority,” of the hard-working, subservient Asian. The model minority was used to contrast other minorities as lazy, unintelligent and violent. This myth is dangerous and harmful for Asians, as well, because it generalized that all Asians are high-achieving, universally successful and don’t complain. Charlie Chan spoke broken English and was portrayed by a white man in “yellowface.” Even in recent years, there have been white actors who play Asian characters, not recognizing when the portrayal is a stereotype and unthinking about the few roles available for Asian actors.

Verse 2
Well, I’m not surprised that you don’t know from which land my ancestors came.
Was it the Philippines or maybe Japan?
You give me that line that we all look the same.
You have painted a different picture; it doesn’t look a thing like me.
Then you flashed it all through the media, so the only thing they will see,
Is a lousy yellow slanted eyed fellow on your color T.V.

The second, third and last lines of Verse 2 give us deeper meaning of what it is to be Asian American. Being Asian does not connote being from a specific country. There are many similarities in Asian cultures, but not the same history, foods, music, and perhaps most importantly, not the same languages. Unfortunately, many of the shared aspects in this country are how Asian Americans have endured similar discrimination and racism. Since the Asian American movement in the 70’s, identifying as a collective group of people has been important to gaining a voice in our society. Especially in the past few years, there is better representation of Asians on T.V and movies. And yet, stereotypes of Asians abound and there are many Asians with lack of and limited access to food, housing, health and education. Robert Kikuchi-Yngojo is clever in the line “lousy yellow slant-eyed fellow on your color T.V.” Robert, Peter and I grew up in a time where the technology of black and white T.V. changed to color. Just being able to see different colors does not provide an authentic image of Asians. I believe that stereotyping of BIPOC will only be dismantled when all of our histories are shared and when stories about BIPOC are written by BIPOC persons and viewed by the larger population.

The first, fourth and fifth lines of Verse 2 are appropriate for all BIPOC. Growing up, we were not taught multicultural history. This country broke down the social institution of family for people of color. Our country brought slaves, deliberately separating African American parents from their children and husbands from their wives in order to minimize connection and social support. During the previous administration, immigrant children from Latin America, were purposely separated and jailed apart from their parents and families. Native Americans were forced from their homelands and Native children removed to boarding schools where they were punished for speaking their language(s). This stripping of one’s culture, language and religion also applied to Latinx immigrants, African and Asian Americans. White dominant “culture” tended to erase the knowledge of “which land my ancestors came” in order for white people to maintain control and power, (which Isabel Wilkerson identifies in her book of Caste.)

Bridge I
I know you’ve heard that one picture is worth a thousand words.
But even a million have no meaning if the truth can’t be heard.

These words from the Bridge could be an anthem for BIPOC communities. A single picture may not include diverse perspectives and stories. In fact, it may represent a mistruth. In the first line of this Bridge, there is a play on the saying, “One picture is worth a thousand words.”

Verse 3
I’ll bet you think I’m an uppity coolie, well, baby you’ve got it bad.
And it’s about time or me to speak up, get your burden off of my back.
Like I’ve mentioned you’ve been misled into believing lies.
And you’ve been staring at a picture that’s been painted with blinded eyes.
Like a fool they’ve pulled the wool over your eye.

“Burden off my back” is a reference to the term, “white man’s burden.” Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem with this title of “White Man’s Burden.” In it, he encouraged the annexation of the Philippines during the Spanish-American war. It was a phrase that not only justified imperialism but echoed the looking down on how the U.S. would be helping “brown,” “simple” people who were of a "lower" class.

“Coolie” in the 1700’s referred to low-wage worker in India and China. By the 1800’s, this country began to ship and hire more laborers from Asia. Coolie became a derogatory word to refer to Asian workers on plantations in the U.S. When slavery was outlawed, sources of cheap labor were needed. Today, we still face this system in the U.S. where immigration is vital to U.S. production. Our country thrives on low wage workers (as well as importing production from other countries where they can pay lower wages, use child labor and aren’t subject to humane and ecological working conditions.) And yet, BIPOC persons who come from other countries are not welcomed as candidates for citizenship. Even when immigrants of color are citizens, they are seen as foreigners and outsiders. This is true for Asians, Latinx persons even if their families have lived here for many generations. In different ways than immigration, African Americans and Blacks in this country are often made to feel as though they are outsiders.

Bridge II
And in the darkness, you didn’t hear about Manzanar or Tule Lake
Now it has been thirty-four years ago, you locked up more than a big mistake.

This second Bridge refers to the forced assembly and mass evacuation of 120,000 persons of Japanese Americans during WWII. It is one big mistake where this country has tried to apologize and begin to make up for the illegal mass incarceration. The Civil Liberties Act of 1988 provided reparations and an apology for those still living. This Act that can provide precedence towards reparations for slavery and for the violence and confiscation of lands from Native people.

Verse 4
Now can you tell me who we are, people of the land?
We’re gonna paint our own family portrait, brothers and sisters hand in hand.
You’ll discover a different picture; I know you’ll be surprised.
For the first time you’ll know a story that you’ve never heard before.
People like me trying to be free.
People like me trying to be, People like me trying to be
People like me trying to be free.

I think this verse could be an anthem for BIPOC communities. Many white people may also be searching for the same thing--being “free,” but our stories are different and diverse and need to be a part of the whole history that we teach and learn. Incidents of racism can often isolate the targeted group from other BIPOC persons and communities. In a family portrait where we walk “hand in hand,” we must recognize racism for what it is, and continually strive to be allies with each other.

“Different Picture” was recorded in the late 70’s by musicians wanting to express their feelings about the Asian American movement and to encourage other Asian Americans “to assert themselves creatively.”1 I think this concept resonates for us today in our desire for racial justice. Kiku111chi-Yngojo’s message is an important one for leaders today.

Questions to reflect upon:
What have all of the incidents and attacks on Asian Americans brought up for you? Have you talked with Asian Americans and asked or heard what it brings up for them?
Do you notice patterns of disdain, hate and pejorative treatment towards Asians that have similar motivation as mistreatment towards other people of color? What are those patterns?
What is one thing that you can do to resist racism?


1 “ Different Picture,” Yokohama California, Music Annex: San Jose, CA, 1977. (Remastered CD is available at YokohamaCa.com)


4/2021

April is “Celebrate Diversity Month.” This month, Babalwa Kwanele, M.S., joins us as a guest writer on working together in these current times of challenge and strife. Among other issues, Babalwa supports youth and families in addressing racial trauma.

In next month’s issue of Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, my “thoughts” will address anti-Asian violence and standing as allies with the Asian and Pacific Islander communities.

Lifting Together to Create Change

Thank you, Wendy, for your invitation to write this article for Celebrate Diversity Month. Over the past year we have often heard “We are all in this Together” a call from the United Nations to address human rights and the tragic experiences resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic. As a guest writer on this blog, I posit the question, what does it really mean to say; “We are all in this Together?” I hope to answer that question, and raise a few other points that may be helpful on our collective recovery and growth journey. This piece is written from the lens of a licensed mental health therapist with a specialization in complex trauma and racial equity.

We-means a group of people that includes oneself
Are-searching for meaning
All-Everyone is uniquely diverse
In-A current place and situation that is influenced by the past and shapes the future.
This-Collective trauma, pain, grief and loss, recovery, healing, and growth
Together-Individuals connected by a shared experience and a desire to survive

Who is the proverbial "We"? This is a simple, yet a complex question. On the surface, “we” is simply a single person in the company of at least one other individual. “We” could be oneself in reference to a collection of people in one’s family, city, state, or country. “We” could be oneself in reference to the planet in which one lives, giving a nod to the fact that “we” share the same planet. Each member of the “we” has a collective story with a past, present, and a future. “We” is more than one—it is a collection of people who live on the same planet, breathe the same air and who are warmed by the same sun.

Are” seems to be such a funny looking word when standing all alone. When added with other words, it no longer looks so strange, it can a become profound action: “We are searching for meaning”. Finding meaning in one’s life is a human response effort to process and understand extraordinary events in order to learn, heal, and grow from it. Many persons are trying to understand the inhumane, harmful, frightening, and traumatic experiences that have unfolded in the last year. Many are searching for meaning and understanding in all that has transpired with both COVID-19 and America’s new moral racial awakening. Life for most people has been jolted into a new reality. Yet for others, this jolt has also come with an added sense of pain and validation for the unheard minority members of society; who had long pointed out the injustice, discrimination and inequities in the social determinants of health. Thus, we are not in a melting pot, rather “are” a collection of fascinating cultures, ethnicities, races, and genders.

"All" is a word of inclusion; it allows for the celebration of diversity, and opens the door to stand together to strive for justice. In lessons learned from the COVID-19 pandemic, “all” have been impacted by a seemingly invisible force which caused society to take another look at the word “all”. “All” also encompasses the uniqueness of each culture, and seeks to warmly accept the differences, thereby creating a beautiful tapestry of life. This concept goes against the grain of what “mainstream” society teaches that “We are all just the same, I see no color” and against the supremist ideology that one race is dominate by birthright.

"In" describes the current, seemingly protracted, complicated situation that we are all in with COVID-19 and racial injustice. Our current circumstances in this Country are greatly influenced by past histories and current experience of multi-generational trauma, racism, and inequity. These realities have bred mistrust and pain as seen from multiple vantage points, it has opened the door to new creative words to describe an untruth, such as alternative facts. “IN” has flooded COVID-19 recovery effort with shrouds of doubt, which added one of the largest global public health and economic emergency in modern history. Hundreds of thousands of lives were lost, millions ill, and millions more are in financial dire. We are, indeed “in” a collective crisis.

"This" word has been the most mystifying set of combined letters forming a word which desperately grasps to explain what is happening to all of us now. What is “this?” “This” experience is a shared collective, national and global trauma. The very people who many turn to for help, healthcare workers, mental health practitioners, clergy, educators, and scientists are hurting just like everyone else, yet maintaining the drive to help others while existing in this shared reality. They are also experiencing a reality of pain, grief and loss on a massive unthinkable level. Families have lost loved ones due to COVID-19, racial injustice, and hate; may we say all of their names to remember them. “This” is also a time where we have seen the tireless efforts of human kindness to save lives; the unlocking of creative genius to help a fellow human, and the hope for a better day. “This” traumatic experience for some people may provide a “gift of trauma” in which one moves to a very different place in life. In using one of my cliches “one has to hug the cactus first in order to get to the other side of pain”*. After recovery and healing efforts are well underway, one may reach a place where inner-wisdom and light is found, untapped potential may become released taking them to a beautiful space in life that they never imagined-- a place where the challenges of microaggressions and macroaggressions are met with bold determination and justice. In “this” space, life holds a different meaning, as does love, relationships, and struggle for positive progressive change, because one has experienced the possibility where that very life and breath is at risk of being lost or changed forever.

"Together" connotes a shared collective experience where the primary driving force is to survive, thrive, live, and be free. “Together” all have seen the callousness in the taking of Mr. George Floyd’s life, igniting a global outcry for justice, equity, and liberation for the lives of others before him and after him which have been lost or changed forever, so we say their names. “Together” we are people of different hues and shades are hurting, healing, growing, and loving.

The reality and histories that “we” hold helps us to see that each of us “are” finding meaning in the shared understanding that “all” of our uniquely diverse communities are “in” “this” shared collective experience “together”. When lifting together, we can create change, because: “WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.”

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of an incident where you “hugged the cactus.”
-How did you heal or begin to heal from it?
-Was the pain/loss/grief that happened to you as an individual or related to the history of being not from the “in-group” socioeconomically, culturally, linguistically, or by gender, LGBTQ, religion, mental/physical illness?
-Is there more healing or moving towards wholeness that you might benefit from?
-Have there been individuals or groups/organizations that have helped and supported you in your healing? What was it that helped?
-What might you do to help others who have been afflicted by the incident or similar pain?
In today’s current society of the Pandemic and hopefully heightened awareness of racial injustice, what might you be doing to actively support persons who may be suffering from similar pain, including collective or historic pain?

*Many years ago, Ms. Kwanele coined the phrase, “hug the cactus” when watching Lion King with her children. Simba tumbled down and fell into a cactus, only to learn that there were many cacti that he needed to get through to get to the other side. He was running from a painful traumatic experience, that he was unable to face. Once on the other side of the cactus, he began a journey of self-exploration, worked through his trauma and used the experience to empower himself, and later became a King. Babalwa used this expression of “hug the cactus” with her children, who are now young adults. Babalwa also began to incorporate the Lion King story into her trainings to help others understand the deeper meaning of hugging the cactus to get to the other side. More recently, the concept of “hug the cactus” became popularized by Robert Downey, Jr. in the alcohol and recovery world.

Note: Babalwa Kwanele is an African American, a social justice community organizer and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She can be contacted at: babalwa.kwanele@yahoo.com

©Wendy C. Horikoshi & Babalwa Kwanele, 2021, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

“In order for our organizations to become vehicles for change and not obstacles that contribute to the status quo, we need to find new ways of collaboration by sharing vision, learning from each other, planning joint strategies and sharing resources. When we disagree, we need to resolve it and move forward. When we mess up, we need to own it and be forgiving. Our work must be fueled not by scarcity and competition, but by a spirit of abundance and camaraderie.” -Roby Rodriquez, Latino Organizer


We have just passed a full year of being in isolation with the Pandemic. It is sobering to acknowledge that over 549,526 people have died from COVID-19, with over 2,686,077 persons worldwide, and so many of them needlessly so. For those of us who have been able to receive the vaccine, we are grateful and encourage you to take it when it’s your turn. (For state of California register at https://myturn.ca.gov or CA COVID-19 Hotline at 1-833-422-4255. Help is available to all who need assistance with mobility, language, interpretation, or other accommodations.)

In earlier “thoughts” we have discussed another Pandemic, one of racial injustice which ends up targeting Black, Indigenous, People of Color, BIPOC. Perhaps this time of social reckoning can help us “rethink” and/or recommit to better understanding the history and social fabric of the U.S. Karen Keefer, a colleague who worked with me on the faculty of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Qualifying Program responded to my last month’s question about Caste: The Origins of our Discontent, by Isabel Wilkerson and is this month’s guest writer.

As we celebrate Women’s History Month, see Karen’s column.

3/2021

New Ways to Look at Heritage Experiences

In your recent newsletter you asked to hear from people who have read Isabel Wilkerson’s book Caste. I read it this fall, and it changed the way I see American society.

This was the third book in a row that my book group of eight women tackled as a result of the George Floyd killing and aftermath; we started with Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates, then read Toni Morrison’s Beloved at the suggestion of the one Black woman in our group, and finally read Caste. I could hardly put down Between the World and Me, which is written as a letter from a Black father to his teenage son. The writing was so expressive and really drew me into his experience. I had started Beloved more than 20 years ago but didn’t get very far because the brutal treatment of slaves was so hard to take. This time I finished it, but it was still disturbing to read. I found Caste hard work, again because the examples were hard to take. Wilkerson has researched it so thoroughly that every point she makes has at least one historical example to illustrate it; many of those examples are heart-rending. I got her main point in a quick “aha”; the framing of our supposedly “classless” society as an actual caste system fit so many things, including the other two books I had just read. In this view, WASPs (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants) are on the top, Blacks and Native Americans are on the bottom, and other ethnic groups are in between.

At first it seemed as though wading through the whole book would be repetitive - but it wasn’t. Wilkerson has different points to make, and she builds her arguments carefully and persuasively. Still, it wasn’t easy to absorb it all. Most of my book group didn’t make it all the way through. We still had an interesting discussion, though I don’t know that anyone else had as big an “aha” as I did. (Maybe they didn’t need their noses rubbed in the reality of racism as much as I did.) After Caste we decided to move on from our Black Lives Matter self-education and read something a bit lighter!

Discussing race and racism is pretty new to me. I grew up in places that were virtually all white. The class ahead of mine in high school had two Black students, twin sisters; the only ethnic diversity in my own graduating class was one Japanese boy. The Japanese boy was one of the “smart kids” in my advanced math class and College Prep English, and I knew the Black girls through the Speech and Debate Team and Drama Club. None of them seemed that “different” from me because they had similar talents and they valued academics the way I did. None of them had accents, or emphasized their ethnicity in the way they dressed or acted. Looking back, I think I just ignored their ethnic differences and patted myself on the back for being color-blind (it was, after all, the ’60’s). But I wasn’t close to any of them, and never met their parents or went to their homes, so didn’t have any real sense of their “differentness”. I think the only personal encounter with racism I had growing up was the three years when my family lived in Bethesda, Maryland and many of my friends were Jewish. They had stories of grandparents fleeing the Holocaust and parents having been discriminated against. However, that was generations removed from our teenage lives. Discrimination against women was much more visible and real to me than racism.

I’ve had a variety of “race education” experiences, including one of Laurie Lippin’s “whiteness” workshops, but I’ve only realized the extraordinary level of privilege that I and my forebears have had, due to our whiteness, since reading Caste. More recently, in trying to understand white supremacy, I’ve seen how easily that attitude can be embedded in family tradition.

Both my and my husband’s families are white, western-European as far back as we can trace - England, Ireland, Germany, Switzerland, France. Most of our great-grandparents grew up on farms - in Ohio, Michigan, Indiana and Nebraska. Our grandparents valued education (some were highly educated themselves, the rest encouraged it for their children), and our fathers both were WW II veterans who went to college on the GI Bill. Both of them were the first in their families to go to college, and the only ones in their generation to earn PhDs. We are proud of the accomplishments of our family members, and we try to live up to - and have passed on to our children - the values that were instilled in us around integrity, hard work, importance of family, commitment in marriage, good citizenship, careful money management, valuing education and trusting science. Dave’s Wyoming extended family and my Indiana-transplanted-to-Colorado parents also imbued us with “Little House on the Prairie” ideals of pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps independence and self-reliance. We had the comfortable middle-class lives we had because of the intelligence, skill, hard work, resourcefulness and thrift of those who came before us - it was earned.

Reading Caste and encountering all those examples of prejudice, discrimination and suppression page after page, had me start to see that so much of what I have now was made possible by white privilege. Some of our people were discriminated against, like my non-English-speaking German ancestors who had to make do with the poorest farmland and kept moving west hoping for something better. But they weren’t robbed of their labor by the institution of slavery. None of them had their land seized by the U.S. Government, or were told where they had to live, or had their children taken from them and put in boarding schools were they weren’t allowed to speak their native language. Their white European heritage placed them in a higher caste, safe from such treatment.

I find myself wondering: If my husband Dave’s great grandmother hadn’t been white, would she have had enough college courses and enough standing in the community to allow her to take a job as a Wyoming school superintendent when her husband died suddenly in 1903, leaving her with four children to raise? If Dave’s grandfather hadn’t been white, would he have been admitted to graduate school at Columbia in 1913? If my grandfather hadn’t been white, would he have been able to go to medical school in Indiana in 1920? If my parents and my husband’s parents hadn’t been white, would they have been able to buy homes in neighborhoods with good schools for me and Dave? The high social standing and valued skills of their highly educated white fathers got both our mothers’ families through the Depression without severe deprivation. And those grandfathers’ careers as college professor and medical doctor allowed them to accumulate wealth to pass on to their daughters’ families. The gifts from my mother’s parents allowed my folks to begin saving early for their children’s college educations, making it possible for me to attend Stanford and my sisters to go to the schools of their choice.

In the homes my husband and I grew up in, we tended to see ourselves as smarter than most people, managing life in better ways than many people, having been lucky along the way, but being better off than most Americans largely because of our own efforts. In other words, we felt superior, though we didn’t actually say that. I hadn’t seen our “we deserve this” point of view as white supremacy until I read Caste, but now I think that white supremacy is also part of our family tradition.

All of Dave’s and my American ancestors were northerners and never owned slaves that we know of, but in my family, there are stories about relations with Indians, all of which portray the Indians in a bad light. At least one ancestor was involved in deadly conflict with Native Americans in Colonial times, and multiple lines in our genealogies cut down trees and established farms on former Indian lands over the centuries, from the Eastern seaboard west as far as Indiana. This was all just presented to me as stories of our family history, with no value judgments about those events. I was stunned when, some years after my father’s death, my mother mentioned that for a while in the 1920’s my father’s father had been a member of the Ku Klux Klan in Indiana. Seeing the look on my face, Mom reassured me that, “We don’t know that he ever burned a cross on anyone’s lawn,” and, “That’s what all the small businessmen in town were expected to do back then.” In the fall of 1967, my senior year of high school, with civil rights marches in the news, my father surprised my sisters and me by telling us he hoped none of us would want to marry a Black man. Not that he would have a personal objection, he said, but because interracial marriage was so controversial and it would make our lives very hard. It wasn’t as if we’d be likely to do that, as there were no Black people in our neighborhood or among our parents’ friends. And even in college, I encountered very few Black students, and none in my dorm or in the classes required for my biology major. My husband had similar experiences growing up and in college. It was as though our entire lives had been engineered to keep us surrounded as far as possible by people like ourselves - good people, intelligent and educated and going somewhere with their lives - few or none of whom happened to be Black. We weren’t raised to be racist, but our sense of superiority – white supremacy - was there in the food we ate and the air we breathed.

Reading Caste gave me a new way to look at my heritage and experiences, and to see impacts of racism and white privilege that I hadn’t seen before. I’m still very proud of things that my ancestors, and Dave’s, were able to accomplish. There were some quite remarkable people in our families, and my new perspective doesn’t take away from that. I am just aware now of the societal structures that allowed them to be who they were and do the things they did. If they hadn’t been the descendants of white Europeans, their lives would have been much different. And so, would mine.

Wendy's Note: Guest columnist Karen Keefer is recently retired as an MBTI trainer and consultant, and as a high school Speech and Debate coach. She is co-author with William Yabroff of Four Gifts of the Mind: Imagery Journeys of Self-Discovery, a workbook and CD set for experiencing guided imagery within the context of personality type. Karen can be contacted at khkeefer@gmail.com.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi & Karen Keefer, 2021, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Please do not copy without permission, but feel free to pass this blog or website link with copyright.

Questions to reflect upon:
What was your “family tradition” around racial differences when you were growing up? Do you see things differently now? If so, what has influenced your views?

“For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?” ― bell hooks, Black Writer, Social Activist


2/2021
What Does Antiracism Mean in February?

February is African American Heritage Month and I had been thinking of writing about something from the book by Isabel Wilkerson, Caste: The Origins of our Discontent. I’m not ready to do that, but hope to do so in some future coaching blog. (Please contact me if you have read it or will be reading it.) I strive to continually learn and understand how our country’s history of racism affects our lives, our systems and even how we perceive our values. In this “thoughts” I’d like to talk about the term BIPOC, Black Indigenous People of Color. I do understand that some people do not like this word because they feel we are being lazy in not giving attention to all of the cultural groups that we want to address. Racism in this country is a primary reason that all people of color are not living on a level playing field. Black people in this country were abducted, inhumanely treated, brought to this country as slaves and Native People who were already here, were violently treated, forcibly removed from their homes and ripped of their lands and way of life. Asians were enticed to come to America as cheap labor only to be prohibited from becoming citizens, and the immigration system has tried to keep Latinx from entering our borders, including persons wishing to go through the legal system to request asylum.

The word Indigenous also includes Alaskan Natives. (It seems to me that Native Hawaiians might also be included in this term of Indigenous, although they are not.) For people of color, racism has resulted in systems that affect wealth, housing, and access to education and health. Thus, when focusing on African American and Indigenous people to underscore issues for people of color, BIPOC resonates with me. They are the same issues, just played out in different manners. Therefore, resolution to one issue isn’t enough. Our systems and understanding of how the collective values of our systems affect individuals must change.

Ever since the killing of George Floyd by police, I have noticed a great deal more intentional connection between many different justice efforts with the Black Lives Matter movement. In reading Japanese American newspapers, I have noticed more coverage on racist issues perpetrated against Black Americans. This past August of 2020, the Japanese American Citizens League in collaboration with Tsuru for Solidarity addressed anti-Blackness in youth conversations. (Tsuru for Solidarity is an organization aiming to end detention sites and to support front-line immigrant and refugee communities that are being targeted by racist, inhumane immigration policies.) On this past Martin Luther King Jr holiday, college youth of Japanese American churches gathered for a virtual retreat during the week-end. They learned about liberation theology and “entangled” liberation, or where all people’s liberation is entangled together. The past year, my church, Buena Vista United Methodist has been holding a series of roundtable programs on Racial Healing Justice & Solidarity with Black Lives. I think some things that have been notable about this series is that it has included young adults as leaders of it, has been intergenerational in participation and has also been attended by a diverse ethnic mix, although primarily Asian, due to the make-up of the church.

This is not to say that there haven’t been united efforts from communities of color to address racism prior to 2020. In August, 2019, Asian Health Services held a rally with community advocates, politicians, people from the Native American Health Service, West Oakland Health Service, La Clinica and Tiburcio Vasquez Health Centers to decry unequal access of healthcare for people of color and the scapegoating of immigrants, and higher incarceration rate for BIPOC. Several years ago, the Koshland Foundation/San Francisco Foundation with the United Methodist Community Development program funded a program to create bridges for communities of color in Alameda to work together to lift the voices and concerns of people of color in the schools, the City and in housing. These aforementioned programs are a few that I remember and have participated in. I’m sure there are many efforts over the years in other communities.

Through Zoom programs and in reading Japanese American newspapers, I have seen calls for justice for all people of color and immigrant communities in Japanese American community celebrations for the first two months of this year. January 30th is Fred Korematsu Day, his birthday. Korematsu, his family and all persons of Japanese ancestry were forcibly removed during WWII to American concentration camps. Korematsu went all the way to the Supreme Court to fight that as an American citizen, he was illegally being detained. He lost the case in 1944, but when it was reopened before the Supreme Court in 1983, the original 1944 decision was vacated. This year, on Korematsu Day (Zoom) celebrations, the intersectionality of race, the similarities of how immigrants and Muslims are being detained now, how African Americans are being denied their full rights and the enormous disparities throughout our society that Black and Brown communities suffer as a result of racism were discussed.

As this Lunar New Year* arrives, we have seen rising tides of anti-Asian attacks and robberies on persons, especially the elderly, while shopping for the New Year’s celebrations. This seems to be a repeat of last year’s Lunar New Year, targeting Chinese people and their businesses believing they are the cause of the Pandemic. My husband and I were surprised to see these attacks in Chinatowns across the U.S. covered on national news. Several of the persons caught on camera in these incidents are African American. Across Instagram and Facebook people in both the Asian and Black communities, are speaking out, saying this is racism; it is not about being anti-Black nor anti-Asian, but about antiracism and that we must come together and resist racism.

February 19 is Day of Remembrance, DOR, and marks the anniversary of Japanese American forced evacuation during WWII. With upcoming celebrations, the San Jose’s Nihonmachi Outreach Committee’s theme for its virtual program is “Confronting Race in America: Unifying Our Communities.” Sacramento’s Day of Remembrance is titled, “Uncomfortable Conversations: Racism, Equity, and Belonging.” San Francisco’s J-Town, Bay Area DOR topic is “Abolition! Reparations! Carrying the Light for Justice.” I hope that this trend towards being inclusive in our antiracism quest continues throughout the year and beyond.

In March, I hope to share “thoughts” from a guest writer, an African American, who will relay issues of the challenge and weight of having difficult conversations in the workplace.

Questions to reflect upon:
-Have you ever felt uncomfortable when the issue of race, racial injustice, or Black Lives Matter came up? As you reflect upon this, what was uncomfortable and/or difficult about thinking/dealing with it? How might you move through this discomfort to become more knowledgeable about the issues and your own reactions? Would it be helpful to become more knowledgeable about Black history and antiracism? How might you become more knowledgeable?
-Has your perspective on these issues changed over time? If yes, how and why do you think you came to view these issues differently?

*For 2021, the Lunar New Year is February, 12. It is sometimes referred to as Chinese New Year.

It is an historical fact that privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily. Individuals may see the moral light and voluntarily give up their unjust posture; but, as Reinhold Niebuhr has reminded us, groups tend to be more unmoral than individuals. -Martin Luther King, Jr., Black Civil Rights Activist

There’s a tendency in most strikes, struggles, or movements to confine the battle to their own group. The workers who were the most active and wanted their struggle to win actually saw the need to link right away with other people and other forces. -Harvey Dong, Asian American Scholar


1/2021
Starting the Year Anew: Honoring Differences & Acknowledging Power Imbalance

Last month, I wrote about Principled Leadership and not taking unfair advantage, applying it to each opportunity we may get in life, including those which are may not available to all people. In thinking about this value, as we start the New Year, what frame of mind do I want to enter it with and how do I want to learn and grow? In the past, I’ve written some “thoughts” about race, class, economics, gender, LGBTQIA, mental/learning/physical disabilities, and age and how we probably need different lenses to have a fuller understanding of the diverse world in which we live. At this point of time, what are “realities” of persons who are underrepresented in leadership, underserved in our educational and social services and just don’t have as much access to resources and the necessary things to get ahead in society? With what happened last Wednesday, January 6, 2021, at the Capitol in Washington D.C., I feel compelled to address what many journalists are referring to as Insurrection on the Capitol.

Due to the sociopolitical times in which we live, and perhaps also as a result of some of the “thoughts” I have been writing, I have been hearing many personal conversations from my white friends. In interaction with several colleagues from Bay Area Association of Type, BAAPT, a type organization to which I belong, I have encountered some interesting comments. (As a quick overview of BAAPT, this professional organization promotes the constructive use and application of psychological type through the lens of Carl Jung’s theory of psychological differences. It is interested in Instruments such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® and Keirsey’s temperaments as well as a host of other ones that help people to value personality differences. I have always enjoyed much of the content of this organization, as well as the type of people who are attracted to observing and understanding differences.) I want to share with you some of the thoughts they’ve expressed and will indicate their psychological “type,” in case you follow type, but will not directly discuss why or how that may have bearing on their remarks.

As with most organizations, the path of integrating issues of culture into these discussions is not so simple or straight-forward. Cultural issues are not the main focus for which most professional organizations are founded. However, the “valuing” of differences is a unique pathway for observing and interacting with life. About my blog on not taking unfair advantage, one person (whose preferences are for ESTP) wrote: “Again another touching piece for reflection and inclusion. It reminds me of the unconscious process that occurs when interacting with others. This brings to mind the care we need to show others and ourselves. Thank you for reminding me of this value especially as we go into the holiday season.” I have always appreciated this person’s curiosity and questioning style. The way that this person has structured his thoughts and ordered them is precise, direct and straightforward. This colleague touched upon some key issues in learning and growing: “reflecting,” “interacting,” and the “unconscious process.” It is only through reflection that we really learn, or learn in a transformative way that can help us change. Values aren’t often directly talked about. We might figure them out through our interaction with other people. It seems that values, like culture, are often harder to identify because we don’t usually speak discuss them, but they do drive our behaviors. We tend to assume that other persons are working from the same values which are driving us. It often takes me time to articulate what my individual values are (ISTJ). My preferences probably have something to do with this but, I have been steeped in personal values through knowing about being different as a Japanese American woman, and also, as a result of my value centered mother (INFP).

I believe my BAAPT colleague, in using the words “unconscious process” was referring to it in the way that is commonly used within type and Jungian communities. We have access to our preferred mental functions and only through a great deal of focus can access our “unconscious” functions, and then, still not as effectively as our “conscious” functions. In other words, certain lenses in which we see our world are easier to access than others and we can easily be blinded to the realities and existence of the other ways of learning and deciding. Other people with differing types do tend to see and experience the world differently and we, through focus and practice can begin to incorporate these different ways of perception and coming to conclusion, although not as effectively as persons who have the preferences which are best suited for those tasks, learnings or perspectives. It is only through being able to hear, see, experience, perceive and intuit through multiple lenses or perhaps continually seeking out the best pair of glasses that we might become conscious of what is taking place in any particular situation, especially within a diverse world where different cultures live and work together.

Another BAAPT colleague (ENFJ) talked with me about how she is registered with the Independent Party and had always felt that governmental systems work fairly well. She said she was comfortable “staying out of politics.” With racial injustices being more publicized this past year she began to recognize that she has advantages from “white superiority” within our systems and felt a need to be more active. She admitted that in the past she had this resounding voice inside of her wondering why some persons with accents in this country don’t speak English better. In reflection she began to ask herself, “Why aren’t I willing to learn another language?” She recognized that communication is a two-way street, that it takes much effort to learn another language, and thought differently about the privilege of expecting that everyone who doesn’t speak perfect English is in some way being disrespectful of her and is responsible to make the adjustment. She mentioned how she now sees that the values of our systems do not necessarily represent everyone’s values. Thus, this past election year, she felt a responsibility to be active in voicing her preferences for political offices and that she needed to become active in processes to move towards electing persons whose integrity and platform better matched her beliefs and values. I was inspired to hear how this colleague identified the group values at work and how they connected to her own perception and actions.

Another white friend from college (INFP), not from BAAPT, who lives in a region which tends to be more conservative than the San Francisco area where there are many Trump supporters, shared with me, “For a lot of people, white superiority gives them a place to fit in. They believe Trump is a demigod, and anyone who doesn’t follow him is a traitor. Trump is reinforcing that they are elite as white people. I think he’s tapping into the fears that they are being replaced. Their so-called ordained position of superiority is in danger of disappearing, and they are angry about this. They believe in a system where one can fight for oneself as an individual, but can’t see that they are actually trapped by the economic system, seeing ‘other’ people getting opportunities that were ‘reserved’ for them.” She added that a meme she saw aptly “represents what is happening: police officers holding a PH scale with a color grid and being told that if you’re the color at the top (white), you’re a protestor. If you’re below the white color of a color descending downward to black, you are a rioter.”

My friend, who worked as a bilingual teacher, also commented on my blog about privileged leadership and not taking unfair advantage. She believes that in general, it’s unusual for persons to follow this value. For teachers, their values are more focused upon the Golden Rule, “I think most people will do what benefits them. I’ve never named my values or privilege in this way before. And, I think it’s human nature to take advantage of situations without really considering the impact on other persons who don’t have the same opportunities.” I have always appreciated how my friend feels and explores her personal values, empathizing and making connection with what’s going on in people’s lives.

Although my friend said that she has taken advantage of situations without thinking of others, she was incensed with what happened this past Wednesday with the insurrection on the Capitol: “What kind of persons are we and what kind of life do we want to be living? It’s heartbreaking to me to see when I have friends who enable Trump, … . We need to find common ground and to forgive.” She has a longtime family friend who is on the opposite end of the spectrum from her beliefs around Trump and it’s hard because she hasn’t wanted to cut off the relationship. And yet, my friend said, “I don’t think she wants to find common ground.” As with my friend, we probably all have persons we know that disagree with what we believe is correct and fair, and who do not want to listen to other perspectives. How do we handle these types of situations? What values do we follow and how do we live them? What consequences are we willing to endure regarding relationships with them? Is there any way that we can preserve our relationship people given that our opinions differ so greatly?

Of course, type differences are not the main focus of this entry. I have identified how three person’s personality type have responded to issues of “unfair advantage.” Although I didn’t discuss these type differences, for those of you who appreciate observing differing lenses and styles of behavior, there may be some indicators that help us appreciate that we all learn and contribute to the world through differing styles, and that may give us better understanding of our own needs for learning about equity and creating a more level playing field.

As a result of power and privilege, certain stories are told, so we tend to be familiar with one group’s history. I have shared a few stories from white persons. In our search for fairness and equity, we need to become more aware of the way in which persons of color enter in to the conversations and to learn about their lived experiences and their histories. How do we engage our Black, Indigenous, People of Color (BIPOC) friends and colleagues and learn about their stories? Is there some work that we need to do on our own that acknowledges our inherent privilege of race and class, sexual orientation and ableism? How do we create safety so that persons can feel that their knowledge from their lived experiences can be shared, without them having to have all the “answers” or remedies for systemic racism or inequities? How do we better listen and initiate conversations even when it may feel uncomfortable about having to examine our own issues of privilege?

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of an instance where you have privilege over another person, or other groups of persons? What was it? Did you do something to earn the privilege? Does it surface an instance of systemic advantage? What, if anything might be done to equalize the playing field?

“A good spirit is like a muscle. If you do not work and exercise it and massage it in a good and positive way it will eventually wither and die.” -Brandon Astor Jones, Black Prisoner


12/2020
Principled Leadership

“Don’t take unfair advantage.” -Caltech Honor System

We have been living through many difficult experiences this year: The coronavirus pandemic, the widespread televised/social media exposure of racial injustice, watching children being separated and incarcerated and the scapegoating and mistreatment of Asians in this country due to where the virus originated are a few. It has shed a deeper light on the divisions of those who have and who do not in this country and around the world. These issues and this past Presidential election, have prompted me to think of the ethic that students at my son’s college were taught, “Don’t take unfair advantage.” At the beginning of my son’s freshman year, he attended an orientation the week before school began, engaging in elective trips and gatherings. In addition to providing socialization and a process of adjustment, my son’s college used the week to introduce the value which reflects that everyone is respected and everyone needs to follow the principle of not taking unfair advantage.

In a welcome session for parents, we were informed of how not taking unfair advantage applies to every action in their scholastic and community life. For example, if someone has food in the refrigerator and you take it, is that not taking unfair advantage? Having guests in the dorm room needs to be talked about and agreed upon. In following this principle, every student is trusted. Tests were not proctored. Exams were assigned identifying the amount of time one could use to take it, and there was a date to return it. One could complete one’s examination whatever time that worked best. If one finished it and it was after hours, one could check out a key to deliver it. The policy seems to reflect how much Caltech believes in this honor system.

When my husband and I visited during parents’ orientation, the President and Dean of the college shared the College’s philosophy of honesty and not being opportunistic in the sense of fairness to every other person. We were told that they would not be sending grades to us, but they hoped that when we asked our children about their grades, they would share them. Thus, they were treating our children as adults, and stressing their responsibility to the students and hoping that the students would bear responsibility to their parents. Having come from an education background and prizing fairness and honesty, I was delighted. I knew that the school was a tough one academically and that my son would thrive in such a community. Such a simple concept and yet, I could see that throughout the years of college and following, it has given him courage, conviction and congruence in being forthright about group processes that honor this principle.

I wonder what our society would be like if this “code” was explicitly taught in our schools, in our homes, in our churches, in our communities, in our legislative, executive and judicial branches-not just talking about being fair and honest, but identifying examples of it and envisioning ways that work it into daily life.

I have often wondered if any organization or company integrated this ethic into their collective value systems—naming it, incorporating it into systems, policies, including opportunities for advancement. Whenever working with organizations or leaders who want to value diversity, equity and inclusion, this is the type of principle that I try to help them come to terms with—building respect, honesty and equalizing the playing field. It’s a dynamic process, one that definitely requires focus, commitment and prioritization. It’s not easy. It takes much time in getting individuals and groups to the place where leaders and employees are willing to question group values and work together to create better ones. It is human nature to want to move towards more privilege and opportunity. Desiring a collective value to be one in which a whole organization operates, can mean setting aside output, production, and money not always being the number one priority. This may sound unrealistic in the competitive business world. In corporate leadership, there is a field of training often referred to as “Principled Leadership.” The components are to lead with humility, embrace a true, authentic self, act and speak with courage, develop and value people and resources, empower and hold others accountable, respect others by building trust while learning from mistakes and serve others before self. I wonder if what might happen if “Don’t take unfair advantage” was added to these principles? What might come from listening to people and being willing to identify and admit when we have privileges and opportunities that other people don’t have?

In the work world, the process of production and “doing,” may occur without having to pay attention to who we are leaving behind. When we get an opportunity, do we think about whether we are receiving an advantage over another person, another class or group of people? This is truly difficult and humbling work. However, so many of my clients attest to this is what makes their lives meaningful and is healing in the process.

My son is now over 30 years old, working in a job that he enjoys and for which he is eminently qualified. He tends to be quieter than the average person. I remember when he graduated, and we picked him up to help him move out of college, he said that he needed time with his roommates alone before we could go. They had purchased many things together and although he was pretty sure all of them would like to donate it to the hall, he knew they all needed to be able to voice their desire, so he initiated the conversation.

My son once told me that the ethics that they lived by at his College helped him to feel good about decisions he made and helped him and to have the confidence to live and work with many different people. For instance, he took a job on the other side of the country and moved into a house with two other persons from his College, who were also going to work for the same agency. In accepting this job, my son knew that he was leaving a community where he was surrounded by his own age group. He felt like going to this job and living with two other persons from his college, (whom he didn’t know really well) would be a good step into the “real” world. One roommate wanted the downstairs which was quite a bit larger than the other two rooms and he said that he thought he should pay more for it. They all agreed to this arrangement. I have found that these kinds of issues, like money, who gets what, etc., can be very difficult issues for young people and even older people to discuss. It’s often easier and quicker to just keep quiet.

My son’s experiences inform me that we can take “baby-steps” towards the outcomes and to the world in which we want to live. I wonder what beginning steps can be for us as individuals, as families, as organizations, as communities, as a nation to identify and live up to principals of fairness?

Questions to reflect upon: Is “don’t take unfair advantage” a principle that you live by?
What are your core values? Are they the same for you at work and at home?
What are the core values of people that you work with? What are the core values persons that you hang out with?

“I have no doubt that the forces of justice and peace will prevail over the contemporary incarnation of empire, blood, terror, and greed that is the USA. –Walden Bello, Filipino Scholar


11/2020
Post Election Waiting & Preparation for the Times to Come

The following three quotes are words of wisdom from John Lewis, U.S. Congressman, Civil Rights Activist:

"Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble." – A tweet from June 2018

"I appeal to all of you to get into this great revolution that is sweeping this nation. Get in and stay in the streets of every city, every village and hamlet of this nation until true freedom comes, until the revolution of 1776 is complete." – At the 1963 March on Washington

"Freedom is not a state; it is an act. It is not some enchanted garden perched high on a distant plateau where we can finally sit down and rest. Freedom is the continuous action we all must take, and each generation must do its part to create an even more fair, more just society.” – From his 2017 memoir, "Across That Bridge: A Vision for Change and the Future of America"

As we neared Election Day, I had been at a loss for what to write for this November issue of “thoughts.” The day after the elections, I decided to change the quotations at the end of my email signature line with some words of encouragement from John Lewis, the U.S. Congressman and civil rights leader, who passed away this past July, 2020. I’m sure most of you know about the highlights of his life with his leadership of the March on Washington in 1963 to end legalized segregation, and the 600-person march from Selma to Montgomery across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in 1965, where peaceful protestors were attacked and violently beaten by white state troopers and sheriff deputies. Although an icon of the Civil Rights era, he was still a humble and compassionate man. John Lewis words remind us that freedom is an ongoing struggle and that we have to keep fighting for it. The legacy of John Lewis reminds me that we continually need to take heart and recognize how similar our times are to the Civil Rights era of the 1960’s.

There have always been many things wrong with our democracy, although this past year has been an especially difficult time. This election has not brought what many of us were hoping for. There is still hope for a good outcome of the Presidential campaign. And, there will still be so much to do to move us out of the tyrannical and inhumane policies and appointments made by the current President. I wish for you strength of spirit, healing of the funk many of us have been in, and energy to contribute our parts towards a more caring and brighter future for all of us in living in this country.

There is much we can learn from John Lewis’ life. I leave with you one last quote from the late Congressman Lewis: “We have been too quiet for too long. There comes a time when you have to say something. You have to make a little noise. You have to move your feet. This is the time.” – At a 2016 House sit-in following the Pulse shooting in Orlando

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you put into words the feeling(s) that you are currently experiencing? I wonder if acknowledging them might be helpful.
What if you were to dance, write, sing, walk, paint, create with clay any heaviness, disillusionment or feeling you are experiencing?


10/2020
In Pandemic Society: Joy Through Art

What are issues which may be most of interest to my clients? Over the years I have written a great deal about leadership, culturally-aware coaching, my philosophy and practice and this past year, the emotional, political and public health issues in which we are currently living. Last month’s thoughts, I wanted to acknowledge one path for caring for one’s soul, and it was more “religious” than most of my blogs. I think that working with the spiritual realm is one of the most effective ways to spur transformation. I believe that engaging in Spirit, does not have to mean Christianity or Judaism or even a particular religion, however many persons in this United States, identify with these religions. For me, the activism of the church to which I belong has been an extraordinary foundation and community support as we move through the Pandemic isolation.

What are other pathways for us to care for ourselves, our communities and our planet? Most of my clients work in social justice or services that help people and communities to gain access to services. What are ways for them to be caretakers for themselves, to enjoy the fullness of life and to be moved towards wholeness when their souls are stirring? Music, storytelling, dance, poetry and literature are powerful ways for us to get in touch with ourselves and our world. As I have explored in previous “thoughts,” art can be a medium for rejuvenation and meaning-making. Over the past few months, I have viewed some videos from artists whom I greatly admire. As we end this month of Hispanic Heritage Month, I want to share a little about the artistry of Gloria Estefan, with her traditional Latin rhythms and American rhythm and blues groove. She has been through difficult times in life and has been willing to share them with the public, while also innovating new art forms which transcend cultures.

Estefan was climbing the musical charts in the 1970’s with the Miami Sound Machine and was in a bus accident, almost killing her and severely injuring her back. She engaged in a long healing journey, which I’m sure was painful and took much fortitude to recuperate. She was not depressed about what happened, but instead thankful that as a result of the accident, she took stock and learned to slow down and take care of her body. Estefan, one of the artists highlighted with her husband in in an interview on PBS series “Beyond the Canvas,” Episode 3, spoke about her partnership in music and life with her husband, Emilio. https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?fr=jnazafzv&p=beyond+the+canvas%2C+episode+3#id=1&vid=803559834f9aed331bee2c424f66854f&action=click She shared how she left Cuba right about the time of the Bay of Pigs invasion. Her dad was a police officer and their lives were in danger. She fled Cuba with her mom, but her dad was imprisoned for two years as a war criminal. Music was her catharsis. Music made her happy. We, as viewers and listeners, see and feel the “joy” that emanates from her music as her music enters us. Both she and Emilio carry what she calls, the “immigrant mentality” knowing that this could all go away tomorrow. Gloria says, “This could go away, this could go away, you have to be safe, you have to be careful. … Of course, it could, and it can.” (I believe this interview was conducted prior to sheltering in place, yet her words continue to ring true for our current life.)

Emilio mentions that people in this country tend to take things for granted, “One of the things we take for granted is freedom. We came to this country not just looking for a better opportunity, but for freedom. And, keeping that safe is like keeping both feet on the ground.” Although Gloria Estefan tends to stay away from politics because her audiences share the spectrum of political views, she participated in a music company’s “Your Voice, Your Power, Your Vote.” https://variety.com/2020/music/news/sony-music-vote-campaign-pink-pharrell-1234801673

What I take away from Gloria Estefan, her stories and her music, is that we can enjoy life. Music can bring us happiness, peace and a sense of sharing who we are. In future “thoughts,” I’d like to share more stories from artists featured on PBS’ Beyond the Canvas. I am currently reading Caste: The Origins of Our Discontent, by Isabel Wilkerson about race and caste in the U.S. If you are reading Caste or have completed it, I’d love to chat with you as I hope to write about it in a future “thoughts.” In the meantime, I hope that you will vote and remember that things can go away at any time, including democracy. Please help our country keep its feet on the ground.

Questions to reflect upon:
What brings you joy? And in particular what might bring you joy during this pandemic? How does music, art or literature inspire you?
During this Pandemic, how do you, might you “keep your feet on the ground?”


9/20
Care of the Soul

“Care of the soul speaks to the longings we feel and to the symptoms that drive us crazy, but it is not the path away from shadow or death.”1 - Thomas Moore

“Soul is nothing like ego. Soul is closely connected to fate, and the turns of fate almost always go counter to the expectations and often the desire of the ego. … Soul is the font of who we are, and yet it is far beyond our capacity to devise and control.”2 -Thomas Moore

September has come. This year is not over and we are living through a global pandemic, economic crisis, heightened awareness of the racial crisis in our country, as well as Hurricane Laura, multiple fire complexes from lightning, earthquakes, with one which hit northern California this past Sunday. It is a difficult time for everyone, and yet, there are many persons and communities who are suffering much more than other people. In this country, Black, Indigenous, People of Color, BIPOC, are by far suffering more from COVID-19, lack of access to food, jobs, shelter and medical care. Other marginalized communities, such as the poor, women, LGBQTia, those with mental and physical disabilities are also being more affected during this pandemic. As the shelter in place continues, I am hearing more depth of sadness, depression and trauma inflicted upon colleagues, clients and in my community than previous to the pandemic. I have been pondering whether to write my “thoughts” to acknowledge the sadness and yet, there are enough articles about all of these issues. Many of my clients, if they are fortunate enough to be still working, are facing these stories daily with the people they serve. I do not want to gloss over how difficult many person’s lives are, while also don’t want to add to a downward spiral of frustration and depression. In my heart, I want to sit with the heaviness that we are facing and somehow make some kind of sense from it. I don’t have a lot of answers, however, I am listening, watching and being open to take the mantel where I’m being called. I’d really appreciate if you would share with me any stories that you or the people you serve are living. What are your and your clients’ daily struggles and triumphs?

It is indeed a strange and seemingly unprecedented time we live in. Amidst all of this, during the Zoom church services on 9/6/20, we at Buena Vista United Methodist Church experienced two jolts from an earthquake, which most of us in the San Francisco area in California could feel. Pastor Myrna had just finished her sermon, “Don’t Mess with God,” taken from Exodus in the Bible, referring to signs God had been sending to Pharaoh to let the Jewish people go. Plagues were sent: an invasion of frogs, swarms of lice, another swarm of insects that ruined the land, killed the Egyptian livestock and resulted in sores on the bodies of Egyptian people. Pharaoh didn’t listen and God sent deadly hailstorms and a 3-day eclipse of the sun. Still, Pharaoh ordered midwives to kill all male born children. Not only did Pastor Myrna’s message reverberate with what seems to be happening in our current society, many persons wondered, what more can happen?

Three days later, we awoke to darkness, with orange tinges of light shining through the clouds of smoke. In the Bay Area, we don’t typically experience overcast-like weather during the summer and fall-- it was eerie. The entire day the sun did not shine which is very uncharacteristic for the Bay Area in September. This experience evoked descriptions of the apocalypse, the end of times. The paleness of the sun’s rays feels similar to the effects of the lighting I have seen in movies about Mars and other planets, and about stories of how some of these planets’ suns had burned out.

That same dark day, I attended a Zoom “Body and Scripture” movement session through my church. In these meetings, our church’s Spiritual Nurture Coordinator, Coke Tani, leads us in connecting with the wisdom of one’s body to take up space, claim our voices and our own stories, including decolonizing our physical beings. Being in our bodies allows for us to feel the Spirit within and to receive information. We talked about the surreal images of the smoke, how the fires and orange glow seem like unmistakable messages about climate change, and how Pastor Myrna’s sermon “Don’t Mess with God,” is timely. Coke informed us that the apocalypse can mean “an unveiling.” She encouraged us to dance, following the Spirit in our bodies. As we moved to music, one participant mentioned that it was like her body had lost soul and through the movement meditation, she was reclaiming it. Coke closed the session, having us move to a song whose words spoke about the return of one’s soul. It was powerful and healing.

In what seemed to be synchronicity, I had been reviewing a book Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore before the movement session. The books’ first chapter is “Acknowledging Symptoms as a Voice of the Soul.” It feels like we are experiencing symptoms from the collective soul of our lives. What are the longings of the soul that we might be experiencing? In sharing this month’s ‘thoughts” with you, I realize that being in community with my church and participating in artistic and movement experiences help me listen for soul. I continue to wonder, how might we collectively acknowledge symptoms of discord, lack of leadership, racism, increased domestic violence and destruction? How do we identify the brokenness of our lives, seeing the mirror of our human destruction as signs to open our hearts, spirits, creativity and imagination towards a more humane, just and beautiful world? Thomas Moore writes, “Care of the Soul is not solving the puzzle of life; quite the opposite, it is an appreciation of the paradoxical mysteries that blend light and darkness into the grandeur of what human life and culture can be.”3 Moore explores how ritual, storylines or archetypal motifs, mythology and the cultivation of imagination and spirit are essential to finding soul. He suggests that living artfully helps expand and reveal soul.

I don’t mean to imply that we don’t have a responsibility for the actions that we as human beings contribute, including historical violence and destruction of the earth and of the human body and spirit. I wonder for those of us living in these times, if we are being called to tend to the healing of our families, our communities, our nation, the earth and ourselves. How can we tend to soul in these dark days? What are our souls, individually and collectively longing for and how can we artfully cultivate the sacred in our everyday lives?

Questions to reflect upon:
What is a symptom in your life that feels like it’s driving you crazy? How might you acknowledge it and imagine what is being awakened within you?


1 Moore, Thomas. Care of the Soul: A Guide to Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life. (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc, 1992), xvi.

2 Moore. xviii.

3 Moore. xix.


8/2020
Confronting Racism: Turning Points? Part III:
Militarization of Police Departments vs Community-Driven, Community Responsive Approaches to Public Safety

"I love America more than any other country in this world, and exactly, for this reason, I criticize her perpetually." -James Baldwin

In the three months preceding George Floyd’s death, there were two other African Americans who were killed by police and report by the media. While jogging, Ahmaud Arbery was shot by two persons, one of whom had been a police officer and detective for the county in Georgia. Breonna Taylor, an EMT, died at the hands of the Louisville police, when they entered her apartment on a no-knock policy and shot blindly into the house. These repeated killings painfully remind us of Eric Gardner’s death from an illegal chokehold by New York Police and the killing of Michael Brown, an unarmed teen shot by Ferguson police, both in 2014. In earlier “thoughts” we’ve discussed how racism isn’t an individual issue, but a systemic one that is institutionalized and codified into regulations, processes and law. The police training and responses to many of the protests seem to come from the same frame of thinking--one of militarization and going to war against Black, Brown people, immigrants and people who are somehow classified as “different.” These are all too common responses across our police forces, our national police services and even our emergency services.

In the aftermath of the George Floyd’s killing, we see the police and National Guard showing up in riot gear, riot formation and riot equipment to deal with peaceful protests and wonder if the major goals are about protecting people and property. In one footage on TV following Floyd’s death in Minneapolis, the police formed a human bond around the chain store, Target, and all of the other small businesses had looters and persons destroying their shops. Meanwhile, in Oakland, California, I was surprised to hear how nobody was arrested when peaceful George Floyd protests changed to rioting and pilfering, but there were over 100 arrests when protestors ignored the June 1, 2020 curfew. Seems strange to punish curfew violators, and not looters.

Many police departments across the country are being trained by Urban Shield, a program offered through Homeland Security and originated with the Israeli police to quell Palestinians, (who live with permanent barriers blocking their free movement within in their own neighborhoods.) Alameda County, where the City of Alameda is located, is one of the Urban Shield participants. In other words, military style training, like that used by Israeli police is being provided to police through Homeland Security and emergency preparedness efforts. The topic of Urban Shield arose after worship at Buena Vista United Methodist Church, (which I wrote about in Part II of this series), where Joe Brooks spoke about two pandemics in which African Americans are living. Reverend Michael Yoshii shared that although the City’s current Police Chief is supportive of community policing, provides diversity training for his staff, and will have his department support Alameda’s Sanctuary City proposal by protecting undocumented persons from apprehension, the Police Chief is not supportive of ending the Urban Shield contract with Alameda County.

Militia type tactics have been on display at many of the George Floyd protests and in the clearing and tear gassing of peaceful protestors in Washington DC for the President’s photo op at St Mark’s Church by federal troops and National Park police The militarization of police has also been evident with Homeland Security’s presence of police in riot gear and deployment of tear gas amongst protestors in Portland, Oregon. Federal forces were not invited to Portland. In fact, the Mayor of Portland, and the Governor of Oregon requested and demanded that federal police leave their City because their presence had escalated violence.

Militarization of police has been evident in Homeland Security operations. In June, 2020, Customs and Border Protection Data revealed that drones, helicopters ad airplanes had been deployed by Homeland Security, logging in at least 270 hours of surveillance on 15 cities where there were George Floyd protests. I wonder why U.S. Customs has access to military type surveillance equipment and why they were watching demonstrators. These aerial machines were supposedly not aimed at identifying license plates or individuals, but were gathering information for use in future investigations. What investigations are they planning for? Military equipment can have a chilling effect on people who are assembling to exercise their constitutional right to protest, especially for immigrants.

In an article in Fast Company Leadership, Talib Visram writes about a federal program that makes excess and unused military equipment available to police departments is contributing to the militarization of our police, https://www.fastcompany.com/90513061/eliminating-this-federal-program-would-play-a-major-part-in-demilitarizing-the-police. An ACLU document of 2014, reported that police departments in Arizona had accumulated enough rifles, bomb suits night vision lenses, surveillance equipment and high-powered machine guns to take out multiple city blocks. This program originally began in the 1990s and eliminated surplus waste and was intended to assist the National government in the “war on drugs.” In 1996, President Clinton, expanded it to allow all law enforcement agencies to acquire unused military property in the 1033 Program. Some members of Congress are currently calling to eliminate the program. It makes me wonder if this is the manner in which Alameda County received a tank, which was on display during the Warrior’s Championship parade in Spring of 2018.

How does military equipment contribute to racist and violent police tactics? Most early studies didn’t show that increased military grade equipment increased violence. However, a study in 2018 by Dr. Jonathan Mummolo, from Princeton University concluded that SWAT teams were more regularly sent to communities with higher concentrations of African Americans. Dr. Mummolo had more data than previous studies to review, including SWAT team deployments. As an Assistant Professor of Politics and Public Affairs who specializes in the study of police behavior, Mummolo found that police with this “acquired” equipment did not decrease violence. He proposed that the reduction of SWAT teams could “improve perceptions of police with little or no safety loss.”1

In his article, Visram also reported on how Dr. John DeCarlo, a criminal justice professor at the University of New Haven, who had previously worked many years in a police department remembered receiving boxes of junk from the military. DeCarlo mentioned that there are several other factors in addition to military equipment that contribute to the battlefield mentality within police officers: little knowledge of the community they serve, coursework in police academies, the sense of “brotherhood” and soldier vs. enemy mindset.

Heavy-handed enforcement by police has proven to significantly affect Black and Brown communities, making life for them more dangerous. Eliminating the 1033 Program may help keep our communities safer. Following the George Floyd killing, some members of Congress are calling to eliminate it. Perhaps there also needs to be different strategies for training and preparing police for working in diverse communities, as well as creating different systems for ensuring public safety.

Police responses in this country have continued to become more militaristic over the past few decades. These militaristic tactics to civilian issues might make us wonder. Who are the police going to war with? Community policing, humane and more effective systems for responding to mental health incidents and first responders who deescalate situations seems to be a common cry from George Floyd protestors. “Defunding” the police may not mean getting rid of the police, but directing funds for issues that are health related to be handled by persons and systems that have better expertise and training to do so.

Has the George Floyd killing captured the soul of America in recognizing the systemic ways in which persons of color, the poor, immigrants, women, LGBTQIa and those with mental or physical challenges are treated as second class citizens? In this series of Confronting Racism: Turning Points, I have written about a couple of organizations and how they as organizations responded to violent and racist police actions. How will our organizations and the systems with which we are a part respond to these two pandemics of racism and COVID-19? Will we confront racism? How will we work with our personal issues of recognizing privilege and internalized racism? In our organizations, will we take the journey to look and listen to discover how certain groups of people as a result of race, class and other factors have certain privileges and opportunities not accessible to everyone? How are these privileges institutionalized in our organizational systems? How does racism and inequitable treatment affect the communities that our organizations serve? How will we embrace our humanity and heal from being victims and perpetrators? How will we work with our communities to listen more deeply and connect the patterns of racism occurring in our everyday lives? How will we lift the veils of racism in our systems and remove barriers to providing equity in our workplace, organizations and society?

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of one arena where you may have privilege on account of your race, class, sexual orientation, religion, mental or physical ableism? How might you gain more understanding about this privilege? In your work, your organization or political systems, can you think of a process or a way that might help provide opportunities for others who do not have this privilege?


1 https://www.fastcompany.com/90513061/eliminating-this-federal-program-would-play-a-major-part-in-demilitarizing-the-police.


7/2020
Confronting Racism: Turning Points? Part II

This Coronavirus Pandemic has disproportionately affected the Black and Brown populations in terms of contracting the illness, having more severe cases and higher death rates from it. In a conversation after our Buena Vista United Methodist Church’s zoom service a few Sundays ago, Joe Brooks, a longtime civil rights activist, stated that the Black community has been living in a “pandemic since slavery.” He’s referring to racism in this country that is reflected in more difficulty in accessing healthcare, quality education, housing, jobs and living wages as well as the knowledge that the police may well be a perpetrator and not an agent who will protect and serve them.

Last month, in June “thoughts,” I began to wonder if the George Floyd killing by police may be a turning point in addressing racism in our society. I mentioned how Melanie Tervalon and Jann Murray-Garcia led the way to providing a model of Cultural Humility for examining racism at Children’s Hospital Oakland in response to the Rodney King beating and ensuing protests and riots. Buena Vista United Methodist Church, (BVUMC), first stepped into a number of racial justice programs outside of issues directly related to the Japanese American community when it came to light that some Alameda police officers had written racist comments on their electronic squad car computers when being directed to go out to a local Alameda bar. When transcripts were finally released about a year after the incident, (October, 1991), they revealed seven racist slurs, including: “N”-word, “going to kill me a ‘N’”, and dressing as KKK for police briefings.1

Pastors from the Alameda Ministerial Association joined community members, primarily from the West Side of Alameda, to talk about the racist messages. Don Grant, an African American community leader said that this is a long-term issue and while they appreciate the support, suggested that if they’re not committed to a long-term process, they should probably leave. Many of the ministers did leave the community meeting. Two ministers, including Reverend Michael Yoshii, from BVUMC stayed. A group called Coalition of Alamedans for Racial Equality, CARE, formed. It was comprised of African Americans, community members, and a few community organizations. CARE orchestrated a diversity conference, “Building Bridges” at the College of Alameda where government institutions and members of the community discussed institutional racism in the City. The Police Chief, City Manager, Superintendent of Schools and the Alameda College Provost participated. “Unlearning Prejudice” exercises and discussion were held. Reverend Michael Yoshii made a presentation to the police department on systemic racism.

The Police Department began diversity training. Community policing was adopted and the department slowly hired some minority and female officers. The officers responsible for the racist messages were suspended, but not fired. The Mayor of Alameda set up a diversity committee. The Alameda Police brought in consultants to do more extensive training. A couple years later, the Chief of Police resigned. The new Chief had more experience with community policing. Interestingly enough, the Police Chief, City Manager and Superintendent of Schools all resigned around the same time in 1993, as the community was calling for change and for the City to clean house.

The School District also has had a history of racism, including an incident with one of my sisters-in-laws, who is Jewish and married to a Japanese American. She was called a “J” lover by a school administrator. With new leadership in the School District, and after a protest against pushing out an Asian American Principal Designee from a school, CARE moved for multicultural audits at all of the school sites. Community members of CARE helped convene Affinity groups by ethnicities, which listened to the stories of families in the District and collected data which revealed patterns of racism within the schools. Over time, diversity training for teachers and administrators was given, and the hiring of persons of color in administrative and superintendent positions transpired. CARE offered a multicultural leadership program in the Alameda high schools, and BVUMC was a strong driver in creating and running it.

It took many years, but after the protest and continual community pressure, the Asian American Principal Designee, Nielsen Tam, who originally fought for minority hires, eventually became a Principal in the District. Upon retirement, he ran for School Board and became President. In this role he developed relationships with the Board to engender a better understanding of equity, which eventually led to an antibullying curriculum addressing discrimination due to sexual orientation, ethnicity, class, religion and mental/physical special needs. The process of fighting for and adopting this antibullying curriculum was a community-driven one. The minister of BVUMC and at critical points in time, the church supported Nielsen Tam, in his leadership of systemically combatting racism. (Tam was a client and friend, and identified in an earlier “thoughts, 5/2020, of an example of a person residing in the Fifth Order of Kegan’s development with regard to equity.) Nielsen Tam had joined BVUMC and throughout his life was a significant part of the message of healing and equity in the church, school district and larger community.

Many things have improved in Alameda since the racist messages on the Alameda Police computers. However, just 3 days before the George Floyd murder, Mali Watkins, an African American resident of Alameda, was intimidated and harassed for “dancing in the street.” Videos and a statement from the City Manager were recently released in June of this year. There is now a network of community leaders who find out about these types of incidents and let the community know to support the victim but also to inform the community to search for ways to become an ally and rebuild and reform systems. White neighbors of Mr. Watkins were interviewed on the news, identifying that the officer treatment was clearly racist and an overreaction to the situation.

The political leadership of Alameda at the City Council level and the Mayor has changed, and there is more openness to recognizing the systemic racism within City government. The current Mayor announced that the City is investigating why Mr. Watkins detained, hand-cuffed and thrown to the ground and what can be done so that this type of police aggression doesn’t reoccur. She calls for reimagining, reviewing and revising police policy so that every person can be safe. While racism has not been eradicated, many things have shifted from the early 1990’s, when public sentiment seemed to believe the notion that all people, regardless of race and class, were on an “equal playing field.”

In the City of Alameda, following George Floyd’s killing, there were several peaceful marches led by high school youth. Other gatherings spearheaded by these youth were attended by diverse groups of people in terms of race, gender, age and religion. An article covering one of the first assemblies was featured on the front page of the Alameda Sun, a community owned and operated newspaper. The writer was a freshman high school journalist. High school speakers called for people to listen to the “young, powerful Black voices all around them.”2 They urged listeners to vote, to elect persons who will listen to the diverse community voices while providing leadership to change our racist systems, to inform of injustices around the world, and to create and support Black Future Labs whose aim it is to hold politicians accountable. One of the few adult speakers that was asked to participate at the various youth-organized assemblies was Reverend Emily Lin, an Alameda United Methodist pastor, who formerly was an intern and headed up several programs at BVUMC before, during and after becoming a minister.

I would be remiss if I didn’t underscore how Buena Vista worked with the community and consistently engaged in coalition building. The larger community was the foundation of resist and reform processes. Individuals and organizations from the community participated, not just Buena Vista. I am spotlighting BVUMC’s participation with CARE and other organizations not to take away from many other entities that worked together, but to identify the trajectory and continued journey of one organization’s response to racism. The church continued to work in collaboration with other action groups and eventually created the Buena Vista Community Institute, to address racism, xenophobia, exclusion, injustice, education and healing.

Fighting racism is directly connected with addressing all human rights. In this country, Blacks, especially, have been in the forefront of resistance and leading movements for civil rights. BVUMC’s Reverend Yoshii, understands the intersection of the impacts of oppression. Pastor Yoshii, who just retired, has shepherded the congregation and the community to address many more issues that have sparked or supported numerous programs that move towards equity. To name a few of the efforts: support for starting a city-wide “Out on the Island,” LGBTQ group to meet and to begin education to the churches and institutions in the City; for BVUMC to become an open and affirming church for all people of diverse race or sexual orientation; affordable housing which began because African Americans were continuing to be pushed out of the City; meetings and support for attacks on the local Muslim church; sponsoring and housing immigrants; an advocacy program for persons with mental illness, which provides support for Asian Americans to access culturally-responsive services without stigmatization.

During Reverend Yoshii’s tenure, he spearheaded many other social and racial justice issues, locally, nationally and internationally, including supporting other Japanese American churches in becoming open and affirming ones, becoming a sister church with Wadi Foquin, a West-Bank community in Palestine, and helping other churches within the California-Nevada Caucus of the Methodist Conference to join the collective movement of identifying the institutionalization of Palestinian oppression. Although the entry into many of these programs began with a response to individual incidents, I believe that the aim has always been two-fold: healing and social justice. The processes usually began with community listening and hearing stories from persons who were being mistreated or excluded. That began a healing process for the victims as well as for the listeners. When programs were developed, stories from the listening sessions drove the processes that needed to be changed. Building community, collaboration with community agencies and government were the hallmark of Pastor Yoshii’s leadership. Over the years, this church with the community, has stretched to address antiracism and equity in very real ways. I believe that Children’s Hospital of Oakland’s four premises to develop Cultural Humility-- lifelong learning & critical self-reflection, recognizing and challenging power, and building institutional accountability have been present in BVUMC’s ministries.

The Rodney King beatings prompted the Multicultural Curriculum Program at Children’s Hospital. The police racist rantings spurred BVUMC and the Alameda community to address racism in new arenas. These entities worked with the community in uncovering and addressing racism and worked towards healing by listening and working towards systemic change. Both of these organizations included processes that address inequity beyond those of racism. I wonder if the George Floyd killing will signal a new beginning for our country in fighting for antiracism, equity and human rights. Just like with the combatting of the Coronavirus, it will probably be chaotic and a struggle. And yet, it does “feel” like this is a moment of change. In working with our communities, giving voice to the marginalized, by listening, reflecting, and in doing our personal and collective work in dealing with racism, I believe there is always hope.

In the same conversation after church in which Joe Brooks shared his experiences about African Americans living in two pandemics, he spoke about how the police in their attempts to “keep the peace” seems to be gearing up for war. He brings up the subject of how police are becoming more militaristic in their operations. That is what I’d like to address this issue in next month’s “thoughts,” in Part III of Confronting Racism.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are some practices in your organization that might have the effect of excluding or discouraging others? What are processes you and your organization might use to address issues of racism? What might be some first steps? How might this involve listening, engaging, community and coalition-building?


1 Kirkwood, Kathleen, “Police Takes Heat for Racism,” Alameda Times Star, October 26, 1991.

2 Madsen, Stella, Alameda Sun, "Island Expresses its Outrage," Front Page News, June 7, 2020, https://alamedasun.com/news/front?page=5.

“If we discuss a society without discrimination, then we must not discriminate against anyone in the process of building this society. If we desire a society that is democratic, then democracy must become a means as well as an end.” Bayard Rustin, African American Civil Rights/Gay Activist


6/2020
Confronting Racism: Turning Points?

The George Floyd incident seems to have captured the hearts of people across our country. Will this be a turning point for confronting racism? Have you ever dealt with a leaky tire? I feel like this is an apt description of our country’s response to racism. We patch it up and hope we don’t have to think about it until something else happens. We think we can replace the tire when needed and ignore the possibility that the car may have other problems with it or without fully wondering what may be causing multiple leaks, and we just go on with our lives. The racism evident in the killing of George Floyd by the four police officers in Minneapolis, is one more example of how racism is a major factor for unequal justice for African Americans. In George Floyd’s case, the police were responding to a suspected forgery charge. When I saw the footage of George Floyd gasping for air spitting out the words, “I can’t breathe,” it occurred to me that the police must be in a heightened sense of fear, as if their lives were at stake even though Floyd was in hand-cuffs. It doesn’t make sense unless one has an extraordinary fear and the mindset to dominate and overpower the civilian. Our society has taught us to fear persons of color, especially a Black man. I believe this fear stems from racism, which may be overt or subtle, unintentional or intentional. We carry racist attitudes and stereotypes that affect our judgments and behavior below the conscious level, commonly referred to as implicit bias. We learn racism from our rules, systems and institutions, which reinforce our racist patterns of thought and action.

About 25 years ago, Johnny Spain, an African American trainer and colleague, told me that racism is a public health problem. It was a new concept to me at the time. It has helped me to frame my thinking about racism, how racism in this country is an illness. The truth of the matter is, these types of police deaths and assaults are happening all the time but, with video cameras, body cams, and smart phones, it is being captured more often. Social media, has enabled quick release to the general public and we instantaneously become collectively aware of some of the incidents. African Americans are further traumatized by footage reminding them that the worrying about their safety is a daily affront. Black children and families who also have lost someone by the hands of police grieve again, wondering why people didn’t demonstrate when it happened to their family member(s).

Civil unrest often occurs after highly publicized killings by police or when police are exonerated from charges of murder, manslaughter or brutality. In many cases, there tends to be a short-term “fix-it” mentality, which we might be able to follow on the news from the time of protests, memorial services to the conclusion of judicial processes. Then, we move on with our lives. The aftermath of the George Floyd killing seems to beckon us to ask ourselves, “How do the police change their policies and training to move towards a more inclusive mentality and governance that puts into practice equal treatment without regard to race? How do we as a nation continue the dialogue of antiracism which addresses the structural issues which are at the root of police violence? How do communities mobilize, contain the disease of racism and decrease the spread of racist practices? How do people in the African American community obtain justice and heal from these violations of their human rights?”

Many of you work with social justice organizations whose missions are to provide services to underserved populations. Many of us wonder if this horrific and senseless killing of George Floyd might be more than just the most recent call to our nation to come to terms with racism and to more actively engage in the path towards equal treatment for all people. Over this and next months’ “thoughts,” I want to share two organizations, and how they began journeys of antiracism resulting from racist treatment by police: Children’s Hospital in Oakland, with their Multicultural Curriculum Program, and Buena Vista United Methodist, an historically Japanese American church, with their social justice and healing programs. These two organizations expanded their organizational visions to respond to the disease of racism.

The Multicultural Curriculum Program (MCP) of Children’s Hospital Oakland, was created in the aftermath of the 1992 police beating of Rodney King, an African American who was stopped on a freeway in southern California. Although four police officers committing the brutality were charged, they were acquitted. Protests and rioting ensued in South Central Los Angeles, which lasted almost a week. There were tumultuous protests throughout the country and National Guard, Army and Marine Corp troops were called in. The whole area went up in smoke. Historically, the South-Central neighborhood had a history of Latino/Black conflict and this protest also pitted the immigrant Korean community, who had many small shops in the area, against African Americans.

Two African American physicians at Children’s Hospital, Melanie Tervalon and Jann Murray-Garcia felt compelled to respond to the Rodney King beatings. They began discussions and created the Multicultural Curriculum Program with lecture series presented through morning and noon conferences, grand rounds (presenting an individual patient’s issue and treatment to the doctors, residents, and medical students), as well as small group discussion sessions with the residents. Medical and community leaders provided programs which addressed differing cultural issues and attitudes with regard to healthcare, systemic barriers to healthcare, and disparity in healthcare amongst specific ethnic groups. The small groups met regularly with facilitated discussions about race, how patients and their families showed up and participated in their own health. Small group facilitators addressed white and class privilege through events and examples in their lives, that residents were dealing with in the hospital. Facilitators worked to identify how the lenses in which residents viewed and experienced race could affect their decision-making in life and death situations. Ethnic art, music and culture from the community were integrated into the programs. Committees composed of medical residents, staff and community persons met together to present monthly programs by groups: African American, Latino (would now probably be named Latinx), Asian American, White and LGBTQ.

It was truly an amazing program which initiated “cultural humility,” a concept that means one cannot be competent in another person’s culture, but have awareness, humility and respect for another group’s culture https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaSHLbS1V4w. The framework of this program has three major components: Lifelong Learning and Critical Self-Reflection, Recognize and Challenge Power Imbalance, and Institutional Accountability. A premise of cultural humility is, we must embark on a life time of learning to fully understand and appreciate that each of us have our own history and cultural roots and we can potentially have cultural competence in our own culture. Respectful partnerships can be achieved by recognizing and challenging power imbalances by being aware of the dynamics between provider and client and between medical staff. Modeling these principles moves an organization towards cultural humility.

When we are trying to repair a tire, we have to take into consideration the wear and tear of the tire as well as the condition of the car. Unlike a car, where we could just buy a new one if we could afford it, in dealing with racism, we can’t just get rid of all of our institutions. Perhaps we need to rethink, dismantle, and transform our institutions from their foundations much like rebuilding the engine of a car. Or maybe we might consider other forms of transportation besides our cars.

The Rodney King event catapulted Children’s Hospital into creating a new construct for providing healthcare. The MCP of Children’s Hospital Oakland honored listening and community-building processes to uncover and discover culturally sensitive approaches to learning and service. They have become a model for healthcare in culturally diverse ways of providing and understanding health, medicine and healing. The principles of cultural humility are utilized by many non-profit agencies to fight racism. In next month’s July “thoughts” I will present Buena Vista United Methodist Church’s journey towards antiracism following a police incident in Alameda.

Questions to reflect upon:.
What are the feelings that you are experiencing as a result of the George Floyd killing? How might you ground yourself, move towards wholeness and ready yourself to take a/another step towards antiracism?
What might be some systemic issues of racism in your workplace, your organization(s) and your community?

“Let us be enraged about injustice, but let us not be destroyed by it.” Bayard Rustin, African American Civil Rights/Gay Activist


5/2020
Reflection and Adult Learning: Equity, Part III

Reflection has been the cornerstone of my coaching practice. I believe in order for a transformative shift to be made, reflection is the first step that must be taken. Dr. Robert Kegan in his many books, as well as in his learning & coaching programs seems to follow this school of thought. Kegan is a constructive-developmental psychologist who taught at Boston School of Professional Psychology and Harvard School of Education. I took a transformative learning course from Dr. Kegan and Dr. Lisa Laskow Lahey, where they unfolded their program, which diagnoses one’s immunity to change by identifying seven languages as a mental technology for breaking through what keeps us from changing, especially in the arenas to which we are committed.

Kegan & Lahey suggest that human beings are complex, and that when we have difficulty reaching goals that are very important to us, it might be the result of conflicting commitments. If we uncover these competing commitments, we can more easily break barriers that are keeping us from moving forward in our lives. In some ways, Kegan and Lahey’s technology was earth-shattering for me in understanding my own mental blocks. (For information on these languages, see “thoughts,” 1/2018, New Years and Seeking Transformation.) Although I could follow and employ their technology with clients, I had difficulty fully comprehending Kegan’s Orders of the Mind,1 the principles with which he created his Immunity to Change program with Lahey. Over the years in discussion with colleagues, I have discovered that many of my coaching and training contemporaries find Kegan’s theories compelling, yet difficult to access.

Using Kegan’s Orders of the Mind to guide the languages of transformation has been intriguing and promising for bringing lasting change in one’s self-sabotaging behaviors. There is something promising and powerful about this concept of moving the Subject to the Object. This premise immediately resonated with me as a tool for promoting learning and development. Yet I feel like I am only beginning to understand how they integrated this principle into their program. It seems to me that the technology is crafted in an analytical, objective and straight forward manner, and reveals personal or group values embedded within ourselves. I think Kegan and Lahey’s technology helps individuals become more congruent, aligning all the parts of oneself in the same direction, while exposing room for growth, discovery and self-development. Kegan and Lahey describe this process as messy, uncovering parts of oneself that we have learned to hide in efforts to appear professional and competent. Admitting our weaknesses can make us vulnerable, and can be the first step towards breaking through barriers that we haven’t recognized are there.

Jennifer Garvey Berger, wrote a couple of articles, “Leadership and Complexity of the Mind” and “A Summary of the Constructive-Developmental Theory of Robert Kegan” which afforded me a clearer understanding of a Kegan’s theory. One of the reasons I took Dr. Kegan and Laskey’s Immunity to Change course was in hopes of helping individuals and institutions with equity. I had been reflecting upon Kegan & Lahey’s processes and Kegan’s Orders of the Mind to further understand the transformative power of their tool. When I asked Dr. Kegan if one does not identify equity as a personal commitment could the transformative languages help? He said “No.” Therefore, if one doesn’t have equity as a goal or focus on a commitment to equity, the processes wouldn’t work in identifying barriers to progress in combatting racism.

I am also wondering whether looking for examples of racism and paring it with Orders of the Mind in one’s mental development is an approach that begs the issue that racism is institutional. Ibram X. Kendi presents in How to Be an Antiracist, (see “thoughts”, 2/2020) how exploring racism as a personal issue, when racism is a systemic one will not be effective. Merely focusing upon racism as an individual act does not tell the whole story. The word racism implies that it as an institutional concept. Without acknowledging its presence in culture and society, we will have limited effectiveness in understanding how the meaning of racism is embedded within our mental systems. Kendi repeatedly mentions how focusing on an individual person as being a “racist” ignores the larger issues of our systems, institutions and structures of governance and living. Instead, he concentrates on the collective movement of working towards antiracism and provides definitions and different ways of looking at our society.

Kendi, along with many other antiracists, have identified the structure and systems of racism and how it is embedded in our institutions. Individual stories about how people experience racism can illuminate and provide a glimmering of how individuals are being affected by larger societal issues. If we ask the right questions and stretch our mental capacities to higher Orders of the Mind, stories about people encountering racism can point to systemic issues that act as barriers to service and equitable treatment. Just as it is uncomfortable and messy in uncovering one’s own immunity to change, there is cons iderable discomfort in dealing with racism.

In Kegan’s Third Order of the Mind, or the first level of adult development, studies show that many persons live most of their lives within this order. They have internalized one or more systems of meaning, which may primarily follow the systems of one’s family or another group or culture. Persons inhabiting the Third Order can be self-reflective and self-conscious of their own actions and those of other persons. They can follow the company or family line and can be strong followers of the culture, organization or political rallying point. They have a self-authored system, but can feel torn apart by "disagreeing pieces of themselves.”2 In Kegan’s Fourth Order, individuals are able to develop their own philosophies to combine different systems and philosophies and are more self-guided and self-evaluative. They have a self-authored system, and have advanced to "generate larger goals, principles, commitments that transcend any particular culture of embeddedness."3 (For explanation of Third and Fourth Orders, see “thoughts,” 12/2020 and 3/2020 respectively.)

Turning to the Fifth Order, people at this level can understand advantages of differing governing systems while also recognizing limitations in one’s own internal system. Whereas abstract systems in the Fourth Order were confined to the Subject, in the Fifth Order, they can become the Object. Persons at this order can grasp and formulate many more possibilities and alternatives. Jennifer Garvey Berger writes, “Instead of viewing others as people with separate and different inner systems, those at the Fifth order can look across inner systems to see the similarities that are hidden within what used to look like differences. Adults at the Fifth order are less likely to see the world in terms of dichotomies or polarities.4 They are more likely to believe that what we often think of as black and white are just various shades of gray whose differences are made more visible by the lighter or darker colors around them.”5

It’s not surprising to me that most adults don’t live in the Fifth Order. “Kegan (1994) reports that between 3-6% of adults aged 19-55 make meaning in the transition between the Fourth and Fifth orders; no adults in the studies Kegan reports made meaning fully at the Fifth order (but since the age of these studies is relatively young, it is likely that there would be more people in the Fifth order in a more mature population.)”6

I believe I’ve encountered clients inhabiting the Fifth Order with regard to equity. I remember an African American client who served in the vice executive position, providing services within a social justice cause, and who was being pushed out by an incoming White Executive Director, ED. My client had worked on the local, regional, state and national levels. The previous ED routinely consulted with my client around issues of equity. As persons of color, both the outgoing ED and my client understood white privilege and how people of color, women, LGBQT persons and the poor operate in two different worlds- the white, male, heterosexual and middle class sensibilities and their own worlds where economic resources, access to education, services and resources are not as readily available and the barriers to them are unseen or invisible. In my client’s departure from her organization, she understood that white privilege was being exercised and yet knew she needed to craft her way to the next part of her own life’s journey. She was keenly aware of the power issues, the different systems at work with the organization, board and the new White leader.

While exiting, my client wanted to preserve as much of the program that would engage and enlist the community’s abilities to influence the goals of any programs, by developing avenues to express the needs of the community. She left a legacy of a community-based way of providing services, which was not static, but always open to engaging the community and acknowledging changes in society. My client hoped that some of the processes she created in the various programs, would continue to have meaning for reaching the poor, and underrepresented populations of color. In my client’s last several months at this organization, she developed and followed an exit plan that empowered the remaining staff and provided them with an arena to move through the transition of her exit. She was strategic and compassionate in creating a manner in which she was able to say good-by after holding listening sessions to deal with their grief, transition and issues that they felt they would probably be dealing with in her absence. She empowered them to carry the torch and to continue creating new ways of dealing with issues. She also refused to fight their battles for them. I believe that she operated at the Fifth Order because of the strategic approach to her situation and her departure plan.

Berger suggests numerous strategies for supporting executives in moving from the Fourth Order to the Fifth Order:7
• Practice the integration of the perspectives of other people and/or other groups
• Incorporate dichotomies or apparent opposites
• Deal with undiscussable issues, tolerate and understand contradictions
• Recognize limitations and awareness of one’s own meaning system
• Identify with two different sides of an issue, connect them and imagine solutions that can resolve the issue
• Understand the influence of one’s own mind-set on one’s view of reality.
Regarding the adult development, Berger, Kegan and many constructive developmentalists stress the need for challenge and support to facilitate successful learning.

I had another client, who I believe operated in the Fifth Order when it came to providing equitable education to students and the community. He was committed to equity. He served on countless community boards, committees, commissions for equal access to services and he advocated for persons with special needs. His extraordinary capacity for listening and building relationships was inspiring. He had a keen awareness of differences, while able to identify strengths and contributions of each individual person. Not only did he see the differences and connections between other persons’ meaning systems, he listened patiently, and created respectful and trusting relationships with persons who had been at the opposite spectrum of many equity issues.

As a Chinese American and son of immigrants, this client had experienced prejudice throughout his childhood and work career. He had fought for the hiring of persons of color to administrative positions, even when he knew that would keep him from being hired as a Principal. He persevered and after many years became a Principal and eventually the President of the Board of Education, where he had a tremendous impact on including diversity into the district curriculum and reviewing institutional policies of the District. He was curious about the cultural strengths of persons with diverse backgrounds. With parents whose children were having disciplinary issues, he thought about how their experiences growing up might affect the manner in which the parents interacted and participated in the school community. As Principal, he created ways to welcome all parents to the school and reached out to know them personally. He was constantly making connections of how perceptions, limited finances, lack of opportunities, difficult challenges and trauma might affect one’s ability to be fully present in the learning processes. As President of the School Board, he would ask questions and provide stories that over time, helped his colleagues understand some of the connections that he saw.

Over time, he built bridges where there was typically disagreement. He was a spiritual man, clear that he was called to be a healer. He believed that everyone is in need of healing and that all people are grieving some loss in their lives, even if it be from change or transition. Although I don’t necessarily believe that being spiritual is a requirement for moving into the Fifth Order, it is spiritual leaders that come to mind such as Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu as persons who inhabit the Fifth Order. Each of these leaders helped people feel like they were heard and understood, while also liberated from suffering. I wonder if having a deep sense of compassion for one’s fellow beings makes it easier to enter the Fifth Order.

Thank you to all of you who have commented on these “thoughts” on this series of Reflection and Adult Development: Equity. I hope they have been of some interest to you. I invite you to post me with your observations and reactions.

Questions to reflect upon:
With regard to equity and inclusion, what are some of the issues that seem undiscussable?
In working with another person or a group of persons where there are two sides that people or you are viewing as either/or, how can you see the merits of each perspective and might there be some different form of governing system that incorporates or manages the tension between them?


1 Kegan, Robert, In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life. (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1994) 31.

2 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, 8.

3 In Part I of Reflection and Adult Learning: Equity, I surmised that persons in the Third Order have difficulty with dichotomous thinking. Although technically true, according to Kegan’s Orders of the Mind, it is not until the Fifth Order that persons have the bandwidth to deal with either/or type of polarized thinking and recognize that one’s own meaning making system might prevent one from seeing different alternatives and be able to incorporate the advantages of two seemingly conflicting systems.

4 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, 9.

5 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, 9.

6 Berger, Jennifer Garvey, and Fitzgerald, Catherine, “Leadership and Complexity of the Mind: The Role of Executive Coaching,” Executive Coaching Practices & Perspectives. (Palo Alto: Davies-Black Publishing, 2002), 47.


4/2020
COVID-19: Community & Individual Stories

I greet you wherever you are and suspect that in addition to anything else happening in your life, the Coronavirus is having an impact on your life. Over a week ago while on Zoom with a group of coaches who utilize culturally-aware practices, we discussed how with the predicted rate of infection, we will probably know someone who has died from the disease. It was a sobering thought. The following Sunday in my church’s zoom worship service, a person who had died from the virus was lifted up in prayer. I don’t know if COVID-19 has hit you personally. We have entered into a week that the surgeon general has recommended to forego trips outside of the home including designated exceptions to staying home, such as grocery shopping, since he believes that this week will be one of the worst.

On March 31, 2020, I watched the PBS Newshour’s “Unlocking the Virus” segment. Dr. Siddharta Mukherjee, an epidemiologist, who wrote “How does the Coronavirus Behave Inside a Patient” in the The New Yorker said something that struck me. He shared that measuring the COVID-19 as it moves across the population is equally as important as measuring how it moves within a single person. I began to think about what he said with how my clients continue to be aware of how they provide needed services for their communities while watching how their services affect each individual. Both the stories of communities and the stories of individuals are important. Dr. Mukherjee stated that epidemiologists are learning many things about the pandemic: how it is primarily transmitted through respiratory droplets and that persons can spread the Coronavirus even if one has no symptoms, how every virus has it own personal imprint and that this current COVID-19 virus is related to SARS and MERS. Towards the end of his talk, Dr. Murherjee stressed how social distancing and sheltering at home are buying time for scientists and medical professionals so that when the full wave of the virus arrives, we will be able to have enough capacity and treatments for the worst-hit persons.

Dr. Mukherjee presented how testing of the Coronavirus is only in its first phase, measuring how fast it is moving across people: Are you infected/not infected? Are you symptomatic or not, or don’t have symptoms and carry the disease? The second phase is the measurement of the movement of the virus within people, or the dynamics of the virus within people: How much virus were you exposed to? How much does that virus lead to an infection? Are you immune once you get infected?

Late in March, I sent an invitation to my blog readers to let me know how you are faring during this pandemic. For most of us, the shelter in place, means working from home or being out of work. I was pleased to learn that after making the transition, you were enjoying some extra time. Some of you were engaging more with family at home, and some of you were taking advantage of special videos, online concerts, online yoga/exercise and/or good books. Most of you did not mention decreased employment or major concern about your personal and organizational finances, although this was early in the timeline of staying at home. I do know that my clients are thinking about their families and their communities not having access to medical care, social services, enough food, as well as children and students who also may be facing difficulties from not having the computers/tools, internet capacity and needed support to access school lessons from home. Most of my clients work for non-profits and their organizational newsletters have emphasized how although their services might be on hold, we need to continue fighting for justice and equality. This epidemic exacerbates our most vulnerable populations’ quality of life and further corrodes the social safety nets and opportunities for gaining economic security. Immigrant children whose families are seeking asylum are still separated from their parents, and detained in prison. Many people do not have health care. With the shut-down of courts due to this crisis, increased delays to quick and speedy trials further amplify the shortcomings in our justice system. Communities of color, the poor and the disabled, are being more deeply affected from this pandemic than the larger population.

How do we carry on? Please let me know how you and your organization are moving forward with your mission. I’m curious about how you might need to change your approach for the uncertain future. As we return to work, will you/your organization make new provisions for health, especially when there is outbreak of contagious viruses such as influenza, Covid-19, SARS, MERS? In living through the Coronavirus, will you need to create different mechanisms for working in your office and in working with your clientele? Will you need to reconfigure waiting areas where receptionists greet the public? Will you have different sitting arrangements in group meetings? Will you need to continually clean all surfaces? We have much to learn from the medical and essential services that are already facing this issue. We also might research how Taiwan, who has battled previously with SARS, were ready and made changes that limited incidences of the Coronavirus and dramatically reduced spread of it as compared with neighboring countries and the rest of the world.

Returning to the PBS segment on Unlocking the Virus segment: Dr. Murkherjee, was asked if he thought we would be successful in getting through this crisis. He was affirmative and said that he is very confident that we will. On that positive note, I’d like to send my deepest gratitude to all of you who are health-care and essential workers risking your lives for us. THANK YOU. And, to all of my readers, I hope that you are able to stay safe, healthy and do what you can to help our communities, while taking care of yourself and your families.

Note: I have listed a few resources that I find interesting, including The New Yorker article written by Dr. Murkhergee; a two-part series about infectious diseases that airs tonight and covers Dr. Murkhergee’s work and the history of genetic testing; as well as a program about the pandemic of SARS that was created prior to the December, 2019, Coronavirus outbreak in China.

Questions to reflect upon:
How is the Corona Virus affecting your community? How is it affecting you?
How does your work or life affect the community you serve? And how do your services reach individuals and how does it affect them? Going forward, what changes do you think you will have to make?

Resources:
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/04/06/how-does-the-coronavirus-behave-inside-a-patient/

“The Next Pandemic,” Explained, Netflix Series, November 7, 2019.

Ken Burns Presents: The Gene: An Intimate History, Two-part series, PBS, April 7 and 14; 8 pm, Channel 9 in Bay Area, California.
_____

"All classes of people under social pressure are permeated with a common experience; they are emotionally welded as others cannot be. With them, even ordinary living has epic dept and lyric intensity, and this...is their spiritual advantage.” -Alain Locke, Black Philosopher

Posted: 4/14/20


3/2020
Reflection and Adult Learning: Equity, Part II

In December of 2019, I wrote about Robert Kegan’s Orders of the Mind and focused upon the first stage of adult development, or the Third Order. I provided examples about equity. This month’s “thoughts” I would like to address the Fourth Order, or second stage of adult learning. I will refer to some of the examples and explanations presented in Part I of this series on Reflection and Adult Learning: Equity.

Kegan’s premise is that as we reflect upon our lives and move the Subject to the Object, we are growing and developing and that we can’t act upon the content of the Subject until it moves to the Object position. At the Third Order, or socialized mind, we are able to incorporate a Board of Directors in our own minds,1 and can internalize different systems and ways of thinking, with the Subject being abstractions. Yet, we can only deal with abstractions in a concrete way. Thus, while we are in the Third Order, we can internalize another’s point of view in dealing with someone else and grow our capacity for empathy, we “cannot construct a generalized system regulative of interpersonal relationships and relationships between relationships.” 2 (Please refer to “thoughts, 12/19” on my website for a more thorough explanation of the Third Order.)

In the Fourth Order, the Subject grows to include abstract systems and ideology, with abstractions and self-consciousness moving to the position of Object. Executive coaches, Jennifer Garvey Berger and Catherine Fitzgerald write “Adults at the Fourth Order have achieved all that those at the Third Order have, and in addition, have created a ‘self’ that exists even outside of its connection to the meaning systems and people surrounding it.” 3 Individuals in the Fourth Order can deal directly with abstractions, consider multiple systems to make decisions about groups and institutions. It is not until the Fourth Order, or what Kegan calls the self-authored mind, where individuals become the Chair of the Board of their own minds. Whereas the Third Order adults recognize abstractions, as the Subject, those in the Fourth Order can move abstractions to the Object while acknowledging abstract systems, as the Subject. They do not have to rely only upon what their group, family, community, organization or institution have taught them. People in the Fourth Order are not surprised like those in the Third Order when they can’t get consensus about the best course of action. At the Fourth Order as Chair of the Board, a person can incorporate conflicting ideologies and “transform their relationships to these ideologies, institutions or people.” 4

Remember the Taylor Swift quote in Part I of this series, identifying Scooter Braun’s actions of purchasing rights to Swift’s earlier albums being met with fellow artists saying that Braun has always been nice to them? In the Fourth Order, individuals understand the abstract system of sexism and that being a nice person doesn’t address the issue of power or system of unearned privilege. Persons who haven’t developed the Fourth Order may not be able to understand the system of male privilege. And, because persons don’t always stay at the Fourth Order all of the time, it’s possible that persons may not be able to grasp their relationships to different ideologies, institutions or ethnic groups. Persons who haven’t developed the Fourth Order may not be able to understand or at least begin to look for different solutions and systemic ways of dealing with the problems in our society stemming from racism, classism/poverty, homophobia, sexism, and religious persecution.

In numerous coaching sessions, clients have come to me with issues regarding their direct reports, peers and bosses which included perspectives on equity. I have asked them whether culture or race might have something to do with the issue. They didn’t always answer in the affirmative, but their thinking somehow changed and opened up strategies for how to deal with their supervisory and leadership issues in a way that was congruent with their values. They were able to take into consideration the culture of the system in which their organizations and society operate and their own cultural systems.

As I reflect upon clients operating in the Fourth Order with respect to equity, two clients of color came to mind. In response to my question about whether culture may play a part in their situations, one client mentioned white fragility and another client responded that he knew that the type of behavior his direct report was displaying would never be tolerated from himself as an employee. I believe the issues around the privileges accorded to white persons were institutionally invisible and my clients carried them internally as the Subject. Until they were able to name and understand them as the Object, they couldn’t work with the system of white privilege and then incorporate the ideology in order to understand how it works while figuring out strategies for dealing with the specific issues around supervision.

There are two sayings that I think capture what I’m trying to convey. They are: 1) How do you know what you don’t know? 2) If what you need to understand is beyond your current developmental stage, what motivation would you have to learn and grow and operate in the next level? In the cases of my two clients, they moved to the Fourth Order with this issue and realized that their direct reports would not be able to understand their behavior as equity issues. This is not to say that my clients had not been operating in the Fourth Order with other issues. I think it is easy in our society to be blind to how racism is a systemic issue, not an individual one and the ramifications of this idea. Working towards antiracism is a system with which we have not had much exposure. I further began to wonder, what if my clients’ direct reports went around the authority of my clients and if the clients’ supervisors could not recognize white privilege in the situations? This happens more often than one might think. It would complicate the clients’ issues, creating more inequity and difficulty, as well as block opportunity for growth of the direct reports. Many of my clients have dealt with similar situations. In simply having to deal with racism, sexism and other systemic issues which grant invisible privilege, persons without these privileges live with less power and authority to deal with the presenting issues. Therefore, I’m thinking that in order to combat racism, it’s vital that we begin moving towards the Fourth level of Kegan’s Orders of the Mind.

So, how did my clients explain to their direct reports what they now understand about equity, white fragility and white privilege if their direct reports are at the Third or Second Orders? In their particular cases, I think my clients recognized that their direct reports were not open or capable of stretching and developing in this arena, and decided to deal with the issue in more concrete ways, identifying what was appropriate and what was not. Equity was not the main issue in both of these cases. Although the issues of white privilege and white fragility still exist in these two clients’ organizations, there were positive outcomes for the client. The clients grew and transformed to the Fourth Order of the mind regarding equity and were able to return to face their situations and deal with them with more confidence. They were able to let go of some of the frustration and angst that was embodied in their decision-making. They became congruent in their responses and moved on to other issues.

In a future “thoughts,” I plan to discuss the Fifth Order of the Mind and hope to find examples of equity.

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of an organization or board with which you work where you know the philosophy or system of ideology it holds. Can you think of an issue of fairness which the philosophy or system does not adequately address? For example:
-Disproportionate percentage of African American students who were suspended. OR
- Percentage of any group of color in the executive staff being disproportionately lower than the line staff.

To face Fourth Order demand, try any of these suggestions adapted from Executive Coaching:5
-Identify and articulate the expectations that are causing strain and confusion
-Brainstorm sources of information, expertise, and judgment that might address the issues, including interviews with community members, research or framework of organizations that have good track records of addressing the needs of the particular ethnic group
-Craft a decision-making process that you could use to deal with this complicated situation and include resources that could be helpful
-Propose ways to have constructive discussions with bosses, peers, community leaders involved with this issue
-Reframe the process as a learning process instead of a problem to fix


1 Berger, Jennifer Garvey and Fitzgerald, Catherine, referencing Kegan, “Leadership and Complexity of Mind: The Role of Executive Coaching,” Executive Coaching: Practices & Perspectives. (Palo Alto: Davies-Black Publishing, 2002), 5.

2 Kegan, Robert, In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life. (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1994) 31.

3 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, 7.

4 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, 7.

5 Berger & Fitzgerald, 50.


2/2020
Antiracism

“’The only way to undo racism is to consistently identify and describe it—and then dismantle it.’ (-Ibram X. Kendi)

“Antiracism is a transformative concept that reorients and reenergizes the conversation about racism—and, even more fundamentally, points us towards liberating new ways of thinking about ourselves and each other. At its core, racism is a powerful system that creates false hierarchies of human value; its warped logic extends beyond race, from the way we regard people of different ethnicities or skin colors to the way we treat people of different sexes, gender identities and body types. Racism intersects with class and culture and geography and even the way we see and value ourselves.” From the book cover of How to be an Antiracist, Ibram X. Kendi

From time to time, throughout my whole career in education, youth and human development and leadership, I have been asked, is there one book that they could read to help them be more culturally responsive and to educate themselves about racism. I have always felt that this is an impossible task. At best, I might offer a book on race/class and suggest additional ones where each book might help with understanding cultural and power differences on individual group of persons, such as African American, Native peoples, Asian Americans, Latinx.1 These books rarely included the topic of power imbalance in our society for females, LGBQT and non-binary persons. Recently I went to a public lecture by Ibram X. Kendi about antiracism, sponsored by several non-profit corporate giving foundations. I listened with interest in how Kendi unfolded how he, as a Black man, realized through life experiences that he is racist, sexist, homophobic, colorist (seeing different shades of color as supporting racist ideas between white and black people), classifying people of European descent as superior and holding the ideology that Black people can’t be racist because they have no power. While defining and shifting the focus to antiracism as a technology to combat racism, he explores how racism and these other forms of hierarchical cultural constructs lead to resource inequity and an unequal playing field. His premise is that we are all racist because racism is a concept of the structures and systems of our societies and that our country was created through constructing racist hierarchies.

I almost did not purchase Kendi’s book because his ideas were familiar—I’ve read about power, institutional racism, and seen racist acts and policies regularly reflected in today’s society, and I have many books in my library about race, class, and how to unlearn prejudice. But for some reason, I did. What I found powerful were his definitions:
• racist/antiracist
• biological racist/biological antiracist
• ethnic racism/ethnic antiracism
• bodily racist/bodily antiracist
• cultural racist/cultural antiracist
• behavioral racist/behavioral antiracist
• colorism/color antiracism
• anti-white racist
• powerless defense of Blacks
• class racist/antiracist anticapitualist
• space racism/space antiracism
• gender racism/gender antiracism
• queer racism/queer antiracism
• activist
This may sound trite, but to better understand these words/opposites, I invite you to read Kendi’s book, How to be an Antiracist. Kendi is a Black male, who has repeatedly been the target of racism, shares how he is a recovering racist, recovering privileged male and recovering heterosexual. Although born and raised within the African American community, to a father and mother who were civil rights leaders, he shares how society bred in him the cancer of systematic hierarchical privilege for persons of European ancestry, males, heterosexuals. His journey reminds me of my life’s journey and that of many of my clients and persons of color who work for social justice. Our stories are not exactly the same, but have a familiar ring to them--the journeys we have had to make and continue to make because we are persons of color who dream and strive towards an antiracist society. I think that Kendi’s focus on antiracism, rather than on racism, is similar to the movement in coaching and learning/development to come from a place of being positive and moving towards a goal: to be appreciative of one’s strengths while acknowledging one’s weaknesses and focusing on the way ahead. No one wants to think of themselves as a racist. The labelling of someone as racist is not helpful in getting individuals on board to do the difficult and continuing work of healing and eradicating ourselves and our society of this horrible disease. As individuals, if there is not the motivation to be antiracist, one is not likely to be willing to identify when one is racist and when one needs to own up to unearned privilege. Of course, I am not advocating that it’s OK to ignore racist acts and policies. Kendi says that there is no “in between safe space of ‘not racist.’ The claim of ‘not racist’ neutrality is a mask for racism.”2 Furthermore, Kendi writes:“This is the consistent function of racist ideas—and of any kind of bigotry more broadly: to manipulate us into seeing people as the problem, instead of the policies that ensnare them.”3

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there some action you might do to identify, resist or begin to rectify racism in your workplace, community or home?
In terms of racism and the fear which it may instill in you, from what do you need to heal?


1 Latinx is meant to be inclusive of male, female, LGBQTIA and non-binary individuals. (Only the reference to this group has a gender identification.)

2 Kendi, Ibram X, How to be an Antiracist. (New York: One World, 2019), 9.

3 Kendi, 8.


1/2020
Welcoming the New Year, the New Decade!

Shinnen Omedeto-Happy New Year in Japanese. I’ve been thinking about journaling twenty things for which I’m grateful as we move into a new decade. I often hear counselors or coaches mention at year’s end how identifying things one is grateful for can really help one through difficult times, while also putting one in a place to help others. I do recognize that when one is grieving, or really hurting, it may be difficult to be positive. In some ways, focusing on being positive can mask how one is feeling. For me, I am finding that it is important to be in the moment of sadness, anger or disbelief, to be present with what one is feeling and to acknowledge it. I am finding that after finding a way to acknowledge whatever emotions are occurring, there is always at least one thing, at any time, that I can be grateful for. Two years ago, 2018 was probably the most difficult year of my life so far. This past year, 2019, brought a lot of health challenges. I am very grateful to have made it through the year and couldn’t have done so without the help of friends.

I am grateful for all of my clients, who let me in to their lives, sharing their joys and triumphs, as well as their challenges. I have come to realize that moving past one’s own barriers takes a measure of trust and willingness to be vulnerable. I am so very lucky to continue to have clients who are open to learning and developing—it is truly a privilege to accompany them in their life journeys.

I am grateful for the Prism Coaching Circle, a small group of coaches who practice culturally-aware coaching and continue to support each other in the practice of helping our clients better live their lives through understanding how all of our perspectives are informed by culture. A lot of our discovery and conversation is in identifying institutional power and institutional bias. I can explore more about this in future “thoughts.”

I am grateful for my sisters, extended family members and all of the caretakers of my parents these past seven years. My dad passed in October. I am grateful for all of the people from my parents’ farming and church communities, our current church family and relatives who stopped by, shared food with them and let us know they were thinking of my folks throughout the past seven years. If one can have a good death, I would say my dad did. I was watching my dad and my mom on the week-end that he passed. He died at home, passing less than 24 hours after he stopped food and water. My parents said their good-byes to each other, and almost all of the children and grandchildren had the chance to say our good-byes, even though we knew he might linger for a lot longer. One sister, who is a nurse, had been checking in on my dad daily for three days to see if he might get better, which he had done many times before. I had prayed that we could have hospice, as my dad seemed to be declining quickly and just didn’t have the usual energy or drive. Although the nurse who would have assessed him for hospice care did not arrive until after my dad passed, the kind of things that my sister did was very similar to what a hospice nurse would have provided in helping us prepare for his death. I am so thankful for the way in which she helped my family, helped me in participating in the ending process.

I am grateful for the health of my nuclear family. Last year in January my husband was in the hospital for two surgeries, which came after three years of suffering from something that wasn’t able to be diagnosed. In December of 2018, doctors thought my older son had passed a kidney stone. My son continued to have difficulty, but didn’t have surgery until March of 2019, when he had surgery to remove the stone that had been undetected and seemed to be the original one that had not quite passed. Throughout the last half o 2018, my younger son was dealing with grave symptoms from mental illness before he entered a program which assisted him in his journey towards acceptance of his illness and helped him to deal with PTSD. We all feel extremely fortunate that life seems much brighter than it was a year ago at this time

I am grateful for friends who have spiritually and emotionally supported me throughout this past year and this past decade.

I don’t know, in future "thoughts," I might begin each quarter this year with five more things for which I’m grateful. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I wonder if you might identify five things for which you are grateful. How might these things have significance for you? I’d love to hear from you.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of a time when you stopped to consciously be grateful about something? Did you notice any difference in your frame of thinking?
Can you experiment with making a gratitude list and observing anything thing that changes within you?


12/2019
Reflection and Adult Learning: Equity, Part I

With December’s typical rain and snow in some areas, and with the close of the calendar year, reflection seems like a good theme for this month’s “thoughts.” In reflection of my coaching practice, I am eternally grateful for my clients--in having the privilege to accompany them in their leadership journeys, and in watching their moments of insight and learning. Working with them is a highlight in my life, so thank you to all of my clients, current and past. Many of my current clients view equity as an important value and goal for their organizations. It recently occurred to me that my clients are developing the complexity of mind, a transformative learning theory created by Robert Kegan, a developmental psychologist.

Kegan’s framework is built upon developing one’s capacity, expanding one’s mind to become more complex, more able to deal with uncertainty and multiple demands. Jennifer Garvey Berger writes about Kegan's model, “This is a constructive-developmental theory because it is concerned both with the construction of an individual’s understanding of reality and with the development of that construction to more complex levels over time.”1 The development is more than learning new skills or information, but transformative. The person’s thinking adapts, and changes the way he or she understands things.

Kegan has posited five stages or “orders” of human development, with increasing capacity in the way we construct and view our realities. The first two orders are typically developed as young children and adolescents. The First Order is a time of magic and mystery, and the world is constantly changing. In this order, other people exist separately from oneself, but another person’s point of view is not understood. In the Second Order, another person’s point of view can be accessed, however, one cannot hold differing points of view at the same time. The Second Order consists of things staying the same regardless of one’s relationship to them, such as understanding that when one goes up in an airplane, people on the ground have not shrunk in size.

According to Kegan, development to the Third Order is based upon the ability to move from Subject to Object. When something is the Subject, any assumptions or beliefs about it are not questioned. With reflection, one can internalize the Subject, question and think about it in different ways and consider one’s belief system about it. In this way, Kegan says it can become what he calls the Object. One’s belief system affects how one makes decisions and with reflection one can consider why and how one believes something. Kegan asserts that only by keeping the new learning as the content or Object of learning, can one continue to grow. It’s a psychological muscle that “is hard to build because giving up a way of understanding oneself and/or one’s world can be painful.” 2 Consequently, even if one has made a shift from Subject to Object, it is not uncommon to allow the insight to fade back into the Subject.

On a morning show, Singer/Songwriter, Taylor Swift, recently selected “Woman of the Year” in entertainment spoke about Scooter Braun, whose company owns the rights to Swift’s earlier albums, “Let me just say that the definition of toxic male privilege in our industry is people saying, ‘But he’s always been nice to me when I’m raising valid concerns about artists and their right to own their own music.’”3 I think that for Taylor Swift, male privilege is the Object. It seems to me that the people commenting are focusing on Scooter Braun and not being able place male privilege as the Object. People may be confused as to what Swift is talking about because their belief system guides them to assume that Braun is a nice guy so he couldn’t be exercising male privilege, especially “toxic male privilege.” I wonder if it is difficult for them to understand male privilege, and to question their relationship to the notion of male privilege.

Kegan has designated three orders of adult development which encompasses an increasing shift from Subject to Object and also reveal an underlying structure of one’s conscious reflection. Kegan asserts that when the Subject becomes the Object, transformation occurs, and the way that a person makes meaning from the world evolves. This progression of knowing can help adults deal more effectively with abstract systems, ideology and how one relates to other people and to institutions.

In the Third Order, or the typical first level of adult development, an individual can understand abstractions as the Subject and is aware of one’s needs and preferences as well as those of other people. A person inhabiting the Third Order is self-reflective about one’s actions and the actions of others. The Object, however, remains concrete. Meaning is made primarily by the point of view one has internalized. At this order, when there is a conflict between ideologies, institutions or people, a person in the Third Order may have difficulty making a decision, especially when there is no consensus. Most adults can inhabit this order; however, I suspect that with the Subject of equity, many adults fall back to the Second order. As in the Taylor Swift example, the abstract idea of toxic male privilege is difficult to grasp because, for them, male privilege isn’t consistent with their notion of a nice guy. People in the Third Order can be very loyal to the particular ideologies they have adopted. They may disregard information that is new to them and may not be open to changing their minds or thinking differently about the situation. With regard to equity, they may have internalized specific systems of meaning that do not consider or incorporate differing cultural philosophies or viewpoints.

I remember an African American participant in an “Unlearning Prejudice” workshop I conducted over 20 years ago remarking that she didn’t want to share her experiences. Let’s name her Yvonne. She just wanted to do her work and get by the best she could. Yvonne was working within a predominantly male dominated field, where there was a small percentage of African Americans. Another African American woman had shared her story about unequal treatment. Yvonne commented that she’s not going to spill out her guts and have persons sit back, watch her and think that she’s crazy. For although the woman who shared her story found it healing, at the same time, there were white persons that felt entertained and happy that they didn’t have to speak or share, and they did not. Listening didn’t demand them to self-reflect. They didn’t question their belief system about prejudice nor their relationship to the meaning of prejudice.4

I think I understand what Yvonne meant about just doing her work. She knew her coworkers well enough that one or two of their stories would not get most of them to understand an internalized system of prejudice, white or male privilege and it was just too emotionally exhausting to share when she was pretty certain of the outcome. In Kegan’s framework, one must be able to question one’s belief system about the Subject to move it to the Object. In this instance, I believe that many of the white male coworkers may have been stuck in the Second or Third Orders when speaking about racism. While these persons probably had “internalized one or more systems of meaning (their family’s values, a political or national ideology, a professional or organizational culture),”5 they could not understand the abstract idea of racism. Perhaps they didn’t understand the examples from the woman’s story because they were not concrete enough, and/or not close enough to their own experiences. This means they were inhabiting the Second Order. Or the persons may have been in the Third Order, still “unable to develop their own philosophies or to combine the best parts of several different ideas into their own new one.”6

Reflection in the Third, Fourth and Fifth Orders is a significant part of Kegan’s development as it reveals underlying structures of one’s thinking. I plan to write more about Kegan’s Framework, especially the Fourth and Fifth Orders in future postings of the coming year. Please feel free to post me with your responses or observations of this month’s coaching blog. Thank you for reading and joining me in my reflections and “thoughts” journey. As this year closes, I wish you the best of learning and development, contentment and joy in your relationships.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you ever encountered a problem where a suggestion from a co-worker, mentor or coach helped you to view the problem and perhaps solution in a different way?
Have you ever become frustrated or had difficulty in making a decision when there was no consensus about the issue? What happened? Would you have that same difficulty with that decision if dealing with it now?


1 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, p.1.

2 Berger, Jennifer Garvey and Fitzgerald, Catherine, “Leadership and Complexity of Mind: The Role of Executive Coaching,” Executive Coaching: Practices & Perspectives. (Palo Alto: Davies-Black Publishing, 2002), 31.

3 Taylor Swift, Good Morning America, December 13, 2019.

4 Note: There were several White participants who felt they learned from this workshop. I had one African American male who said he had been in many of these types of workshops and thought he was going to just sit through it because it was a mandatory training. He was surprised that he felt invigorated and transformed by the exercises that we did around building community, stereotyping, preconscious nature of prejudice, classism/racism. He thanked me and said he was leaving with ideas how we can work towards understanding culture and power in a way that doesn’t create stereotypes and more invested in changing the workplace culture.

5 Berger, 37.

6 https://wiki.canterbury.ac.nz › attachments › berger+on+kegan+narrative, p.6


11/19
The Trees are Leaving

I love the Fall season: I see vibrant colored leaves, the air smells different, and I sense a drop in temperature. On many days the sky remains darker and I feel a peace inside as I acknowledge the passing of the seasons. Fall is a signal of change and transition. A couple of weeks ago, I walked along my father’s orchard with my sisters, their families and my cousins, retrieving some almonds in their hulls. I felt a stillness and recognized nature getting ready for hibernation and the colder winter. Our family had celebrated my father’s memorial the day before. My dad was raised in this place and farmed the land until he was 88 years of age. Although my dad grew different crops over the years, he retired with almonds, which another farmer now leases and cares for. The almond trees on the farm were dropping their leaves. Here in Alameda where I live and where my mother and dad have lived these past six years, the leaves on the Japanese maple trees in my yard and in the neighborhood still shine with the fall colors. It’s getting colder and these trees, too, will soon shed their leaves.

Fall is a time of transition and reminds us of the cycle of life. At the service, the grandkids shared some memories. My son, Steven, spoke about how grief can be like a friend that reminds you that you are loved. “I’ve heard this phrase that has helped me and maybe it will help you. The phrase goes: ‘Grief is just love that has nowhere else to go.’ It’s our love for him that has nowhere to go. …It’s like the friend that always shows up at bad times. …Grief shows up for me when I need to be supported. …Grief will be there to support us for as long as we need.”1 It is sad he said, but love can help us through the sorrow.

As he spoke, I felt the emotional connection to the loss of my father and also related to how emotions are the passageway of the Neutral Zone that William Bridges presents with his work on Transition. Bridges outlines three stages of transition: endings, neutral zone and new beginnings. While Bridges admits that the neutral zone is anything but neutral, this is the phase where we may experience the confusing process of something ending. Grief, like Bridges’ neutral zone, is the container where we may experience these emotions. I often refer to Bridges’ neutral zone as the passageway or middle ground. Bridges posits that we must go through “endings” before we move on with our lives. Furthermore, he believes that the passageway of the neutral zone, which can be fraught with psychological changes and emotions allows us to start anew. In other words, whenever we experience change, we need to process the emotions that crop up for us, or it will be difficult to start new beginnings in our lives.

Fall is a season of transition, and moves us through harvest to dormancy in Winter, which is followed by Spring and new life. In our fast-changing world, change is always occurring and therefore we are constantly in transition. I have experienced Bridges’ stages of transition and often observe it in my clients. Moving through change and transition is something with which I can support my clients in their coaching journeys. I wonder, what transitions are you currently experiencing? What are the endings that you may need to process? What are the emotions and what might you be grieving? It may be difficult to envision and create new beginnings until moving through this passageway.

The past six years, my sisters and I brought my dad and mom to the farm on week-ends as often as possible. My dad had said that when he dies, he wants his ashes spread on the farm. He had spoken briefly about other alternatives at different times with different daughters and with my mother. For several reasons, including not knowing if the farm would always remain in the family, I think he knew that his ashes would probably end up at a gravesite. As my extended family participated in the burial service at the cemetery near the farm, I noticed a grove of almond trees in the background. The lot adjacent to the cemetery was an almond orchard!

Questions to reflect upon:
During this fall season, what changes do you notice? Are there emotions that come up from you as you move through the changes? Are there any things that you want to celebrate/honor with these endings?


1 Horikoshi, Steven. Celebration of Life of Frank T. Suzuki, November 9, 2019.


10/19
Multitasking

This month, I’d like to address multi-tasking at work, life and in your leadership role. With our high usage of electronic devices, most of us multitask at least some of the time. I have been reading that multitasking is not effective in helping one become more efficient or effective. In February, of 2016, I posted a “thoughts” on “Improving Productivity by Getting Unplugged.” In fact, many of my clients take yoga and are learning to meditate to be able to focus on one thing and to stay in the present moment. Several articles in Fast Company have been dedicated to multitasking. One blog identifies when it’s good to multitask: https://90264034/this-chart-will-show-you-when-you-can-multitask-and-when-you-cant/ It recommends a few strategies. “Go for it” when one task is a habit or skill, when activities reinforce each other and when one task requires intermittent focus and when one task lessens distraction. “Proceed with caution” when you might miss a key detail, when you’re in the spotlight, when tackling a complex task and when you risk tuning out “Don’t even think about it” when you need to relax, when focusing on your family, when one task is high stakes or high risk. A second article https://www.fastcompany.com/90322275/multitasking-is-usually-a-bad-idea-but-here-are-5-times-when-its-ok/ posits that most of the times multitasking isn’t a good idea, but suggests 5 times when it is: when completing simple organizational tasks, reading, creative thinking, practicing presentations, and walking.

One article cites evidence that multitasking is counterproductive and damaging to one’s brain and health. https://www.fastcompany.com/3019659/leadership-now/what-multitasking-does-to-your-brain/. Multitasking, can impede the ability to pay attention, making it difficult to identify irrelevant information. Multitasking rewires the brain and stunts the growth of one’s emotional intelligence. It also purports that multitasking makes people less creative and worse managers. Although an earlier article suggested that multitasking might help creativity, this piece identifies that habitually doing it makes changes in the brain and leads away from sustained focus, the attention needed to spark creativity. If you can’t sort through information and recall pertinent ideas, it’s difficult to manage people. People who multitask all the time become “chronically distracted,” engage larger parts of the brain that are “irrelevant” to the particular task, which makes it difficult to sustain the necessary attention for good decision-making.

One other article provides a process to let go of multitasking. “Why Mindfulness is the Antidote to Multitasking” https://www.fastcompany.com/3026119/why-mindfulness-is-the-antidote-to-multitasking/ suggests relearning how to concentrate and explains how meditation can help you to become more aware when you’ve become distracted.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you multitask? Are you aware that you are multitasking? Does multitasking in each situation assist you in productivity or efficiency?
How do/can you practice mindfulness? Through walking, engaging in yoga, tai chi, meditating?


9/2019
Procrastination

The past two months, my coaching blog has been focused on listening as a culturally-aware leader. (Scroll down to read them.) This month I’m presenting some “thoughts” on procrastination. This issue has often cropped up in my sessions with coaching clients. I usually work with procrastination in an individual way, depending upon the person’s workstyle and what might be causing my client to get “stuck” in completing something when it is a priority or important issue. In Fast Company, I came across three different articles about procrastination: 1) one which gave ideas to assist in creating an effective “to do list,” https://www.fastcompany.com/90392932/to-do-lists-for-procrastinators/ , 2) another column provided strategies based on the personality types of Perfectionist, Dreamer, Worrier, Crisis-maker, Defier, and the Pleaser, https://www.fastcompany.com/90383266/personality-type-and-procrastination/, and 3) an article that identified procrastination as an “emotion-management problem,” rather than a time-management one https://www.fastcompany.com/90357248/procrastination-is-an-emotional-problem/.

As I read “Procrastination is an emotional problem,” by Sam Kemmis-Zapier, I realized that I work with my clients in a similar way, by asking them questions that might lead them to naming how they are feeling and what is coming up for them. Zemmis-Zapier notes that there often seems to be some kind of emotion attached to procrastination, and cites information from Solving the Procrastination Puzzle, by Tim Pychyl. Pychyl, a psychology professor at Carleton University, reveals that since the 90’s, research links procrastination to a negative emotion, which people subconsciously carry and which underlies some kind of anxiety. There is some kind of guilt or “inner critic” which causes a person who is procrastinating to think and say, “I should have done this, but didn’t,” or “I’m lazy.” This guilt doesn’t seem to help one become more effective in overcoming one’s procrastination, but rather ends up in more worrying and a negative mindset. Zemmis-Zapier refers to a study in Pychyl's book that identifies “significant positive correlations between procrastination and rumination, and negative correlations between procrastination and both mindfulness and self-compassion.1 In other words, a good method for overcoming procrastination is to stop judging oneself, which can help oneself to deal with one’s emotions, step into mindfulness, and let go of ruminative thoughts.

Returning to the column on creating an effective to-do list, I recognize that I have moved my clients through many of the suggested steps: 1) figure out what to eliminate or automate, 2) make sure that your tasks are broken down into specific parts, 3) start a project-specific, rather than day-specific, to-do list, 4) commit to doing one item and then clear out the rest of the day, 5) create a procrastination “low energy” list.

Referring to the article on dealing with procrastination by personality types, the suggestions are helpful and fairly predictable: Perfectionist-get rid of “should” from one’s vocabulary and not worry so much about details; Dreamer-pay more attention to details and specifics and make a plan for a specific day; Worrier-let go of overthinking and be willing to make a decision; Crisis-Maker-create the kind of “rush” by setting a timer to counteract difficulty in not getting motivated until it’s the deadline; Defier-shift out of a reactive mindset and “choose” to act and move into action; Pleaser-since this type aims to please people and ends up having too much to do, find vocabulary to say “no” in a gracious way, “like ‘No, thanks for thinking of me,’ or ‘No, I can’t do the whole thing, but I can do part of it’… .” 2 Regarding workstyles and time management, there is an excellent resource which identifies how the 16 Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® personality styles deal with procrastination-Out of Time: How the Sixteen Types Manage Their Time and Work, by Larry Demarest. For each type, Demarest dedicates a section on how procrastination manifests itself and how each particular type gets back on track.

Most people procrastinate. I think it’s human. Dealing with our emotions, recognizing our basic patterns of how we work and creating to-do lists that work for us may help us to deal better with procrastination. How we respond to procrastination can help us become more productive, calmer and happier.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there any concept in this issue that resonates with you? What is it and how might you try it out to overcome procrastination the next time procrastination crops up?
Can you think of a time when you overcame procrastination and felt good about yourself? If yes, did you congratulate yourself?

Note: When I posted these “thoughts” above I received a comment. One friend wrote to me and mentioned that as an executive director, she was given an interesting strategy. “I received this wisdom, and it helped me survive those long unrelenting days and nights with some satisfaction. Basically, it’s ‘Worst things first!’ The rewards came with a clearer focus to take on the primary, creative aspects of the jobs, without the heavy guilt that had nagged me before. In the long run, it made time to assess and change processes for those ‘worst’ tasks, too,” Jeri Lynn Endo.

I’m wondering if some kind of emotion, such as “guilt” for not doing the “best” job may be a factor for her previous procrastination. My friend’s suggestion reminded me of another a strategy I used and only recognized it when my husband mentioned that he had observed a co-worker employing. When in a meeting and little follow-up tasks emerged, such as making a phone call or looking up something, his co-worker took care of those items immediately after walking out of the session. My husband adopted that strategy and said that he was able to complete projects with many details more quickly, which saved a lot of time, while preventing bad feelings about putting something off.


1Sam Kemmis-Zapier, “Procrastination Is An Emotional Problem: If you stop treating procrastination like a time-management issue, it becomes easier to manage,” Fast Company, May 31, 2019, [http://fastcompany.com/9035248/procrastination-is-an-emotional-problem/]

2 Kemmis-Zapier


8/2019
Leadership, Immigration and Listening

With the continued detention of immigrant children separated from their parents, the deportation of families who have come to the U.S. to seek asylum and the mass shootings in Florida and Texas which seem to have targeted Latinos, I have been wondering how immigrant families, communities and the many people who provide services to these populations are being affected. I called a former client who works in Domestic Violence Prevention who came to this country from El Salvador. I wanted to know how she is doing, how she is personally processing all of this and how it affects the services she helps provide, as well as how her clientele is coping.

Sonia said, “We’re definitely feeling it.” Her initial response was that she doesn’t have anger or sadness, but an overwhelming feeling that that the government is not listening. Sonia is proud to have come to the U.S. and feels a great connection with the diversity and beauty of this country and its people. She said the treatment of immigrants affects her every day, especially because she’s a mom. Having many family members who are undocumented, she understands the fear, worry and concern that so many mothers are undergoing. Will it be their children next? When will their families be targeted? How will the mothers at her work who have experienced domestic violence cope with this added layer of trauma?

Sonia shared with me that no matter how many letters they send, no matter how many people they call, no matter how many protests attended, she feels like no one is listening. In hearing Sonia, I realized that she responds to this lack of listening with her own compassionate listening. Her organization sponsors equity women’s groups, where women talk about their issues and share stories of difficulties. Sonia listens and provides information and strategies that can help them. Sonia’s boss asked her to lead a forty-five-minute session on immigration. At first her response was, my gosh for all the years that they had been having women’s groups addressing race, class and inequities, why have we never offered this before and how could she possibly cover the issues in that short time period?

Nevertheless, she agreed to do it. Sonia’s session was well-received and her office will be holding many more sessions where women continue to share their stories of fear, but also of resilience and survival. Sonia reminded me that in our coaching journey I helped her to overcome nervousness in speaking and leading and provided listening and support to persevere in an organization that didn’t have a culturally-aware perspective of immigrants. She really began to understand how powerful her experiences and her stories are. Sonia is a wise woman, who knows how to listen in a compassionate way which enhances her capacity to serve her clients and help them begin to heal.

Sonia believes that, “Fear is not going to stop us from being in support groups and being visible in the community.” She said that these women worry and are anxious, but the support group is a safe place where they can name their fears and share it with other persons who are experiencing it. Although Sonia knows that it will be painful if they are separated, Sonia provides the support to begin making decisions of how to protect themselves and their families, and to learn about their rights if ICE or the police stop them. In these groups, Sonia exposes them to one of the well-known immigrant information programs, “Know your Rights.” They begin to make plans, such as coming up with a person whom they can leave their children with if ICE takes them away. The women can sign up to see an attorney who can help them figure out an individual plan tailored to deal with their specific situation.

I was inspired in listening to the stories that Sonia shared, of her leadership in helping empower and provide healing for immigrants. As a “wounded healer,” she is helping women to voice their fears and recognize their dependence upon each other.

Questions to reflect upon:
Are we listening to the stories of immigrants in our neighborhoods and communities?
What are their stories and what might their stories call us to do?


7/2019
Listening as a Leader

“Railey Stern Yen, a senior alto sax player at Oakland Tech who’s headed to the Oberlin Conservatory of Music, credits (Helena) Jack with his musical sucess. ‘She never says, ‘you better do this.’ She just shows you how to play something and lets you run with it,” he said. ‘And at the end of the day, she wants us to listen to each other. That’s the most important thing in music. And life, too, I think.’ -Carolyn Jones, “Reaching Beyond the Classroom,” Oakland Magazine, July, 2019.

Saxman Railey is one of Helena Jack’s 2019 music students in the Oakland Unified School District. Jack, who is retiring after 20 years, created Oakland Eastside All-Star Ensemble and influenced scores of students at Elmhurst, Castlemont, Oakland Tech and Skyline High Schools. Jack exposed her young people to jazz, funk and blues and not only inspired some of them onto careers and further college in music, but engaged them in life. Railey’s statement about listening, reveals Jack’s extraordinary teaching philosophy and also how she inspired persons to show up and lead their own lives.

Jack stressed listening, continued learning, as well as independent thinking. Mary Nguyen, a classical pianist until high school was instructed by Jack to listen to Count Basie, “She really pushed me to expand musically and try something new. She taught me that music is about communication. …She taught me to keep improving myself, and not worry about what other people think.”

Jack began teaching at Elmhurst Middle School, a very tough assignment where the students weren’t very cooperative. She started attending the afterschool sports games, getting to know the students in an individual way and letting them know that she was there to stay and couldn’t be “run-out.” Helena Jack got to know the families and the community. The principal helped her to obtain a grant expanding the music program to 10 teachers, enabling all students at the school to take music for all three of their middle school years. Jack worked professionally as a trumpet player before becoming a teacher. Jack paved the way for female musicians and also influenced thousands of students. Grace Gulli, a Oakland Tech freshman, who plays the alto sax shares “There’s not a lot of female jazz musicians who aren’t singers. …But we get to practice with Ms. Jack every week. She’s definitely the coolest band teacher I’ve ever had.”

What I find so amazing in this story is how Jack utilized the arts, good teaching, leadership and understanding the importance of families and the community to reach students where they are. Her transformative approach helped students to apply themselves, find enjoyment and passion in their lives. I believe that in many ways I facilitate this type of transformation as a coach, accompanying my clients as they create passageways in their lives and shift responses to move forward. While Jack inspires her students through music and helps them become disciplined in their lives, I help my clients discover or name their strengths and enlist their sources of inspiration and resources to successfully move through challenges. Helen’s Jack’s legacy reiterates the importance of listening and understanding the connection each student has to family and community. I began to wonder how listening has affected how I provide coaching services. Practicing listening within a culturally-aware framework has really helped me to hear and understand my clients in their unique social, political, economic and cultural contexts.

I recently received an email from an African American client who was retiring and with whom I worked with more than 10 years ago. In it he wrote,“I never forgot you. Your words helped me so many times when I just wanted to walk away. I was able to use your advice to promote (to a higher institutional leadership position). When I first met you, I had my doubts, I was so WRONG. I hope you continue to inspire and motivate your clients as you have done for me.” -KC. It’s interesting that he used the word “advice,” because the majority of my time with clients is composed of questions that probe their understanding of the situation and respond with statements that summarize what I think I hear which often results in continued inquiry.

Last month as Asian American client wrote, “I appreciate all your time and coaching and was especially grateful for the time and emails you sent before/after sessions with reflections and additional thoughts. They were so reaffirming and often anticipated my own thoughts.” I believe that the culturally-aware philosophy that I strive to embody contributed to my capacity to assist and support these two clients, embellishing and unearthing aspects to the experiences they shared. Their stories became richer and deeper. My clients reached their goals in creative and authentic ways.

Sometimes a client shares directly about how my culturally-aware coaching approach unlocks their own stories and/or how building and understanding community strengthens their effectiveness. These words are from TL, a White Executive Eirector, “She (Wendy) helped me to reflect upon my goals and break them into realistic pieces. Her questions challenged me to think about why I wanted to achieve those goals. It has been so much fun to make plans and see them come into fruition. I have never experienced anything for myself like the trip to Mexico to learn Spanish. …We have taken time to reflect on our history and for new staff to hear about our agency story and see themselves as part of that story. Everyone was able to think about their strengths and share them with each other, to see how we come together as a team. I feel like we have created more equity in the organization and it is part of the everyday conversation, which sometimes is in Spanish.”

The stories of each client reveal different experiences, strengths and capacity for growth and leadership. With regard to listening, where might your growing edge be and how might listening strengthen your leadership?

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there an arena in your life where listening might deepen the quality of your life or relationships?
How might “just listening” provide a path to your leadership?


6/2019
Collective Pain & Healing

The month of May is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month and my church had a special service with the Topaz group, youth and families attending a Topaz Pilgrimage in June. Peter, my partner, and I were asked to present Tanforan, a song that Peter wrote with Sam Takimoto, a former bandmate, about the shopping center in San Bruno, California which was formerly a race track and used in 1942 to assemble persons of Japanese-American ancestry before evacuees were sent to a concentration camp in Topaz, Utah. Topaz was one of 10 camps that people of Japanese ancestry were imprisoned during WW2. I found myself tearing up when the main speaker who was born in Topaz shared stories about pioneer members and the role the Buena Vista Methodist church played when members of the church prepared to evacuate and also during the resettlement time after evacuees were released.

Although I have participated, attended and watched many films and shows that focused on evacuation, I was surprised that I got choked up. I knew that these tears were not coming from my individual sadness, but from the sorrow of persons present in the room, of those whose stories were being remembered and from the experiences of my parents, their families and communities rounded up 77 years ago. This collective pain and sorrow were visceral and people in the congregation felt it, too. In addition to being an educational process, I believe that the sharing these stories of pain and injustice are part of the healing process.

In a similar fashion, I feel moved when hearing stories from clients about their experiences of culturally-insensitive remarks or experiences, including when bias is occurring from systematic policies. When the client shares experiences rooted in being different from majority culture, the client usually isn’t coming to me to complain about them. The issues arise within the challenges that they face. I often inquire whether culture had something to do with it or whether culture might be affecting the angst or conflict they are experiencing. Generally, it feels like my clients are not wanting to be personally offended by the issue--they don’t want to be “overly reactive,” or “oversensitive” about the incidents, yet are puzzled or torn about what has occurred.

In these instances, the coaching session can provide an opportunity to recognize that the something they are feeling is “invisible,” is weighing them down and getting in the way of their goals and progress towards achieving them. When my clients name the incident, they can see it as an issue, rather than a personal shortcoming or weakness. They become clearer about what they are dealing with and can more readily make decisions of how they wish to proceed. I have previously written about being “stuck” and having barriers that keep one from being able to achieve one’s desired outcome(s). I do believe that the naming of these incidents helps begins a process of healing. I am acutely aware that some of the barriers we face are institutional. The shifting of oneself amidst institutional blocks can begin with the naming of it, which can release emotional feelings such as confusion, disbelief, anger and fear. Similarly, attitudes and treatment of an individual as a result of culture, class, gender, sexual orientation, religious or mental/physical ableism can be significant blocks in one’s ability to move forward.

The Topaz program reminded me of the concept of redemptive suffering. The Civil Liberties Act of 1988 granted reparations to all Americans of Japanese ancestry with an apology from President Reagan. Many Isseis (first generation Japanese Americans, immigrants,) Niseis (second generation) and Sanseis (third generation) spoke at Congressional hearings to pass the Act. After evacuees received their apology and reparation check, many more of them began to tell their stories about this period of time. For many Japanese Americans, this event helped to recover from the shame they had buried, feeling somehow guilty for being evacuated and not being accepted as “real Americans.” Through the passage of the Civil Liberties Act, redemption from the unjust evacuation was codified into law. Having experienced this type of suffering, it is not surprising that many Japanese Americans and Japanese American community groups have been outspoken about treatment of Muslims in any efforts to round them up and incarcerate them.

At the same time, part of the healing process for Japanese Americans is acknowledging their strength and resilience. Although the students and families attending the Topaz reunion will connect with the stories of pain and loss, they will probably see and hear stories of love, military service, swing dance, music, and art in the camps. Celebrating relationships and joyful experiences in life aid in the healing process. For persons whose families did not experience evacuation, I believe that they can participate in the healing process through listening to the stories, recognizing the damage and loss and resolving to be a part of the movement to keep this type of illegal and inhumane treatment from happening again.

During this month of Gay Pride, as we celebrate our LGBTIA communities, I hope that we are open to hearing their stories of joy as well as sadness so that collective pain can move us forward towards collective healing.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of a time when you identified with someone’s or some community’s pain?
What is a story or experience of struggle for you that is similar to that of other persons, perhaps of an entire community?


5/2019
Using Coaching Processes to Heal

As I grow older, I am increasingly becoming aware of how it is important to me to appreciate life, to be mindful about living in the moment and to find the joy around and within me. These past two weeks I had some experiences that tied together some of the processes that I employ in my coaching practice, reflection, focus, congruency and flow, and helped me deal with a minor health issue. Reflection helps us to identify the issue, focus, helps up to discipline ourselves, congruency helps to align ourselves and flow helps move us towards meaningful coincidence.

On a Friday, Saturday and Sunday before my church’s annual Spring Bazaar, which celebrates Asian/Pacific Islander Heritage Month I had been helping. Buena Vista United Methodist Church, BVUMC, is committed to understanding and practicing God’s love and healing, and believes that we are called to engage in social justice and inclusion. I typically do not participate in other activities during the Bazaar week-end because BVUMC’s mission is a priority for me and I tend to get overtired. However, I agreed to play music with the Wesley Jazz Ensemble, WJE, in San Jose, another event during Heritage Month. My partner and I had missed playing at a fundraising dance with WJE due to health issues for my partner and son and for caretaking of my parents. I really wanted to sing the song from Crazy Rich Asians, “Wo Yao Ni De Ai” and play with the Ensemble when the San Jose Taiko joined us for two musical pieces. Some of the preparation work at the Bazaar was physical labor and my back and shoulders became tight. As I sat playing the instrument with WJE, I realized that it was difficult to sit up straight and to hold my flute parallel to the ground. I noticed it (reflection), but became so energized by our set and the taiko drum music that I forgot about my stiffness.

Ordinarily I’m beat at the end of the Bazaar. The “high” that I got from engaging in the music felt so uplifting, that even though I had been up at 6 am to work the Bazaar, had left around 10:30 am to travel to San Jose for the music, and came back to the Bazaar to help and clean, I was only mildly tired. I was glad I had made the decision to participate in both events and felt congruent about my decision to do so. For me, life felt like it was flowing and I was very happy.

The following Monday, I engaged in a restorative yoga class, being able to soften my whole body and release some stiffness from my shoulders. On Tuesday, I had an infusion (for bone density, not cancer) and had arranged my schedule to limit coaching sessions and adopted a “wait and see” attitude towards my exercise schedule. While I was tired and had minor back pain the first day after the infusion, the second day, Wednesday, I engaged in a Pilates class. For the first exercise the instructor had us stand up straight and hold our arms in a goal post shape, opening our upper bodies. It was a challenge to hold my arms up in a straight plane and not notice the strain and my body’s reluctance to keep it there. In this stance, I began focusing on the impacted shoulder areas, breathing into them for the count of four, holding my breath and breathing out for the count of four. My shoulders softened and relaxed. I was able to swim the next day and don’t think I would have been able to exercise the full 30- minute workout had my shoulders still be affected. On Friday, my yoga class was dedicated to stretching the whole body, opening up the spine and aligning the body. With an initial pose of laying one’s side body over a bolster (big, firm pillow-like prop), all of the tightness of my shoulders was released. Reflecting and noticing my shoulders during Pilates, yoga and swimming, focusing on the processes, especially through the breathing, helped my shoulders/body become aligned (becoming congruent). Although yoga often helps me in this way, it was synchronistic (flow) that this particular yoga session was dedicated to stretching and opening of the back and hips.

So, why might it be important that I observe the coaching processes in my daily personal life? When I’m busy, it’s easy for me to dismiss any aches or pains that I have and they grow to be much bigger issues. Before I know it, I’m in a bad mood and it affects all of my work and even my attitude towards life. Without recognizing it, I’m in “overdrive” and feel compelled to finish and fix things, and I’m sure that other people around me notice this energy. In this particular situation, observing the coaching processes helped me to take care of myself, increase my gratitude for being in community, acknowledge how much satisfaction I gain from contributing my little part to the larger Asian American and faith communities, as well as enjoy special opportunities in music.

Questions to reflect upon:
Where have you missed noticing small aches and pains, literally and figuratively, that have turned out to be bigger issues? How can you reflect more intently so that you can take care of these issues and yourself in the future? What steps can you take to then focus, become congruent and let the flow bring a better resolution?

*I have incorporated three coaching processes identified by Donald Gerard, MA, CHT, Relationship Coach, that he formulated as Clarity, Alignment, and Acceleration.

To read more about my coaching processes, go to my blog, www.transformativeleadership.net/thoughts.html and scroll down to the months with blogs mentioning:
Reflection: 2/2012, 9/2010
Focus: 12/2011, 3/2010
Congruence: 7/2012, 8/2011, 8/2010, 3/2008
Flow: 9/2011, 5/2011, 5/2008


4/2019
Evaluation: Collecting the Right Data

I have a coaching client who was exploring a position that evaluated data for compliance and quality assurance. She was intrigued by the job, although has always known that her top strengths were dealing with the big picture, seeing patterns in data as opposed to compiling and monitoring of technical data. I asked her if she was competent in obtaining data, compiling, reviewing and evaluating it. She answered affirmatively. She also had a history of being able to relate to people well and to gain information as to whether her department’s services addressed equity issues, the general principles of fairness, justice and access. I began to think of many instances where the right type of data was not being collected.

With this mindset of equity, I recounted a segment on “CBS This Morning,” 3/02/19, how law enforcement can be focused on particular offenses with the outcome resulting in disparate impact on certain groups of people. Frank Baumgartner, a professor of Public Policy, spoke about data he had collected about traffic stops by race in North Carolina, which is presented in his book, Suspect Citizens. After reviewing 22 million traffic stops over 20 years in North Carolina, Baumgartner, found that “People are not making this stuff up” about racial profiling. African Americans are pulled twice as often, four times as likely to be searched, while White persons are less likely to be issued a traffic ticket. This was the case even though Whites are more likely to be found with contraband than Blacks or Hispanics. Furthermore, if these cases go to court, Baumgartner said that since the court system reflects White middle-class values, the power is given to this perspective.

The purpose of traffic laws is to keep us all safe but, Baumgartner has concluded that the traffic law is used “as an excuse to do a police investigation.” This is the case of Walter Scott, an unarmed man who was fatally shot after being stopped for a broken tail light. Most media accounts did not report that Scott had been pulled over 46 times for traffic infractions. This is not an uncommon statistic for many African Americans. Anyone pulled over that many times can not afford tickets on trivial infractions, and are unlikely to be trusting of police stops. In minority communities, especially poorer areas, African Americans are viewed as criminal suspects. Baumgartner said, “There’s a way that police interact with middle-class white Americans, and there’s a way that people and the police force interact with members of minority communities, especially in poorer neighborhoods.”

At first the North Carolina Association of Chiefs believed that Baumgartner’s data was deeply flawed. They were initially resistant to embrace the findings because they basically believe they are doing police work for noble reasons. As a result of the data, police in Chapel Hill, North Carolina are trying to reform their processes that have had inequitable impact on communities of color. They are focusing on the big picture issue of fighting crime. They have deemphasized low level traffic enforcement. The numbers clearly show that old processes had a disproportionate effect on persons of color, and their efforts. With these changes, Chapel Hill Police have found that it has not impacted their ability to serve and protect. Officers are still making traffic stops. The quality of the traffic stops has improved, the number of unnecessary searches has gone down and searches of contraband actually being seized have gone up.* The Chapel Hill Police Chief said, “For years citations and arrests were a measure of success. The kind of results around traffic stops showed us that good policing was not achieved in the manner they thought it would.*

Baumgartner concludes, “Don’t use the traffic code to alienate people for no good reason. Don’t use the traffic code to go on a fishing expedition, to try to show who’s boss.” Baumgartner concludes that the data indicates that our society needs to listen to perspectives from minority communities. He encourages communities to find ways to have a significant voice in their local governments and strongly believes that voting and participation matter.

Returning to my coaching client, she further identified her interest in data collection. She talked about how this job as well as her role in her current job might continue to search and collect data that reflects any disparity in which the services of her department may have on communities of color and the poor.

Questions to reflect upon: In any situation where you evaluating something, what is it that you are looking for? Does focusing on issues of equity suggest collecting different data? How does trying to ask the right questions affect the quality of the responses and subsequently the data that is collected? How might you include differing perspectives that include situations that persons of color and the poor are experiencing?
With the U.S. Census coming up in 2020, what kinds of questions should be added? What kinds of questions should not be asked?

*Bolding and underlining, are mine, not Baumgartner.


3/2019
Womens's History Month: Three Stories

During February, I enjoyed reading a couple of articles distributed for African American Month—one about “23 Black Female Scientists Who Changed the Damn World: I got 99 problems but black women will cure all of them someday,” and another about the transatlantic slave trade, “The Maafa: The Journey Toward Healing the Trauma.” I thought about integrating at least one of the articles into this month’s “thoughts” maybe under the theme of personal learnings from African American Month and/or under the theme of Women’s History Month. In trying to relate these topics to coaching, I decided to present some stories of women of color who have been my clients. These stories each underline at least one of the values that they wrestled with: commitment to organization, commitment to the movement and commitment to self.

Commitment to Organization: One client, an Asian American woman, was working for an organization that was committed to educational opportunities for young people of color. She was being bullied by one of the directors and passionate about the organization’s commitment to helping youth develop and gain access to higher education opportunities. Since she had been at this institution for many years and had strong ties to staff and their constituents, she kept hoping that things could change. It was making her ill. There were some fundamental practices which could threaten the organization’s demise, and if given the opportunity she could help them recoup and become healthy again. She ached over these problems that the organization was likely to incur and it was difficult to let go of her commitment to the vision and mission of the organization. There was another cultural issue which was troubling her- any potential fall-out on the directors, as they were both persons of color. Even as she was being maligned by one of them, she believed so much in the organization’s ability to contribute to the transformation and growth of youth. In addition to the power difference in her position, being a woman and an Asian American weighed heavily in the situation for this client. When she realized that she was likely to be scapegoated for the problems for which she did not create, she decided to look for another job. It was a good move, a place where she could invest her passion, skills and talents.

Commitment to the Movement: One client, an African American woman, had committed her life to the elimination of violence against women. She was the primary community builder for the organization, developing young people and the staff to lead programs. She was skilled in writing and obtaining grants, leading and evaluating staff and group-building. The staff saw her as the wise woman. The outgoing executive director had longed wished that my client would take over as ED, but she knew that she could have more impact in being a part of the direct services. A new executive director entered and seemed to dislike the “messiness” of direct services. She cut out my client’s department and cut her hours. The ED soon discovered that many of the organization’s other functions didn’t work as well without this woman. There were blatant occurrences of being disrespected as a Black woman. My client slowly transitioned out of her role by helping those remaining at the organization heal from the changes and tying up the loose ends of the many programs she helped to create. She was in such a position of respect from the entire organization that she coached many of them who were losing their jobs there, as well as those that remained. This woman moved to consulting and is still active in eliminating abuse against women.

Commitment to Self: Another client, a Latina woman, worked in legislative advocacy and had just given birth to a child, her first. The ED position was opening up and given her family circumstances, she had not been thinking about advancement or other big changes in her life. We moved through some discussions and exercises to sort out how she felt about it. She believed that she was competent to fill the role and began to explore how she could help the organization grow and develop in improving their services, specifically to underrepresented communities of color and the poor and working class. We also envisioned how the increased work and travel might affect her routine and capacity to “be there” for her newborn and partner. We talked about what her cultural values around family, around honoring the group, serving others and being committed to the movement. In the end, she realized that in her commitment to herself, she needed to apply and was appointed to head of the organization.

With each of these clients there were cultural issues, whether it be values instilled by their parents or community, or cultural assumptions of being personally disregarded due to gender and/or race. The relationships were sometimes between white persons and persons of color, and sometimes inter-ethnic. In my years of coaching, I have observed many examples of persons being pushed out which included strong cultural components of mistreatment. For many of my clients, making space for a balanced personal life can be difficult. They are eager to do well in their jobs, relentlessly working to serve their clientele, their organization and/or the movement to which they have committed themselves. It is often a difficult path to take the time and energy to continue to reflect upon what it truly important at any point in one’s life. During this women’s history month, I urge women to take the time to reflect upon what’s really important to them and to become congruent with their intentions. I encourage men to do so as well, and also to actively support women to make the space to do so.

Note: A special shout out to the three women willing to share these stories.

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you honor important women in your life?
How might you learn more about the contributions of women whose stories are not as commonly shared or known in the mainstream?


2/2019
Becoming Oneself

“In sharing my story, I hope to help create space for other stories and other voices, to widen the pathway for who belongs and why. …There’s power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there’s grace in being willing to know and hear others. This for me, is how we become.”1 -Michelle Obama, Former First Lady

I’m often asked what I do in coaching and the answer is not always the same. Each individual is unique and so I think that that may be the reason that my answer varies and develops. My response about what coaching is morphs and changes according to the breakthroughs and new “aha’s” that my clients share with me. For although I often say that I help persons develop their leadership capacity, which may mean to lead others more effectively or to more meaningfully lead their own lives, I know that my coaching supports their learning and development to move towards the person they want to become or feel called to be. Michelle Obama captures this notion of “Becoming” with her book by the same name.

There is a part of me that has always felt that our lives are about becoming, learning and developing and transforming to find deeper meaning in our own lives and the lives around us. Growing up as a woman and person of color, it was not common to read stories about persons with my cultural background. In Becoming, I could identify with Obama’s experiences. I felt a resonance in Obama’s discovery process about culture, class and human nature and appreciated her ability to name them. Her stories surface the meaning of how persons of color and women have to navigate the world differently.

Obama writes, “Speaking a certain way—the “white” way, as some would have it—was perceived as a betrayal, as being uppity, as somehow denying our culture. Years later, after I’d met and married my husband—a man who is light-skinned to some and dark-skinned to others, who speaks like an Ivy League—educated black Hawaiian raised by white middle-class Kansans—I’d see this confusion play out on the national stage among whites and blacks alike, the need to situate oneself inside his or her ethnicity and the frustration that comes when it can’t easily be done.”2 Obama recounts her life as it leads up to the White House, through stories which underscores her understanding of how and why caring people don’t understand racism and white privilege. She shares how she was taught to uphold and integrate her values into her everyday living and to take responsibility for her decisions.

Sometimes, when I am working with clients, they are feeling torn or unsure of something because underneath there may be two different values which seem to be conflicting with each other. Through coaching, I help the client to identify and name the underlying values and to envision whether the two values can be held at the same time, which typically helps the client to get “unstuck.”

Another topic that Obama addresses is dealing with dominance. “I can hurt you and get away with it. … Every person who’s ever been made to feel ‘other’ recognized it. It was precisely what so many of us hoped our own children would never need to experience, and yet probably would. Dominance, even the threat of it, is a form of dehumanization. It’s the ugliest kind of power.”3 In my previous workplace, I have lived through this kind of dehumanization, and didn’t recognize it as workplace bullying until I had a client who was undergoing it. I began to research bullying in the workplace and was flabbergasted at the high incidence of it, the small or non-existent controls to prevent and control it and the lack of processes to support the persons receiving the abusive treatment. I was no longer surprised as this issue came up in coaching sessions with other clients. And, unfortunately in sessions with my clients, bullying behavior was revealed in other arenas as well, such as the home or community.

Obama’s reference to dominance in the book was in the arena of male privilege. “Women endure entire lifetimes of these indignities—in the form of catcalls, groping, assault, oppression. These things injure us. They sap our strength. Some of the cuts are so small they’re barely visible. Others are huge and gaping, leaving scars that never heal. Either way, they accumulate. We carry them everywhere, to and from school and work, at home while raising our children, at our places of worship, anytime we try to advance.”4 Michelle addressed the Democratic National Convention in 2015 and used her words to speak out about dominance.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Michelle Obama’s book. She created space to tell people’s stories. She lifted up the voices of others, spoke her truth through stories and encouraged us to share our stories. Becoming is a journey that I’m on and one in which I feel privileged to accompany with each of my clients.


1 Obama, M. Becoming, (New York: Crown), 421.

2 Obama, Becoming, 420-421.

3 Obama, Becoming, 408.

4 Obama, Becoming, 408.


1/2019
A Moment of Change

In past “thoughts,” I have commented on issues of diversity and fairness and how it might affect my clients in terms of their learning, development and leadership. I don’t believe I’ve ever written about this topic with regard to movies or television. I was struck by some of the words that Sandra Oh spoke as the emcee of the 76th Golden Globe Awards and as recipient of the best actress in a drama. She said that she was only willing to step up and inhabit the nervousness of being the emcee because of this past year’s diversity of movies, such as the “Black Panther” with an all-Black cast, “Crazy Rich Asians,” featuring an all-Asian cast, written by and produced by Asians, and a record number of females in lead positions and in directing/producing roles. Actress Oh wished to “witness this moment of change. … This moment is real.” She also acknowledged that next year the moment may be different.

When I grew up, I remember my whole family sitting around to watch David Carradine, a white man playing an Asian Shaolin monk, who was a martial arts master in “Kung Fu.” My sisters and I looked forward to each moment where Hop Sing, the Chinese cook in Bonanza made an appearance. When “Crazy Rich Asians” first came out, I didn’t know if I was particularly interested in a show about rich people, but then when I saw the movie, I experienced diversity within Asians, Asian Americans and within Asian American/Asian men and women. For one of the first times on the big screen, the story dispelled the often-held stereotypes that all Asian Americans are the same, that they are all kung fu experts. The acting, singing and artistry were beautiful and the story was heart-warming. The audience in the theatre I attended was diverse, however with more Asian Americans than I’ve seen at one time in that particular venue. I felt like I was at home. I had experienced a similar feeling when I attended “Black Panther,” where the cinema had a predominantly African American audience. I especially enjoyed listening to the comments that persons in the audience was making quietly to each other, which included issues about culture and history. Hearing young children asking questions about family and hearing the parents answer with pride was delightful. I realized that although Black Panther was a story taken from a comic book, the filming and viewing of it opens up possibilities for creativity, story-making and for African Americans to get more parts in future movies. It was delightful and added to the feeling of being in community, enjoying an Afro-centric story with universal appeal.

Sandra Oh’s opening comments included, “I see you and you and you,” while she acknowledged persons of color and women in the industry. The Golden Globes seemed to be recognizing the issue that persons of color and women have not been recipients of their awards. Lady Gaga, who co-wrote and acted in “A Star is Born” when being honored for co-writing the song, “Shallow,” said “As a woman in music, it is really hard to be taken seriously as a musician and songwriter,”and she was grateful that the male co-authors of the song supported her and “lifted her up.” In systemic change, the rules and treatment need to change to create a foundation that will support and encourage equal representation.

As Regina King accepted Best Supporting Actress in “If Beale Street Could Talk,” she said to the film writer, Barry Jenkins, that as her son watched it, it was the first time he really saw himself in the story. The story was adapted from a novel by James Baldwin. With the social backdrop of race prohibitions, this movie portrayed how one could begin to envision the possible from the impossible. King went on to say that “Our microphones are big and we’re speaking for everyone.” She vowed to make sure that everything that she produces will employ 50% women and challenged “everyone out there… to stand with us and do the same.”

Placing our attention to who receives media awards is more than an isolated issue of fairness. Doing so acknowledges the diverse world that we live in and also underscores the notion that films and television profoundly affects our thinking and social consciousness. When the stories of African Americans, Asian Americans, Latino Americans, Native Americans, Middle Eastern Americans are not shared, they are invisible and often rendered powerless. Persons of color are often only portrayed as perpetrators and villains. When Barack Obama was elected President, I wondered if the popular TV show, “24”, with Dennis Haybert depicting the character of David Palmer had influenced people’s thinking. When I looked up African Americans portraying President, there was an article that said popularity for an African American President was high. To my surprise I also discovered that by the year 2008, there were numerous roles of African Americans dating back to the 1930’s, although many reflected the contemporary racist attitudes of the times. I don’t recall seeing these programs. I am reminded that it takes times for people’s attitudes to change and that even with breakthroughs in the social consciousness of society, attitudes go back and forth and that many times with forward progress there are reactionary responses which take us backwards. Thus, Ms. Oh’s remark that next year the moment may be different.

Many of my clients are heart-broken with the increasingly intolerant and hateful attitudes towards immigrants, persons of color, poor people and persons of diverse sexual orientation. It has been difficult for my clients to keep from being overwhelmed by sadness and sense of frustration for our society’s ignorance and lack of compassion. Celebrating moments of change can give us hope. Watching and hearing many of the speakers at the Golden Globes has reminded me that we all have arenas of influence. I think we need to give and be given opportunities to dream for change and to influence change. Where can we step up to tell our stories and join in these moments of change?

Questions to reflect upon:
How do any of the stories from the films or television shows that you watch identify or reflect voices that aren’t often heard from?
In your area(s) of work, community, family and leisure, what can you celebrate about the increasing diversity and inclusive embrace of it?


12/2018
Is It Cold Outside?

I participate with a jazz group that presents music to the community. Last year, my husband and I sang a classic Christmas call and response type of duet called “Baby it’s Cold Outside.” It was a lot of fun to sing. This year in the Me, too movement some radio stations have banned this song about a man continuing to urge a woman to stay despite the female repeatedly saying “no.” Even in the liberal minded San Francisco Bay area, many listeners objected to the ban and at least one station starting playing it again. The radio stations said that more persons voted for the music to be played than seemed to object to it.

Several writers suggested that things were different in the 1940’s when it was written. One writer responding to this ban wrote that the originator of the music, Frank Loesser, was actually commenting on how it’s OK for women to have power over their sexual decisions even though society told women that they shouldn’t flirt or show desire for love. Might there be other questions we ask that might help us address the question of whether the song should be played over the air waves? I wonder whose opinion we want to focus upon: -the managers of the radio stations? -the families of the famous singers that popularized the song? -the persons feeling slighted and insulted by the music? -the listeners of the radio station? Do we deal with the collective values and power in society which influence whose narrative we are familiar with?

In these types of situations, I find it problematic to focus on the issue by minimizing it to one of political correctness. I wonder if there’s a way to understand not only the historical context, but also the current day understanding of what is offensive. Are we marginalizing people with it? What, really, are we giving up if we choose to not continue to use the song? How do my values line up with the issue?

I asked Michael Omi, PhD, Professor of Asian American Studies at U.C. Berkeley, his take on this issue. He wrote, “In the case of ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside,’ the contemporary context is crucial. The lyrics to a song written in 1944 might have seemed innocuous at the time, but might be read as offensive today given the concern over sexual coercion and date rape. Thus, contemporary listeners are attuned to interpreting the lyrics in a very different way in than in the 1940’s.”

It’s curious to me how this winter song doesn’t talk about Christmas and yet has become a “Christmas” classic. It seems to me that many of us have patterns or processes that we repeat each year during the season. Rituals are important, and yet, just because we have done things a certain way for many years, does it mean that this is the way we always need to do it? What is the meaning of the ritual? The song is catchy and cute. And yet, do I need to keep repeating some song just because I like it? If the song conjures male harassment or rape for even a seemingly small number of people, I’m not inclined to sing it. There are way too many other songs that can be used.

In thinking about this issue, I also wonder when and where is it sensitive to play Christmas songs? We know not everyone in our society is of the Christian faith. Many people who aren’t Christian feel fine with playing “Christmas” or holiday songs especially when the words do not include any “religious” connotations. And yet, playing Christmas music can be very tiring for persons of other faiths or agnostics who feel uncomfortable and deflated with the entire Christmas season. Many persons view the playing of Christmas songs as promoting commercialism. And there are many people for whom the focus on holidays and being together with family and friends may bring sadness and depression. So, how do we celebrate things that are important and meaningful to us without disenfranchising or being insensitive to whole groups of people?

I suppose that with these types of issues, we might muddle through each situation and arrive at answers that line up with our values and objectives. I try to understand the situation within the context of inclusion and institutional power, as well as the historical and contemporary contexts. If you celebrate any end of year holidays, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah or New Year’s, enjoy. If you don’t, I hope for you a peaceful end of the year as we transition into 2019.

Questions to reflect upon:
If you celebrate a holiday this season, what is the meaning for you? Do you do some things during this season to “fit-in” with what others around you are doing, and/or because you have “always” done these things? What are these things and do you feel uncomfortable about doing any of them? If you feel uncomfortable or situations happen that ask that you think about them, are there some questions that you might ask to help you better understand the situation?


11/2018
Deepening Our Perspectives: Megyn Kelly Blackface Remarks

On October 23, 2018, on Megyn Kelly Today, Megyn Kelly questioned blackface when it comes to Halloween costume choices. Amongst a panel of persons, Jenna Bush Hagen, Melissa Rivers and Jacob Soboroff, Kelly bemoaned how Kent State University banned certain costumes for Halloween. Kelly introduced this segment as “political correctness going amuck.” From my perspective, I thought this piece could have been a great opportunity to discuss why the banned costumes might be racist, offensive and feed into stereotypical thinking. I wonder if political correctness is more of a hot button issue for conservative white people.

For me it was difficult to understand why Kelly would invite a panel of all White persons to respond to this topic. Kelly wondered why persons can’t paint their skin darker when posing as an African American character such as Diana Ross. “When I was a kid, that was OK, as long as you were dressing up, like, as a character…. I felt like, who doesn’t love Diana Ross. … I can’t believe all the number of people we are offending by just being normal people.” The following day on her show, Kelly apologized and she was fired the next week. (There were many responses about how Kelly had made insensitive and inflammatory remarks before coming to the Today Show and also ones that mentioned that this issue probably wasn’t the only reason for the firing since ratings were never as good as NBC executives had hoped.) One thing that struck me about this incident was Kelly’s use of the word “normal.”

Kelly’s statement about being normal resonates with what I’ve been writing and discussing for many years ago about what it’s like for persons of color, women, immigrants, persons with disabilities, differing sexual orientation, diverse cultural and religious backgrounds not considered to be the mainstream of society. It’s as if persons who are not in Kelly’s normal world are invisible. People of color have to live in two or more worlds, needing to shift between a mainstream “white” world and with their own cultural worlds, knowing when it’s best to inhabit each one.

Without realizing it, I believe that Kelly provided us with a good description of white privilege. Being white is normal for Kelly. Her perspective is that all of the privileges that come with being what she finds to be normal is not something that she has to think about. Melissa Rivers said during the broadcast that “If you think it’s offensive, it probably is.” That may be somewhat helpful in trying to keep from offending people. However, what if you don’t understand the racial history of this country and haven’t had to experience prejudice and stereotypes about your cultural background?

We are all limited by our own perspectives. Racism, white privilege and inclusion are uncomfortable subjects for all of us to face, and yet these issues remind us how limited our perspectives may be. In applying River’s advice to a coaching perspective which is culturally-aware, I am reminded of the question, “How do you know what you don’t know?” Do we want to understand that what is normal for us may not be the same as for other persons? What do we gain by expanding our understanding of differences? How can we benefit from a more comprehensive knowledge of our history and treatment of persons who are different from us? It seems like many people believe that having to be politically correct infringes upon their rights, as if they are losing something. Perhaps a critical question in understanding white privilege is, what are we losing in acknowledging white privilege? What would we be giving up? Conversely, what do we have to gain in learning more about the effects of privilege? How can being curious and humble about our limited understanding of white privilege within our diverse society help us fully acknowledge, appreciate and gain the wisdom and talent of all people in our society?

The concept of white privilege reminds us that there is not a level playing field, no matter if we are white or people of color. Acknowledging white privilege helps us to recognize that simply being kind to individuals who are different from ourselves does not provide equity or equal access to education, services, resources and opportunities. I believe that understanding institutional power helps us become aware of what is normal for some individuals and not for other persons. I’m especially aware of this notion of being “normal” as we have completed the holiday of Columbus Day and moving towards Thanksgiving and Christmas. How do we celebrate holidays that are important to us while being inclusive in acknowledging that these holidays may remind other people of grief or one’s religion or cultures being ignored? Would love to hear your responses to these questions.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of a situation where you might have some advantage and another person might not have the same access? If yes, what might be some remedies to better provide that opportunity? And/or, where is a supportive and enlightened arena that you might discuss this?
During the months of October through December, is there a holiday which you feel like persons take out the fun or meaning from it for you? Might they be coming from different perspectives? Might you ask them what does that holiday mean to them?


10/2018
Passion & Perseverance: Getting "Gritty"

As a leadership and strategic coach, I am always wondering what will help my clients be more successful. Dr. Angela Duckworth has researched this notion and found that one characteristic stands out as a significant predictor of success. It is not social intelligence, not IQ, not socioeconomic status, not good looks, and not physical health; it is “Grit.” Dr. Duckworth explains, “Grit is having stamina, sticking with your future, day-in, day-out, not just for the week, not just for the month but for years and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like a marathon, not a sprint.” https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance/

Dr. Duckworth studied students at the National Spelling Bee, cadets at West Point Military Academy and rookie teachers serving in difficult neighborhoods. She observed which Spelling Bee candidates continued on, which cadets dropped out and which educators were still teaching at the end of the year and which of them improved learning outcomes. She found that talent doesn’t make you grittier or help make students or teachers follow-through with their commitments. Dr. Duckworth connects grit to a “growth mindset” as identified by Dr. Carol Dweck in Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. A growth mindset sets forth the notion that the ability to learn is not fixed—it can change with effort. If one believes that failure is not a permanent condition, it can become a challenge from which one can learn. Grittiness helps one persevere towards one’s short-term and long-terms goals and can also grow one’s ability to thrive in the learning journey.

Duckworth’s construct of grit resonates with me—from my own continual learning journey, from working with youth in academic and leadership environments, and especially with clients in coaching and training. Duckworth’s work supports my belief that it is vital to help clients become clear about what they are passionate, to reframe their failures as temporary setbacks from which they can learn, to evaluate how important the specific outcomes they are moving towards are and how they want to use their energy, resources, creativity and talent. The issue of evaluating desired outcome can be critical. For many of my clients, success may not only require personal change, but understanding how they want to contribute to a larger movement or collective action. Each step of their learning journey may be incremental towards their overall long-term goals, which can amplify hope and motivation for staying gritty. I believe that coaching is a perfect arena to become grittier. I welcome you to seek coaching with me to explore, practice and express your passion and perseverance.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are you passionate about? What challenges have you faced in being successful in pursuing this passion? How have you persevered and what might motivate you to continue to move towards your goals?
Have you shown grit in one of more areas of passion and what were the results?
?


9/2018
Aretha Franklin, Author of Her Life

"When she sang, she embodied what we were fighting for, and her music strengthened us. It revived us. When we would be released from jail after a non-violent protest, we might go to a late night club and let the music of Aretha Franklin fill our hearts. She was like a muse whose songs whispered the strength to continue on. Her music gave us a greater sense of determination to never give up or give in, and to keep the faith." -U.S. Representative John Lewis

"From the time that Dinah Washington first told me that Aretha was the 'next one' when she was 12 years old until the present day, Aretha Franklin set the bar upon which every female singer has and will be measured. …You will reign as the Queen forever." -Quincy Jones, Music Producer

“Aretha Franklin was not only an unparalleled artist, she was a freedom fighter and civil rights activist. … She was a feminist before feminism.” -Reverend Al Sharpton

Aretha Franklin, Queen of Soul has passed away. Aretha has to be on the top of my list of singers. Sometimes there are entertainers who mesmerize me as they share their extraordinary talent. Aretha was much more than that. Bob Hope once said to her, “Nobody handles a song the way you do. What’s your secret?” She answered, “It’s no secret, I just do my thing in my own way and I hope people like it.” When the Pastor of Aretha’s church spoke about her, Robert Smith, Jr talked about how she performed for decades, stood the test of time and still had the voice at 76 years of age. She ushered in a whole new way of creating, appreciating and utilizing music in many genres of music.

Aretha was humble: a fighter for women’s rights, African American equity and the poor and downtrodden. As a teenager, Franklin traveled with Martin Luther King, Jr. singing, rallying the crowd and providing inspiration with her talent. She was the first female to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1987. During Franklin’s celebration of life and coverage on the news immediately after her death, we heard story after story of how Aretha would call or visit artists, politicians, reporters and community people just to talk and tell them how proud she was of them and to listen to their encounters with racism, sexism, difficulties with the criminal justice system and other unjust treatment or inhuman living conditions, such as the contaminated water in Flint, Michigan. She provided a listening ear and inspired hope for change and challenged persons in leadership positions to do something about the unjust or unhealthy situations.

Generous in spirit with her music, love and money, Aretha Franklin was deeply passionate about the human condition, wanting to be remembered as a good mother. She conducted an annual 3-day revival in memory of her father, C.L. Franklin, the former minister of the church, providing soul through music and food. Her revivals fed people from 4 pm to 1:30/2 am in the morning. Not only did Ms. Franklin actively fundraise to feed the needy and persons having difficulty, she donated freely with her money, always accompanied with the spirit of caring and dignity for the recipients.

Willie Nelson, Country Singer/Songwriter said, "Whether it was Gospel, Blues, Jazz, R&B, Pop or Civil Rights, Aretha Franklin was the greatest gift and the voice of a generation. She could turn any song into a hymn. She will be greatly missed here on earth, but that band in heaven just got our Angel." It occurs to me that Aretha Franklin was not only the Queen of Soul in music. She was deeply spiritual and used her gifts and graces to influence and affect us in how we live our lives. More than an innovative musician and storyteller, she was the author of her own life.

Questions to reflect upon:
Aretha Franklin was passionate about sharing her music for the betterment of the human condition and in doing so became the author of her life. What are you passionate about? How are you using your gifts and talents to live and write your own stories and become the author of your life?


8/2018
Culturally-Aware Framework

“Food for me has always been my language. It’s something that if someone doesn’t understand my culture, I always serve them a plate of herring or Ethiopian chicken. The other one is music. Food, music and art are these incredible pillars. They’re kind of like pillars into windows which make each culture very, very unique.” -Chef Marcus Samuelson

I have begun watching a cooking show called “No Passport Required.” In one recent episode on the Indo-Guyanese food in Queens, New York City, I was intrigued with how Chef Marcus provided us with history, music, art, dance, religion and walked us through Richmond Hill of Queens, which is very much influenced by the Guyanese community of South America.

Guyana’s culture is similar to the Caribbean culture, and includes a mix of Indian, Portuguese, Irish Dutch and Chinese. Chef Marcus showed us fresh markets, restaurants, faith and entertainment centers of Richmond Hill in Queens. Ancestors from the Indo-Guyanese community were originally from India and who came to Guyana in South America before making Queens their home. Chef Marcus, as a masterful storyteller, facilitated the stories of each of his guests and provided insight into what makes the community so vibrant and alive.

Chef Marcus travelled around the neighborhood, connecting what ties the people together underscoring unique cultural differences. Truly a culturally-aware approach, I thought to myself. Just as the use of food is a language for Chef Marcus, the use of stories is the foundation for culturally-aware coaching. Chef Samuelson told us that food “is a path to culture, identity, and history.” I believe the telling of stories also illuminates culture, identity, history and community. In the coaching experience, each person shares one’s own narrative. Each story stands on its own.* For example, when certain hardships or successes are shared and a listener feels that other people believe the story to be novel, that listener might respond in a way that seems to diminish the narrative, for example, “I had that experience, as well, it’s not a big deal and that’s not anything special.” However, each person has their own story. Similar or different experiences do not take away from the story being told. Stories have the power to deepen the understanding of the person, the person’s culture(s) and the community.

Stories highlight what things are important to each person and provide a historical and cultural backdrop for the narrative. When clients share their stories, I pay attention to social-economic matters, as well as cultural, gender, sexual orientation, liberation and healing issues. Although the patterns of stories are universal in meaning, each narrative is unique. Some aspects of each story bring forth unconscious meaning. In coaching, recognizing the meaning for the client can uncover the client’s blocks, struggles and aspirations. Identifying each person’s history can help us better understand the person’s experiences. Art, culture, music and story can trigger emotional understanding for deeper meaning and motivation.

Chef Marcus presented West Indian Trinidadian food from a cross-cultural bush cook, which was traditionally made in the jungle then moved to the open-fire and now cooked in a big pot on an induction burner. I watched as many Indo-Guyanese persons played cricket, a popular sport in Guyana, then tail-gated with a big spread of cultural foods. Chef Marcus also chatted with Indian DJ entertainers who were innovating their electronic music which highlights their Caribbean and Indian roots and fuses it with hip hop. Chef Marcus then visited one of the DJ’s parents who was hand-making roti-an Indian pancake-like bread. I drooled over curry dishes with Chinese influences and saw how this roti shop with long lines at lunch transformed into a cultural hang-out with tasa drums, calypso music and singing and dancing.

In answering Chef Marcus Samuelson’s question about how do you connect with your culture, and how do you express your Guyanese culture, Ryan Madray, a U.S. born Indian/Guyanese DJ of music responds, “We almost live through the stories of our grandparents and our parents. …We feel so close to it because of how we were raised. … We have to keep the culture alive or it will die out.” Madray’s grandparents spoke English more than Hindi because of the British occupation during their lifetimes.

My creative writing instructor in graduate school, N.V.M. Gonzalez, often said that good stories have general patterns or motifs, and the social, political and economic milieu make each story come to life. With culturally-aware coaching I hope to help each client connect with the stories they have lived and also to become clearer about the future stories they wish to weave.

Questions to reflect upon:
Where do your stories come from?
What can you learn about others from their stories?

*This idea was first articulated to me by Jennifer Chien, culturally-aware coach and independent filmmaker.


7/2018
Strategic Plan of Action

In last month’s 6/2018 “thoughts,” I blogged about “Goal-Setting” describing how I assist clients in creating goals that focus on the outcomes they desire. Formulating a realistic goal can provide motivation and support in attaining it. This month I am addressing taking a well-formed goal and generating a plan of action for it.

In developing a client’s plan of action, we ponder what difference the client wants to make and where the client wants to be. We brainstorm methods for achieving the goal. We identify the strengths and challenges the client may have in reaching the goal. Although many of my clients are familiar with producing workplans, in our sessions together I think the coaching process helps each client go beyond putting into writing what they already know. The client becomes aware of forces at work within oneself. We explore areas where the client might have blocks which typically prevent oneself from moving through the strategies. It helps the client to review whether the tactics are ones that s/he would realistically complete and whether one is motivated to complete them. The client then produces a contingency plan for overcoming any block(s). We may uncover whether there may be some habits or patterns that have prevented the client from being successful in the past. (See “thoughts” 4/2017, 11/2016, 10/09 and 4/09 for transforming habits.) I also ask a question from CompassPoint’s1 learning development template, “How will you celebrate success?” Just as the answer to the question about what blocks the client is often personal and unique, the response to how one plans to celebrate success tends to vary greatly from person to person. I have come to realize that celebrating one’s success is vitally important because in we tend to just move on to the next crisis or priority that occurs, not recognizing that we have achieved something major which is of great importance to us.

I believe that as a coach I am assisting clients in illuminating their own learning processes, helping to develop and recognize their own resources while creating a map to achieve the desired outcomes. I help facilitate and support my clients transform and grow as they do the work generating a plan that will work for them.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there a goal for which you’d like to develop a plan of action?
How might you creatively and strategically create that plan?


1CompassPoint is a non-profit organization whose role in social change is to partner with leaders to develop themselves and others, to guide organizational strategy and capacity building, and to share knowledge and perspective with the colleagues across the field.


6/2018
Goal-Setting

Many clients in my coaching practice wish to develop a plan of action for envisioning and achieving their goals. I believe this can be a very helpful process for supporting clients in developing and growing beyond our sessions together. Over the next month or two, I will be posting a series of “thoughts” about the strategic processes for creating plans of action. Goal-setting is the first part of this process and I am devoting this month’s coaching blog to it.

In goal setting, I assist my clients by leading them to identify the outcomes that they desire. Sometimes they begin with a goal which encompasses skills that they are already good at, so we try to hone in on the specific outcomes or development that they seek. Fleshing out their strengths and weaknesses or challenges and reflecting upon how the improvement or learning arena will help them achieve the outcome they want are parts of the processes we move through in order to identify the “real” goal they wish to pursue. Chipping away and refining the goal are critical elements in identifying a goal for which they can creatively map out strategies and tactics.

Most of my clients are experienced goal-setters and often don’t need me to help them do what they already are successful at. However, clients generally engage in coaching to help themselves grow and develop and their typical pattern for goal-setting may not be working. Anisa Purbasani Horton in “Five Alternatives to try when traditional goal setting doesn’t work” https://www.fastcompany.com/40578662/5-alternatives-to-try-when-traditional-goal-setting-methods-dont-work offers five tips from five different people. Entrepreneur Reshma Chamberlain suggests “adopting a mantra,” instead of changing your habits, because transforming one’s routine way of doing things is very hard work. Adopting a mantra helps you consciously choose what you want to focus upon. This process can help persons let go of focusing on what they don’t want.

Productivity expert, Laura Venderkam points out that because we live in a constantly changing environment, setting “90-day goals if year-long ones don’t make sense.” Establishing 90-day goals can help us stay accountable to the longer-term ones and adjust to changes that weren’t and couldn’t be anticipated. With 90-day goals, we may come upon some necessary processes that take a year or two or more and severely affect meeting the longer-term goal.

Typically, we are taught to start a task or goal at the beginning. An interesting alternative Horton mentions is an approach from Spencer Greenberg, mathematician and entrepreneur, “optimize what’s already right in your life” rather than trying to fix a problem. I remember speaking with a counselor friend about some issue that my adolescent son was having. She responded that she was hearing an area in which my son was not doing well. She was sure there were many things that were going “right” in his life. She had experiences of working with parents and young people who were focusing on the negative and how it tended to make the undesirable actions grow. Similarly, she observed that when parents and young people focused on the positive, it also grew. I think this was the beginning of my seeking out a positive frame to learning, (see “thoughts,” 12/2017, 12/2010) one that grew into incorporating appreciative inquiry, (see “thoughts,” 2/2008) culturally-aware coaching (see “thoughts,” 3/2018, 2/2018) and focusing on strengths (see “thoughts,” (5/2017) instead of primarily weaknesses. Although I saw myself as a fairly good problem-solver, I realized that honing in on only the “problem” had its drawbacks and prevented me from seeing the bigger picture and being creative and curious about how to embrace the development I wanted to achieve.

Going against the grain of traditional goal-setting, Scott Young, author of How to Change a Habit, counsels persons to “start some goals in the middle of the process.” Whereas in some cases we know the end point and can move back through the process, sometimes we may not understand all of the ramifications of the goal. Young says that in these cases, “Committing to a certain amount of effort, and then setting a reasonable goal once you have a better idea of what it would take” can be more productive.

I was especially intrigued with this goal setting method that Daniel Dowling, Fast Company Leadership contributor advises us to ask ourselves, “Did I do my best?” instead of the typical suggestions of being “specific, measurable, achievable, realist and timely (aka SMART).” Effort is measured. We typically tend to evaluate whether we are good at something and we can’t be good at everything. The question of “Did I do my best” reframes our mindset to a learning and growth one placing our attention on what it is that we have done to reach our goal, rather than focusing on being a failure. A feeling of failure can affect our motivation and make us become more “stuck.”

All of these five alternatives to goal-setting are factors why I take my clients through a full process to establish their goals. It reminds me of the saying, “Go slow to go fast.”

Questions to reflect upon:

What is important to you about any goal you have or that you are setting? What will achieving this goal give you or provide for you?
When you approach your goals, do you look at the positive or the negative aspects of your actions?


5/2018
Teambuilding through Art and Performance

My clients often talk about teambuilding in their workplaces. How do I get the best quality from my team in working together? How do I utilize strengths while continuing to nurture growth and development? How can I best communicate so that everyone feels included and understands the group direction? How do we create synergy, where the whole produces much more than the collection of the individual parts? Recently I had the privilege of playing/singing with the Wesley Jazz Ensemble in a collaboration with the San Jose Taiko, "Japantown Immersive." This event, staged in an open street festival manner, was directed with Epic Immersive where the San Jose Taiko, SJT, worked together with several different artistic groups to “connect people through cultural understanding, creative expression, and rhythmic heartbeat.” It included opportunities for the audience to be a part of the event and collaborated with different performance groups at two different stages. One of the Japantown Immersive performing sites was with the Wesley Jazz Ensemble, WJE, offering a shortened version of Swingposium, a musical play about the incarceration of Japanese Americans during the 1940’s. I marveled at how SJT members worked together to provide a moving experience of music, art and meaning. Reflecting upon this performance, I have been pondering how SJT creates and builds teamwork. I noticed the essence of how individuals were confident in their interactions with each other and with their collaborators. This seems to set the foundation for teambuilding factors of nurturing growth, development and synergy, developing the roles that each team member plays, being intentional about their communication and fully enjoying their art. The SJ Taiko’s mission of using rhythm and cultural understanding to connect and build community was creatively orchestrated in this Japantown Immersive experience.

Focusing on Roles
In watching and in conversation with individual SJT members, there seemed to be many elements in the structure of how they work together. Each of the members played different roles. Those roles could alternate, but each member was deliberate in each action they took. In some numbers, one member videotaped the players. In another, one played a different type of drum than the core group. In some pieces, one, two or three members played other musical instruments, like a cowbell or cabasa (percussive), or a Japanese wooden flute. I also noticed that different persons immediately swept up the practice area of the drums and they all helped to put the equipment away. Each SJT member seemed eager and happy to be engaging in each of these roles.

SJT’s non-performance and performance behavior are something that they are very intentional about. Franco Imperial, Artistic Director of SJT shares that each individual member contributes “to the longevity of the company - this means our roles are defined beyond the stage.”

Although individual SJT members play different roles, there is one sound, a unified rhythm that is practiced to perfection. We, the listeners, became mesmerized by their music and visually entertained by their physical movement and dance. I think it’s easy to see and hear if one person is out of synch with the rhythm, but SJT’s art seemed effortless. Each of the players knew their cues for setting-up the appropriate instrument or props for each successive number. The players jumped onto different drums and percussion instruments. Everything was committed to memory, even the progression of the next piece, unlike we, WJE musicians, who had sheet music or lists in front of us.

Individual & Group Communication
I noticed that immediately before and after SJT practiced, they sat in a circle shape, checking in with each other, evaluating and problem-solving difficulties they noticed in their processes. When we practiced with them, different SJT members coordinated different aspects of the collaboration with WJE, asking questions, and providing helpful ideas and being responsible for specific group cues. With Swingposium. this enhanced the ability for the three groups to get on the same page. I felt as though our joint practices efficiently utilized the group time together, which is often difficult for just one group. The coordination of communication seemed very tight, yet open and malleable for suggestion, input and improvement.

Each initial joint practice with WJE and Epic Immersive, SJT asked persons to introduce themselves, creating the same environment which SJT in their circles. Greeting and recognizing individuals seems to play into the open communication and cohesiveness within this organization. SJT’s processes seem to facilitate individuals in being able to “step-up or step-back,” which can be a valuable group-building tool.

Nurturing Growth and Development & Creating Synergy
At the Swingposium stage, the SJ Taiko danced in swing style. It was extraordinary how they were so competent at dancing while playing and moving their large drums. Since none of the players had previously been familiar with swing dancing, they had committed to dancing lessons as preparation for this performance piece.

SJT develops and cultivates individual strengths through a two-year training process emanating from four principles first developed by the founding members of SJT: musical technique, kata (form), ki (energy) and attitude. Franco described these principles: “Musical technique is what/how we hear, the manner by which we make sound, the way we strike the drum. Kata, (form), is what/how we see, how we use our bodies efficiently and expressively to create sound and movement. Ki, (energy), is what/how we feel, the way it comes from our hara, (center of our being), the energy that we project when we play and how that connects with the audience and fellow performers. Attitude is what/how we think. Respecting ourselves, those that came before us, those that play with us, and the knowledge that we have yet to learn (beginner’s mind). This is the criteria we use to evaluate anyone auditioning for our company. It’s also the way we evaluate each other and ourselves as performing members once we make the cut. We continually strive to integrate these principles into our art.” As these principles drive their performance, they also seem to lend towards the synergistic energy that is created.

Cultural Understanding and Creative Expression
Franco painted SJT’s canvas by explaining that “Japantown isn’t one thing, but a tapestry—we wanted audiences to get a taste of Japantown on Saturday and leave people with a sense of wonder and gratitude for what Japantown is and can be when we take a moment to celebrate and reflect.”

I believe that storytelling through culture and creative expression can be an incredible vehicle for teambuilding. At the Swingposium stage, SJT moved us through a love story between two young persons who were evacuated and incarcerated during WWII. SJT created art and meaning in a collaborative way that built connection and community while sharing the story of an infamous chapter of American history. Franco elaborated, “With the swing and hip-hop collaborations we’re showcasing the multi-faceted story of Japantown: a fantastical telling of its past and future. Swingposium forces us to relive some painful parts of this community’s history but primarily it’s a vehicle to show the spirit of a people turned to the arts for hope and survival.” On another stage with Get Down Dance Studio and DJ Cutso, Franco told me that “SJT shows its range as their taiko switches from swing to hip hop. Hip-hop is part of a movement born out of the 70’s (when SJT was born) and continues to be a source of inspiration and exploration for us. Being able to connect with the youth of the Get Down Dance Studio folks gives us a glimpse of what’s possible which is very exciting for us.”

Creating Joy
I wonder if SJT’s principles of ki and attitude help produce the joy that is apparent with the players, the audience and the collaborators. The SJ Taiko members exuded joy--in practice sessions, in performance and in talking with us about their art and their organization. Speaking for myself, I had so much fun watching and playing with them. I believe the joy we shared, much like the energy, was synergistic, having a much larger effect than the result of individual persons experiencing joy. SJT’s performances reminded me of an expression that my short story teacher in grad school used to say, “Art evokes emotion.” When one is fully immersed in art or an experience, people can feel the emotion and make meaning from it. SJT had anticipated about 500 persons attending and there were over 1000 persons in attendance. When I visited the other performance site, it was difficult to view the entire stage because there were so many people. Yet, the crowds stayed. Focusing on roles, communication, nurturing growth and synergy, transmitting cultural understanding through creative expression, and creating joy are probably just a few of the elements of teambuilding that SJT offers. Do you notice any elements of teambuilding in your team, in your community, in other art collectives?

Questions to reflect upon:
In any groups you work with, what are the role(s) you play? What role(s) might be needed that is/are not being played?
What norms typify the individual and group communication? Are they intentional? What improvements might occur if they were intentional? How does your group work allow you and other team members to contribute their individuality and strengths?
What do you find joyful about your group work?


4/2018
Engendering Hope and Optimism Amidst Strife

“How many times must a must a man look up before he can see the sky?
How many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry?
How many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
The answer my friend, is blowin’ in the wind, the answer is blowin’ in the wind.”

- “Blowin in the Wind,” by Bob Dylan, sung many times by Peter, Paul and Mary.

April is a month that has been designated to “Celebrate Diversity.” I think it fitting to honor the life and works of a civil rights leader, Reverend Lloyd Keigo Wake, who passed away in late December, 2017. Eva Okida Sato, Glenn Watanabe, my husband, Peter and I were asked to sing Blowin’ in the Wind for Rev. Wake’s celebration of life service. The words printed above are from the third verse of the song. All of the verses and the chorus aptly describe Reverend Wake’s philosophy and leadership. He mentored and supported hundreds of community activists. As a fellow board member with Rev Wake at the Asian Law Caucus, Karen Kai, attorney and legal writer, mentioned to me after the service, that the board would be discussing situations and it felt like there was no hope. She said that Rev. Wake would “sit back, take it all in, offer some words and open the way.” He helped groups of people find the answers that were “blowin’ in the wind.”

Born on a farm in Reedley, California, incarcerated at Poston concentration camp with his family during the 1940’s, Rev Wake became a social activist who dedicated his life to furthering peace and justice. His life is a testament to envisioning equity in our institutions and ways of governance. Rev. Wake carried faith which engendered hope and optimism amidst strife. In many different ways, he fostered teambuilding, community building and leadership. Rev Wake created paths for individuals and communities to heal and resist; to face discrimination and systematic oppression.

Healing
Being an American citizen of Japanese ancestry, Rev. Wake was an internee who was stripped of his rights. As all evacuees did, he completed a loyalty questionnaire. Rev. Wake answered the selected service items about willingness to serve in the armed forces, with “yes, but I will not bear arms.”1 While in concentration camp, Lloyd felt called to the ministry. Rev. Wake incorporated healing as a necessary step in fighting against injustice.

Rev. Wake was one of the first leaders within the Japanese American community to support efforts begun by young adults to seek redress and reparations for Japanese and Japanese Americans incarcerated during WWII. He understood the need for healing within the Japanese American community, to deal with issues which arose from being behind barbed wires. Many individuals had been further hurt, since the Japanese American community felt forced to believe that there was only one way to respond to the abrogation of their rights. The loyalty questionnaire divided the Japanese community. Questions #27 and 28 were: “Are you willing to serve in the armed forces of the United States on combat duty wherever ordered?” and “Will you swear unqualified allegiance to the United States of American and faithfully defend the United States from any or all attack by foreign or domestic forces, and forswear any form of allegiance or obedience to the Japanese emperor, or any other foreign government, power or organization?” Evacuees were asked these questions while being incarcerated and without due process of law. Since Japanese citizens were not allowed to apply for citizenship, pledging allegiance would mean they would be without a country. Answers to these questions caused much angst and confusion. The community took sides against each other for the answers they gave. Some evacuees, both Japanese immigrants and American citizens were “repatriated” to Japan. The stories of the “no-no boys”, evacuees who answered “no” to both questions #27 and 28 were not really shared openly until 50 or so years later. In many ways the no-no boys were treated like pariahs in the community, when they were simply resisting illegal treatment by the government.

Rev. Wake began his ministry serving the Japanese American community, within a “provisional” church, since Asians could not be a part of the larger United Methodist Conference. He later was appointed to be an associate pastor at Glide Memorial United Methodist Church where he was the first minister to perform a “Covenant Service” for a gay couple in the United Methodist Churches in the 1960’s. As part of his ministry at Glide, he shepherded many young adults who filed for conscientious objection to find alternatives for military service.

Resistance
Throughout his life, Rev Wake was an ally of marginalized people, demonstrating and bringing together different communities. Within the United Methodist Church, Rev. Wake was the only Asian delegate that joined with Blacks and progressive Whites to establish the General Commission on Religion and Race, an agency to eliminate racism within the Church. He demonstrated for rights of Zainichi Koreans; supported the United Farm Workers, chaired the Wendy Yoshimura Fair Trial Committee; advocated for admitting a gay person to join the board of the San Francisco Family Service Board, served as President and board member of Asian Law Caucus for 21 years, was arrested at a sit-in protesting sham elections in the Philippines during the Marcos era, and joined the human rights trip to South Korean when Park Chung-hee was in power. Rev. Wake became the first chairperson of the National Federation of Asian American United Methodists. Although these actions are only a sample of Rev. Wake’s leadership, they give us a glimpse of his commitment to marginalized individuals and communities in our society.

Not only was Rev. Wake a courageous leader, but a humble, kind and loving person. At one of the services his children and grandchildren spoke of his humor, sports ability and how fun he was to be with. Much of my coaching practice is about facilitating transformation and transition to help clients develop and grow. It is clear that Rev. Wake’s life helped countless individuals and organizations grow, in transforming and opening the path towards liberation with dignity and joy. In closing I want to share with you a few of his words:

“The only criterion for action is love. I hesitate to use that word because love has become so distorted. The opposite of love is not hate: it is aloofness, apathy, indifference. The love I am talking about is not a romantic love; it is a love that very often takes sides, that takes the side of the oppressed. It is a love that tears down evil systems so that it can build up people who have been dominated by and dehumanized by those systems.”

“There are three ways in which men and women deal with their wounds. One is to cry, one is to be silent, another is to turn the pain into joy and healing. Blessed are the wounded who respond with the totality of their lives to bring health and healing and joy to all people.”

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there any arena in your life or in our society where you suffer from aloofness, apathy or indifference? How might you begin to heal, transform and bring hope? How might the group “open the way?”


1Celebration of the Life of Rev. Lloyd Keigo Wake, Memorial Program Timeline, March 10, 2018.


3/2018
Women's History Month & Culturally-aware Coaching

“Feliz Dia De La Mujer. Hoy quise regalarte la flor mas hermosa, pero no pude, porque la flor mas hermosa eres tu. !Felicidades!”

“Happy's Women's Day. Today I wanted to give you the most beautiful flower, but I couldn't, because you are the most beautiful flower.”

On March 8, I received this text from a special Latina woman who watches my parents. She was sending me a greeting for International Women’s Day. She is a kind person, a thorough caretaker and has a positive effect on my parents’ mood. As an immigrant and single parent, she is not only a hard worker, but resilient as well. This was the first time I had received a salutation celebrating Women’s Day. Earlier in the day, I had visited a gay woman friend who is in seminary, gifted with dance and movement and undergoing chemotherapy and we had exchanged the greeting, “Happy International Women’s Day”. As my friend struggles with the debilitative effects of the cancer, it is amazing how upbeat she is. I am constantly touched by her compassion, openness and appreciative spirit she holds for everything in her life. She is immensely grateful for her the mental, physical and spiritual support from her partner and the persons accompanying her on her healing journey. Similar to so many women I know, at times I detect a hesitance in “accepting” help--her not wanting to impose on other people. However, when I mention how might she react with friends facing similar illnesses, she acknowledges the natural outpouring of love and finding space to receive these gifts of grace. Sharing in these exchanges with both of these women on this day was celebratory and meaningful. As March 8, 2018 marked women’s activism around the world and this month honors Women’s History, I have decided to share a story about culturally-aware coaching with a female client.

A Latina client, let’s call her Maria, was wondering whether to spend her session time about a concern she had about a direct report. Her direct report seemed to be finding ways to avoid following through with certain tasks and having difficulty in communication and joint work. This staff person also seemed to be taking sick days off that didn’t seem to match the situation. A colleague responsible for HR issues in the organization said that this person had demonstrated this pattern when she was an intern, although apparently nothing was done about it then or during her probation period when she was later given the position. Maria said that she felt the position may not be a good fit for her direct report. When I asked whether the direct report could do the necessary work and is motivated to learn the job responsibilities, or if it might be a disservice for her direct report to stay in the position, I recognized that Maria had already pondered these issues. Maria would have liked to move her into a position that better utilized more of her staff person’s strengths, although this was not a possibility. We talked through the situation and I began to realize that in her mind, my client had already mapped out a performance improvement plan and had covered the bases for forging and continuing a respectful relationship with her direct report. Maria seemed to shift when asked about whether it was in the best interest of the direct report and the organization for her to work towards the kind of performance that was desired and needed for the organization. I think that my client had been torn because she was focusing on the direct report—her contributions and hope in helping her grow and develop. When we named that Maria was wanting to hold both values of caring for the direct report and the organization, she felt more aligned and congruent in moving forward with the situation.

I got this feeling that there may be something deeper than her sense of duty to her staff person and organization, possibly pertaining to culture. I asked her whether her direct report was a person of color and she responded affirmatively. Maria was the first Latina in a management position and she hadn’t been there very long. Additionally, her direct report was one of the first persons of color of hire in that particular position. The organization may well have fast-tracked her direct report’s hire as the organization was consciously trying to be more inclusive. While my client acknowledged that she was supportive of her organization’s efforts to be more diverse in their hires, she also recognized that there needs to be support for these processes. We talked about how it is typical for the first few persons of color, the first few women in departments, and the first persons who are “different” in organizations to consciously or unconsciously shoulder the responsibility for “fixing the institutions” when they are not reflecting the organizational values of diversity and inclusion. My client was cognizant of the inclusive values the organization was trying to uphold and how dominant culture typically carries privilege and access. The act of naming what was going on in my client’s leadership journey helped her to regain her footing and balance.

Connecting culture to the storyline of the client’s journey, naming the cultural backdrop of each situation as well as the values affecting one’s behavior and decision-making, are critical to culturally-aware coaching. Instead of the situation being two isolated issues—1) valuing both the direct report and the organization and 2) naming the cultural perspective, my client could acknowledge the multiple forces occurring within the context of her leadership story. Addressing individual and organizational values was helpful. Identifying the cultural perspective and issues about organizational power was healing. We often hear the adage, “The truth will set you free.” I believe that through culturally-aware coaching, assisting the client in uncovering the social, cultural, political and economic milieu of each person’s storylines while illuminating how power is embedded within organizational structures can be healing and transformative. May this month focused upon Women’s History highlight a greater understanding of individual and organizational values and the process of being curious about each other’s cultural perspectives and realities.

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you learn more about women’s history, in your family, in your community, or in the world?
How might culture affect any particular issue you are dealing with?


2/2018 Black History Month: Reflecting upon Culturally-aware Coaching

“The cultural crisis though which we are passing today can be summed up thus, said Cesaire: the culture is strongest from the material and technological point of view threatens to crush all weaker cultures, particularly in a world in which, distance counting for nothing, the technologically weaker cultures have no means of protecting themselves. All cultures have, furthermore, an economic social and political base, and no culture can continue to live if it’s political destiny is not in its own hands.” -James Baldwin

James Baldwin, who was referring to a speech by Aime Cesaire at the Conference of Negro African Writers and Artists in 1956, published these words in Nobody Knows My Name. These words strike me as something that still has great application for today. As we live in a multicultural society with individuals coming from influences and cultures different from mainstream society, I am reminded that persons of color, females, working class persons, differently-abled persons, LGBQTia persons, agnostics and persons of faith other than Christianity, are forced to live in at least two different worlds at the same time. And, one of these worlds always has power over the other institutionally and in ways that drives personal perspectives. This country’s history has not only fueled slavery, brought immigrants to supply a cheap labor force, it has become prosperous economically, intellectually and technologically from its rich heritage. Today, in February, 2018, sixty-two years after Baldwin wrote these words, stereotypical views of African Americans abound. African Americans, especially African American males are often viewed as the “problem”, as the bottom of the heap, as a “lower class” simply because of their skin color. Yet many people believe that African Americans are afforded an equal playing field.

In coaching I sometimes refer to this saying: “How do you know what you don’t know?” By this, I mean, how do you hear what you don’t hear? How do you feel what you aren’t experiencing? How do you see what you don’t see? I believe this notion applies to the privileges of class, color and religion and all other institutional privileges. Just because one is white doesn’t mean one is racist, however, being white makes it more difficult to understand racism because one isn’t a daily target of it.

How do these concepts about race and religion enter into the coaching field? Many of my clients are persons of color. All of my clients work in diverse environments. The majority of my clients are social justice advocates in the non-profit field and serve diverse audiences and persons who are in need of specific services. Being conscious of culture and race allows me as a coach to be present for all of the stories of my clients’ lives, not just ones that are familiar in our mainstream society. Being culturally-aware encourages clients to bring their “whole” selves, to not separate the different worlds in which they live. Providing an environment where clients can incorporate their cultural strengths while also identifying when race, culture, white privilege are factors in their lives which can help them create the ongoing narratives of their lives.

I continue to learn from my clients and to embody “cultural humility,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaSHLbS1V4w or a multidimensional concept that recognizes that I can only be an expert in my own culture. Cultural humility was developed and piloted at Children’s Hospital Oakland, Multicultural Curriculum Program by a team led by Drs. Melanie Tervalon and Jann Murray-Garcia. Inherent to this concept is the belief that no culture is better than another. This program has become a national effort within the medical field. A key value of this approach to health is that being aware of privilege and race in America can strengthen positive health outcomes. Residents discuss in small groups cultural issues which they realize may affect their practice with patients, including life and death situations. Many other social justice advocates have adopted this cultural humility framework and have infused them into their organizational practices. Cultural humility encompasses three principles: lifelong learning and critical self-reflection, recognizing and challenging power imbalances that are inherent in our institutional structures and taking responsibility for institutional accountability by modeling principles as everyone in the organization helps each other grow and learn.

I have worked with several organizations in adopting cultural humility. It is a creatively dynamic process that can lead to transformation and healing. As we celebrate African-American History Month, I encourage you to explore new learning not only about the contribution and achievements of African Americans, but also about how the history of conquest, slavery, exploitation and racism have a great deal to do with African Americans not having an equal playing field.

Questions to reflect upon:
From the definition of cultural humility, what culture(s) do you have expertise? What culture(s) might you want to develop cultural humility? Is there a way you might explore new learning about race, racism and white privilege? *

*People often ask me if there is one book they might read about cultural diversity. That’s a difficult request to fill, similar to asking how can I read one book to appreciate all cultural differences. Understanding diversity and culture is complex, with continual learning being a requisite. Nevertheless, if you’re interested in viewing some stories about race in America, I’d suggest: Footprints on the Land: American Stories of Race, by Helen H. Helfer. If you have a request for resources within a specific context about race/culture, please don’t hesitate to contact me through email. If I feel like I don’t have an adequate response, I will consult with other culturally-aware coaches or colleagues with a background in understanding race and get back to you.


1/2018
New Years and Seeking Transformation

Shinnen Akemashite Omedeto Gozaimasu-or Happy New Year in Japanese. Over the years, I have composed several blog entries on creating a “theme” for the year. I believe that selecting a theme for the year is focused on process, personal learning/development and transformative change. Dr. Robert Kegan, Harvard professor and principal of Minds at Work, a program which helps people move through unconscious resistance to change, believes that if you want to lose weight, don’t make a new year’s resolution about it or go on a diet. People often forget their New Year’s resolutions or quickly abandon them before February rolls around. Typically, resolutions are created with a particular result in mind and with little reflection about what processes are needed to achieve the result. Dr. Kegan has written a book, Right Weight, Right Mind to incorporate his “Immunity to Change” approach to identifying and working with one’s unconscious resistance for weight loss. I utilize this immunity philosophy in my coaching and in uncovering barriers to moving towards the life that one wants to lead.

Why is it that making a traditional New Year’s Resolution rarely ends in achieving the desired goal? Kegan believes that there are competing commitments to arenas where we have not been successful. Until the complexity for why we do what we do are tackled by uncovering these conflicting commitments, recognizing how our automatic responses once helped us achieve other desired outcomes, sometimes even life-saving ones, each of us will continue with blinders on, not recognizing the whole field in play. In several books that Kegan has coauthored with Lisa Laskow Lahey, Harvard Professor and other original principal of Minds at Work, they detail how one can use their Immunity to Change, ITC, for many different type of desired outcomes, including weight loss, communicating differently, exercising regularly or staying on one’s medications. In my personal life and with my clients, I have found Kegan and Lahey’s approach to be transformative. Their strategies are not necessarily “quick-fix” ones, and they are clear that their processes entail focus as well as stick-to-it-ness. They view their clients as “brave” and willing to commit themselves to change, learning and developing themselves.

Kegan and Lahey’s model also presents how the words and “language” reflect one’s mindset. One’s mindset is a very powerful tool in change. When we are able to “shift” our mindset, when mind, body and spirit are aligned, transformation occurs. I believe that transformation occurs at the spiritual level, whether we identify the particular change as spiritual or not. This notion came to mind as I was listening to the pastor of my church speak about how making New Year’s resolutions has its roots in Methodism, (a Protestant religion.) Wikipedia states that “Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each new year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts,” and “Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.” My assumption from all three examples is that the origin of making resolutions may include a spiritual awakening. Perhaps this awakening is beneficial in moving towards the shift, or desired outcome. I wonder if a New Year’s resolution was adopted as a learning process, as opposed to a specific outcome, would it increase the odds of reaching it?

Kegan and Lahey assert that New Year’s resolutions do not result in change and tend to create worse outcomes, for example, increased weight gain if “going on a diet” is the resolution. I wonder if you are desiring growth, development and transformation, if creating a theme or engaging in a coaching journey with me may help you seek your desired outcome(s).

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there a theme that you wish to focus upon for the New Year? What is it and what might the barriers be to achieving it? What is your contingency plan for reckoning with the barriers?

*For previous related blogs:
Creating a theme for the new year: 2/2015- “Seeing is Believing”, 1/2013- “On the Path to Happiness and Meaning,” 1/2012- “Focus on Growth for Year.”

Kegan & Lahey transformation
11/2016- “Growth Beyond Our Current Abilities”


12/2017
Is there Negativity in your Workplace?

Most coaches utilize a positive framework in their philosophy: appreciating strengths and identifying positive aspects of one’s contributions. I have found this approach to support the growth, development and transformation in my clients and in the work that they influence. I recently came across an article in Fast Co Leadership, 6/26/17, titled “Four Signs That You’re The Office Debbie Downer,” by Stephanie Vozza. It reminded me that persons who are focused on fixing problems and what is wrong with any situation can be unintentionally infusing a negative vibe to the workplace.

I sometimes find this tendency in my clients and I remember being this way when I worked for the University of California. My former workplace came with its strengths as well as some of its bureaucratic aspects that often accompany a big organization. Vozza’s article identifies four major signs of a pessimistic cycle: focusing on what’s wrong, assigning blame, not letting go of the past and motivating with fear.

In my former workplace I was good at focusing on what is wrong with something. I tended to replay how it could have gone better with the intention of improving. I didn’t realize that this process of consistently pointing out what’s wrong, could also lead to self-criticism, reinforcing the neural connection of those negative feelings and making it more likely that I would use those neural connections again in the future. As a leader, how I presented issues to my staff and teams could easily bring them down and make them feel inadequate.

I now actively try to recognize when I am assigning blame or worrying about something not being perfect. This has been helpful because affixing blame can shut down creative ways to move towards better performance and outcomes. I was fortunate because I had friends, outside of the organization who helped me to acknowledge what was done well. Eventually I incorporated this technique in supervising and in coaching. Coaching can be of great help in interrupting the blame game and in identifying a cycle of negativity. People need to be held accountable for their work, however assigning blame that demeans a person is likely to be counterproductive and create a pessimistic environment.

The third sign of being a negative influence is not letting go of the past. Vozza refers to Jon Gordon, author of The Power of Positive Leadership: How and Why Positive Leaders Transform Teams and Organization and Change the World, who writes: “Anyone pursuing anything worthwhile will fail and fail often. You can dwell on the past or look forward to making the next opportunity great. You can see life as a game of failure or opportunity. It’s all in how you see it.”

In the corporate, small business, academic and non-profit worlds, I have repeatedly seen negative leaders who motivate with fear, the fourth sign of negativity in the workplace. When I was in their buildings I could see how tired and stressed the staff looked. Think about it, how creative are you when you are worrying about whether you aren’t measuring up to the task or when you believe that your supervisor is unhappy with your performance? Are you in your best mode for developing new ways of improving the results? Perhaps you don’t motivate with fear. Do you worry when things don’t seem to be going well or the way you anticipate they should? How effective have you been when responding to that worry/fear? If individuals are concerned about making mistakes, they usually avoid taking chances, quite possibly the chance necessary for them to succeed.

Is it possible that you may be a part of negativity in the workplace or in your social environments? If you are not sure if you’re a negative influence, Gordon suggests asking your team questions such as, “Do you feel energized working with me?” “Do I encourage you?” Do you feel I believe in you?” “Do you believe you accomplish more with me as your leader?” It seems to me that there are all good questions, although I wonder if a leader who motivates with fear would receive honest feedback from one’s team or direct reports. I wonder if it might be more effective to ask a colleague who one trusts will be forthcoming.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you contribute to a negative atmosphere in your office or life by focusing on what’s wrong, assigning blame, not letting go of the past or motivating with fear? If yes, what might you do to shift or transform this negativity?


11/2017
Rituals for this November Holiday

At the end of this month, people in this country celebrate Thanksgiving, which provides many persons with a four-day holiday. What do most people think of in connection with this holiday? For some people it is a special opportunity to gather family and friends together, to eat turkey and all of the fixings. For others it is a spiritual time or being grateful for one’s blessings. And for others it is a time to watch football, and to begin the shopping season in anticipation of Christmas. What are the rituals that you observe during this time?

Personally, I struggle with this holiday. I am looking for meaning in this holiday that I can fully embrace. Growing up, Thanksgiving was a time when my cousins from Los Angeles and the Bay Area would visit the farm. My grandmother would make sushi “appetizers” and everyone would contribute food. My mother taught us how to make the turkey stuffing and hand-cranked fresh cranberry dressing with chestnuts, almonds, apples and oranges from our yard and farm. The Thanksgiving holiday was a joyful tradition of family and thankfulness for the harvest bounty.

As an adult I’ve learned that the portrayal of Thanksgiving of Pilgrims preparing a feast for the “natives” is hurtful and disrespectful. Pumpkin, turkeys, corn and squash are native to the Americas, so it is much more likely that the Pilgrims learned how to cultivate and cook these foods from Native people. A reenactment of the “first Thanksgiving” does not include the oppressive treatment of Native Americans who were intentionally exposed to small-pox and life-threatening diseases by Europeans. For Native people, Thanksgiving does not produce positive thoughts of the first contacts and historical relationships with European settlers.

Several years ago, I attended “Sunrise at Alcatraz,” a long-established tradition on the fourth Thursday of November (scroll down to “thoughts, 12/09”). It was a solemn ritual reenacting the occupation of Alcatraz in 1969, when a group of Native persons inhabited the island, attempting to invoke legislation which stipulates that unused federal lands could be claimed by Native people. This holiday continually reminds me that I am conflicted with how the traditional Thanksgiving story ignores the history of our country’s massacre and domination of Native people.

I have been wondering if in addition to giving thanks in general, I adopt a spirit of gratefulness for the culture, heritage and contributions of Native people. Many cities already identify a day in October, Indigenous People’s Day supplanting Columbus Day (and in S.F., they have renamed their previously called Columbus Day parade to the Irish American Heritage Parade). For Thanksgiving, some persons might suggest celebrating both the Pilgrim’s desire for religious freedom and gratitude for Native people. And yet, these alternatives don’t address the historical and institutional mistreatment of Native people. Since Thanksgiving is a national holiday with institutional significance, is there a way to both celebrate and give thanks, while observing a day of apology or atonement for taking away Native lands and subjugating them to a European way of life? I wonder if communities could rethink Thanksgiving in a way that could help us take a step towards healing the woundedness that our country has inflicted upon Native people.

I am looking for rituals and learning processes that help me to observe the holiday--to identify and uphold Native American history, take responsibility for the stripping of their human rights, while preserving the act of being thankful. Do you have any suggestions?

This year, we are hosting our family’s dinner. We often begin with a prayer and a hymn. In honoring Native people’s respect for the earth, I’d like to ask the younger children to take turns reading aloud from a beautifully illustrated children’s book, Chief’s Seattle’s Brother Eagle, Sister Sky. These words, from over a hundred years ago, are a message to us about how the earth is sacred and a reminder to take care of the earth. I’d also like to have a prayer or hymn of thanksgiving which includes the acknowledgment of the exploitation of Native people and which offers words of healing.

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you feel or what do you think about the traditional interpretation of Pilgrims and Thanksgiving?
If you were (are) Native American, how might (do) you feel about this holiday?


10/2017
Honor your Journey through your Story, Part V

Carol S. Pearson writes about how stories can act as guides for growth and development. In the past four coaching blogs, I have highlighted the basic patterns of these narratives and presented them through her categories of stability and structure, learning and freedom and results and mastery. In this month’s “thoughts” I will cover storylines of people and belonging or how people connect and work with each together. It is the final entry of honoring our journeys through our stories.

People and Belonging
In the workplace as well as in personal lives, clients exist in human community. Almost all clients have lived the great story of the everyperson/orphan, where the narrative is about opportunity and equality for each person. The storyline ends with a happy ending as people work together, receiving and giving help while they embrace their interdependence. The everyperson story can be a reaction to the unrealistic hopes of the innocent (see “thoughts,” Part III, 8/2017) who believes with enough faith anything is possible. I can’t help but think that in our current sociopolitical situation, many people are living this storyline of feeling like nobody is looking out for their individual interests, and they may be identifying with the rhetoric of someone who espouses taking away civil liberties from other people, who they do not consider as being a part of their community. At the same time in the U.S., current events seem to be galvanizing persons who were never before political, to protest, stand up and support individual rights. I coach many clients who advocate for social justice in a variety of services and communities. The everyperson in us “reminds us of our vulnerability and our dependence on others, require us to see real problems and the negative side of life.”1 I believe that the coaching process can help clients honor this everyperson story to unearth their fears, express empathy, and develop a deeper sense of compassion.

Still, other clients are living the story of the lover, people creating beautiful experiences, services and products. The lover storyline is active when my clients are following their bliss, actively engaging with their passion, commitment and loved one(s). When we fall in love with something, whether it be a person, a job, or a movement, we want “to be in loving relationships with self and others.” I have many clients that are passionate about eradicating domestic violence, providing inclusive education or services or creating a better environment. Pearson tells us that there are many different levels of this pattern, with love for oneself being the foundation for “loving humanity and the cosmos.”2 This narrative helps us by “showing beauty all around us, giving us energy and providing us with appreciation.”

Another storyline that helps people to belong is the jester, which creates pathways for enjoyment. Using “cleverness, clowning it up to enliven a dull situation, or using humor to speak with impunity what would ordinarily be an ‘unspeakable’ truth” are all devices of the jester. I had a client who said she chose me because I made her laugh. She was a humble and strategic thinker, a leader in uplifting the disenfranchised. I later learned that although she was rather quiet in their group processes except for when a value or perspective was not being voiced, in their social interaction, she was the life of the party. In hearing her stories during our coaching journey, I discovered that she could find humor in the most difficult of situations and seemed to be able to “balance freedom with a sense of ethics and personal integrity.” I considered her comment about me as a compliment, because I can be known to be overly serious. I truly desire to be able to lighten things up, to laugh at myself, and to look for different “alternatives to fight or flight dilemmas.” The “jester in each of us helps us and others by showing us the fun in difficult situations.”

Pearson teaches that each storyline offers us a story, a goal, a worst fear, lesson(s) to be learned and specific gifts. Pearson writes that one may not wish to view the storylines in terms of applying to self-understanding and personal growth, however they can still be an aid in ‘educating individuals for success, citizenship and leadership in a democratic society.”3 Different storylines are active within us at various times. We can activate storylines which help us towards wholeness and use them as tools to navigate the challenging currents which are occurring in our lives. Pearson suggests that if our inner guides are wanting to express certain storylines and we push them down, they will be expressed in their negative or shadow forms. If we don’t learn the lesson each storyline presents, the challenge presented to us is likely to recur. There are different levels of each storyline pattern. As we spiral through any particular storyline a second, third of fourth time we can grow and access a deepening awareness. In this series of “thoughts” over the past five months, I have introduced Pearson’s twelve storylines. For more information on honoring your journey through your story, please check out the wealth of resources written, co-written and presented by Carol S. Pearson.

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you best connect with people? Of these storylines of people and belonging: lover, everyperson and jester, which one(s) resonate(s) with you? What can you learn or gain from each narrative?


1 From this point on, all words enclosed within “quotation marks” without a subscript endnote number, refer to language that Carol S. Pearson created in instructional materials for her training with archetypes. Pearson has written and co-authored numerous books on archetypes, or the plots and patterns within stories. While I hope to convey how her stories and body of work apply to coaching, I want to acknowledge her brilliance, and creation as the primary source of this work. For more information, see references.

2 Pearson, C.S. Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World, (SF: HarperSanFrancisco), 152.

3 Pearson, Awakening the Heroes Within, 14.

-For discovering the storylines active in your life, take the Pearson-Marr Archetypal Index online, and receive an interpretive report: https://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm

-To take the Organizational and Team Culture Indicator, go to https://marketplace.unl.edu/buros/organizational-and-team-culture-indicator.html

-Pearson website on storylines: https://www.carolspearson.com/about/the-12-archetype-system-a-model-for-discovering-your-archetypes

References
Carol S. Pearson, Archetypes in Organizational Settings: A Client's Guide to the OTCI Professional Report, CAPT, Gainesville, 2003.

Carol S. Pearson, Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World, Harper San Francisco, 1991.

Carol S. Pearson & Hugh K. Marr, Introduction to Archetypes: The Guide to Interpreting Results from the Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator, CAPT, Gainesville, 2002.

Carol S. Pearson and Sharon Seivert, Magic at Work, Currency, Doubleday, New York, 1995.

Carol S. Pearson, Persephone Rising: Awakening the Heroine Within, HarperElixir, San Francisco, 2015.

Carol S. Pearson, The Transforming Leader: New Approaches to Leadership for the Twenty-First Century, Berrett-Koelher Publishers, 2012

Jon G. Corlett & Carol Pearson, Mapping the Organizational Psyche: A Jungian Theory of Organizational Dynamics and Change, CAPT, Gainesville, 2003. (capt.org)

Originally published in condensed form in Collective Wisdom: Powerful Practical Advice for Achieving Success, Edited by Donald Gerard, 2009.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi, 2017, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Primary sources of information from works and trainings by Dr. Carol S. Pearson. Do not copy without permission


9/2017
Honor your Journey through your Story, Part IV

As I continue to draw from works by Carol S. Pearson that provide insight for our life journeys, this month’s “thoughts” addresses story patterns about production and getting things accomplished. Pearson groups these stories under results/mastery. What are the narratives of these stories? Is it the hero who champions some cause or the leader in some industry service or product who helps one’s organization/company to make a profit, increase those products and/or win the competition in one’s field? Is it the revolutionary, who through unconventional methods strives for innovation to break tradition, implements the cutting edge so that growth and change can occur? Or is it the magician, who with intuitive insight moves toward unprecedented success?

Stories of Results/Mastery
Many of my clients have goals of accomplishing and providing services for their clientele and communities. Many of my coachees are committed to social equity and justice. The hero or warrior narrative is often played out by my clients and their organizations. In this role, the hero must be “strong, effective and overcome any fears.”1 Winning is what counts most. One important lesson which can be learned from engaging in this narrative is to “fight for what genuinely matters.” Especially in today’s current social climate, I am finding many clients are seeing the over-reliance on this storyline. For example, there are many times when persons living the hero story must consider whether winning at all costs is worth the fight and/or whether the warrior storyline is the only way to achieve what is desired.

Some of my clients follow the revolutionary or destroyer narrative, helping the organization to shut-down old or ineffective ways of operating. The storyline is about “growth and metamorphosis.” I accompanied one client who followed this revolutionary path helping her organization to make a significant change in how they worked. She pushed for her organization to expand their programming to integrate older youth and young adults into the leadership of their programs. It was met with resistance, but her leadership and willingness to take responsibility for the supervision and any fall-out that might occur helped the organization to grow and move in a new and powerful direction.

I remember another client who lived the story of the revolutionary as an individual. She was the fiscal director of her organization, who cared deeply for the mission of the organization, but was being asked to operate in a manner that she considered unethical. Initially engaging the warrior narrative, she kept fighting the effort and tried to get support from the organizational hierarchy to deal with the issue, but without success.

Following the revolutionary narrative, she shared her concerns with a board member. This destroyed her chances to continue working there, potentially placing the organization in jeopardy, as well as abandoning what she felt was her commitment to working in the field. This client had reached her limit to contribute to this organization, was blocked from giving fully of her talents and understood that it was time to let go and move on. The revolutionary storyline “helps us to be humble, to accept our mortality and limitations.”

Interestingly enough, this same client landed another job in the same general area which paid more, was less of a commute and worked for persons and an organization where her principles of ethical fiscal management were welcomed. I believe she summoned the storyline of the magician. Initially fighting with the warrior story, she realized that pattern was not working and was not helping her to champion her cause in the former organization. Invoking the revolutionary allowed her to “deal with loss with some grace.” Searching and finding a new job required a major shift in my client’s perspective, one that was transformative and unearthed the magician within herself. The Magician finds “win/win solutions.” The magician often solves problems by letting go of the outcome while “valuing order and stability” and “understanding the interdependence of everyone and everything.”

The magician in me has helped me to see possibilities and solutions beyond my “understanding of the situation or problem.” It helps me to be more flexible and open, while recognizing “the interdependence of everyone and everything.” I have witnessed the magician in my clients numerous times-- when listening to clients and together renaming or reframing something which caused shifts in thinking, solving the problem and opening the way for unexpected outcomes or windfalls. This is the magician at work, expanding our understanding and transforming our realities.

As a coach, I strive to help my clients recognize that there are different manners in which they can produce results. Recognizing the story which we are living may help us find new ways to achieve our goals.

Questions to reflect upon:
Which of these storylines are active in your life?
If you desire results or production, which of these narratives of the hero, revolutionary or magician might best lead you towards your individual or organizational desired outcomes?


1 From this point on, all words enclosed by "quotation marks" refer to language that Carol S. Pearson created in instructional materials for her training with archetypes. Pearson has written and co-authored numerous books on archetypes, or the plots and patterns within stories. While I hope to convey how her stories and body of work apply to coaching, I want to acknowledge her brilliance, and creation as the primary source of this work. For more information, see references.

References
Carol S. Pearson, Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World, Harper San Francisco, 1991.

Carol S. Pearson & Hugh K. Marr, Introduction to Archetypes: The Guide to Interpreting Results from the Pearson-Marr Archetype Indicator™, CAPT, Gainesville, 2002.

Much appreciation to Adam Frey for editing and imparting his wisdom of storylines (archetypes.)

Originally published in condensed form in Collective Wisdom: Powerful Practical Advice for Achieving Success, Edited by Donald Gerard, 2009.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi, 2017, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Primary sources of information from works and trainings by Dr. Carol S. Pearson. Do not copy without permission


8/2017
Honor your Journey through your Story, Part III

Throughout this summer, I have been sharing insights from works by Carol S. Pearson about story patterns that can inform us about our journeys in life. In the June “thoughts” I wrote about how discovering my own stories have helped me to incorporate important learnings in my life and how to better connect with the stories of my clients. In last month’s entry, I presented how the narratives of caregiver, ruler, and creator can provide stability and structure. This month I’d like to honor three storylines of Learning and Freedom which can inform us how to continue to grow and develop: the explorer, the innocent and the sage.

Stories of Learning/Freedom
Quite often I see clients when they move beyond providing structure and stability to their organizations, communities and families. The explorer seeks new adventures by leaving home, family, job or embarking upon an internal journey. I have coached clients who recognized the need for more or different types of challenge in their work. They felt bored, trapped by rules, regulations or responsibilities. Being in places of leadership in which they needed these areas to be covered, they provided stability in their current work, either by developing other staff persons to tackle them or creating systems that were more self-sustaining. In this way they felt empowered to stay true to themselves and to take their internal journeys while still serving their communities. They began to pay attention to their restlessness, rather than dismissing it as a sign of bad character. My clients gained independence and insight about their identities. In other situations, I remember clients who were passionate about their organizations’ missions, the constituencies they served and were therefore torn about leaving. The coaching processes were instrumental in clarifying their core values and their needs to step into healthier work environments where they could fully give of themselves.

Some clients simply have faith and hope there will be a happy ending, as in the story of the innocent. This pattern encourages people to stay upbeat and to see the good in others. The goal of the innocent is to remain safe and protected. I consider myself to be a fairly upbeat person, nevertheless, I remember times in my life when I had become cynical and found it difficult to hope for a better future or for better outcomes. I knew that there was no one who was going to swoop down and magically change all of the institutional systems that weren’t working. The narrative of the innocent provided me with optimism that help will come if I am attentive and if I recognize the help. I believe that this optimism and faith are critical elements to being resilient. I continually learn from the storyline of the innocent, as my clients share their journeys, their hopes and dreams for their organizations and the legacies they hope to impart.

One other story of learning/freedom is the sage, who finds deeper truth and understanding. The sage is curious, wise and adept at noticing flaws. Clients living the sage storyline are objective, and can more easily contribute dispassionate analysis, planning and evaluation. I have seen clients detach, no longer feeling the need to defend themselves. Honoring the sage within helped them to let go of personal insecurities. For myself, I find this storyline a fairly easy one to access in noticing defects or flawed thinking. However a growth area for me in fully embracing the sage continues to be expressing truths in a non-judgmental manner and being aware when there is openness to hearing them. I believe I access the sage when listening and feeding back to my clients what they have presented. I help them unearth the deeper meaning in their quests, problem-solving or decision-making. I ask questions and help them to get curious about their concepts, values and desired outcomes, assisting them to seek the sage within. We may engage in strategic thinking or alignment of their values with their goals and outcomes, which provides them with new ways of thinking, responding and moving forward.

Questions to apply to stories of learning/freedom:
Explorer: Are you experiencing a type of restlessness about your work or life? How might you pay attention to it as a sign of wanting to learn or becoming more true to yourself?
Innocent: Can you think of a time when optimism was a key ingredient to being resilient? Is there some issue in your life which might benefit from the pattern of the innocent?
Sage: Can you think of a time when you were free of needing to defend yourself, letting go of how to best convince other people of your competence? Is there some aspect in your life where you might engage the sage to free yourself of the need to prove your competence?

-For discovering the storylines active in your life, take the Pearson-Marr Archetypal Index online, and receive an interpretive report: https://www.capt.org/catalog/MBTI-Book-PMAIonline.htm

-To take the Organizational and Team Culture Indicator, go to https://marketplace.unl.edu/buros/organizational-and-team-culture-indicator.html

References

John G. Corlett & Carol Pearson, Mapping the Organizational Psyche: A Jungian Theory of Organizational Dynamics and Change, CAPT, Gainesville, 2003. (capt.org)

Carol S. Pearson, Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World, Harper San Francisco, 1991.

Much appreciation to Adam Frey for editing and imparting his wisdom of storylines (archetypes.)

Originally published in condensed form in Collective Wisdom: Powerful Practical Advice for Achieving Success, Edited by Donald Gerard, 2009.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi, 2017, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Primary sources of information from works and trainings by Dr. Carol S. Pearson. Do not copy without permission


7/2017
Honor your Journey through your Story, Part II

“Myths are stories of our search through the ages for truth, for meaning, for significance. -Bill Moyers, in a dialogue with Joseph Campbell, “The Power of Myth” video

Stories evoke thoughts and emotions and can touch us in profound ways. In Mapping the Organizational Psyche, John G. Corlett and Carol S. Pearson organize storylines around specific themes or life energies, which serve as containers for learning and development. One of their categories is Stability and Structure. Although Pearson and Corlett present their ideas for organizational learning, I want to focus upon how stories of stability and structure may provide insight for individual growth too.

Stories of Stability/Structure
Identifying the collective stories of your workplace, family and community can help lead your life. Each person may move through many different storylines with certain types of stories being more active in one’s life at any particular time. Pearson posits that each story inherently provides a goal, lessons to learn and accompanying gifts or virtues. For many of us, our lives and work focus on the story of the caregiver, tending to people and being of service. The caregiver’s goal is to be “good, caring and unselfish.”1 The caregiver teaches us to work hard, to give and to love others. The caregiver in us can also help us to understand who we are and to “discover for what or whom we are willing to sacrifice.” Many clients who work in the non-profit world have dedicated their lives to this narrative. Sometimes, it has been instructive for them to understand this pattern so they may continue to give, but without burning themselves out. One of the ways they journey towards more balance in their lives is to enlist the caretaker narrative for themselves through self-care. Their journeys help them to recognize that being compassionate with oneself provides a deepening foundation to care for those around them.

At some point our story for achieving stability and structure may be about the ruler, “finding positive use for everything and everyone.” The ruler’s story creates order, maintains it and provides governance. This storyline can be powerful in dealing with scarcity and in “prioritizing goals and resources.” The journey of the ruler may occur in one’s inner or outer world. Achieving stability in one of these worlds can help mirror structure in the other. I remember times when my life was so chaotic that establishing order in my inner world facilitated capacity, energy and insight to deal with the outer one. I have seen clients adopt this narrative to make tough decisions and follow through with them. This narrative can work in the opposite fashion, creating structure in the outer world, which influences order or balance within. For example, when leaders implement policies which improve efficiency and redundancy, it can provide stability and ease the feeling of disorder and confusion for staff.

One other story of stability and structure is the creator, designing "one’s life, work or any new kind of reality”. The creator may design a new product, method or solution. I often accompany clients through their journeys of creating unique pathways for dealing with organizational issues and also for envisioning their own professional development. The creator in us can “help us to know what we really want to have, do, or create; allow ourselves to let our dreams come true and provide vocations for ourselves.” Through this storyline I have consciously become more accepting of myself, more in tune with my connection with the universe and with my ability to inspire and imagine the future. I work with clients in activating the creator in their lives, helping them to envision their futures.

Although all of these types of stories can help establish stability and structure, the processes and outcomes differ. Which of the narratives of caregiver, ruler, and creator can best provide us with stability and structure in our current situations? Recognizing the narratives, goals, gifts and lessons of each story may assist in developing ourselves and in authoring our own journeys.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do any of the storylines of caretaker, ruler or creator have resonance for you?
What might you have learned or gained from the story?
Regarding stability and structure in your work/life, might there be a particular storyline that provides insight or inspiration for the optimal path in your present situation?

(Stay tuned for Part III in next month's "thoughts.")


1 From this point on, all words enclosed by "quotation marks" refer to language that Carol S. Pearson created in instructional materials for her training with archetypes. Pearson has written and co-authored numerous books on archetypes, or the plots and patterns within stories. While I hope to convey how her stories and body of work apply to coaching, I want to acknowledge her brilliance, and creation as the primary source of this work. For more information, see references.

References
John G. Corlett & Carol Pearson, Mapping the Organizational Psyche: A Jungian Theory of Organizational Dynamics and Change, CAPT, Gainesville, 2003. (capt.org)

Carol S. Pearson, Awakening the Heroes Within: Twelve Archetypes to Help Us Find Ourselves and Transform Our World, Harper San Francisco, 1991.

Originally published in condensed form in Collective Wisdom: Powerful Practical Advice for Achieving Success, Edited by Donald Gerard, 2009.

Much appreciation to Adam Frey for editing and imparting his wisdom of storylines (archetypes.)

©Wendy C. Horikoshi, 2017, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Primary sources of information from works and trainings by Dr. Carol S. Pearson. Do not copy without permission


6/2017
Honor your Journey through your Story

Discovering and honoring my own stories helped me integrate all of the important parts of my life’s journey and have enabled me to connect with clients. Through several books and workshops of Carol S. Pearson, I have learned about the pattern of stories. Pearson writes in Archetypes in Organizational Settings:

“Workplaces are thus the settings in which they live out the great human stories—whether in their comic (happy) or tragic (unhappy) modes. As we pull back the veil of appearances, we may notice great heroism and pernicious villainy, devotion and antipathy, the pride of victory and the indignity of defeat—all right before us, every day. The great challenge is to be certain that the organization and those in it are living the optimal story available to them.”

Identifying which stories were active in my life and which ones offered the silver lining or new learning that I wanted to pursue has helped me to travel my career journey—contribute what I needed to with the current organization, leave a 13- year stable position that was a great job, continue my inward growth about myself, and move to a field of work that I love and feel most privileged about engaging in. Unearthing the stories continue to help me integrate all the important parts in my life: my calling, my family and community and my desire to live a responsible, productive and meaningful life. I keep rediscovering that life is a continuous process where each storyline helps me to feel more whole and better equipped to face the challenges and difficulties of each stage of my journey.

As a coach, listening to clients and inquiring about their storylines has helped me to metaphorically accompany each of them in their lives, especially when their stories are very different from mine. Alternately, when the underlying storylines are similar, each narrative with the social, political and economic milieu provides for a different telling of the same story. Through hearing and reflecting upon these stories we can recognize and experience the meaning and lessons which can be gleaned from each symbolic pattern.

Questions to reflect upon:
What is a story that is of particular interest to you? What is the narrative or plot? What is the goal? What are the lessons that can be gleaned from your story? Are there any gifts or virtues which can be gleaned from this story? If yes, what are they?

Stay tuned for Part II of "Honor Your Journey through your Story" in next month’s “thoughts."

References
Carol S. Pearson, Archetypes in Organizational Settings, CAPT, Gainesville, 2003.

Carol S. Pearson, The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By, Harper San Francisco, 1998.

Originally published in condensed form in Collective Wisdom: Powerful Practical Advice for Achieving Success, Edited by Donald Gerard, 2009.

©Wendy C. Horikoshi, 2017, wendy@transformativeleadership.net. Primary sources of information from works and trainings by Dr. Carol S. Pearson. Do not copy without permission


5/2017
Leadership

I am a loyal and ardent fan of the Golden State Warriors. There is something quite special about the philosophy that Coach Steve Kerr has infused into this team. Kerr embraces individual differences and nurtures the strengths of talents of each player. He seems to build solid relationships with the players and the coaching staff. His value of finding and cultivating joy seems to be present with basketball, his relationships and his life. Although many leaders tend to believe they are successful solely because of their own personality, he is also cognizant about each player’s style, strengths and willingness to buy into the same team vision. Moreover, his leadership is inclusive in nature, incorporating individual knowledge to benefit the team. Kerr helps his team learn from individual mistakes and team miscalculations. As a leadership coach, I have seen clients follow this type of “learning by doing” while nurturing the skills and leadership of individuals. This approach strengthens the foundation of the team and organization. For example, one client who was an assistant director of a non-profit was willing to nurture a young staff person, whom the organization was calling to fire. The staff person had made a mistake in being too much of a friend with the high school participants. My client helped to develop the staff person who provided the organization with fresh, young leadership that offered new and different ways of community organizing with teens. As a coach, I created an environment that gave my client the time and space to think about why she wanted to help this person and how to accomplish this goal within the organizational restraints.

As a superb leader, Coach Kerr develops his staff as well as his players. Coach Kerr builds his team of coaches to complement their strengths and work together in an almost seamless manner. In selecting Luke Walton as the Warrior’s assistant coach in the 2014-15 season, it was amazing to see the Warriors win 39 games when Coach Kerr was out for back surgery. When Walton moved to become head coach of the LA Lakers, Kerr selected Mike Brown, a defensive specialist who had coached in the finals as a head coach in Cleveland. Brown is currently coaching in this 2017 play-off series in Kerr’s absence and the Warriors have continued to win. I have had leaders of organizations who have brought me in to coach them through transition, succession-planning and retirement. I helped my clients to figure out their plans for developing their teams so that the organization could carry on without their presence. I also helped the clients to identify their joy and meaning and how they want to incorporate these elements into the next phase of their lives.

Building relationships can be critical to fostering leadership. I find it delightful to watch how first team players of the Warriors have extraordinary relationships with the second and third teams, on and off the court. Golden State is well known for their team dinners. I believe that this type of relationship building has spill over to the court with their strategy of giving starting team members rest periods, leaving one or two of them in play, while bringing in players off the bench. Additionally when wanting to rest players for a full game, or when a starter is injured, the team maintains a flow with varying players out on the floor. While building relationships may seem as if it is intangible, it produces results and can be one of the more difficult skills to incorporate into one’s work. I support my clients with relationship building by helping them to be guided by their inner selves and to incorporate into thought and action their kindness, compassion as well as the mission of their organizations.

When the Warriors play they seem like they are having fun. I believe that one important quality of leading is helping individuals find what they value, cultivate and honor these values. In an interview, Steph Curry shared how Kerr has taught him to appreciate all aspects of one’s life, taking time away from the game to enjoy one’s family and friends, savoring golf and other activities. Coach Kerr seems to be a leader who treats his players as “whole” persons, who are more than just basketball players with “on” and “off” nights. As a coach, I often ask how my clients want to create joy for themselves and the people within their organization.

The Warriors provide me with enjoyable moments of respite and joy. In coaching leaders, I hope that some of the work we do together helps them to consciously utilize their strengths and differences, builds and deepens their relationships and brings them more joy in their lives and in their work.

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you nurture the strengths of people in your work or life? How do you nurture your strengths?
What might you do to build the relationships of persons you work, play and live with?
How might you cultivate joy in your life and in your work?


4/2017 Barriers to Your Development and Successful Outcomes

What are barriers that keep you from developing or reaching the outcomes that you desire? Very often individuals tend to continue to utilize the same pattern which has been leading to the same barrier. I have a client that has been working on being conscious of her tendency to take on more than she can fit into her schedule and life. She works in a non-profit for immigrant rights and even prior to the recent immigration orders and new policies, has been working for an organization where the employees carry workloads that are at or above capacity. It is not surprising that she feels a bit underwater and worried that things will soon get out of control. She is concerned that she will begin doing more work on week-ends and evenings, sleeping less and experiencing more health problems as has been her previous pattern. Coaching has helped her to become more successful in understanding her workstyle that gains energy from completing things close to the deadline. In her coaching processes, she has worked diligently to create and implement strategies that help her focus on what to do, how to prioritize and schedule things with extra cushion space. She and her colleagues have also gotten through the panic, initial shock and emotional turmoil of drastic changes in the political climate for immigration policy in this country. In our last coaching session we paid attention to a situation she identified how a specific emotion comes up for her which often becomes a stumbling block to completing her workload—guilt.

You may experience guilt or it may be other emotions or thoughts that tend to weigh you down. Although coaching is not counseling, coaching can help you figure out your priorities, which direction you desire, identify stumbling blocks and create pathways for reaching your desired outcomes. Nancy, (we’ll call her), recalled the most recent time by re-walking the timeline of events of when she focused on finishing work and home duties while ignoring signals from her body that something was not right. She identified this point in time where she experienced guilt. I had Nancy step off the timeline, move into the future and give herself advice and wisdom. “Nancy, you don’t feel well. You have a fever. Why don’t you call and cancel your meeting, stay home and rest. I know that you’re trying to come through for other people.” Nancy stepped back into the timeline to receive that information and then moved further on the timeline. I asked Nancy, “What will it take to care for yourself?” She didn’t know. I had Nancy step off the timeline once more and move to her wise self. She realized that arranging for increased childcare when she took on more work obligations was also stressful. As Nancy returned to the timeline, she identified new resources that would help her take care of herself; creating an action item to develop connections with persons who could help with baby-sitting. Nancy felt guilty about caring for herself and making plans for her child when there was a schedule of work meetings. She realized that although cancelling a meeting may be disappointing for the other attendees, not doing so often means missing more work later when she absolutely must due to illness. Walking the timeline and making different choices helped Nancy transform the guilt and become more resourceful. And to top it off, Nancy has confidence that she will listen to her body and take better care of herself the next time.

Questions to reflect upon:

What might be a barrier that keeps you from taking your own good advice? What strategy or plan might you make to follow that advice? If you could use help in working through this process, could a coach help you?


3/2017
Teamwork and Resiliency

What constitutes a good team that works together well? Is it when teams have great talent, are successful, and when they know how to pick each other up when they fall short of the mark? Is it when individuals know how to speak each other’s language, to understand differences, strengths and capacities and to utilize all of their different contributions to create much more than the sum of their individual parts? Is teamwork when individuals are willing to sacrifice their own agenda, their own need to control the direction and/or their own egos for the team’s overall goals? How does a good team nurture talent, utilize experience, and provide leadership while encouraging individual and group growth and development? How does a good leader look to replace a team member who leaves while nurturing teamwork during the interim? In listening to the experiences of my clients, I am beginning to think about resiliency as an additional component of leadership and teamwork. I formerly thought of resiliency as an important part of individual leadership, but in watching the Golden State Warrior’s play basketball, I am learning that resiliency can be a part of group leadership, as well. In the workplace, teams change. How do we help the teams we work with become more resilient? In this month’s “thoughts,” I want to focus on resiliency in teamwork, how teams make the most of their teams while undergoing transition, change and loss.

The Warriors play as though each of the team members know their individual efforts are needed. They are a self-less team, sharing the ball, sometimes even to a fault. They are the best shooting team in the NBA, the number one in field goals percentage and the top team in defending the three point shot better. And as all teams, they struggle, lose games and have injuries. Their strategy when in a slump is to get back on defense, move the ball well, create spacing, and to move without the ball. Everybody in the team is expected to contribute and they are fully aware of their roles. Much could be written about the Warrior’s talent and experience, their leadership and concentration on continual individual and team growth. Until the past several years, I have been reluctant to talk about professional sports teams when referring to teamwork. With basketball I felt like there was a tendency to focus one individual as the hero. “Hero ball” isn’t my idea of teamwork. Pro sports are also about competition, entertainment and business which can deter from teambuilding. I think teamwork has drawn me to watch the entire game, even when the Warriors are way ahead. I can observe the teamwork and skill development of the second and third teams. I am engaged when the Warriors are behind, rooting that they will be resilient and win one more time. The Warriors are willing to learn from adversity and see each game as an opportunity to learn, especially from the losses. This theme is echoed many times by different players as they are interviewed.

How does the Warrior’s resiliency connect with resiliency in the workplace? How does a leader hire a new team member? Does the leader hurry just to fill the vacancy, or does the leader assess what strengths are available, what areas of individual growth might each team player be working towards, and what qualities are most needed for the team? How can you engage the team to buy into a new team with the new person added to it? What elements might help impact and encourage the team to do well and continue to grow and flourish? All of the qualities of teamwork and leadership contribute to a team’s success. Building the team’s resiliency can be an important tool for working with changing personnel, environment and situations.

Many times, Warriors are asked sacrifice play time and all of the team mates strive to be ready when their names are called. The leadership treats their players with respect and in a manner that takes into consideration individual needs and strengths. The leadership seems to let each player be who they are. For example, not muzzling Draymond Green’s exuberance even when technical fouls may be on the line or deterring Steph Curry when he is playing around before the game. They seem to count on each player’s unique personality to bolster their teamwork. The players exhort and challenge each other to contribute their best for the team. They don’t seem to scapegoat each other when individuals make mistakes, yet take responsibility for areas in which they could have played better. On your team(s), how do you take advantage of poor performance and use it to build resilience? In the workplace, how does a leader deal with changes due to illnesses, special events and vacations? I was struck with how Green and Shaun Livingston took time away from a game to be with their partners during the birth of their children. I know persons who are reluctant to take time off from work, fearing they may lose their jobs or not be given opportunities for special projects or promotions. This is unfortunate and perhaps short-sighted, for orientation and replacement of good team players are costly and time consuming.

The Warriors seem to be intentional about having fun as they play. I don’t doubt that this adds to their team’s resiliency. The Warriors have already clinched a seed in the play-offs. I guess one could say that they are facing a big test of their team’s resiliency now, with the MVP Player, Kevin Durant (KD) out for at least a month. General Manager Bob Myers and Coach Steve Kerr’s quick response to KD’s injury was to pick up Matt Barnes, who they hope could help with defense and scoring. Although they had already signed another player, Jose Calderon, a point guard, within 2 hours they released him upon hearing the severity of Durant’s injury. This was a costly, but undoubtedly strategic move that is already helping the Warriors. The Warriors were resilient in configuring their team, providing it with good options when a change occurred. Myers and Kerr are counting on the Splash brothers, their two great shooters, Klay Thompson and Curry to carry on. Nevertheless, in the first half of the recent Atlanta game, both Curry and Klay Thompson were not hitting. Andre Iguodala, veteran player, stepped up his game, shooting and making baskets and energizing his team. Together with the outstanding performance of the bench, the Warriors were back in the game. How are you equipping yourself to deal with changes and to anticipate and withstand unexpected changes in your workplace and community teams?

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of a time when you were resilient. What fueled you to be this way?
What things might you do to exercise your resiliency and that of your team?
Remember a time when you worked together with a team or group of people and underwent transition and/or severe challenges? How did your team respond and what things contributed to your team’s resiliency?

*Thanks to Peter Horikoshi for ideas and support.


2/2017
Executive Orders and Leadership

Three Executive Orders regarding immigration have been issued in January, 2017. There is a great deal of public debate on whether and to what extent these orders are excessive, extreme and immoral. How do we deal with the fallout from these Orders and what do they have to do with leadership? For the Japanese American community, these orders remind us of Executive Order 9066, issued on Feb 19, 1942, which authorized the removal of over 110,000 persons of Japanese ancestry from the West Coast. I wonder what type of leadership would have been necessary to prevent the follow-through of EO 9066 in 1942. It took almost 50 years for the government to admit that evacuation of a whole group of persons based on race was illegal.

What does it mean to be leaders in this time and how can leaders exert their influence regarding these Executive Orders? How are people, communities and companies dealing with the immigration ban? One of these Executive Orders, EO 13769, bars immigration from seven countries. Several tech companies have written to the federal government expressing how people from Iran, Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Syria, and Yemen positively contribute economically and intellectually to the U.S. and how they need the skills from employees who were born in these countries. In an article at Fast Leadership Company, “Four Immigrants Affected by the Ban Share What It’s Like to Work in America Right Now,” a doctor, professor, tech worker and advertising employee from the banned countries share their stories and provide a glimpse into how their companies have responded. One immigrant, “Norah,” from Iraq, who helps with early diagnoses of cancer, is completely alone, because her family could not return to the US after visiting relatives. Her boss saw her crying and came in and hugged her, which although was comforting in the moment, she aches in knowing that her boss is a Trump supporter. Another immigrant, “Ali,” from Libya, said that her boss is not opposing the ban, but her colleagues donated money to ACLU. A third immigrant, “Mo,” originally from Iran, works as a college professor and is proud that the college has publicly opposed the ban. Nevertheless, he probably cannot stay in the U.S. when his work authorization expires in March. His renewal request and green card application will probably be placed on hold. (A green card can often take up to two years to process, probably because there was already careful scrutiny on immigration.) “Sarah,” a software engineer from Somalia, works at a tech giant in the U.S. under the H-1B Visa project. With the ban, she cannot visit her sick mother and return to her job. Her company has granted her time off to help plan an upcoming protest, and several of her managers and coworkers will march with her.

Executive Order 13768 denies federal funds to jurisdictions that have declared sanctuary status. Many cities, school districts, colleges have joined other entities adopting sanctuary status to help keep their inhabitants safe from being deported. What are other leadership efforts in disagreeing with these Executive Orders? We are seeing increased organized protest and forming of discussion groups to learn more about the issues and to help pinpoint where we can move into social action. I’ve heard from friends who were never political who are now making phone calls, writing letters and participating in community dissent. Clients and colleagues who have worked their entire lives in social justice organizations, providing services for those with limited access are becoming resources for all of us in cultivating our own responses. Prism, a culturally-aware coaching collective of which I am a member, is designing coaching circles to provide support in these challenging times and to utilize social justice practices to guide truth-telling, compassion and authenticity.

I am also hearing and feeling the need for persons to have avenues to become grounded and to become spiritually renewed to guide ones’ understanding and actions. At my church last Sunday, my pastor* shared with us how retired Colonel Anne Wright spoke at the Veterans for Peace Conference. Colonel Wright left the army in 2003 when discovering U.S.’ decision to go to war with Iraq was based on false information about weapons of mass destruction. In her resignation she objected to the decision to go to war with Iraq without the blessings of the United Nations Security Council, the lack of effort in the Israeli-Palestinian peace process, the lack of policy in North Korea, and the curtailment of liberties in the U.S. (Wikipedia). She began researching and with Susan Dixon wrote DISSENT: Voices of Conscience, Government Insiders Speak Out Against The War In Iraq.

My pastor also related how Alison Weir, a journalist who was covering the Israel/Palestinian relationships in 2001 left her job to further focus on illuminating US policy in the Middle East. Her website: “If American Knew” and her book, Against Our Better Judgment identify how the historical relationship between Israel and the U.S. led to the US invasion of Iraq. She also chronicles how overall military policy beginning in 2001 was designed to destabilize the same seven countries included in EO 13769. It’s indeed uncanny how other Muslim-majority countries are not on this list and how no known terrorists have come from these countries that are on the list. It may not be surprising to know that Trump doesn’t have businesses in any of these seven countries, but does with other countries whose citizens have been convicted of terrorist acts.

Another 2017 Executive Order, 13767, directs a wall to be built along the U.S./Mexican border. This comes at a time when undocumented crossings have reached a 40 year low and a third of the border already has a wall. Many people question who will pay for the wall. The company that has built walls in the West Bank has been promoting the building of walls for the United States, attesting to the jobs and employment they could provide. I wonder if the walls in the West Bank have provided peace and economic stability for all of their residents. In closing of his sermon, my pastor shared words from Bruce Ough, the President of the United Methodist Council on Bishops who released a statement about Trump’s immigration order,

“The very soul of our country is at stake. When we abandon strangers who are at risk of bigotry, xenophobia and violence we not only destroy their hope, we destroy our own souls. When we fail to assist the refugees fleeing danger, we not only place them in harm’s way, we do harm to our own souls. When we build walls of concrete, or walls of divisive rhetoric, or walls of fear, or walls of immoral immigration policies, we build a wall around our own souls.
Christ calls us to tear down the walls around our soul that we might live fully and abundantly.”
Bishop Ough further calls upon the Trump administration and US Congress to rescind the harmful Executive Orders. Bishop Ough speaking as a Christian leader may not resonate with you, however I share his words with you as an example of how he is exercising his leadership in his sphere of influence and is identifying his values which stem from his spiritual core.

With renewed energy, at Berkeley Methodist United Church’s service on February 19, 2017, seventy-five years after that EO 9066, I will observe the Day of Remembrance which marks the anniversary of the evacuation order. I will be joining my husband and some of his former band members who sang about the Asian American movement during the 1970’s. Unfortunately, some of the same injustices are occurring today. The annual Days of Remembrance were a small part of the larger movement which over time led to the passing of the Civil Liberties Act of 1988. The Civil Liberties Act apologized to Japanese Americans for the unlawful removal and incarceration and provided modest reparation and money for public education of Evacuation. Yet, one equally important reason for the passage of the Civil Liberties Act was to help ensure that this type of travesty would never happen again. “Never again” is a mantra from evacuation survivors and their allies.

There may be other Executive Orders that are or will be calling you to action. During these turbulent times, I wonder what opportunities we have or what avenues we can create to respond, to lead our lives in a way that stop these new Executive Orders and which provide support for the persons affected by them. The four immigrants, Norah, Ali, Mo and Sarah allowed themselves to be vulnerable to share their stories. Some business leaders and church leaders are speaking out. Individuals such as Colonel Wright and Journalist Alison Weir are providing information that is not commonly known which shed light on U.S. policy. As a leader of your life and any leadership role you play or create at work or in the community, where are your spheres of influence and where might you be called to action?

Questions to reflect upon:
Do any of the Executive Orders affect people you know? How can you support them? Are there arenas where you can step up to the plate, as a leader of an organization or as a leader of your life to move into action that aligns with your values? What are resources that can help you sort these questions out?

*Thank you to Reverend Michael Yoshii for information/resources and for social justice inspiration.


1/2017
Building Relationships

As part of her leadership development, a client recently asked me if there was an article that could help in her specific situation that might help her build relationships. While I know there are numerous sources about the subject, I believe she wanted some strategies and ways to deal with communication with a specific person. In reflecting upon her situation I realize that there are several approaches to tackle the subject. What is the communication style of the other person? Is your style different from the person you are interacting with? Are there cultural styles or perspectives which, if identified, could help you understand yourself and the other person? Is there an organizational culture or belief system that if identified, could open up communication and understanding? Many times it can be important to understand who holds the power and what personal and organizational power one holds in the situation. What issues tend to push your button? Can you see a pattern of issues that pushes the button of the other person? What are the things you have control over? Many times the only thing that one has control over is how one responds. What things might you be willing to invest your time into changing how your respond?

In coaching we create a pathway for exploring these kinds of questions and develop a plan for moving toward the desired outcomes. Individuals discover their own stories that help them transform. We might study their learning modality or personality style to better understand their leadership strengths and challenges and build their ability to connect with other persons. We might engage in exercises to help with perspective shifting. We might investigate and reflect upon different cultural perspectives to approach the relationship and/or work with the issue differently. We might strategize to look for more effective ways to deal with issues.

As I think about the client’s question, I am reminded that the building of connection and relationships are primary elements of working and living together effectively and harmoniously. The building of relationships is vital to working as a group or company, individual or community. Building relationships is a common topic that individuals address within the coaching practice. It is amazing for me to watch my clients grow, shift perspectives, influence the people around them, and strategize to create the outcomes they envision.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there a relationship that you’d like to build? What is effective in the relationship and what would you like to move towards?


12/2016
Post-Election Grief

I wonder how many of us are in mourning over the results of the presidential election. For those of us who are, in addition to dealing with any other challenges or difficulties in our lives, how do we take care of ourselves as we move through the grieving process? In working with terminal cancer patients Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in Death and Dying proposed stages of grief which each person seemed to go through. She gave her patients an opportunity to talk about how they were feeling in a time when people did not usually survive cancer or talk much about the disease or treatment. Over the years her work has grown to help people deal with any kind of transition. Kubler-Ross’ stages include: Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and Hope. Originally these phases were seen as progressive, moving in one direction, although over the years, many persons believe that we cycle through these emotions, jumping to different stages as well as moving back and forth between them.

Grief is about loss, and how each person deals with loss is individual and personal. I want to share with you some of the reactions about post-election grief from people in my life. One client, a White non-profit attorney for immigrant rights, said that although she felt that while she was working hard to keep on top of her work, the mood in her office was very depressed. She felt like she was in a fog. Reading the ACLU website gives her hope. Another person, who recently became the ED of a health organization, said she told her staff to do what they needed to take care of themselves. Since we talked the day after election, the people in her organization were still very much in shock.

I also asked several coaches of color what phase of the grief cycle that they might be in. "I am still fighting," said a Latina. I will send you the list of Electoral College delegates I got this afternoon. We have to write to them.” She was pretty clear about being angry and has spent many days crying.

Another coach wrote: “I go in and out of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. The denial shows up as just going about my normal day as if we don't have a racist fascist for a president. And then I read something online that reminds me of the current state of affairs, and I start thinking of the very real possibility of forced evacuations, prison camps, mass executions, etc., and my anxiety level goes up because I don't have a solution. The tension in my body increases, I feel angry and depressed, and I just want to escape or believe that we won't let the aforementioned things happen or that I won't have to give my life defending my family and friends. Every once in a while, however, when I'm able to get grounded and centered, I have hope.”

The Latina coach responded, “I know how I feel, but if I were a black man with a young son I would no doubt be going through exactly what you are. Our imaginations have so much fuel from history, and the man in question does nothing to convince us to trust him. Every time I woke up last night (4 or 5 times) I started thinking about it. Donald Trump is giving the term White House a whole different dimension of the term. Let's know that we have each other, and we have all those Democrats still in the government. I think that as long as we can keep DT from becoming a dictator, we may be able to survive as a dynamic civilization.” And then she offered her garden to friends when they felt overwhelmed.

I believe that allowing ourselves to grieve, to feel these emotions can be helpful and healing. One client shared that this election has been extremely difficult for her as one of her close colleague’s emotional state is impacting hers. She believes her colleague is distracted, reading and posting online and she wants to be supportive but needs to disengage. Additionally one of her parents has posted anti-gay remarks after the election. For although my client is “out” as a bisexual with her parents, her mother doesn’t seem to recognize that her comments affect her daughter and intensify the fear she feels for her own safety. I moved this client through an exercise where she asked for advice from a couple of persons she admires, a Catholic Sister and Harvey Milk, the Gay Activist and SF City Councilman who was gunned down. From the imaginary interaction with the Sister, my client was comforted and relieved to know that she is loved and accepted just as she is. My client shed tears, releasing sadness. She felt joy from the conversation with Harvey Milk, which inspired and motivated her to keep his legacy alive. This process allowed my client to get in tune with her inner self, and to experience warmth, love and wholeness.

Questions to reflect upon:
If you are in mourning during this post-election period, what stage of the grief cycle are you in? How can you honor your feelings?


11/2016
Immunity to Change: Growing Beyond Our Current Abilities

Throughout the practice of being interviewed by clients looking for a coach, I learn new things about coaching and myself. I have been presenting myself as a strengths-based practitioner, and rethinking how I continue to do so while not excluding differing approaches that I incorporate. I mention that I help clients grow and learn and that I engage processes of reflection, focusing, getting congruent and finding flow to shift behavior so that one can get past limitations that have acted as barriers in the past.* In being interviewed about a strengths-based approach, one client asked if I could help her overcome arenas where she is not as strong as she wishes. This gave me the opportunity to affirm that in addition to helping persons honor their strengths and use inquiry to tap into their experiences, I can also help them move beyond the places where they typically get stuck.

One such transformative tool can be read in An Everyone Culture: Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization, by Kegan and Lahey. The Harvard professors affirm that their approach to learning differs significantly from the philosophy of a strengths-based, positive psychology approach. Dr. Kegan and Dr. Lahey encourage each learner to look at the “one big thing,” that gets in the way of one’s development. Their approach rests upon persons uncovering their weaknesses and using them like a map towards personal development and organizational growth. Kegan and Lahey contend that we are all doing two jobs: 1) creating our product and/or services and 2) covering up our weaknesses so that others do not see our errors. They contend that people in the workplace utilize a lot of energy and time working with the second job of disregarding their mistakes. In their theory of developmental learning, they ask us to look directly at our methods and choices which keep us from being more effective. They’ve created a process which they’ve worked with for over 40 years to help individuals and organizations to discover the barriers that keep each individual from growing. They document how several companies have become successful by continually and openly working with their one big thing.

In previous books where Kegan and Lahey had shared their developmental “technology,” they chronicled case studies within universities and schools, clearly laying out their transformative processes. This formula beautifully identifies one’s “immunity to change” by asking what one is committed to, what one is doing or not doing to achieve one’s goal, what hidden or competing commitment is uncovered which leads to a big assumption one is making. Kegan and Lahey’s process of identifying one’s competing commitment interrupts the loop that reinforces and recreates the original weakness or mistake that keeps one from achieving one’s original commitment. Finding one’s big assumption helps one to recognize how to shift and develop.

In An Everyone Culture, Kegan and Lahey cite several companies whose corporate culture focuses on exposing individual weaknesses and how these companies have groups, in some cases the entire company, that continually help each other stay true to identifying and developing in a way that acknowledges their one big thing. I believe that whereas Kegan and Lahey’s first few books were extraordinary in helping individuals grow and change, this latest one helps underscore how organizations can help their employees grow. In reading this book, I began to wonder: What if all employees in each workplace could adapt and learn how to move through their blind spots? This methodology would create far reaching and long-lasting results.

Kegan and Lahey’s philosophy emphasizes how the interior growth of individuals is monumental in creating strategies that help make individuals and the organization successful. They knew their technology was effective in educational and human service type organizations, but throughout their research with businesses using this type of approach, they were surprised to discover that focusing on one’s Achilles heel has helped companies thrive even during economic recession.

How might you help move your organization or company towards transforming it to grow beyond its current capacity? Many years ago I was trained in Kegan & Lahey’s technology and it has been life changing for me and for my clients. For any individual or organization that wants to change the culture of their organization, to be deliberate about developing one’s own or the organization’s growth, I have used this tool with other clients and I’d love to help you and your organization.

Question to reflect upon:
Is there some outcome or behavior that you really care about and have worked at changing, but like a rubber band it just pops back? Can you envision how this immunity to change approach can help you and your organization?

*To read more about my coaching processes, go to my blog, www.transformativeleadership.net/thoughts.html and scroll down to the months with blogs mentioning:
Reflection: 2/2012, 9/2010
Focus: 12/2011, 3/2010
Congruence: 7/2012, 8/2011, 8/2010, 3/2008
Flow: 9/2011, 5/2011, 5/2008


10/2016
Coaching, Stories and Playwriting

This month I have been interviewed by several potential clients wishing to select a coach who will be a good match for them. This time is quite special as I have the opportunity to elicit and hear their stories-- their work and personal lives, both of which contribute to who they are, their histories, their challenges and how they make meaning in their lives. Each person’s story is unique: with different political, economic and social circumstances, and yet we can relate to different parts of other person’s stories. Recently, I was struck by one client in particular, who came to the US as an immigrant and was the first person in his family to go to college. His siblings had sacrificed so that he would have the opportunity. His story reminded me of many persons in my parents’ communities, which often had the oldest male going to college, and many times that individual went to war and didn’t come back. Amidst the sacrifices the families had made, there was the spirit to continue to build a good life. This potential client had shared his story of being the only sibling in his family to go to college after I asked him what he appreciated. He added “I am privileged,” and conveyed a feeling of debt to his siblings, nieces and nephews. He exuded joy in that he has a good-paying and enjoyable job, which helps him to support his extended family.

Another aspect of a coach interview is presenting my coaching philosophy, practice and approach. I often share with potential and current clients that one of the main things a coach can do is to ask good questions, to assist them in recognizing and leveraging their strengths, as well as to let them know when they are repeating patterns or responses that have not been helpful in moving them towards their desired outcomes.

Interestingly enough as I was watching the Charlie Rose Show, I heard Edward Albee, a multiple Pulitzer Prize Winner playwright say, “Ideally a play should hold a mirror up to people and say, ‘look, this is the way you behave, this is the way you live, this is the way you react to things. If you don’t like what you see here on stage, why don’t you change?” He went on to say, “So your job /as a playwright/ is to ask interesting questions and expect the audience to provide some good answers.” His words resonated for me as a coach. The coach may engage in different processes and hopefully goes a little bit further by facilitating the client’s journey towards reaching healthy and effective answers. Still, the client, just like the audience, creates the answers.

I am coming to realize that just as playwrighting is an art form, so is coaching. The common denominators are telling or eliciting stories and engaging or influencing an inquiry that helps us to understand the journey. Coaching can also illuminate a pathway through the journey.

Questions to reflect upon:
What is a story about your current life that you can share about yourself? Is there anywhere in this story where you are getting stuck? Have you been stuck in a similar situation before? How would you like to rewrite that story?


9/2016
Learning and Self-Transcendence

“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” -Abraham Maslow

“I can feel guilty about the past, apprehensive about the future, but only in the present can I act. The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.” Maslow

As we enter in September, the month where students and teachers return to school, I begin to think about learning principles involved with the coaching processes. I am reminded that there is learning occurring for the coach, as well as for the client. Throughout adulthood, we can continue to learn and grow. In one of my conversations with another coach, Jennifer Chien, she discussed Abraham Maslow, a psychologist who created the hierarchy of needs and his theory of self-actualization. As Maslow continued his research focusing on positive potential in people, he introduced another rung to the top of his hierarchy, one that he called self-transcendence, http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/gpr/10/4/302/. Although Maslow considered himself an atheist, he felt that some people display the ability to go beyond one’s individual self to a deeper connection with the “whole.” Maslow believed that peak experiences of profound love, understanding and happiness are experienced in this heightened state of being.

Self-transcendence reminds me of Howard Gardner’s “existential” intelligence. Gardner is a developmental psychologist, best-known for his theory of multiple intelligences. Existential intelligence was not included in his theory due to the difficulty in testing it in a quantifiable manner. I’m wondering both with Maslow and Gardner’s work if there might have been reluctance in the context of education to deal with spirituality. Also, I think it’s possible that in western society we are very focused upon the individual. And yet, when working with groups and trying to enhance organizational learning we know when we are being more productive and can also feel when there is connectedness, authenticity and enlightenment. With Maslow’s further work with the transpersonal, it is indeed ironic that Maslow’s original model of learning wasn’t reconfigured to include self-transcendence within the basic needs hierarchy.

I guess I’d say that moving towards or enhancing one’s self-transcendence is definitely an arena that coaching can foster. Coaching can help clients align their mind, body and spirits and tap into self-transcendence. Many of my coaching processes rely on helping clients discover their own learning plateaus and Maslow’s self-transcendence could provide a path where people may can move beyond these learning plateaus.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you know someone who exudes joy and happiness and through their living encompass authenticity, integrity, accountability, responsibility and virtues of a mature, reliable, loving being? How might you move towards that type of living?
Have you experienced a time when you felt joy, happiness and connected with all of nature?


8/2016
Putting Together Pieces of the Puzzle: One Story of Creating a Safer Community

There are many ways that leaders can generate greater attention to diversity and safe communities in their work. Here is an example of a leader of a local domestic violence (DV) organization, Amy, (not her real name), and how she is working to be more inclusive. Amy is a fellow in a CompassPoint leadership program. One of the values highlighted in this program is communicating across differences--why power and privilege matter and sharing stories from colleagues of color who were serving in other domestic violence programs. Amy continues to gain insight into the concept of equity. In our coaching sessions she further ponders the importance of being culturally-aware in her leadership and has resolved to continue growing in this arena. Her biggest learning from the leadership coaching has been to not always have the answer. As a white person and executive director, she has been practicing stepping back, and recognizing when it’s helpful to give input, and when it may be disempowering or limiting in the discussion and decision-making processes. These insights are helping her to be more aware of the need to hear the voices of her staff and the communities they serve, while also providing space to hear their ideas, struggles and to identify the issues they are observing and experiencing. Amy’s staff is predominantly Latino, which reflects the community that their organization serves. I believe that she is committed to continually striving to better understand communities of color, the poor and disenfranchised, and the underserved communities and how they may be better be assisted by the organization for which she works.

I asked Amy questions to help her create a process for reaching and engaging the community in a more inclusive way. She began to think of herself as a single piece in a puzzle. We used this metaphor to process ways to be more inclusive in her organizational culture and in continuing to work with the other non-profit and city/governmental services with whom they collaborate in many of their programs. Amy noted that most of the staff persons from these collaborative teams are also white and that in her modeling and leadership role, she needs to help provide opportunities to hear persons who can voice perspectives from the underserved communities. What other pieces are missing from this puzzle? Who are we leaving out: LGBQT, Native Americans, Latino, African American, Asian, transitional-aged youth, underserved populations? How do we engage them and how are we fully listening to them? How are we looking to the community to help us design our programs? Amy also wondered if there might be pockets of the community that are not being reached by the umbrella of organizations providing service. Where in the geography of our service area do they reside?

Next, she wanted to think about how the service providers of the collaborative agencies interact and work together with each other and with their clientele. Is there a power differential and how do we convey our respect? How do we establish ground rules that will honor and include everyone, stating that no one single person has greater value in the decision-making? One of the ground rules might be to be conscientious about who is stepping up and who’s stepping back, recognizing when any person has certain privileges in the group because of position, race, class, ethnicity, sexual orientation, etc. What do we need for safely to participate and share ideas? What are the values we uphold? The need for confidentiality in group discussions and planning is high. Some of the participation might need to be from closed lists--persons invited who can share the underrepresented voices needed and who also have life experiences around DV services.

Amy considered another piece of the puzzle: How do we create empowerment that leads to a culture change in the way services are offered? Meetings will not offer therapy, but it’s important to acknowledge unseen values. This base that is created in vitally important and together can be built over a period of a year or so. It will become the foundation for honest communication and for better support for each of the individuals as they work together in movement building. How do we ensure that we continue to keep the working space “safe” for everyone? Since traumatic experiences may trigger emotions that have been buried, how will we take care of each other and take care of ourselves?

Amy felt that in many cases, the systemic response to the DV community was useless, wounding and even victimizing. How do we name the experience that was not helpful in providing services? How do we engage in storytelling and sharing? How do we think more broadly about the services we offer and the communities into which we want to have more access? How do some values around shame and keeping secrets vary in differing cultural communities and prevent access of our services? What could be there to support persons in these particular situations?

Questions to reflect upon:
How might you/your organization reach out to the community to be more inclusive?
How might you look towards the communities being served to design your programs/services?
If you were to review the roles and actions of your organization, how might they be playing out--do they acknowledge privilege?
How might you message to the community: through art, movement, dance, food?
How might you map out your strategies, so that it can be replicated in other places: record strategies, take photos, etc?


7/2016, First entry of two "thoughts" for July
Creating Safe Communities For Healthy Working and Living

Following the recent Orlando Shooting that killed 49 people, the reaction was one of outrage and grief. Multiple issues of terrorism/fanaticism, gun violence, repressed homosexual tendency of shooter and mental illness/instability surfaced. These are all huge emotional and policy issues which it seems to me that even persons who affirm life and hold similar values can be on the opposite sides of the spectrum regarding these issues. I have strong feelings on many of these issues, and do believe that most persons have formulated their beliefs. I want to address media coverage regarding grieving. I have found it reassuring that we are provided with human stories of the survivors and fallen victims from the shooting. There were a large number of persons of color attending the Latin night theme at Pulse, a gay club, and many of the persons who were killed were Puerto Rican. The LGBQTIA or Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Queer, Intersex, Asexual communities are especially affected through this horrible tragedy. (The Urban Dictionary writes that LGBTQIA is a more inclusive term than LGBT for people with non-mainstream sexual orientation or gender identity.)

What hit me early on was how vulnerable the LGBQTIA communities are. People gathered in a place that was welcoming for them, and then it became a target for mass violence. Although the Orlando mass shooting was totally different from the police shootings of African Americans within the past couple of years, I wonder if the LGBTQIA communities are experiencing grief and trauma similar to the African American community. In the aftermath of the police violence and deaths of African Americans Walter Scott, (Charleston, SC) and Mario Woods (SF, CA) in 2015 and Eric Garner and Michael Brown, (Ferguson, MI) in 2014, I had numerous African American friends, colleagues and clients who were distressed and increasingly fearful of walking on the streets where they’ve lived for many years. When 17 year old Trayon Martin was killed by a neighborhood watch volunteer and many of us were grateful that the media was picking it up, it was an emotional trigger for so many African Americans.

I do believe that there is a great deal of institutional attention being given to the terrorism aspect of the Orlando shooting. How much institutional resources and action are going towards addressing homophobia and racism in the daily crimes and violence in our society? Actor Jesse Williams in accepting the humanitarian BET award said shortly after the Orlando shooting, “Now, what we’ve been doing is looking at the data and we know that police somehow manage to deescalate, disarm and not kill white people every day. So what’s gonna happen is we’re going to have equal rights and justice in our country or we will restructure their function in ours.” I also wonder what efforts are being made to address equal rights and justice for the LGBTQIA communities. Also tied in with the Orlando shooting are issues of the mentally ill and the reporting of those issues while providing for safety in our communities.

For me, the Orlando event seems to emphasize the importance of collective grieving and creating safe communities. The planning and increased security for the Gay Pride events across the nation this past June, 2016, were efforts to increase safety for the LGBTQIA and larger communities. What about other efforts for safety in everyday living for these communities that are marginalized and targeted?

For the short-term, I wonder how we provide support to the LGBQTIA communities who are grieving senseless losses? For the long-term, how can we create workplaces that are more welcoming and safer for LGBQTIA communities? How much of societal intolerances are filtered into our organizational lives? How well do we know the stories of individuals in our workplace and how welcoming and understanding are we of different lifestyles? How do we balance the privacy of our employees with the desire to protect fellow employees who might be at risk due to their belonging to the LGBQTIA communities?

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you connect with the Orlando shooting?
What ways can you be a part of helping to create more safe communities for the diversity of lifestyles in our society?

7/2016, Second entry of two “thoughts” for July
Celebrating Muhammed Ali’s Legacy

“I know where I’m going and I know the truth. I don’t have to be what you want me to be. I’m free to be what I want.” -Muhammad Ali

In reflecting upon Muhammad Ali’s passing, I wonder, what are our values that we live for and how are we writing our own stories? Muhammad Ali was an Olympic boxer and world class champion, philanthropist, and fighter for human rights. When I was growing up, I remember my mother admiring Ali when he said, “I am the greatest.” (Actually his given name was Cassius Clay at the time, before changing it to his Islamic name). I was in grade school and was kind of surprised because my mother had instilled in her children to be humble, to not brag, and to do our very best in everything we did. Over the years I came to realize that she related to the prejudice that Ali faced. My mother said that when she was studying physical therapy at Cal Berkeley, she had hoped to work on Black athletes. I don’t think that she adored athletes, but looked up to African Americans who were confident and proud; withstanding the daily prejudice they faced and continue to face. I think she also admired Ali’s pacifism. Ali refused to enlist in the army because he followed the Islamic teachings to honor life and not to kill people. When he said that he did not have anything against the Vietnamese people, “I’ve got no quarrel with them Vietcong,” my mother continued to look up to Ali and mentioned how “they,” the US government, did all they could to belittle this man but could not take away his personhood or his dignity. I distinctly remember these conversations which happened long before we heard about how she was evacuated as a high schooler during WWII.

Ali understood how he was the greatest boxer when he fought against and beat George Foreman in Zaire during the boxing championship, “The Rumble in the Jungle.” He knew that he was part of a change in perception of Black people. Ali became an international phenomenon and there was a connection between African Americans and Africans all around the world. Throughout his life, Ali used his fame to be a spokesperson for peace and for equal treatment of African Americans and the poor. I recently learned from listening to my pastor at a weekly sermon that Ali was a significant influence in Martin Luther King focusing his attention on getting out of Vietnam. For King and Ali, supporting antiwar efforts and fighting poverty were related and grounded in their values. Ali said that “Wars of nations are fought to change maps. But wars of poverty are fought to map change.”

In relating his own philosophy of life and understanding the potential influence he had over other people, Ali said, “He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.” As Ali faced Parkinson’s disease, he provided a public face for fighting and living with the disease. Ex-President, Bill Clinton said of Ali, “He decided that not his race nor his place, the expectations of others, positive, negative or otherwise would strip from him the power to write his own story.” Ali wrote his own stories. I hope that his life can be a living legacy that will empower us to write our own stories and to live up to our values.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are your core values? How are you living them?
What do you want your life’s story to say?
What might be keeping you from telling your story?


6/2016
Resilience: Moving through Difficult Times in Our Lives

June is a major time of year for graduation and transitions. Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, author of Lean in, addressed students graduating from UC Berkeley. She borrowed from Adam Grant, professor at Wharton University in asserting that success is not being what you achieve, but how you survive.

Sandberg lost her husband suddenly and in her grieving discovered that the seeds of resilience are planted in how we process the negative events of our lives. Similar to the philosophies of appreciative inquiry/coaching and positive psychology, Sandberg believes that one can find meaning amidst great suffering. In no way does Sandberg minimize the healing processes that she underwent.* Incorporating lessons she learned from her grief, she suggests three principles identified by psychologist Martin Seligman, that can derail one from being resilient: personalization, pervasiveness and permanence.

It seems to me that Personalization is an automatic response in our culture. I recently had a client whose staff member created a big problem. She didn’t feel that it was her “fault,” was very forbearing in saying that “everyone makes mistakes,” and knew this was something totally out of her control. Nevertheless, as I questioned if she felt responsible, she relented. A part of her felt guilty, and solely responsible for fixing what happened. In reflecting and gaining clarity on how she might like to move forward, she mentioned that it can be used as a learning experience. I believe that her frustration level decreased. I’ve had clients who have felt the sentiment, “If I had trained my direct reports differently this wouldn’t have happened, even when proper training and caution had been given.” I also had a client who was having uncharacteristic difficulty mourning the death of a young adult intern who had died suddenly while working with students. A small part of her felt that she should have been there and perhaps he wouldn’t have died. Taking personal responsibility for things in our lives is definitely an important leadership skill, one that is very important for one’s continued learning and development. Equally important may be to step back and recognize that there are many things in life over which we have no control.

The second emotional response that can block one’s path to resilience is Pervasiveness. This is the feeling that the negative event will affect all aspects of our lives. When clients experience difficult situations such as being laid off, co-workers or team mates leave the organization, adult child is diagnosed with mental illness, child is identified with learning disability, loved one incurs cancer or dies suddenly, the intensity may feel inescapable, as if all difficult things are deeply rooted in their lives. Sandberg shared how after returning to work ten days after her husband’s death, feeling as if nothing mattered any longer, she got pulled into the conversation of her coworkers and she forgot that empty feeling for a few seconds. Although I’m not a therapeutic counselor, I have found that if a client can be distracted, even momentarily, to focus on something of interest to them when they may be in this type of emotional state, the client shifts. She or he opens up the possibility for the next moment to be engaged in something other than sadness and grief.

Pervasiveness can work in tandem with Permanence, the belief the grief will last forever. Sandberg shared the story of loss of life, but said it can also be loss of opportunity or loss of dignity. The adversity you face may make you feel like it’s never going to dissipate: I’ll never be able to get through this or this feeling of loss will never go away. Sandberg suggests that this feeling of permanence can become amplified so that one becomes more anxious because one is starting to be anxious, or become more worried because one is starting to worry. I remember when I was working for a boss who utilized bullying tactics. During times when I was the target, I thought I would never fully enjoy the other aspects of the work that were important to me. I learned some valuable lessons while working there, including becoming more strategic and focusing on what’s meaningful for me. Since moving into coaching, I have been able to assist clients who were enduring bullying in the workplace and help them to create better work environments for themselves.

Sandberg said that being appreciative, has helped her to make it through the most difficult year of her life. Counting one’s blessing has helped increase her blessings even though she can still touch and feel the pain of losing her partner, “It is the greatest irony of my life that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude—gratitude for the kindness of my friends, the love of my family, the laughter of my children. My hope for you is that you can find that gratitude—not just on the good days, like today, but on the hard ones, when you will really need it.” Sandberg became more resilient through choosing joy and meaning.

As you move through whatever transitions you are facing—as a parent of a graduate, graduation or end of the school year, I wish for you the gift of gratitude and the resilience that it can help usher in.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there some event that you have personalized, got pulled under by the pervasive nature or feeling of permanence? How might your suffering become a vessel for healing, resilience and growth?
What might you like to share about resilience with a graduate or relative or some person embarking on a new journey in life?

*See Sandberg’s Facebook entry, June 3, 2015, thirty days after the death of her husband.


5/2016
Celebrating Prince's Life

Have you ever noticed someone with special talent? Prince the musician was one such person. He was extraordinarily creative: a songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, a vocalist and producer. He was different in many ways, flamboyant in dress and musical style. Although his unique qualities and differences contributed to his appeal, many people thought he was strange, even weird. He was avant garde, incorporating different musical styles such as those of Marvin Gaye, Al Green, Jimi Hendrix, Isley Brothers, Led Zeppelin, Santana and Stevie Wonder. Much like James Brown and Michael Jackson, Prince influenced style, rhythm and dance.

I believe that Prince was a tremendous leader not only in music, but in the way he worked with people. When Prince played, the musicians and listeners were mesmerized. He recognized talent and artistry in other people and together with other musicians created synergy. Prince had women in his band, showcased them, which advanced their careers. To this day, we still rarely see women instrumentalists in pop bands. At the same time, he was humble and always willing to share the limelight.

In your life, can you think of someone who saw talent in you? How did it affect your life and ability to grow, contribute and lead? Do you notice talent in others, help nurture it and try to advance their careers? As we celebrate the Prince’s rich contributions and also grieve his passing, I wonder what things we can learn from his life.

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of persons on your team, or in your life that have special talent. Do you acknowledge the talent and provide avenues for them to use it?
What special qualities do you have in your life? Do you use them? What ways can you dream to incorporate them in your work or in your life?


4/2016
Using Language to Drive Empowerment

In the training and coaching field I have been learning a great deal about the power of words to frame one’s intentions and actions. With appreciative inquiry, I learned vocabulary for using appreciation, questions and an asset-based approach to strengthen one’s curiosity, creativity and resourcefulness to find solutions or outcomes that work well for the particular individual. With Neurolinguistic Programming, NLP, I was introduced to aligning one’s values with one’s intentions, with words being a sign if one was limiting oneself. With Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey’s work of how one can change the way one works by the way one talks, I learned a technology for uncovering competing commitments and transforming one’s life. Recently, I read an article in Fast Company Leadership http://www.fastcompany.com/3057149/how-to-be-a-success-at-everything/5-words-and-phrases-that-can-transform-your-work-life about Professor Bernard Roth, a Stanford design/engineer professor who has found five words and phrases which when swapped for more disempowering words/phrases can change one’s work life. I believe these specific words/phrases all seem to fit within the philosophy of the aforementioned programs. Roth’s work is shared in The Achievement Habit. The following stories illustrate how changing certain word patterns can result in positive behavioral change.

“Assist” in place of “help”
Clients often ask me to “help” them. I know that the best help I can give is to accompany them in their journey, to ask them the right questions that facilitate the movement towards answering and aiding their own selves. Roth believes that the language choice of using assist drives empowerment and transformation.

“And” in place of “but”
Whenever we hear the word “but,” our minds focus on the part of the phrase after it, which typically provides information about what’s wrong with the situation. NLP has assisted me in making this switch of words. For example, a client says to me, “I want to continue developing my leadership skills, but I’m afraid of public speaking.” Simply connecting the two phrases with “and” makes it easier for the thoughts to coexist and for one to move forward.

“Want to” in place of “have to”
Roth asserts that the simple act of using the phrase “we want to,” even if it is unpleasant allows us to recognize that we have choice in the matter. When my clients decide that they are staying late to finish something, rather than they “have to,” they report being able to decide when to leave at a reasonable time and when it’s in their best interest to continue working.

“Won’t” in place of “can’t"
Similarly to the phrase “have to,” the word “can’t” signals that one has no control over the situation. Replacing “can’t” with “won’t” is empowering. For example, when I make my “to do list” for the day, and say “I probably won’t get to all of these things, there’s a different feeling of acceptance than, “I can’t get to all of them. I believe I bypass the frustration inherent in the word, “can’t” and the phrase becomes an objective statement, one that I have some control over rather than being overwhelmed and the situation having control over me. (Note: When a client uses the word “can’t” I might follow through with some of Kegan and Lahey’s transformative language technology which identifies competing commitments.)

“I’d like to” in place of “I’m afraid to”
I have found that simply restating a client’s statement of “I’m afraid to put myself out there for a raise, new job or special project,” that I restate it to them with, “Oh, so would you like to have a raise, new job, or special project?” I’d probably use an appreciative inquiry approach to ask questions and further assist the client in identifying one’s strengths that assist the client in creating one’s own path to the desired outcome.

Perhaps not all of these word changes will work for all people, but a shift in perspective can likely lead to a more empowering mind set.

Questions to reflect upon:
I wonder if you were to experiment by choosing one or two of these replacement phrases. What outcomes might change?


3/2016
Seeing is Believing

“Images change people’s perspectives and expectations, and that impels action.” -Pamela Grossman

March is Women’s History Month. In thinking about this topic, I wondered if it was connected to International Women’s Day. It is related. Right after I graduated college and moved to Oakland, I remember seeing hand-printed signs on street corners saying “International Women’s Day,” not really understanding what it meant. Today, I came across this interesting article from Fast Company Leadership that states how stock photos from Getty images impact gender equality http://www.fastcompany.com/3057549/the-future-of-work/what-the-evolution-of-womens-roles-in-stock-photos-says-about-gender-equa Lydia Dishman of Fast Company Leadership reports how Getty’s Image director of visual trends, Pamela Grossman, has found that viewing non-stereotypical roles impact one’s expectations. Just as gender bias is present in google searches when one is searching for photos of careers and jobs, the more people see certain images the more the persons supported stereotypical roles of women, even if they weren’t grounded in fact. On the alternative side, Grossman relates that watching for gender bias has changed the amount of searches through Getty stock photos for “woman entrepreneur” increasing the searches by 402% in the past year. Getty’s Female rising collection shares how representing more inclusive photos of beauty reveal a changing world. Getty’s Lean In collection uses imagery to support and promote equality. Dishman suggests that Grossman’s findings make us question whether the photos and we view are depicting women as “protagonists” or “ancillary roles.”

The notion of visual communication affecting expectation and expectation impacting response is intriguing to me. Taking into consideration how the 4 minute mile was once thought impossible, and then was replicated many times soon afterwards supports this notion of seeing is believing. Now that basketball MVP, Stephen Curry, successfully shoots well beyond the 3 point line, my guess is that more persons will have that capacity. (I am not discounting Curry’s skill, talent, hard-work and competitiveness.) Many people have seen Curry’s practice of deftly dribbling two basketballs at the same time. I wonder if viewing Rosalyn Gold-Onwude coverage of sports, interviews with players and emulating Curry’s ball bouncing drill will affect people’s view of women as equals. (Gold-Onwude is a popular sports announcer and former basketball player at Stanford.)

Seeing the posters of International Women’s Day many years ago created a situation that I still remember. Beginning with this month of Women’s History Month, I am going to look around at the images of women that I see, and question whether they depict us as leaders and initiators who affect the communities and world in which we live. If they do not, I will search for images that do.

Questions to reflect upon:
When you recognize issues of bias, what are the images that you would like to see yourself, your community and society move towards?
In growing and changing, learning something new, what do you want to focus upon? Can you see it? Can you see yourself engaging in that new action?


2/2016
Improving Productivity by Getting Unplugged

Do you wake up and check your smart phone or tablet for emails? With today’s digital technology, many people are connected 24/7 to their work and to their devices. I’ve had several clients for whom not responding to emails from work after they’ve left the office/work, during their week-ends/regular days off and vacations became a major goal. For the most part they discovered that they were more rested, more efficient with the time they were working and less stressed. They created new boundaries for themselves. Together we worked on establishing priorities which helped them to focus on their primary tasks and work. Interestingly enough, Kate Unsworth, CEO of Vinaya a London based tech company http://www.refinery29.com/2016/01/100565/vinaya-ceo-email-tips has only 30% of previous email traffic, by turning on a notification that she would only check emails occasionally. Checking emails once per day is a more drastic practice than I have practiced or suggested to my clients, but it reminds me how much we allow technology to distract us from the most important things we want to accomplish. Do you want to put up digital boundaries? Are you willing to establish a regular stopping time? Would an app such as Staying Focused, assist you to spend your time on what’s important? These are all ways that Tehrene Firman in “CEO’s Secret to Checking Email Just Once a Day,” http://www.fastcompany.com/3055967/work-smart/one-ceos-secret-to-checking-email-just-once-a-day suggests.

What is realistic for you? Would decreasing your email traffic give you more time to focus on your priorities? Would checking your email at specific times decrease the time that seems to disappear from constantly being at the beck and call of incoming emails? In working with my clients I ask them what might work for them. Would they want to set a time limit to when they check their incoming emails/texts and return to what they are working on? Would they like to create a gradual process to move away from the amount of time being plugged in?

It is not surprising that we become addicted to our devices when there may be expectations for an immediate response from our workplaces, friends and family. Additionally, the brain gets a jolt from multi-tasking in the way of increased dopamine as it thrives on exploring something new and different. But over the long run, research by Clifford Nass https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPHJMIOwKjE indicates that perpetually shifting from one thing to another distracts one’s attention, decreases productivity and is actually rewiring one’s brain. Does being wired to technology, and checking your devices make it more difficult for you to identify what’s important and less able to ignore irrelevant information? Does it contribute to not having fully hearing what coworkers are saying and resulting in poorer decision-making? From his research, Nass cites that multitasking contributes to these ends.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is the frequency and time you spend on interactive media distracting you?
Is it possible that interactive media is decreasing your productivity?
Is it possible that interactive media is affecting human communication?
If yes to any of these questions, is there some action you want to take?


1/2016
Shinnen Omedeto-Happy New Year

I’ve been thinking about what I’d like my theme for 2016 to be. I looked back to review my topics in the past few years:
2011 Centering Self: Letting go of that which is not mine
2012 Being Compassionate to myself and others
2013 Seeking Happiness: A Path to Deeper Meaning
2014 Noticing Joy
2015 Compassionate Self-Care

The focus on these themes the past five years have provided me with insight and a better understanding of my own needs. While I don’t believe that I have mastered each of these things fully and do recognize that there may be a great deal of overlap in the themes, I do feel that there have been self-growth and transformative shifts that have helped me to develop.

I have written about each of these themes in my blogs1, except for Joy, my 2014 theme. I understand joy to be a state of being from the inside, which transcends one’s circumstances. Being happy comes from happenstance, or the result of something going well. However, with this definition of joy, the Happiness theme in 2013 and the 1/2013 coaching blog entry on it with the illustration of the Dalai Lama’s philosophy on happiness probably fit better with the state of Joy. For me, Joy means engaging in positive thinking and looking for good things even when bad things occur. Adopting the theme, of Noticing Joy, was a focus of observing joy in other people amidst severe challenges. This theme was also meant to pose the question, “Even when I am going through difficult times, what is joyful in my life?” How do I cultivate joy? I’ve found that being joyful helps me to create a shift in perspective and opens up my ability to embrace life and to see new opportunities.

Practicing Compassionate Self-Care this past year has supported me in discovering/rediscovering processes and relationships as I faced many losses and the passing of close friends and family members. I believe that having an annual theme has contributed to my own healing and continual journey towards wholeness. I strongly believe that leaders must constantly navigate their own triggers and the outcomes of when those around them seem to have been triggered. Many of you are leaders, and all of you are leaders of your own lives. I believe that a focus on inner development is absolutely essential for increasing one’s capacity to lead. What better way than to begin the New Year with a theme focusing on self-development? What might be your theme for 2016?

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there a theme that you’d like to focus upon for 2016?
In working, living or playing with other people, is there an area which you continually seem to get stuck? What is it? What is one approach, one way of being or one way to shift perspectives that might help you to move differently towards the ends that you desire?


1 For some explanation of these themes, please see my website, www.transformativeleadership.net, “thoughts” and scroll to the accompanying blog: Centering Self -“1-2012, Focus of Growth for Year;” Being Compassionate to myself and others and Compassionate Self-Care -“9-2015-Compassionate Self-Care;” Seeking Happiness-“1/2013, On the Path to Happiness and Meaning.”


12/2015
Seasons in Life

I decorate my house and office with different types of orchid plants, particularly enjoying the variety of species and colors. It’s a joy to see the duration of their bloom. When the flowers leave, I had been fairly fortunate in keeping them alive even though they do not blossom annually. Over the years my orchid plants seemed to stick around, so I kept tending to them, waiting for the flowers to return. This past year, most of my orchids were not in bloom, but I thought they’d come around.

All throughout 2015, my family, community and I have experienced the passing of many persons. Many friends who are of my parents’ generation: two of them were Nisei, second generation Japanese Americans ministers, and three close family friends; a couple of friends in my generation, one who I used to play Asian American music with, another from elementary school who was married to my hometown neighbor, and two who were very dear to me, my mother-in-law and a person who was like an older brother to me. It has been a year of grieving, of accompanying a few of them in their final healing journeys, as well as being able to spend meaningful time with them. As the year ends, there are other friends and relatives who are aging and suffering from life-threatening illnesses. Amidst these losses and difficult situations, I feel grateful for my clients, my friends, family and communities. In my mind, I hear myself asking the question I often pose to my clients, “What do we really have control over?” Knowing that I only have control over how I respond, I am practicing living in this moment, being appreciative of things, especially those that I take for granted, and being patient to see what life will bring.

My friend, who was like a brother, passed away in May. During this time, most of my orchids hung in there, but definitely were not thriving. After my mother-in-law left us in August, my orchids looked barren, but fall was coming, so it seemed natural for the orchids to be in this state. My father has suffered major difficulty in September and my mother’s health declined in October and November, yet both are doing pretty well considering their age. Most of my orchids were really sad in November and before the end of the month I recycled them. Two orchids remain and may bloom again. I have purchased a Phalaenopsis orchid, and it sits next to my computer, smiling at me as I work. The plant has yellow flowers with purple centers. The yellow reminds me of my mother-in-law’s favorite flower color and the purple, a color symbolizing transformation, I associate with my friend who was a healer and educator. Although I recognize that we are quickly approaching the winter season, my non-blooming orchids remind me that there is always hope for new blossoms.

I am finding that like life, the seasons come in cycles: life, death and new beginnings. As we finish the fall season, may you experience support for any transitions you are undergoing and closure to unfinished business. For winter, I hope that you will find time for some quiet reflection and will take advantage of opportunities to grieve any losses that you have experienced. This coming year, as you move into spring, may you recognize new life and acknowledge meaningful moments that remind you of the fullness of life. For summer, I wish for you some down-time, fully enjoying the journeys that you are taking. And that will return us to fall, the season where we can enjoy harvest and the bounty of life.

Thank you for sharing your life journeys with me.

Questions to reflect upon:
What transitions are happening in your life? What is changing, what are you losing? How are you allowing yourself to grieve that loss?
As the year closes, what are you grateful for? What is meaningful about this?


11/2015
Leadership: Meeting Management, Part II

Last month I outlined five areas that may help if you or someone you supervise or support is planning a meeting. In the October “thoughts”, I covered the issues of why have a meeting and who should be at the meeting, and agenda building. This month I will touch upon communicating discussion and outcomes from the meeting, building relationships and evaluating the meeting processes and outcomes.

Communicating discussion and outcomes from meeting: What agreements have been made for follow-through and are there areas that still need to be discussed and decided upon? How do you want to record and transfer the memory of the meeting? How do you continue to move along and keep the unfinished business on track and complete the implementation processes you planned?

One common way to maintain group memory is to chart the topics on easel paper, where the participants can see it being documented. As the topics and discussion are charted, all participants can clarify if the representation is correct, and can be encouraged to make connections with other issues and stimulated to offer other possibilities. Major decisions can be highlighted and leaders of the group can facilitate to make sure that items that need some type of follow-up is identified and persons take responsibility for the necessary actions. It can be helpful to make a best-guess timeline for each of the actions. It can also be helpful to discuss how they will be accountable for completing the actions, for example, will it be completed before the next meeting or when? One of the other questions that can be asked of the group is “Are there other persons who need to be informed about the discussion and decisions made at this meeting?” And if so, how will the information be shared with them?

Building relationships: How important is it for you as a leader to build relationships and to continue to nurture them with the people in your group? For some meetings called by department heads or one time meetings that are created only to disseminate information, building relationships may not be a primary focus. For recurring meetings, or where you want to build the group relationships, many new leaders discover that just having the knowledge and presence to facilitate a meeting isn’t enough to help build the kind of environment where creativity is nurtured, where complex situations and decisions can be discussed openly and honestly, and where people are willing to be open, frank, including to disagree with each other to arrive at optimal and appropriate solutions. Learning more about individuals in the group, each person’s workstyle, interests and goals can help teams to become more familiar with each other’s strengths and passions. It may be helpful to keep in mind, a well-known framework for group development which is comprised of five stages: forming, storming, norming, performing and re-forming. In order for groups to move towards maximum productivity, it is hypothesized that teams of people will move through these stages. The forming stage is usually a positive one, where people of cordial, polite and fairly compliant. The storming phase usually finds individuals focusing on outcomes that they want to see happen, and may not be on the best “group behavior.” With the norming stage, the group becomes more cognizant of the entire group. However, maximum productivity and performance requires individuals to challenge each other and to support novel approaches, while appreciating aspects of the “tried and true.” The performing group ushers in the productivity, and has at its core, most of the individuals contributing to the processes/outcomes of the group. When the group finishes its product or purpose the group may no longer meet, or perhaps some persons leave or enter the group. The reforming stage and the group dynamics start again. Recognizing these processes can help understand what stage a group is and that the development is typical, what needs to transform to continue and that a group need not be “stuck” forever.

Evaluating the meeting processes and outcomes: In terms of group development and productivity, evaluation is an important process. Both the leader and the group may want to have some type of evaluation process. Sometimes individuals complete an evaluation form, and it can be quite short and simple. For review as a full group, I highly recommend a group evaluation, charting individual responses. For this process you can place a plus sign “+” on the left side of the chart paper and a delta sign, Δ, the right side. Ask for persons to mention things they liked or worked well and things that they’d like to change. Although individual responses are captured, evaluating as a group can afford new ideas to spring forth through hearing the previous comments. It can make it easier to go deeper into the processes, while focusing on what was good and what might be striven for in the future, as opposed to offering criticism.

This current post and October’s “thoughts” present some tips for leaders in preparing to lead a meeting. Working together with other team members can help to better communicate the outcomes of a meeting, build relationships and evaluate the meeting.

Questions to reflect upon:
If you are planning a meeting:
How will you document the discussion and outcomes of the meeting?
How will you build relationships and encourage participants to be fully present and participate?
How will you evaluate the meeting?


10/2015
Leadership: Meeting Management, Part I

In working with a group of high potential leaders in a small organization, I observed that many of them had not been exposed to meeting management practices. It reminded me of another time when I was providing management and leadership coaching to institutional officers at a juvenile justice center. Both sets of clients had learned “on the job,” and were doing a valiant job of leading or co-leading their meetings. I realized that most people, including myself, learn to lead their meetings by emulating what is already being done in the workplace. What may not occur when following organizational protocol is fully questioning the purpose of each meeting and taking into account planning and preparations that a leader can focus upon to optimize the outcomes and the ongoing group processes. While the topic of meeting management may seem obvious to more experienced leaders, those less experienced might consider the following thoughts.

In lieu of outlining a curriculum on meeting management, I think there are five areas that I want to touch upon which might enhance a leader's ability to prepare for a meeting: why have a meeting and who should be at the meeting, agenda building, communicating discussion and outcomes from meeting, building relationships and evaluating the meeting processes and outcomes. I will address two of these components in this month’s entry, the why and who of meeting management and agenda building.

Why have a meeting and who should be included? It may be helpful to discuss with at least one other person to determine if there should be a meeting and who should be at the meeting. You might think about the following questions: Is a meeting the best way to communicate, or would emailing or skyping be more efficient? What is the purpose of getting together? How do you want to let people know why a meeting is necessary? Will the meeting be to discuss how things are going? What do you want to accomplish--problem-solving, or information sharing or something else? Do you want to utilize the meeting time for persons to share concerns or only to share information? Who do you want to be at the meeting to ensure you get the input that is needed and who are the critical persons that should participate in any decisions that will/might be made? Oftentimes people who prefer extroversion may wish to have a lot of people, maybe more than is really necessary. On the other hand, sometimes persons who prefer introversion may tend to keep the number of meeting participants smaller because they don’t feel that everyone needs to know or participate in it although it may be fewer than the number of people who might actually benefit from information shared in the meeting. Regarding these questions of the purpose for having a meeting and who should be included, I help the client arrive at the conditions that are best suited for their particular situation.

Agenda Building: What is important to cover in this meeting? Who might give input into what topics and what’s important about them? Would it be beneficial to open up to all individuals attending the meeting to give suggestions for the agenda? If yes, how will you get that input? How will you build openness, motivation and willingness for all persons to give input? Asking for agenda items may be more difficult when meeting in large groups, however if you want group input for the meeting content, doing so can assist with motivation and participation. I walk my clients through these types of questions and help them arrive at processes they think will work best in their given situations. Sometimes the ultimate processes they want to use may take several steps to get there, especially if teams aren’t used to participating in planning the meetings.

If my clients anticipate conducting several meetings where they hope for participant input and decision-making, I usually encourage them to ask for input into the agenda and after doing so, have the group estimate the amount of time that each item will take. If there’s not enough time for all of the items, then how do my clients and their groups want to prioritize which things to tackle and include at that meeting? Or, are there agenda items that leaders in the different areas will make the decisions for their group? I think that most groups tend to use majority rule or consensus, but there are several different processes (google “group decision-making”) that can be employed, especially if the group is large. What type of decision-making rules for what type of decisions can also be an area of discussion for each group. If building team is a goal and the purpose of the meeting is not just to relay information, I strongly encourage clients to ask for consensus in prioritizing what’s most important on the agenda, as well as for the issues where there isn’t time to address to identify what will become of those issues.

Questions to reflect upon:
In the next meeting that you lead, why do you think a meeting needs to be scheduled? Who needs to be there? Do the leaders of other groups agree that a meeting is necessary? What are the outcomes that you desire? How can you build the agenda to move towards those outcomes?

In a future coaching blog “thoughts,” I’ll address Part II of Leadership: Meeting Management with the remaining components of discussing & communicating meeting outcomes, building relationships and evaluating the meeting.


9/2015
Compassionate Self-Care

“Instead of trying to control ourselves and our lives to obtain a perfectionistic ideal, why not embrace life as it is—both the light and the shadow? What adventures might follow if we free ourselves in this way? Happiness is found when we go with the flow of life, not when we rail against it, and self-compassion can help us navigate these turbulent rapids with a wise, accepting heart.” Kristin Neff

I work with many clients who drive hard to be successful and to help their organizations provide caring service and excellence. In the past few years, learning to take good care of oneself, physically, emotionally and spiritually has been one of the coaching goals of many of my clients. They make statements such as, “I know I should take better care of myself,” or share sentiments that they understand how overworked their staff and coworkers are and they feel like they have to work harder to ease the staff’s burden when they are already overwhelmed and overtired. And yet, if I ask them what would they suggest to themselves, they realize that they have had a difficult time being as compassionate to themselves as they are with other people. I have become increasingly convinced that in order for us to be fully compassionate to others that we also need to be compassionate with ourselves. It is also a journey that I have embarked upon.

Why is being kind to oneself important? It is part and parcel of understanding that we have some weaknesses and imperfections and this is part of the shared human experience. It is a kinder, gentler way of being open to our own flaws as opposed to self-criticism. It can provide a pathway to deeper learning about ourselves as well as connect us with suffering that exists in our world.

Kristin Neff in Self-Compassion, defines compassion as having three components: self-kindness, recognition of our common human condition and mindfulness. Self-kindness: How can we comfort ourselves, especially when we are being self-critical? Common human condition: How can we suffer with other people and remember that all of us have feelings of inadequacy and disappointment? Mindfulness: How can we be in the present moment and have full acceptance of it with a nonjudgmental attitude?

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you found yourself in this type of situation where you need to take better care of yourself in order to do your job better? How did you change your behavior and did it help? If not, did you try something else?


8/2015
Leadership: Communicating by Clarifying What You Heard

In last month’s coaching blog I addressed how asking questions can be a powerful communication tool. This month I want to continue with a simple communication technique which helps me understand what other persons are thinking by repeating back what the other person has said or summarizing what has been said in a group discussion. I’m sure many of you may think that this is a waste of time and perhaps feel as if one is trying to take the “stage” or to create time to think of something else more to say. I’ve found that this is not necessarily the case, and in fact, often opens up communication and helps pairs and groups of people to move forward in the conversation.

Repeating Back in Conversation with an Individual
It’s been amazing for me to realize that repeating back what an individual has said tends to help the person know you have heard them. At work, I used to rephrase what a speaker had said. Oftentimes I would preface it with, “I’m hearing that …,” which decreases the chance for raising the defensive response of the individual because you’re focusing on yourself and not commenting or judging the person’s response. Repeating back with an “I” statement also provides an opportunity for the individual to clarify if that isn’t exactly what was meant. Later in my career, while studying neurolinguistics programming (NLP) in a coaching program, we were encouraged to repeat back the exact words a person spoke. I discovered that there seems to be an instant connection with the vocabulary and meaning the client wants to communicate. It was as if I were beginning to speak the other person’s language. The client usually adds on or refines what they’ve originally said, while providing a deeper understanding of the client’s thinking.

Repeating back one’s words may help a person to reflect and connect with one’s self-talk, making it easier to formulate or further expand the meaning the person is experiencing. Apparently self-talk occurs one quarter of the time in our conscious experience. An article, “Speak for Yourself” in Scientific American Mind1, reports that thinking in language helps us “to solve problems, read and write, motivate ourselves, plan for the future and learn from past mistakes.”

Repeating Back within a Group Discussion
Repeating back what individuals have stated can be an important tool in group conversation, as well. Depending upon individual personality style and the cultural norms of communication within our families and communities, we may have been taught to listen to what others are saying and not to repeat it, especially if we don’t have anything new to add. For some persons, just to ask about what has been said may seem disrespectful. And yet, in western society, individuals who don’t “talk” out loud much are often assumed to not be listening. Repeating back what other individuals have shared can communicate many different things: let the group know that one is listening, summarize what individuals have contributed and provide opportunities for clarification, agreement with previously shared thoughts and/or building upon emerging ideas. As a leader or person who wants to enhance communication, perhaps repeating back may be a good use of group and individual time!

Questions to reflect upon:
Where might you have opportunities to repeat back what a co-worker, friend, partner, child, community person has said? I wonder if you will get new/different responses.
Where else might you practice this technique?


1 Jabr, Ferris, “Speak for Yourself,” Scientific American Mind, Vol. 25, No. 1, January/February, 2014.


7/2015
Leadership: Communicating Through Asking Questions

Communication is an important aspect of leadership. In previous coaching blogs, I have written about communication styles (“Becoming More Successful at Working Together, 2/2013 through 6/2013). This month’s “thoughts” is about one aspect of communication-asking questions. I remember in one workshop, the instructor said, “If the listener doesn’t know what you are talking about, you haven’t communicated it well enough.” I found this to be an interesting perspective that has helped me to understand that what I think I’ve said doesn’t necessarily mean that is the message the listener has received. My natural style in listening had been to assess the issue that the speaker is addressing and to automatically begin problem solving the issue. I have had a tendency to offer solutions for the problem that I’ve identified. For the person I am asking questions, the issue may not be a problem or the person may not be interested in hearing my advice.

I’ve found through asking questions, I become a better listener. Being curious by asking questions, can be an incredible way to get a glimpse of what’s going on for that person. It can also help the person become more creative by opening up that person to more possibilities and options.

Over the past ten years or so, I’ve been profoundly influenced by the power of asking questions as a form of communication. What did the person say, how do I understand the meaning of what they said, what is of further interest to that person and how can the person’s ideas contribute to issues that are important to me and the organization? (In fact, as a coach I realize that asking the right questions is critical for helping clients get to their desired outcomes.)

Asking questions can provide the space and vehicle for clarifying the subject and moving the conversation forward. It can also act as a way of connecting with the person and eliciting areas of common interest. At the very least, one can learn about what may be meaningful for that person. In connecting with another person through meaning, it is more likely that it will be easier to have open communication, then and in the future. Additionally, asking questions when working together in groups can increase team understanding.

I have learned that using the word, “Why” in a question can shut a person down, because it tends to make one feel like one must defend one’s position. If we start out our questions with Who, What, When Where and How, it can help the person to stay more open to exploring one’s response. If it seems really important to begin the question with Why, one can also consider prefacing the question with, “I wonder (why).” Using the words, ”I wonder” can have the effect of engaging one’s imagination and expanding one’s thoughts.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there an arena where you would like to open up or increase the effectiveness of your communication? What questions might you ask?


6/2015
Leadership: Supervision

In my coaching practice there have been numerous clients who had been spending much more time at work than they wish, but have felt that it was absolutely necessary to maintain the quality of their work and to contribute fully to the organization. It appeared to me that they were all conscientious, had good work ethics and communicated well with their direct reports. Oftentimes, they revealed that they were occasionally or often completing work that other persons should really be doing. Sometimes the main reason may be that they felt their direct reports were also carrying too big a workload or it was easier just to do it themselves. Other times they didn’t feel that others would complete the job “correctly” or as well.

We talked about whose responsibility specific tasks were. We pondered whether doing the work for someone else might be preventing the person from learning how to do it. I asked my clients if they were given opportunities to fail and what they learned from them. Conversely, what do persons learn from having other persons do their work? We wondered if the direct reports were capable of completing the tasks. Sometimes I might ask, “What is the worst thing that might happen if the direct report did not complete things the way that they did them” and/or “Are you feeling compelled or called to action?” (read “thoughts, 6/2014” and “7/2014”) I helped each client to create little experiments to allow him/her to focus on the priorities in their work, refraining from doing the things that weren’t really one’s job, as well as delegating things that might be growing opportunities for the clients’ direct reports.

In all of these cases, my clients were incredible in being able to shift their previously automatic behavior of inserting themselves. They often reported pride in how their direct reports stepped up and created new ways to complete the tasks. Often, their direct reports had more ownership and took more initiative. In some cases, specific direct reports stopped coming to my clients to do their work for them. My clients appreciated that there was more time for them to focus on their own work and felt satisfaction in watching their direct reports grow as team players.

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of an arena where you supervise, lead or have the opportunity to teach others. What’s important about the outcomes? What goals have you set for yourself in supervision/teaching?


5/2015
Synchronicity

I have a client who is pondering how to use her professional development stipend from her leadership program. When she first started talking about it, she felt like she had no idea what outcomes she wanted from it. We began to discuss her learning goals for coaching and we discovered that she surprisingly had lots of ideas. One of them is a strong desire to learn Spanish and to become more aware of the culture, because so many of her clients are Spanish speaking. She had read about a study trip to Peru, and simultaneously was open to considering a trip to Oaxaca, which works within her budget. I asked if most of her Spanish speaking clients were from Mexico or from other Latin-American cultures. She realized that the cultures were vastly different and recognized that a trip to Mexico, for cultural learning, was more appropriate with the clientele she serves. As I facilitated her brainstorming processes, she listed several other steps that she could take to reach these outcomes of becoming more fluent in Spanish and more culturally aware: cultivating regular opportunities to practice speaking Spanish in her workplace, seeking out continuing Spanish language classes, and researching language study trips. She had identified several possible persons and resources to contact, including putting out something on social media. She left this session very excited about pursuing these outcomes. The following week when we met again, her step brother responded and recommended a program in Oaxaca that was run by his friend. She continued to check into the program and discovered that her partner and she both knew the director. There are openings for the best time of year for my client to go, and the program is just about the length of time that she had estimated that she could be off and fits within the stipend amount. Coincidentally, in putting out the word about possibilities of a language study program through social media, a friend who is a director of development in another non-profit has been thinking about engaging in a similar program and she’d like to go on the trip together with my client. My client remarked about the crazy connections that surfaced and we both marveled at the synchronicities.

In previous blogs, I have presented reflection, focus, congruence and flow as processes that I use in my coaching of clients to help them realize their desired outcomes. In my coaching blog from 9/2011, I mentioned how synchronicity is a dynamic process that contributes to flow. Synchronicity, first coined by CG Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, is about meaningful coincidence. Some events are connected by causality and others events connected by meaning. Have you ever had a list of things that you wanted to finish and then you get a text, email post, phone call or run into a person who was on that list to contact? In the book, The Power of Flow, Berlitz and Lundstom suggest that if one pays attention to flow, it is more likely to occur and offer exercises to increase one’s flow. Moreover they assert that synchronicity is the entry point to flow. Being in tune with synchronicities that surround us and allowing this awareness to evaluate how the timing of our internal processes are being mirrored in our external world opens the door to transformation. We interpret the significance of what has happened and find deeper meaning.

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of a simple coincidence which resulted in a meaningful exchange or something meaningful. Had you been thinking about this person, event or activity beforehand? What was it that made it meaningful for you?
Have you had a string of synchronicities? What was the sequencing of occurrences and what meaning do you derive from it?


4/2015
Qualities of Teamwork

How do you know when you have great communication and teamwork that make a difference in the outcomes? I attended an Alabama Shakes Concert at the outdoor Greek Pavilion in Berkeley, California this past week-end. Alabama Shakes plays southern blues rock. My husband commented that he could hear the influence of Janis Joplin, which is a genre difficult to describe. I don’t listen to much rock music, but my son, who is more familiar with it, mentioned that it’s the phrasing that sets Alabama Shakes apart.

Alabama Shakes presented a mix of their first recording and second CD that is expected to come out in a few days. It was great to hear songs that I had heard them play and also to hear new ones. Many reviewers are writing that their new CD is very different from the first. Although one can recognize their music, each of their songs is different. Perhaps it’s their style, musical phrasing and accent patterns amidst the freshness of their new songs. Their performance was mesmerizing.

Brittany Howard, the leader of the band, has an extraordinary voice, with amazing depth and range. The instrumentalists were incredibly talented. Each musician seemed immersed in the music. Their sounds were distinct and converged in interesting and complementary ways. Howard sang, while playing the guitar, often taking the lead guitar part, which is unusual to do so while singing at the same time. Howard and the other guitarist traded off playing rhythm and the lead. It was a delightful concert where the hour and a half of performance seemed to go by in a very short time.

The way the music came together that night felt like magic. I marveled at the talent of the group, as well as the deft manner in which Howard communicated with the group. How did the three back-up singers stay in perfect synch with her, even when her back was to them? When the instrumentalists were jamming with her, how did the band know how many turn-arounds to do before returning to the vocal part? Of course I know that this is practiced, and there are cues that can assist the process. Howard occasionally conducted a few beats with her hand, and seamlessly continued to play guitar. She also signaled by moving her guitar up and down and sometimes she broke out into dancing. She moved closer to the instrumentalists, during the instrumental solos, connecting in a special way with them, and then stepping forward to continue. The conducting was seamless and almost imperceptible. I also wonder if the song and music writing was a collaborative effort, and how these efforts might illustrate some other communication and teambuilding issues. Interestingly enough, the booklet accompanying the first CD, gives the band the credit for most of the songs.

It seems to me that teambuilding factors that contributed to the outcomes of this concert were: fully listening to each other, musicianship, artistry, interesting music, individual members working collectively as one entity and leadership that highlighted the strengths and talents of the contributing performers. What are the communication and teambuilding factors that will make a difference in your group work?

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you experienced a time where all the pieces of working together with other individuals came together like magic? Where there important factors of communication or teambuilding that played a part in this magic?


3/2015
Creativity and Problem-Solving

I have many clients who desire better work-life balance. One client recently said she felt guilty after putting her newborn to bed wanting to resume work, but was too tired to do anything, so ended up falling asleep in front of the TV. There are many strategies I have used to help clients to discover what they really want, to prioritize their time, to create actions to complete their work while enjoying their time with family. I have begun this process with this client. I’m also wondering if engaging her creativity and play to address this situation might be beneficial. Albert Einstein said “The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect, but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves. The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalculable.”

What if my client were to begin to think of the time with her child as play, to step into it and fully enjoy all the time with her, including the chores and responsibilities necessary in parenting? Maybe it might also be helpful for this client to think about how she can play with her work. I remember reading about how renaming an everyday item can lead to reusing it in innovative ways (Scientific American Mind, Vol 23, No 3, July/August 2012.) Through simple experiments, persons were trained to overcome being fixed in their perspective. For example breaking down items to their basic parts enhanced their ability to more effectively solve problems. Persons who had been trained in renaming and then asked to connect metal rings together when given the rings and a candle, were far more effective at finding a solution. They melted down the candle and used the wick to tie the rings—67 percent more often than subjects who hadn’t gone through the training. The author suggested imagining the elements of a bicycle as all of the individual parts to find a tool that you might need. In other articles in this issue, studies reinforce how thinking differently and altering how one goes about one’s daily routines can enhance idea generation and better options for problem-solving.

Throughout much of my life I have focused on efficiency and productivity and recognize that our society has a penchant for this. Einstein said that if given an hour to solve a tricky problem, he’d spend 55 minutes defining it, which includes alternatives and 5 minutes solving it. I’m not sure exactly how future sessions with this client will go although I do know the coaching process is a great forum for engaging her creativity in problem-solving.

Questions to reflect upon:
What is an area where you get stuck? How might you find a way to play with the situation?
How can we create avenues for exploring different ways to solve problems?


2/2015
Seeing is Believing

Have you heard the saying, “If you build it, they will come” from the movie, “Field of Dreams”? February brings the Lunar New Year. I haven’t grown up celebrating the Lunar New Year, but recognize it is a time for starting anew and celebrating the start of a new beginning. With these thoughts in mind, if you haven’t already, I’d like to take this opportunity to suggest choosing a theme for your year and using the new lunar year to creatively begin to move towards bringing that theme to fruition.

Ordinarily at the end of each calendar year, I often ask my coaching clients if they’d like to select a theme. Unlike a New Year’s resolution, which is likely to be abandoned, bringing feelings of failure and perhaps hopelessness in achieving the resolution, I like to present the selection of a theme as an overall goal that one can create and move towards. Last year, my theme was “Noticing Joy.” Doing so, helped me to appreciate profound meaning, amidst a rather difficult year. I also noticed and heard my clients as they went through difficult challenges, recognizing their struggles while asking them about areas that seemed to bring joy into their lives. With these processes they began to unleash new energy and appreciation for their own abilities to achieve their desired outcomes. While focusing on their themes, I helped them to create strategies which they effectively completed.

I have been finding that many of my clients have decided that self-care is very important for them to continue to contribute their very best in their work and in their relationships. They have discovered that in order for them to do well in their work, they must stay healthy and can avoid burn-out through focusing on self-care. My clients’ learnings have helped me to choose my theme for the year--Compassionate Self-Care.

Questions to reflect upon:
How would you like to step into the new lunar year? Over the next nine to twelve months, what’s really important to you? Select a theme for the year. Throughout the year, return to this big picture goal to focus upon and to remind you of what has meaning for you.


1/2015
Shinnen Omedeto, Happy New Year

In Japanese culture, the celebration of the New Year is very special. Many businesses shut down for three days, and there are many tasks to complete to prepare for the end of the year before taking time to celebrate. I grew up in a Japanese American Christian farming community. Much of life centered around the church. Japanese Americans weren’t the largest cultural community, however they had their own farming cooperative, the Livingston Farmer’s Association (LFA), which has been in existence for more than 100 years. Over time, both the cooperative and church have added non-Japanese American members. There are few Japanese American families still farming. And yet, it is interesting to see certain cultural rituals continue.

For over 35 years, my former church has been making and selling mochi as a fundraiser. Mochi is made from washing, steaming, pounding and forming little balls of gooey rice. The rice is a special variety which becomes more gelatinous and sweet than the regular stock of white rice as it is cooked. Many hands are needed to help with the event. Many persons who have grown up in the community return to help on the day. It is truly a community event. Until a couple of years ago, my father used to help with washing of the rice and the cooking and pounding of it.

As we approached this New Year’s Day, I was listening to my father recount the mochi making, and about how he invited his friend, a Mennonite from the LFA coop, to attend. I also learned that as the LFA were looking for new members to join the farming coop, my dad had invited him. At first, his friend was hesitant to consider being a part of the coop, probably because it was not related to his Mennonite church. He became the first Mennonite grower of LFA and other Mennonites have since joined the coop.

When his friend visited the mochi event, my dad showed him how to dip it in a “shoyu” (soy sauce) and sugar mixture. This tastes like the “senbei” crackers that are commonly sold. He also offered him some “ozoni,” mochi in a soup broth. The mochi is baked or microwaved, pops up and becomes becomes crunchy. His friend tasted the mochi both ways and enjoyed them. His friend offered to help with the pounding of the mochi which requires precise timing. One person pounds with a giant hammer and another person folds it over while the hammer is being raised for the next strike. Most families do not pound mochi any longer, as there are now small machines which make it and knead it. I think the pounding adds flavor and meaning. My dad’s friend purchased a pound of mochi and took it home to share with his family. His family liked it so much that he came back to buy several more pounds. In subsequent years, my dad's friend ordered 40 pounds and shared with his church community.

I also learned that my dad used to go buy apple pies from his friend's Mennonite church fundraiser. My dad is diabetic, and no longer eats sugar. In hearing this story, I’ve decided to contact a Mennonite friend of mine from Livingston and find out when their pie sales are and if they sell sugarless ones. Since my folks or I no longer live in the immediate area, it may be a good opportunity for my dad to reconnect with his friend and for me to do so also with my friend.

Questions to reflect upon:
Is there a ritual from your family or community that was/is meaningful to you? What was/is special about it?

To see artwork of Livingston Methodist Church mochi-making, courtesy of Dawn Nakashima, go to nakfinearts.com/mochi.html

To read more about Japanese New Year’s tradition, scroll down to earlier entry with same title, 1/2010.


12/2014
Experiencing Gratitude

Several of my family members and friends have been dealing with serious health issues, some of which are life-threatening or life altering in terms of the way they will continue to live their lives. I am continually inspired by their sense of gratitude, their abilities to face each day with courage, faith, patience and the spirit of love. I’d like to share you one of these stories, one about my mother-in-law, Hisako Horikoshi.

Hisako was born in Japan, the youngest of four daughters. She was attending a seminary for women, when her future husband asked her to marry him and move to the United States to take a ministry position. There were very few persons from Japan immigrating to the United States during that time because of the anti-Asian laws. Hisako was the perfect minister’s wife, and people in the community often think of her as a saint. She is an incredible listener. She fully accepts each person, just as they are and hears the struggles and joys in each of their lives. Playing games and cards, she is a fierce competitor. On the other hand, she loves to laugh and finds humor and beauty in everyday experiences. I think that the spirit of gratitude has deepened meaning in Hisako’s life and all of those touched by her life.

Last year Hisako had a mastectomy to fight a very aggressive form of cancer and received radiation therapy. This year she discovered that the cancer had returned. Throughout all of the treatment, recuperation and return of cancer spots, my mother-in-law has felt no pain. She gets more tired and needs to drink fluids a great deal more, but she maintains a daily routine, still sees and occasionally cooks for her great grandchildren, grandchildren and children, and engages in daily exercise and prayer. She is amazing in how she knows her body and listens to it. She loves watching Japanese T.V., sumo matches, Giants baseball and tennis matches. I continue to learn from watching how she cares for herself, saving her energy for doing the things she wants to do and resting when she needs to. Most of all, it is special to see her light up when she converses and asks questions, bringing up people and events in the lives of the persons with whom she speaks. Joy emanates from her.

Hisako is 98 years old and hoping to live to 99 years, a special year in Japanese culture. When the cancer returned, we knew that she would not continue any more radiation and chemotherapy had previously been ruled out. Hisako consented to receive hormone therapy, which is not curative but can slow the progression of the cancer cell growth. Amazingly enough, the spots have shrunk.

In sharing this story, I don’t mean to imply that if one has gratitude, one will experience healing miracles. Nevertheless, I also see small miracles in each of the lives of my family and friends who are suffering from major health issues. As we close the year, I am grateful for being able to experience the graciousness of gratitude in the lives of all of you, as clients, friends and colleagues. Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me.

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of someone who carries a grateful spirit? How has this inspired you in your work and life?


11/2014
Roles and Teamwork

As a leadership coach, I watch how groups work together and how the visioning, goal-setting, strategizing, planning, and leadership play into the outcomes of each group. Although I know that most of my clients are not focused on competition where each major event is about “win/lose,” I am amazed with how the San Francisco Giants Baseball Team not only have the talent, drive, hard-work ethics, but also how they count on each other, recognize how they need to step-up and contribute their part. How does a team win three World Series Championships in five years? All individuals make mistakes or have off-days while playing the sport. Yet, it seemed that even when critical errors occurred, teammates didn’t blame each other and seemed to be able to shake off their own mistakes to stay in the game. All of the teams the Giants battled in the playoffs had great talent. The Kansas City Royals, whom they opposed in the World Series, had swept their previous opponents in the post season. The Royals had great defensive players and extraordinary hitters. The Royals were similar to the Giants in many ways-- a deep pitching bull pen, played fully until the last pitch, different individuals stepping up at critical moments and the type of indomitable spirit common to championship teams. The Royals had dedicated fans and their coach was similar in temperament to the Giant’s coach. Of course this year, Madison Bumgarner’s pitching played a major role in this year’s win, and yet, what kind of magic and synergy do the Giants possess for them to win the World Series thrice?

In addition to the relationships between all of the players and with the coach, my husband and I wonder if the way the coach communicated each of their roles might have anything to do with the repeated Series wins. When Giants pitcher, Matt Cain, and left fielder, Angel Pagan, were injured for the rest of the season, General Manager Brian Sabean secured key players to join the team. Coach Bruce Bochy brought up Joe Panik from the minor league to play second baseman for the injured Mario Scutaro. I wonder if the way that Bochy and pitching coach, Dave Rigetti, clearly followed through with making decisions regarding these roles made a difference, so that when Santiago Casilla (pitcher), who had been an excellent closer throughout the season implicitly understood that Bumgarner would continue pitching the last five innings. The psychological effect of how Bumgarner had shut-down the Royals hitting seemed to be a factor that utilizing the regular closer may not have had. Coach Bochy seemed to know how to connect with his players. It appeared that Bochy respects each player and listens to them. That respect seemed to be reciprocated by the players with the drive to contribute their strengths and accept when someone else is chosen to play in their positions. In 2012, how else did Bochy move Tim Lincecum from starting pitcher to relief pitcher and maintain a happy camper who delivered in the new role? During the 2014 World Series, I wonder if Bochy talked with Travis Ishikawa, originally a first baseman who had been moved to left field and hit the walk-off home run to take them to the World Series, to tell him that for the 7th game, he’s playing Juan Perez, who is a stronger defensive player. All of the persons in the Giants franchise played their roles which landed them with “yes, yes, yes,” winning the World Series three times.

Questions to reflect upon:
In any group or team of which you belong, what is your role?
If you are the manager how clearly do you try to tell your team members what you think their role should be? How closely do they come to fulfilling their roles as you envision?
What are the roles of the other group members and how well does the rest of the team know each other’s roles?


10/2014
Brain Science and Time Management

My clients often come to me for support with time management. Since most time management programs tend to focus on one style of processing and making decisions and don’t take into account that people manage their time in various ways1, I work with each client to help them configure the best strategies for each individual client. And yet, in a recent journal article, I read about how brain science has revelations that can help us with time management. The author, Sunny Sea Gold2, suggests four principles for taking control of one’s time: to meditate mindfully, figure out why you waste time, be a little more grateful and try “pomodoro,” or breaking up one’s time into small units, taking breaks, and cycling through the units. I realized that these are similar principles that I follow in coaching sessions with my clients.

While there are no studies that indicate that mindfulness meditation helps directly with time management, there are numerous studies showing that mindfulness speeds up information processing, improves memory, boosts concentration and makes things feel easier. For example, try saying and doing, “Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I smile.” This is a small part of one meditation suggested by Thich Nhat Hanh, in The Blooming of a Lotus3. One can repeat a simple mediation for a minute, or even for ten minutes without usurping much of one’s time, and gain great benefit from it. In my coaching sessions, I help clients tailor their own circle of relaxation or resources and mindfully meditate on it. When it seems appropriate, I have suggested similar phrases for my clients, and encourage my clients to create and find words and images that help them feel more grounded.

Procrastination is an idea that frequently pops up as a factor concerning time management and effectiveness in one’s work. Everyone procrastinates to some degree. Some people feel energized from an imminent deadline. What do you gain from procrastinating with any particular goal or action? Do you want the outcome that comes with it? Are there ways that you can get the outcome you wish to have without procrastinating? Generally I find that even when my clients say they are putting something aside, their minds continue to think about those things. Most of us carry some kind of anxiety about what we are thinking about until we decide what to do about it, or figure out a plan of how and when to address it. Dr. Srini Pillay4, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, reinforces this notion that if on an unconscious level you are anxious about something, the anxiety center of the brain is still activated. When you figure out why you are wasting time, there can be some relief in the continual worry.

Being grateful can help us gain the energy to follow through. So often when we become resentful of people or things that interrupt what we are doing, it makes us feel more stressed. Being grateful is one way of becoming less stressed. Many studies have shown that being grateful improves motivation, enthusiasm and effectiveness for moving towards one’s goals. When I ask clients what are they appreciative of, they often respond with multiple answers and become grounded in a positive frame. (I do believe that’s why appreciative inquiry and positive psychology are so popular within the coaching field.)

Pomodoro is a process created by productivity consultant, Francesco Cirillo. After dividing the work into smaller chunks of time, work for 25 minutes, avoiding distractions, and take a five minute break. Do this for 4 cycles and, then take a 15-20 minute break. Cirillo suggests continuing until finished with the task. Although no research has been conducted with this technique, millions of people have read about it, and it seems to help focus and clear one’s mind. I often help my clients identify the tasks they have to complete, break them into chunks of time, figure out how much time they need to have for each chunk and then look into their schedule for when they would have enough time to accomplish it. Helping clients talk through the task and break it up into reasonable time slots seems to help them to stop carrying their anxiety. Moreover the plan is already integrated into their minds.

All of these four principles seem to have a way of uncluttering one’s mind. How much time would you say you spend hemming or hawing about getting something done? I wonder what would happen if you were to try these four principles? Would you save yourself any time?

Questions to reflect upon:
When you are worrying about time or noticing how you’re going to be late to something, take a deep breath. Do you experience any difference in focus, information processing or memory?
What are you appreciative of? Do you feel more grounded, centered or enter into a more balanced state? If so, how do you perceive this state?


1 For an excellent resource on how different styles approach time and work management, see Out of Time: How the Sixteen Types Manage their Time and Work, by Larry Demarest.
2 Sea Gold, Sunny, "How to be a better time manager,” Scientific American Mind, Vol. 25, No. 5, September/October, 2014, p. 14.
3 Hanh, T N. The Blooming of a Lotus: Guided Meditation for Achieving the Miracle of Mindfulness, (Boston: Beacon Press, 1993).
4 Sea Gold, Sunny.


9/2014
Harvest Moon Transition

I have been tending to some container gardens of tomatoes and cucumbers. I have been doing so in anticipation of a time when it will not be feasible to take my parents regularly back to their farm, a couple of hours away, or when it’s too difficult for us to make it to the farm often enough to maintain the vegetable garden. The containers at my house are a type of pilot or practice. As I pick tomatoes from both of these gardens and think about the Moon Festivals this past week-end, I am reminded of Fall and celebrating the harvest season. Harvest Moon Celebration, also known as Mid-Autumn, Children’s, Reunion, Mooncake, Lantern, Gum Moon and Chinese Thanksgiving celebration, signals the new moon and Equinox, a day when there is equal day and night. It is a time to give thanks and to celebrate the season of transition.

This fall celebration encourages me to enter the season with gratitude for the bounty of harvest and of life. I am reminded that with this season of visible changes to be more aware of centering myself and being congruent from the inside out. Through conversation with my clients, I hear about experiences in their lives during this fall season, about how their rhythm and schedules easily get out of balance. We come up with ways to take stock of what’s happening around them, including the anticipation of changes in daylight, and mentally practice how they can balance their lives. They rehearse the shifts in behavior that they want to occur in facing specific transitions. Curiously enough, research has shown that persons who “saw themselves in the distant future solved more problems that those who simply imagined the following day."1 As the Harvest Moon shines down on you, what does it remind you of?

Questions to reflect upon:
What if you saw yourself in the future? 3 months from now? 6 months from now? 9 months from now?
What does it look like, sound like, feel like?
How will you intentionally move forward in this transition?


1 Myer, Amy, “Rename it, Reuse it,” Scientific American Mind, Vol. 23, No. 3, July/August 2012, p. 30.


8/2014
Being Conscious of Our Growth and the Growth of Other People

I am finding that the best way to move towards change in oneself is discovering the right questions and being open to exploring the best answers for oneself. One of my clients, in response to how our coaching journey has helped her to develop and let her team grow, wrote, “The biggest change is working together versus me always giving the answer. We plan activities together versus me giving agendas, and I ask more questions versus giving solutions. … I appreciate your style of coaching. It was a good blend of questions, listening, feedback and exercises.”

In coaching, I don’t seem to have much difficulty in formulating questions and seeing where the response leads us to get to the root of the issue and to develop strategies and processes for moving towards the clients’ desired outcomes. I find that even when the client wants answers from me, reframing the question or giving more wait time for the client to think about possibilities, results in responses I often would not have arrived at. The clients come up with responses that are perfect for them and the situation at hand.

In dealing with my family and friends, I think it takes a great deal more effort for me to refrain from offering solutions. I wonder why that is so. I know that many times I have worked through the same issue, or at least what I think is the same issue, and have found a pragmatic or useful way to deal with it. And yet, people tend to learn best by doing. Each person has a different style of learning and responding and unique circumstances and people in their lives. When I remember that each person has different strengths to lead with, it is far easier to step back and be supportive of watching them create their own way to move forward. It also helps me recognize that sometimes the kind of support that is needed at the time is not to help them by providing answers, but an avenue to reflect on their situation, or for someone to just to “hear them.” These processes also help me to remove aspects of judgment that I may not know I was holding onto.

Watching my clients recognize how to step into the “coaching” role reminds me to be conscious of it in my life, while also validating the power of it in theirs. It is a beautiful discovery process, an unfolding of oneself.

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you know that you don’t know?


7/2014
Being Called to Action

Everyone, at one time or another, has probably had an experience of knowing that a particular action is the right thing to do. The person is congruent and everything comes into place. Last month, I referred to this concept as being “called to action.” This feeling of being in tune with one’s soul is different from being “compelled” (see last month’s blog, 6/2014), a response which is automatic and often accompanied by a feeling of “not being able to stop oneself.”

When one is in tune with one’s inner self and has this sense that this is an important and meaningful action to take, there is a certain magic that can happen. For example, during our coaching sessions, one client recognized that it was important for her to go back to graduate school. She surprised me when she blurted this out, because school had been a lower priority when she first entered the coaching engagement. This client was searching for the career she wanted to pursue, and hoped to process whether to stay at her current job, or if she wanted to look for a higher position and she had anticipated focusing on her personal life, including getting married and having children in future chapters of her life. She originally hoped to have a timeline for eventually going back to graduate school when she was sure what field she wanted to study. During our time together, she discovered the fire in her belly for the type of work she wanted to do and as soon as she did, she knew she wanted to apply for graduate school. The magic was that she was quickly accepted to a highly competitive graduate program.

I have another client who recognized how she felt compelled to not use her power over her direct reports. She discovered how she felt called to envision her team as fellow sojourners on an exhilarating and difficult hike, needing to take the first step and to model her faith that they would get to the envisioned oasis. She was no longer hesitant to use her leadership to empower her team to recognize the safe parts of the path and to strategize and gather their courage to walk the untraveled trails. The magic in her life was that she was willing to step up to a new leadership role, which she had felt was too early in her timeline. Where in your life are you being called to action?

Questions to reflect upon:
Did you ever have that feeling that what you are doing is the right thing to do? What did it look like, feel like or sound like? How did you perceive it? Was there magic that happened for you?


6/2014
What is Compelling You?

A good friend asked me “What is compelling you today?” At first, I really didn’t understand what was being asked. I initially thought my friend was asking about the fire in my belly, which makes me want to do things. But the fire in one’s belly is different and what could be described as being “called.” I will address feeling “called to action” in a future coaching blog. The question referred to a feeling of being coerced, forced, obliged, as if someone were twisting my arm. I also knew that the question was about an automatic response, not one that I thought through, evaluated and consciously chose. Being compelled tends to distract me from my professional work or flow, has me getting anxious about what to do and often has me second-guessing whether I’m doing the right thing. I realized that when I’m compelled, I could spend a great deal of time being distracted from my priorities.

I work with clients in strategically planning how to get to the outcomes that they desire, generally for their work. As we move into the coaching engagement and our connection and trust solidifies, the clients often wish to pinpoint areas where they have gotten “stuck” and are finding difficulty in moving forward. I begin to ask questions and we often discover that they are feeling “compelled” to respond a certain way. For example, a few clients have been applying to different positions, and in the written application process they hit a roadblock and become anxious about explaining “this” or “that,” as if they are compelled to bring up mistakes or arenas that may be construed as missteps in their past history of work. Sometimes I respond, “What are they asking you?” Other times, I offer, “What are the job duties? What strengths, skills and experiences do you have that addresses those particular duties and what you can provide the organization?” In the process of this discussion, the clients all have recognized the kinds of things they have learned from their experiences and have utilized those “learnings” to be more effective, and/or recognize what those experiences teach them now. I return to my friend’s question about what is compelling me. Is something compelling my clients to account for something that is just sidelining their opportunity to put their best foot forward? As my clients move to sharing their strengths and convictions, aligning their mind, body and spirit, their feelings of being compelled dissipate and they are able to move forward.

What is compelling you?

Questions to reflect upon:
What is compelling you today? Are there things that are distracting you from your work or purpose? Name them and breathe deeply. Perceive them dissipating. Allow the voices to soften, the images to move farther away and let go of the tensions stored in your body.


5/2014
Becoming More Resourceful

As a coach, I have been helping several clients prepare themselves for increasing managerial and leadership roles. Some of the journey may be about identifying the “ideal” type of job and environment in which they wish to work or something as pragmatic as preparing for an interview. Alternatively, the client’s goal may be to become more effective in their work, supervision, or communication. I reflect on what my clients say that they need or want, and provide strategies for them to take the next step. I find that if a client changes one habit that is not working, and then creates, integrates and internalizes a new strategy that becomes a stronger resources, positive outcomes happen more quickly.

I also realize that there are two sides to being resourceful: accessing one’s resources in the outer world and tapping into one’s inner resources. Although next generation leaders are experienced at utilizing their outer resources, they generally benefit from focusing on their inner resources. In the past when I worked with young adults, they were clamoring to identify and understand how to link and connect with resources, people and tools that could help them take the next step. I think this may be why coaching may be so invaluable as adults continue to grow and develop in their lives—they have already learned to access information pertinent to their development, but doing the inner work requires reflection, alignment of one’s mind, body and spirit as well as transforming routines and habits that aren’t helping them get the desired outcomes. In taking clients through these processes, it is amazing to see how each person becomes more confident with who they are, becoming comfortable with recognizing their strengths and finding meaning in their continual growth.

I have often heard the saying, “There are no mistakes, only learning. There are no failures, only feedback.” When a person learns from the past and integrates the feedback of their experiences, they can become more resourceful and effective in how they respond to unexpected challenges.

Although the majority of my clients come to me for leadership coaching, the processes to get a boost to move forward from areas where they feel “stuck,” can apply to anyone.

Questions to reflect upon:
Has there been a person in your life that helped you become more resourceful? What does resourcefulness looks like, sounds like, feels like? How do you perceive being resourceful?


4/2014
Transformative Change: Aligning One’s Whole Self

Last month I wrote about “Priorities and Getting Distracted.” This month I’m focusing on how we may be fully cognizant of a priority, yet still remain stuck, maintaining a gap between what we intend to do and what gets accomplished.

I had a client who wanted to finish her doctorate, yet was very committed to her part-time job which helps young people in high-risk, underserved communities become community organizers and leaders. A person from a collaborating organization had asked her to be the primary grant writer for an educational project for youth. In the past, this type of additional task had prevented her from devoting herself to complete her dissertation. She was torn about saying “no.” In her work, she had created processes that were culturally-sensitive in gaining the input and wisdom from the community by learning their stories and cultural strengths.

Through coaching, she related these accomplishments as well as acknowledged her own cultural wisdom. In our work together, she surfaced her values and why she wanted to finish her degree to be more effective in doing the type of work to which she has committed her life. She recognized that completing her degree would place her in a more powerful place to serve the community. To address the request for her help in grant writing, she offered to coach the person who had asked her to be the lead grant writer, and together they identified other resource persons to help complete the grant.

Although this issue may seem like an isolated and perhaps minor one, my client was able to recognize the values behind her competing commitments. She no longer felt torn. She made this “shift,” aligning her whole self and began to strategize ways to address the grant writing request. She was able to move forward and continues to create an environment which supports her priority to finish graduate school.

Question to reflect upon:
Have you ever experienced being “stuck” and not able to hear or see yourself move forward? Can coaching help you determine the best way for you to move forward?


3/2014
Priorities and Getting Distracted

In California, we have been experiencing mild weather throughout the end of 2013 and beginning of 2014. Rain has finally come. Even though we often complain about wet days, people seem to be very happy to have this precipitation, which we hope will mitigate the drought. I have been wondering if we, as people, need to have an emergency of crisis level to change our behaviors. Do we need to feel compelled to move into action before we are willing to fully focus on something? And, if we respond to that feeling of being compelled, are we able to sustain that issue as a priority?

Similar to the drought situation, in our own work and personal lives, there are usually signs that a crisis is brewing. We may not be fully aware of challenges we will face in following through with our priorities. My clients often tell me how they are committed to a certain goal and yet something comes up and pulls them away. Sometimes it is a major issue. Other times it is not; they just feel compelled to respond. In both cases, they continue to work on autopilot, not noticing signs pointing that an emergency may occur or that the issue is not as important to them as their priorities. In coaching sessions, my clients identify their priorities, and listen to what distracts their attention from their desired outcomes. They also begin to tune into their intuitive sense which tells them something isn’t right and to interrupt their automatic response pattern. They strategize the best course of action for each situation. This may sound easy. But, have you ever had difficulty changing a habit? Altering these patterns requires a transformative change, a shift in one’s automatic responses.

Most people become good at responding to a crisis, plugging the holes and helping the system to continue. In reality, there is always some “thing” that needs to be fixed. When in a similar situation, here are several questions that one can ask. Does continuing my pattern of responding distract me from my priorities? Is this situation a crisis? Is it my responsibility and my priority to tend to this issue? Am I the best/most appropriate person to deal with it? In my coaching practice, I help clients anticipate the potential for a crisis and how to creatively and effectively focus on their priorities.

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you prioritize your objectives? Do you sometimes get distracted and feel prompted to move into action on some other issue? What happens if you take a breath and allow that prompting to move farther away, to become quieter?


2/2014
Self-Coaching Techniques for Moving Through Transition

Are you experiencing transition in your life? How might you navigate through your experiences, strategically dealing with the emotional potholes you encounter? How can you elicit your most resourceful self, which is courageous, confident and compassionate to yourself and others? I attended a workshop on “Thriving through Transitions” with Helen M. (Scully) Horyza, MS, NCCC. Her transition process includes an “anxiety scale,” which addresses emotions in the specific processes of transition. After identifying a specific transition which we each individually were experiencing, we broke into groups of similar workstyles and reviewed success strategies, possible disruptions and advice. I realized how using some of the same processes that I move my clients through could help me create a bridge through my own transitions. I offered some of my techniques and received some wonderful ideas from the other persons in my group.

Success Strategies
• Vent to a friend
• Read tons of stories about people who’ve overcome adversity
• Tell one’s story in “third person”
• Name the transition, parse out the specific transitions
• Clarify multiple transitions
• Write, journal
• Find most resourceful state

Possible Disruptions: Advice to self
• “Tape/movie/DVD” that keeps replaying in head: Visualize good ending, figure out strategic friends to talk with, make list of next steps, be humble and remember that you can’t control other people, share worries with a person whom you can trust
• Not connecting with people: Join support group or volunteer at some place of interest
• Depression/trapped in emotions: Practice mindfulness, Journal, Practice Gratitude by selecting three things for which one is grateful
• Become dependent on environment to initiate action: Turn-off T.V, get out of house, turn off electronic device, take break, find accountability partner, share own area of expertise and ask for that of another person
• Fear of unknown: Identify the worry about the unknown and something that you might enjoy or embrace that might come from it, ground yourself spiritually, review success strategies, recognize other transitions that have successfully made it through. Remember that “Change is not the end of the road unless you fail to see the bend in the road.” Network, hold informational interviews, find model or body of information to overlay upon
• Feel too responsible to the job/role: Write down the worst thing that could happen if what you are worrying about doesn’t go the way you wish, recognize you are not indispensable and have faith in other people
• Collecting too much info: Trusting in our type’s strength: being practical and cost-effective in our thinking*

Although we reported our discussion by workstyle/type groups, our responses weren’t that different from the other groups, except for the advice of the last “disruption.”

Questions to reflect upon:
What transition(s) are you currently undergoing or preparing to undergo?
What are successful strategies that have served you well when undergoing previous transitions?

*This last suggestion, “trusting in strength that we are practical and cost-effective in our thinking,” tends to be most applicable to the Stabilizer temperament or Sensing/Judging MBTI type. How we processed through the activity was a keen indicator of our Stabilizer type. Scully Horiza’s workshop was much more comprehensive in identifying the transition cycle and how temperament may affect transition. This blog reflects the take-away for me in helping myself move through transition and includes successful strategies which have been productive for my clients.


1/2014
Leadership: Integrating Effective Strategies

I’ve noticed a common theme has been springing up with many of my clients: about doing too much, fixing things that belong to another coworker. They feel responsible for the overall quality, so pitching in has become a habit. And then, they find themselves overworked and under pressure. For some individuals, the positive intention is completing each task with the excellence that they know it can be. For others, it’s about their commitment to the organization or providing modeling for how things can be accomplished. In many cases, the fine line between leadership and personal responsibility has become blurred. My clients often feel compelled to take responsibility for the actions of others, especially their direct reports.

In coaching sessions, we explore what is it that the client really wants, what the organization needs, and what one really has control over. If those tasks aren’t completed the way that the client wants, then what happens? Does the organization fall apart? If the client takes over and completes the task, what does the direct report learn from that? Does completing these tasks take away time and energy from the work that the client is focusing on? Oftentimes, the client desires outcomes such as providing support for the direct report, giving opportunities to contribute to the organization, or helping the team to do a better job. In the coaching sessions, we create effective strategies, which affirm the client’s strengths. We map out a process for recognizing and changing the automatic response that used to occur. One client’s goal was to know when to “step up” or “step back.” When my clients focused on this issue, they have become remarkably successful in switching their former response pattern. They understand the situation as one of leadership, feeling better about their own responsibilities and growth, while helping their staffs gain opportunities to grow.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you have an automatic response pattern that has not been effective? Are you able to change it? If not, what are other strategies that have worked in the past in this type of situation?


12/2013
Nelson Mandela: Compassionate Leader of Human Rights

During this month of Universal Human Rights, it seems fitting to focus on Nelson Mandela. I worked for the University of California for many years and remember students protesting the regents to ratify divestment of companies doing business in apartheid South Africa. I remember how this process was part of the eventual release of Nelson Mandela, and the peaceful movement towards a democracy in South Africa, where Mandela was elected as their first black chief executive.

After foregoing 27 years of cruel and unjust imprisonment, Nelson Mandela loved people and his country so much that he found it within himself to forgive the persons and the system that had persecuted him. Bishop Desmond Tutu worked with Mandela to create the Truth and Reconciliation Council, which provided a transitional process that allowed for healing while building an inclusive democracy.

Mandela’s faith, action and commitment to non-violence and forgiveness have affected not only individuals but systems, countries and society in general. His life inspires us to question ourselves. How could reconciliation and forgiveness bring balance and health to our country? How could Mandela's example make a difference in your community? Where can we find the peace of compassion and forgiveness in our own hearts?

The following is a quote from Nelson Mandela that resonates for me. “I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.

How has Nelson Mandela’s life affected you?

Questions to reflect upon:
Nelson Mandela shared his core values with the world. What’s a core value that you have demonstrated in your life? When was it? Did it make a difference at that time? What did it feel like, sound like, and look like? How do you perceive the demonstration of that core value?
What core values are not meaningful to you presently? What do they feel like, sound like and look like?


11/2013
Fall into Mindfulness

As we move through the Fall season, I have been noticing the change from full light and vibrant outdoor activity, to shorter days and more darkness. In our Western culture, we tend to continue to be in high gear, racing towards many activities and multitasking as a way of being more efficient and effective. To be honest, I first noticed the changes in the season because I was thinking about how it’s easier for people to get depressed with overcast weather. Amidst many ongoing transitions in my life, I began thinking about how can I be resilient within nature’s cycle of slowing down. I realized that Fall is a time for drawing inward and focusing on my well-being. I am creating metaphors for myself that help me in being mindful in my profession. I engage with my clients in a similar fashion. Being aware of one’s metaphors helps one understand what is meaningful while also having the potential to be a catalyst for moving towards one’s desired outcomes.

The signs of harvest are disappearing and much of life is going into hibernation. We know that we will weather the cold of winter. The fruits of our labor with the earth’s energy will blossom in the Spring. As I practice being present with Fall’s transitions: noticing how the seasons are changing, watching the beauty of the trees leaving, observing how the air smells differently and feeling the damp cold air touch my body, I am reminded that being present is helping me become healthier, happier and at peace with myself and the world.

I recently came across an article from Scientific American Mind, about being in the present. Amishi P. Jha writes how mindfulness practices, which have their roots in Eastern culture, have been incorporated into hospital and health programs. Mindfulness training has become widely researched as a significant tool for reducing stress. Many different studies are documenting how staying in the present improves attention, decreases distracted thinking and is a “salve for sadness."1 During this Fall season, may you enter the quiet of being present in your life.

Questions to reflect upon:
In our lives each of us has experienced change just like the seasons. What did this experience feel like, sound like or look like for you?


1 Jha, Amisha, “The Power of Now,” Scientific American Mind, Vol 24, No 1, March/April, 2013.


10/2013
Ready, Set, Go

Several years ago, the yoga teacher was leading us through a kind of warm-up progression where we physically, mentally and spiritually get ready for the session. Speaking to the full group she asked us to let go of everything, later said my name and repeated the instruction. I realized she was referring to my hands on my hips. A couple of sessions later, she said to let go, and I became aware that again, I was holding my hands on my hips. Each time, I thought I had let go of all of my thoughts, and still, unconsciously was in a holding pattern!

My nature is to plan and to be ready for opportunities where I can complete actions which lead towards outcomes that I desire. This is a strength, and yet, when switching from one activity to another, I sometimes find myself a little off balance. As I move from one focus to another, just as moving into the yoga practice, I tend to carry the previous activity or thought with me. In reflecting upon this, I realize that in many situations where I do not have much control over the circumstance, I have been learning to let go of the outcome(s.) Not intending to “fix” things, I also pledge myself to be “open” to opportunities where I might have influence in moving the situation towards a healing or healthier direction. The saying, “Ready, set, go,” comes to mind. When I think I’m in the “ready” position, I may be in the “set” position, and not open to the present moment. How do I move to being ready for possibilities, not set on things going in a specified way that may be limiting the potential for achieving a greater or more appropriate outcome? And, how do I let go, not hanging onto thoughts and worries from the previous moments? I am discovering that when I am feeling a bit scattered, if I step into the moment and become centered, a feeling of openness occurs. My life begins to flow again. The “ready, set, go” is a spiritual act, and for me this progression has often meant “letting go.”

As a coach, I help clients identify their habits and create pathways for how they can transfer them to “ready, set, go” progressions. We explore what patterns are not working now and what resources will promote positive outcomes.

Questions to reflect upon:
Are you aware of your patterns or habits at work? What patterns or habits are not working for you now?
Do you feel that coaching will help change those patterns or habits in reaching positive outcomes?


9/2013
Being Flexible

I’m often reminded that things happen for a reason. I strive to model flexibility in my coaching because I believe that it contributes to the philosophy that there is no rigid absolutes in life. I work with clients in a manner that takes into account how they are interpreting their environments, their states of mind. If they are stressed, it’s difficult for them to be fully present. Some of the coaching time may be spent on helping clients achieve balance. Similarly, when a client’s life has become extremely hectic, I have accommodated last-minute cancellations and allowed the client to keep the spot and not lose a session because I’m focused on supporting the client to achieve positive outcomes.

Recently a client cancelled with less than a 24 hour notice and I realized that it was the second occurrence. There is a fine line between giving support and setting parameters. I began to think about whether I needed to set clearer boundaries with reasonable consequences. What am I telling clients in terms of stress if I allow multiple cancellations without advance notification? I think it’s highly probable that if this happens in the coaching environment, that it is occurring in other arenas as well, contributing more stress in the client’s life.

By allowing a second miss without addressing the issue, I may be “fixing” the client’s issue, giving the client the permission to not have to deal with it. A coach’s responsibility is to help the client become more resourceful and to identify patterns that get in the way of the client’s desired development. This particular occurrence has helped me to better sort through my processes for supporting clients.

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of a time when you cancelled an appointment. How would you expect people to respond to you? What other stressors are taking place at the same time?
How could you handle these stressors differently to keep the appointment?


8/2013
Your Intuitive Side

Have you ever thought of a friend you have not seen and you received an email or you ran into that person? This happened to me when I was driving with my husband through Gilroy, en route camping with his family. I had met her while working in the Migrant Education Program in Merced County and just bumped into her in the store. We had the opportunity to reconnect and catch up on our personal and professional lives.

Synchronistic incidences have been occurring as I’ve paid attention to my intuition. The past month and a half, I’ve been offering The Emotion Code to past clients, friends and colleagues as part of a certification process. The Emotion Code is a process of releasing trapped emotions. Several of the clients just had something happen where they felt it was the perfect timing to engage in the process. Many times when offering The Emotion Code, I felt this intuitive hit that the person might be interested and during the sessions, would often get a hunch about asking a particular question that opened the process. Whenever I get a feeling and someone’s name pops into my head, I try to contact them, often without knowing what specifically the reason may be. More often than not, the timing is perfect and the connection, if only an email or phone exchange, is quite meaningful.

The summer provides us with a respite from our daily routines and distractions. It is an opportunity for us to listen more carefully to the intuitive part in us. Listening to our intuition can brings us through an inner process of becoming more aware, accepting of ourselves and others and expressing who we really are.1 When we listen to our intuition and act upon what is truly important to us, a flow in life begins to happen. More synchronicity, or unplanned events and timing, unfold.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are ways that you can pay attention to your intuition?
How can you be aware of your intuition? Do you see a picture, hear a voice, or is it a feeling?


1 Belitz, C & Lundstrom, M. The Power of Flow: Practical Ways to Transform your Life with Meaningful Coincidence. (New York: Harmony Books, 1997).


7/2013
Resiliency

My Dad is a retired farmer. Today he is 92 years old. This past half year, I think that going to the farm each week-end has been a big element of my dad’s resiliency. He worked the land until he was past 88 years of age. Every week-end, one of the sisters (-there are five of us) bring my folks to the farm. My husband and/or one of my sons and I get to accompany my mom and dad to the farm for a week-end each month. There are many “chores” to complete—the house, the cooking, feeding the cat, and also bringing them to see their friends. During the Spring, Summer and Fall, there is also the vegetable garden. The first couple of months my dad and could come out and sit on a bucket or walker and help with planting, weeding or fertilizing and watering the corn, tomatoes, onasu (eggplant), cucumbers and peppers. My Dad is getting more wobbly walking in/near the furrows, and we’ve had to work with him in letting us do most of the work. On my family’s week-end last month, he was not so eager to go check out the garden as previous trips, as someone needs to be right there with him, and not weeding or working the garden. Yet, he is the one who knows the rhythms of the garden and what needs to happen to produce a good harvest.

I marvel at how my dad is so resilient. After a couple of mini-strokes, his attitude of “gritting your teeth” and doing what needs to be completed has served him well. For example, he doesn’t like to exercise, but when prompted, he takes walks twice a day. In fact, I have to be fully ready when I say, “let’s go for a walk,” because he’s ready to proceed out the door. I need to have my shoes on, have the water bottle and walker ready. I once asked him why, if he doesn’t want to go for a walk, he darts out the door. He responded, “to get it over with.” My sisters have taken my dad and mom to the farm for the full week of his birthday during this 4th of July holiday. My father is very wise about staying hydrated and out of the high heat that we’re currently experiencing. He has taught us these lessons, as well as passing on the habit of working until things are completed. So it’ll be interesting to see if my dad can shift and allow the continued garden needs to be completed by someone else and if any of his resiliency is tied to him needing to complete those chores himself.

I know that it’s difficult for my dad to accept more help from his daughters, sons-in-law, grandchildren and caretakers. He, together with my mom, has always been so self-sufficient. And yet, he has been amazing in adapting to doing things differently, such as exercising and more taking more restraint in the way that he eats and lives. This is something that is difficult for any of us, at any age:)

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you know of a person who demonstrated resiliency? How was s/he resilient?
When were you resilient in your life journey? How does it look, sounds, feel like? How did you perceive in this state?
How can resiliency play a role in your life now?


6/2013
Becoming More Successful at Working Together, Part V

This coaching blog is the final entry of a series on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, personality assessment and working together more successfully. (See previous months’ entries, 2/2013 through 5/2013 on my website “thoughts.”) The different polarities indicated by interpersonal response (extraversion-E, introversion I), data intake (sensing-S, iNtuition-N), making decisions (thinking-T, feeling-F), and problem-solving approach (judging-J, perceiving-P) are each represented by a letter which creates a four letter “code.” The understanding of the MBTI® formula can be a valuable tool in sorting out what’s needed to optimize learning and decision making given a person’s preference for working in the inner and outer worlds. While previous coaching blogs have given explanation of each of the four letters that may be in one’s code, the preferences work together in a dynamic way, which translates to more than the four preferences added together. The orientations of extraversion/introversion and of judging/perceiving are paired with the mental functions of how we prefer to learn new things (data intake) and to make decisions. How these four pairs of preferences work together provide us with a more specific framework for understanding what might be driving our patterns of behavior.

Each type code contains one mental function that is extraverted and one that is introverted. The MBTI theory postulates that it is important to focus on our preferences first since they correlate to our strengths. Generally if certain processes are more natural for a person, the individual is more likely to have developed some proficiency with it. Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour rule gleaned from Blink, states that people who are at the top of their game have placed extraordinary hours in their field of expertise. It would be difficult for an individual to spend that much time engaging in an activity if the individual did not enjoy the practice and hadn’t developed some capacity in it.

When leaders become conscious of the interplay of their preferences, there can be a kind of security in understanding what they need to progress towards their goals. Conversely, this comprehension of the MBTI type can lead a person to better understand the needs of their team members and/or direct reports. The development of leaders’ less-preferred preferences can also help them become more well-rounded in their work and assist in taking on challenging arenas more gracefully.

I strongly believe that for the long-run, individuals can be better leaders and work together more effectively if they enjoy their work. One’s career path can illustrate how an individual satisfies one’s natural preferences to make meaning of one’s strengths. Let me share the reflection of an organizational development consultant and coach, whose MBTI type preferences are ENFP. Her type formula means her favorite function is extraverted Intuition, and her supporting function is introverted Feeling. For years she has worked with business executives and their leadership teams focusing on strategic planning. She was very good in her work and quite capable of developing lasting relationships which helped her secure contracts and employment. Helping teams work together to examine opportunities and possibilities (extraverted intuition) was quite satisfying for her. Later in her career, she moved towards coaching and enjoyed the meaningful interaction and development of individuals in their leadership journeys (introverted feeling). As an extraverted intuitive with introverted feeling, she is masterful with generating new ideas for problem-solving and not only has a strong understanding of her own personal values but is fairly adept at tracking the motivations and values of others. Strategic planning often attracts persons with preferences for intuitive thinking (NT’s). Coaching was a relief to the objective, logical thinking (thinking) required in strategic planning, although the tough business arena always energized her. While the arena of coaching which includes human advising and support typically attracts ENFP’s, the intuitive side of ENFP’s craves novelty and doing things that are new and different. Overall, she states that she loves her work because she “gets to be rebellious and tell everybody what they should do,” while they listen and pay her for it (NF’s love to influence others).

Questions to reflect upon:
As you begin to understand the connection between your strengths and your MBTI formula, how could your strengths and natural talents aid you in working together with other people? What would this look, feel, and sound like? How do you perceive these strengths and natural talents?
What areas do your MBTI type suggest might be potential blind spots for you that will require special attention?


5/2013
Becoming More Successful at Working Together, Part IV

In last month’s “thoughts,” (4/13), we explored the two decision-making preferences as defined by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®. Earlier entries covered one’s preference for data intake (3/13) and interpersonal response (2/13). This month the focus is one’s problem-solving approach1, indicated by the 4th letter of the MBTI® code, and commonly expressed as orientation of energy to the outer world2. Do you prefer closure (Judging) or process (Perceiving)? For example, do you feel most comfortable having things decided and moving towards closure in problem-solving (Judging) or do you prefer to stay open until sufficient data is available before making a decision (Perceiving)?

Persons who prefer Judging are more comfortable with employing the decision-making processes, Thinking or Feeling, in the outer world. Persons who prefer Perceiving are more comfortable with using Sensing or Intuition in the outer world. There are qualities that generally accompany Judging: desire for closure, being scheduled, and methodical. Qualities that can be noticed from persons with Perceiving in the outer world include being in the moment, spontaneity, and adaptability.

Persons with the Judging preference are good at arriving at decisions, because having a solution drives them. When problem-solving with them, it is helpful to be direct and goal-oriented, express how the decision will be put into action and outline the problem-solving process so there’s a target for the endpoint. Help persons with this preference to understand any needs for processing, in order to avoid premature closure. Persons with the Perceiving orientation contribute an open-endedness that can encourage more problem-solving until a better or more improved solution emerges. When problem-solving with them, be open and flexible to new ideas and solutions, let them know you are keeping their ideas in mind even when the group seems to have come to a conclusion, and reassure them that you are not going to jump to the first solution that is discussed. Gently remind them that too much processing can diminish the end result.

This preference of problem-solving is often the first one to be noticed as causing tension in the workplace and in relationships. Good leaders should be open to perceiving and judging processes to arrive at quality decisions. While certain situations require quick decisions and other decisions need more deliberation, as a general rule, best results employ use of both. Being aware of which approach needs to take precedence and which has been overlooked can be very helpful. As a person who prefers Judging, and working within an institution, whose culture was Perceiving, I often felt drained by what I interpreted as focusing on everything as if we were continually in “crisis” mode. I felt frustrated that we didn’t seem to create long-term plans. As I came to understand these fundamental differences for processing and making decisions and our preference for one function over the other, I realized that what was energy producing for the Perceivers of being in the moment and waiting for new information to arrive was energy draining for those of us who preferred closure, a schedule and knowing when things would be finished. I began to look for ways to get my Judging “needs” met, such as asking for preliminary deadlines so that I could be given critical parts of what others needed to complete for me to move ahead and to prioritize what I needed to focus upon. Additionally, on important team projects, I would leave time on the day before and/or of the due date to work together and allowed myself to completely immerse myself on that project in those moments. To this day, a process I use to become more comfortable with the perceiving approach is to figure out what I enjoy about the project and/or people I’m working with, so that as we approach “last-minute” problem-solving, I am less focused on the pressure of the deadline. Additionally, I strive to look forward to being happy about “finishing.” Engaging in the perceiving process to celebrate the moment, allows me to embrace the joy of completion. As a perpetual learner who is striving to be a better leader, I continue to learn how to communicate my needs, what would be helpful for my teammates, especially persons of different preferences. I greatly appreciate when other persons reciprocate their efforts to work together with me. Being able to name the different operating modes continues to help me accept and flex around differences.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are the positive qualities of persons with the opposite preference to your problem solving approach? Which one of these positive qualities can you incorporate today that would increase your effectiveness?


1 "Interpersonal Response” and “Problem-Solving Approach” are terms created in “The Four Part Framework,” by Susan A. Brock, 1987, revised 1995, published by Center for Application of Psychological Type, Inc., Gainesville, Florida.

2 Katherine Briggs used Jung's words of Perceiving and Judging to refer to the processes of the pairs of the mental functions. This preference was not specifically named by Jung, but Katherine Briggs and Isabel Briggs-Myers created the MBTI system whereby the orientation of each mental function in one’s code was identified as extroverted of introverted. Each person has one function that works in the outer world and one in the inner world. One mental function leads the personality much like the captain of a ship, and is called the dominant. If the dominant function was introverted, then, the auxiliary, or second mate, would be seen in the outer world and vice versa. Briggs and Briggs-Myers also noticed that each person tended to favor closure or openness in meeting the outer world. Just as the three other categories or pairs of letters in the MBTI code have descriptors, they could also be ascribed to this 4th pair of preferences in a dichotomous fashion. Adding this preference to the Indicator automatically identifies the dominant and auxiliary of one’s personality.


4/2013
Becoming More Successful at Working Together, Part III

How do you prefer to make decisions and how might that affect how successful you are at working together with other people? In previous coaching blogs, I have considered two other pairs of preferences of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) about interpersonal response (extraversion/ introversion) and data intake (sensing/intuition). This month’s “thoughts” examines how our filters for making decisions may differ from other people. Do you prefer to decide through objective analysis (Thinking) or value how decisions might affect yourself and/or others (Feeling)?

Persons with the Thinking preference tend to remove themselves from the decision-making by using facts and ideas to weigh and balance the potential outcomes. In working with persons of Thinking preference, it’s important to outline the objective results. Persons with Feeling preference place themselves into the decision, weighing and balancing their values. In working with persons with the Feeling preference, it’s worthwhile to take into consideration values and how the decision affects people. Good leaders should strive to employ both Thinking and Feeling to get the best results to which the whole team will be fully committed. Persons of either preference would probably say they want to treat persons in a “fair” way, although the definition of “fair” may be very different for each type. Persons with Thinking preference generally define fairness as treating everyone in the same way. Persons with Feeling preference are more likely to define fairness as doing what’s appropriate for the person(s) or situation.

Although we favor one preference over the other, persons with the Thinking preference tend to focus on product over process. They are generally good at analyzing a problem, pulling it apart, applying a standard of comparison and recognizing flaws or inconsistencies. Persons with Feeling preference tend to value people over the task, and are often good at creating connections, building relationships and being empathetic. Leaders with Feeling preference are more likely to want to celebrate in some manner the conclusion of a significant project as a way of recognizing the efforts of those involved. Those with Thinking preferences may view completion as "business as usual" and move ahead to the next project. Regarding communication skills and teamwork, those with Feeling preferences tend to be more comfortable with team building activities that help one another learn about each other, as well as how to work together more effectively.

Have you ever struggled when a supervisor or client said that you did something incorrectly, or that the task should have been completed differently? Several years ago, I was coaching several Level I managers who all had difficulty with a Level II supervisor. The Level II supervisor had a preference for Thinking and most of the Level I managers had preferences for Feeling. The Level I managers had basically given up on working with their Thinking supervisor. One of the managers, the one whom all of the managers thought had the greatest chance of having a better functioning relationship with the supervisor, was tired of being frustrated and was looking for reassignment. I facilitated an exercise where he stepped into the shoes of the supervisor and then again, watching the interaction between him and his supervisor. Interestingly enough, utilizing his feeling preference helped him to grasp the objective, analytical perspective of his supervisor. I then worked with the supervisor to acknowledge her strengths and desire to get things done. Although there were many other issues at play here, the supervisor began to make an effort to connect with this manager. She began to understand her approach to relationships differently and realize that creating some harmony could go a long way towards reaching individual and group goals.

Question to reflect upon:
How can you incorporate the preference that is not your own into a situation or discussion in order to help your team move forward?


3/2013
Becoming More Successful at Working Together, Part II

To better understand one’s own leadership style and how to communicate more effectively, one can learn a great deal from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®). In last month’s coaching blog entry, I outlined the MBTI with its four pairs of preferences of interpersonal response (extraversion/introversion), data intake (sensing/intuition), making decisions (thinking/feeling) and problem-solving approach (judging/perceiving). I presented a fuller explanation on the dichotomy of the preferred interpersonal responses of extraversion and introversion. In this posting, I will introduce the pair of preferences for data intake: sensing and intuition. When you are learning something new, do you prefer the sensing approach by studying data, observing what is happening or getting hands-on experience? Or perhaps do you prefer the intuitive approach to identify patterns and connections, grasping the big picture before learning about the details?

Persons with the sensing preference are oriented to the present, sometimes comparing to the past, and speak in factual and concrete language. They generally trust that a person with expert knowledge will give them the necessary information. They seem to know what comes first, second, and so on. They naturally take into account what is realistic and practical, given the available people and resources. It’s helpful in communicating with sensors to provide a road-map when expressing the overall goal. Offer concrete examples and show the practical application of concepts.

Team members who prefer intuition will readily understand the big picture trusting their hunches and seizing on bits of data that seem significant to them. Persons with intuitive preferences are drawn to the “why” of things. In general, they love to consider new possibilities and ask and formulate questions. It’s important to give the big picture to persons with Intuitive preferences as they need the underlying concept on which to hang the details. Persons who prefer intuition appreciate novelty and may often get bored if you repeat the same processes without incorporating some new or interesting approach.

For learning new things, sensors like feedback in how they are doing and may ask for how to proceed. They are concrete and methodical, trusting practice to grasp and perfect their learning. Intuitives are more likely to want to proceed on their own. Methods, processes and insight come quickly and may even seem to come as if out of nowhere. They trust abstract concepts, readily think in symbols and speak in metaphors.

Recognizing my own preference for sensing, I attempt to provide persons with intuitive preferences the overall concepts at the beginning, and to place the subject into context. In meetings, I outline the agenda by introducing the major concepts that will be presented and try to tie them into each other as we go along. I check in to see that participants can make necessary connections before providing too many specifics. Many times I may start out asking a question, as well as consciously setting aside time for participants to ask questions. For some intuitives, being able to create well-formed questions is as important as any answers. For sensing participants, I offer a step-by-step process, and try to provide time to reflect and exercises for hands-on experiences to incorporate the information. I have smiled to myself when hearing speakers provide multiple ways of presenting a concept, when a person was just wanting to hear the original words to be repeated.

Questions to reflect upon:
General Questions
When you are communicating with another person, how do you know that they understand you?
In order to speak in a similar “language” as your listener, how might you communicate differently?

For persons who understand their MBTI type
Do you tend to use factual and concrete language in communicating with others or tend to express yourself in concepts and metaphors? How might recognizing your preference affect how well you communicate with persons of the opposite preference?
How do you identify a problem? Do the people you work/live/play with seem to go about it in the same manner, looking at it from specifics to the larger picture or vice versa? How might this knowledge assist you in working together more successfully in communicating issues?


2/2013
Becoming More Successful at Working Together, Part I

As a leadership coach and trainer, I work with executives and high potential leaders. As part of my efforts to help clients understand their own leadership styles and how they may communicate differently from other persons in their organizations, I administer the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®). Although many leaders are aware of the MBTI, having taken it and verified their own type, fewer persons have integrated the concepts into their daily lives. The MBTI help us recognize that we are not all speaking the same “language.” Understanding the framework of the MBTI can bridge differing perspectives which affect teamwork and relationships. The MBTI does not explain everything in terms of a person’s thinking or actions. However, it can be very powerful for recognizing patterns of behavior and identifying multiple lenses for perceiving the world. The MBTI is a tool for working together more effectively and for drawing out the best quality from each other. It also provides pathways for discovering the values and needs of one another, and can illuminate avenues for self-development. Successful leaders can be of any of the MBTI types. Understanding one’s preferences, natural tendencies and blind spots can improve the quality, self-knowledge and sense of satisfaction as a leader.

Katherine Briggs developed the MBTI philosophy based upon constructs from Carl Jung, a Swiss psychotherapist and analyst. Isabel Briggs-Myers, Katherine’s daughter, further developed the MBTI by creating an instrument to help individuals identify one’s type. The MBTI consists of four pairs of preferences, with each pair acting as polar opposites. Individuals are attracted to one side of each pole. The four pairs identify one's preferences for interpersonal response, taking in data, making decisions and problem-solving approach1. In this blog, I will outline the preference of interpersonal response and future entries will provide information about the other three pairs of preferences.

Interpersonal response: Are you drawn to the outer world of people and action (Extraversion) or the inner world of thoughts and ideas (Introversion)? How can the understanding and application of the interpersonal response preferences affect one’s leadership, communication and professional development? Leaders who prefer Introversion generally like to think things through before expressing one’s ideas. When working with persons who prefer Introversion, circulating an agenda before a meeting, asking if they would share aloud, and giving more thinking time can encourage more participation and sharing of their ideas. For leaders and team members that prefer Extraversion, it can be helpful to give the time to talk new ideas out and to check in with each other. Extroverts are drawn to people and action, so working together in the outer world gives them energy.

Discovering that I have a preference for Introversion helped me to recognize in group problem-solving, why a person might repeat some ideas that had already been presented. I realized that people may be processing the information out loud. Conversely, when approaching meetings that were likely to encompass subjects that might require some idea generation or reflection, I began to ask for an agenda and for the specific topics that may be covered. This approach gave me time to think through important issues. As an introvert in very large groups, it took me a great deal of energy to jump into the conversation. I’d be rehearsing what I wanted to say inside my head, and when I was ready to share, or waiting for an opening to speak, the discussion had often moved beyond that subject. With the knowledge of the difference between introversion and extraversion, I became more willing to speak up and offer some of the things that I was thinking about, even if I did not feel quite ready to voice them. I was able to contribute, and surprisingly enough, influenced the direction of the discussion. Furthermore, this understanding of introversion, affirmed me in asking other persons who hadn’t spoken to share what they are thinking about. (Please see future blogs for more on the other three pairs of preferences.)

Questions to reflect upon:
From where do you draw your energy, from other people, or by spending time alone or with 1 or 2 persons? What strengths to you bring with this preference to your work? To your personal relationships?
Think of someone you respect who has the opposite interpersonal orientation (extraversion or introversion) of you? What do you admire about that person’s strengths with this orientation? How can this knowledge become a resource for you?


1 “Interpersonal Response” and “Problem-Solving Approach” are terms created in “The Four Part Framework,” by Susan A. Brock, 1987, revised 1995, Center for Application of Psychological Type, Inc, Gainesville, Florida.


1/2013
On the Path to Happiness and Meaning

As the year ended, I reviewed the theme that I’d chosen for 2012: “Being compassionate to myself and others” (see 1/2012 blog). I was tempted to keep the same goal for 2013, as it has been a powerful focal point for me and has helped me center myself. However, I’ve decided to select a new theme for 2013, “Seeking happiness as a path to deeper meaning.” As I face difficult situations, important decisions and a clearer outlook on life, I have been discovering that as I seek happiness, the way towards deeper meaning evolves. Remembering to seek happiness, when I’m stressed, worried or scared, reframes the experience, provides a spiritual dimension and helps me discern the things and people that are important to me.

Over the past year, my sisters and I have been caring for my parents and we have been encountering some challenges along the way. When I began to view all of the tasks: planning, caretaking and decision-making as opportunities that would allow me to spend time with my parents, I experienced a sense of happiness, which has been very meaningful for me. The focus of being happy with my parents lightened my load, and opened the way to enjoyment and meaning.

The Dalai Lama and Howard Cuthbert have written two books on happiness, The Art of Happiness and The Art of Happiness at Work. The first book was based on the Dalai Lama’s “premise that the primary determinant of one’s happiness is the state of one’s mind, the mental factor.”1 In the later book regarding happiness at work, the Dalai Lama says, “So you see, there is a kind of mutual influence between my commitment to certain spiritual values, my daily spiritual practice, their impact on my overall thinking and attitude to life, and how these in turn affect my political work for the people of Tibet. Then, my political work influences my spiritual practice. In fact, there is an interconnected relationship between everything. If I enjoy a good breakfast, for instance, it contributes to my health. And, if I enjoy good health, it’s possible to utilize life to carry on my work. Even a simple smile can have some impact on my overall state of mind. So, everything is interconnected, interdependent. When you appreciate the interconnected nature of all aspects of your life, then you will understand how various factors—such as your values, your attitudes, your emotional state—can all contribute to your sense of fulfillment at work, and to your satisfaction and happiness in life.”2

From these two passages of The Art of Happiness books, I glean that perhaps it is the interconnected relationships between everything that the act of seeking happiness illuminates. Perhaps it is an understanding of being connected and being interdependent, something that I feel, hear, breathe or know that resonates and helps me find deeper meaning. Wishing you happiness and deeper meaning in 2013.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you ever experienced deeper meaning when you were seeking happiness? What did it look like, sound like, feel like?
Have you ever experienced deeper meaning when you felt connected with a person or group of persons or event? What did it look like, sound like, feel like?


1 His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard Cuthbert, The Art of Happiness at Work, (New York: Riverhead Books, 2003), p. 7.
2 Lama and Cuthbert, The Art of Happiness at Work, pp. 199-200.


12/2012
Fall into Transition

I was walking at dusk the night before a full moon. The sky was full of clouds just before a heavy rain. Everything was a beautiful blue: the sky, the clouds and the ocean blanketing the earth. There was stillness, as the customary ocean waves were absent. I remember the hush and serene feeling I experienced--it felt so peaceful. I noticed that my breath had slowed down and I was calm, yet full of energy.

I don’t normally walk at this time of day and even in the near darkness, was amazed at the beauty. I felt fortunate to have taken stock of the moment. Normally in the Fall season, it is the vivid colors and leaves that remind me of transition of the harvest season to the hibernation with Winter.

Questions to reflect upon:
What transitions are you currently going through? What is something about this transition for which you are thankful? What things are ending? What things might be hidden opportunities as we let go of what is ending and become open to new beginnings?
Is there anything that you may be holding onto that prevents you from being in the moment and recognizing the beauty in the present?


11/2012
Leadership & Teamwork

I loved watching the teamwork of San Francisco Giants as they won this year’s World Series. There seemed to be magic beyond the leadership qualities of extraordinary talent, strategic decision-making, unselfishness and trust in each other. Team development generally follows five stages: Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing and Reforming. While we may have witnessed primarily Performing since the Giants swept the series winning four games in a row, it is likely that the Giants team underwent the other 4 processes during the season. At the beginning of the season they formed their group. During the forming stage, members are generally cordial and polite. The team next moves into the Storming stage where individuals in the group begin to focus on outcomes or processes that they want to see happen. When the catcher, Hector Sanchez, started out the season in place of the veteran catcher, Buster Posey, the Giants were able to develop the rookie catcher and give time to Posey to heal from an injury.

The Giants had a deep pitching bull pen, which can illustrate the Norming stage. In the Norming phase, teammates become polite again and are more cognizant of the group. During the play-offs and World Series, we could see different Giants pitchers taken out even when they wanted to continue pitching. For maximum performance, team members must be willing to challenge each other and support novel approaches, while appreciating aspects of the “tried” and “true.” I suspect that manager Bochy and pitching coach Righetti were keenly aware of the communication and relationship building needs of their players. In the Norming phase, individuals have begun to build relationships and are therefore more reticent to challenge each other. Generally, to be a good pitcher, one usually requires a healthy dose of ego to have the confidence to pitch well. Strategic decision-making is required regarding whether a particular pitcher stays in or is taken out, and how those decisions are communicated supports the relationship and ego needs of the pitchers. This type of relationship building supports a team’s movement to reach the Performing stage and in the case of the Giants may have assisted in achieving peak performance.

In the World Series, the Giants definitely seemed to have the momentum. It is with the Performing stage where individuals begin to challenge team members’ performance and ideas and reap the benefits of maximum productivity. In this phase, a major core of the group contributes to the outcomes. The group has weathered it out, (the two play-offs where they went the full games, and often were not in the lead until the later innings).

The Reforming stage occurred when a player was traded or added to the team and when the rosters of the smaller playoff rosters were announced. Each time changes were made, new personalities and talents had to be incorporated into the team and the culture of the team had to be adaptive enough to welcome new entities, while keeping the same commitment to the group objective of playing together well and respecting what each new player could give. The Reforming stage continually happened with a new line-up of the pitchers at the different play-off games. The Giants needed to maintain momentum amidst the reforming of their group when relief and closing pitchers came in.

A baseball team can certainly develop good teamwork without winning the World Series. At the same time, this is the Giants second World Series in three years. It could be said that there were critical moments where things seemed to go the Giants’ way, such as when Gregor Blanco’s bunt stayed in fair territory. However, the magic and synergy contributed to this sweep of the World Series win over the Detroit Tigers who had the top pitcher (Verlander) and top hitter (Cabrera). The Giants demonstrated leadership by giving their best and trusting what each player could contribute to the team.

(I wrote about “Synergy and Being in Tune with One’s Team,” regarding the San Francisco Giants at the World Series baseball event in my blog two years ago, 11/2010. You can scroll down to it:)

Questions to reflect upon:
Management: How did the coach(es) keep the team congruent? (Scroll down to previous blogs: 7/2012, 8/2011, 8/2010, 3/2008 defining congruency)
Teamwork: What did the team do differently in the last 7 games of playoff and World Series?
Your Team/Group: How can you assess the development of any group with which you’re involved to help it progress?


10/2012
Fear and Being Happy

I’ve recently read an article in Time: Business, “Be Happier: 10 Things to Stop Doing Right Now.” http://business.time.com/2012/10/04/be-happier-in-business-and-life-10-things-to-stop-doing-right-now/ The list is familiar: Blaming, Impressing, Clinging, Interrupting, Whining, Controlling, Criticizing, Preaching, Dwelling. I think we can all relate to these factors. I realize that in my life I have spent all too much time engaging in them. There may be one factor in this list of 10 things, that you are more likely to stick with. In this short blog, I’d like to focus on factor #10, “fearing” that seems to be a recurrent theme in my observations of people in response to the world in which we live and work.

Jeff Haden writes about Fearing; “We’re all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can’t change, or what we won’t be able to do, or how other people might perceive us. … Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever. Today is the precious asset you own—and there is one thing you should truly fear wasting.”

In observing fear within myself and my clients, I believe that many times we aren’t really aware that fear is driving us, holding us back or entering into our lives. If we aren’t paralyzed with fear, we may not believe that this emotion has a hold on us, no matter how tiny that grasp may be. We are told to be fearless, and sometimes we deal with fear by submerging it, rather than recognizing its presence and acknowledging how it may be driving us.

For people who are leaders and people who strive to lead their lives in effective ways, it is probably helpful to be observant of how fear may be blocking us from moving forward and doing something to get started. And, at the same time trying to eradicate fear and these other 9 factors that Haden suggests we stop right now, focusing on what we want to get rid of may not be the most productive path. Identifying what we want to move towards will probably be more constructive to getting the results we wish.

Questions to reflect upon:
What things were you fearful of that held you back i.e. such as not speaking in public because of not wanting to be criticized or fear of sounding stupid?
What things were you fearful of that drove you forward?
For example: fear of not getting enough work done helped you focus on finishing when you were procrastinating
How can you use fear to motivate you towards positive results? or What are the positive results that you want to move towards?


9/2012
Leadership and Compassion

I have been working with a client who is pretty clear of the strengths and assets she has to offer her organization and she, like many leaders, had been struggling with the down-sizing and cutbacks in funding. How could they create a climate that honored those that would be leaving and keep the morale high for those who stayed, knowing they would be experiencing the loss of colleagues and very likely, additional work?

My client’s ideas and input seemed to be a driving force in the closing processes. All of the managers at her organization gave input on how to deal with the budget cuts. Throughout it all, this organization seems to have embraced the notion of helping their employees through change, transition and the grief process. The leaders of this organization knew being included in the communication processes, didn’t erase what the employees were going through. They did witness, however, that having opportunities to talk about the changes and to be informed of the processes calmed them down. Their processes also seemed to open the space for individuals to figure out how to support and take care of each other. A minimum of 4 weeks advance notice was given for every lay-off. Throughout it all, leaders were able to navigate around conversations about how traumatized and demoralized they were. This was incredibly powerful in the healing process, because these kinds of conversations often morph into “who’s more traumatized.” Many going-away parties were held, several were spontaneous. After lay-offs were made and some employees departed, the organization returned to their annual ritual of identifying what each individual stands for. It was a joyful ceremony, which declared what each person brings to the organization. Individuals focused on what they stand for as individuals, and collectively what they stand for as an organization. Small and large group discussions helped them identify their individual and collective strengths, while recommitting themselves to the core values of the organization.

My client and I discussed how she was feeling about the processes and the cut-backs. She replied that, although they had been through this cycle before, this was the most healing and promising. The rituals they used helped them to acknowledge this transition--the sorrow and the joy.

My client’s organization seems to have moved through this transition in a very balanced and humane way. Interestingly enough, some of the released employees were hired back. Instead of gaining back “wounded” individuals, there was great happiness.

So many companies dismiss individuals and immediately escort them out of the buildings, sometimes having other persons pack up and gather their things. These rituals of inclusion at my client’s workplace, seems to have afforded an intentional ending and closing, and space for a new beginning, helping both the individuals leaving and those who stayed.

Questions to reflect upon:
How can you be compassionate to yourself and to others in difficult situations?
What keeps you from being compassionate to yourself?
Can you think of other situations where employees are facing loss or change? How could being intentional about endings, loss and new beginnings help the employees?


8/2012
Connecting and Making Meaning

A colleague responded to last month’s “thoughts” on Congruency and Flow. As she thought about the reflection question, Have you ever experienced coincidences and opportunities open up? What did it look like, sound like or feel like?” She wrote: “what came to me was an image of two rail cars connecting up with a satisfying ‘clunk’ as two things that were separate came together in the way that they were designed to do.” She alluded to a feeling of satisfaction, that when she hears the clunk, she can move forward. There may be times when the pieces of our lives come together in this fashion, and there is an instantaneous “knowingness” in that moment.

When she envisions the two cars attaching to each other, she hears, feels, sees and perceives the connection and the train moves down its path in an effortless manner. Each rail car fulfills an important function. For the period where the cars are connected, they work together as a team. Just as a railcar is connected, sidelined, or hooked up to a different car, an individual may work together with a team, rest, work alone, join another team and perhaps rejoin the original team at some point. Whatever follows, the connection of the two cars has provided a rhythm and flow, just as our connections with each other provide deeper meaning for our journeys in life.

Question to reflect upon:
When you experience things coming together, what made them meaningful to you?
What does it look, sound, or feel like when things come together for you? What do you perceive about the connection?


7/2012
Congruency Leads to Flow

When my clients successfully change a pattern of action, I often help them “future pace” the action so that they envision the new way of responding. At the close of a coaching engagement, I recently asked my client to walk down a timeline in the future, when one of his direct reports comes to him asking him to intervene and he responds in the less reactive stance which he has been practicing and has successfully demonstrated. It was clear that he had the confidence of supporting his staff to develop their skills by not personally inserting himself and not automatically fixing the problem but letting his staff find ways to successfully respond to the situation. My client has been coaching his staff in their weekly consultations and gaining time to work on many other administrative issues. He is happy that he is moving forward on his leadership goals and is less stressed. My client has allowed his congruency to lead into a flow, where everything comes together.

I’ve written in earlier blogs about my coaching processes of reflection, focus, congruence and flow*. Congruence is the aligning of all the parts of oneself to move in the same direction. Flow is the unplanned process, where coincidences occur and opportunities open up. Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom in The Power of Flow describe flow as, “being in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing.” I am coming to realize that future pacing oneself increases the opportunity for flow.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you ever experienced coincidences and opportunities open up? What did it look like, sound like or feel like?
Have you ever moved forward on a project effortlessly? What made it possible? Can you see it happening in future projects?

*I have incorporated three coaching processes identified by Donald Gerard, MA, CHT, Relationship Coach, that he formulated as Clarity, Alignment, and Acceleration.

For previous blogs on these processes see: Focus (12/2011, 3/2010), Reflection (2/2012, 9/2010), Congruence (8/2011, 8/2010, 3/2008), Flow (9/2011, 5/2011, 5/2008).


6/2012
Finding Contentment in Work

I recently read from a Forbes article, 5/18/12, that only 19% of workers were “satisfied” with their jobs. From a survey of 411 Canadian and US workers conducted by Right Management, only 22% responded that they were “somewhat satisfied” and 44% indicated they were “unsatisfied.” It appears that a majority of people feel stuck, underemployed and overall not happy with their work. Years ago, when I worked with the University of California and later, primarily as a trainer, I could sense discontent in many of the people around me regarding their work and this sentiment was evident during a good economy. I think that for a long time, many employed people have not been happy in their workplaces and the number seems to be growing. I find this extremely disconcerting. A workplace where more than 50% of persons are not satisfied with their jobs is not a good environment for helping people give their best and feel good about what they contribute.

Towards the end of the article, the writer appeals to employers that if they want a motivated, productive workforce, they should try to find ways to keep their employees challenged, rewarded by work and should offer more training and education. I’m wondering what the message is for individuals who are not happy with their current work. Are you dissatisfied with your work? If so, do you cope by separating your “real” life from what you do at work? Might there be something else that you really want to do or some other company that you’d like to look into? Are you feeling stuck and wish to get “unstuck?” If you are dissatisfied and cannot leave your current workplace, what possibilities are there to make your current work or situation more enjoyable: different projects, assignments, working on an assignment with a new person? If you know there are no possibilities now for changing your job, what are some potential places that you might research which might open up when the economic climate changes? What are your goals for being at this current workplace? Have you met them? Is it time to move on? If so, what do you want to move on to?

Questions to reflect upon:
What do you appreciate? What is one of the things you enjoy in the workplace?
What are ways that you could be more satisfied with your work/life?
What strengths and abilities do you bring?
What are hobbies that you enjoy that you might incorporate aspects of into your work, or perhaps enjoy discussion of with at the workplace?


5/2012
Family Legacies

“It matters not what others say about us. All that comes before us dwells within us. All that comes hereafter is our legacy.” Janice Mirikitani, Poet, Founding President, Glide Memorial Foundation; Excerpted from soon to be published poem: “A Letter To My Daughter”

During WWII, after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, President Roosevelt signed Executive Order 9066, which authorized the removal of 120,000 persons of Japanese descent, 2/3 of whom were American citizens. During Asian Pacific American Heritage month, there is an exhibit in the Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) San Bruno station within the Tanforan shopping center, which presents some of the photos of evacuation taken by the well-known photojournalist, Dorothea Lange. Paul Kitagaki, photographer and Sansei, or third generation Japanese American, has located several of the persons or descendants of the original persons captured in Lange’s pictures. This display is an ongoing reminder that we need to be ever vigilant of our civil rights. How appropriate that this exhibition would be in the very same place where Japanese Americans were rounded up and forced to live in horse stalls at the Tanforan racetrack where they were first assembled en route the concentration camps. My mother was one of the evacuees, and a high school student at the time. We stood where she had been illegally detained.

The words of Janice Mirikitani touched me deeply. A couple of years ago I had attended a similar dedication of a permanent statue at the Merced fairgrounds, (in Central California), which was where my father was assembled and was near my hometown. Since I had heard similar speeches in Merced, I didn’t anticipate having such a strong emotional response in San Bruno, when dignitaries, politicians and artists spoke about the grave injustice of the incarceration. I have attended many educational forums, read numerous books and experienced many works of art depicting the relocation experience, yet attending this reception in San Bruno, moved me to my core. Many of the speakers referred to personal stories from their families in the face of evacuation. They reminded us how similar acts are happening to the Syrian people, and to Arab Americans in the US in the aftermath of 9/11. We also know of Palestinians being moved off their land by settlements and restricted from movement with the ever increasing building of walls. In this country, the scapegoating of people due to race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or physical abilities is not only illegal, but inhumane. United States Representative Jackie Spier, offered her personal apology to the evacuees in the audience, and I immediately teared up. I was reminded how the healing process for the legacy of evacuation that touched me and my immediate family continues to take place.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you know about your family legacy? How does your family legacy influence what you are doing now?
Do you have friends that have shared their family legacies with you? How meaningful are their stories in your life? How do other people’s stories influence what you do?


4/2012
“Gambatte” and Resiliency

In last month’s, “March 2012, thoughts,” I wrote about the half-full glass perspective which two African-American women clients had mentioned to me. I remembered some of the difficult times on the farm and expressed gratitude to have grown up in a family which carried this sense of hope and faith about weathering through difficult times. I thought about closing the blog with a Japanese saying about the half-full sentiment. I realized that the Japanese culture doesn’t have that perspective. The closest thing I could arrive at would be echoed in the phrase, “gambatte,” (GAM-ba-TE), to persevere or to fight through it. I’d like to share three different stories about gambatte from my mother-in-law, my mother and the lay leader from my church. Although the notion of half-full perspective or a specific philosophy about focusing on the positive seems to be absent within the Japanese and Japanese American cultures, both the half-full perspective and notion of gambatte point towards gratitude and are testimonials about resilience.

Mother-in-law, struggling through daily life
While in Boston raising kids, her husband was still a student in college, she experienced hardship during WWII-- not much meat in markets, not enough vegetables in Boston during the winter time. Everyone was responding with the spirit of gambatte, but their financial situation of three children and no regular job made it a harder struggle for them. In Boston, they only had Chinese rice, which was costly. For the most part, they couldn’t afford to eat rice for many years, seven or so, until they returned to California. She remembers ordering rice from New York. It was very expensive and yet they served it to exchange students from Japan, right after the war, for the weekly meals they offered to approximately 200 young adults. When making curry rice, they had to have Japanese rice. Many of the students came from families with more money than them, but it was right after WWII and the national policy was they couldn’t take much money out of Japan, maybe $200 or so, since cash amounts were limited.

Even with the scarcity of rice, she remembers buying it to make "omochi," soft rice and sweet bean confection, for the New Year’s celebration. Interesting how this precious commodity, a symbol of struggling through daily life, was also one that brought joy, ritual and happy memories.

Mother, to persevere in face of adversity
Gambatte in her life brings memories of being evacuated during WWII and entire Japanese communities enduring adversity when over 110,000 Japanese Americans, two-thirds of whom were citizens, were forcibly removed from their homes, due solely on the basis of race. This spirit of gambatte continued for many of the evacuees after they left the camps. The people in my mom’s neighborhood had signed a petition which stated they did not want Japanese Americans to return to their homes. My grandmother had been diagnosed with stomach cancer and they didn’t know what recourse they had. Finally, they returned to their home, where my grandmother spent her last three weeks, able to die in peace.

Lay Leader, to “hang in there”
“For me, my family didn’t know it was hard, because we thought everyone was poor. Growing up, I felt like we were all in the same boat. Following Eastern tradition about not comparing self and with everyone having the same struggle, the hardships were not as big. There’s a beauty in the simplicity of not knowing you are poor or don’t have much. Then when we’ve struggled and toughed it out, the reward is gratitude. Through gratitude, we can turn around fear and negativity. It’s sometimes difficult to let go of fear and negativity. In Buddhism, people are taught that everything is impermanent, and yet, how we treat other people, the good thoughts we have make a difference. Gratitude helps us to focus on the big picture and the flow of our lives. In Christianity we are taught these same principles of gratitude. Whether we express gratitude, consciously or not, we pass it on. The Taoist principle of emptying oneself, giving up, and doing nothing opens up the space so that a lot can happen.” Jo Takada

As I listened to these stories, I was reminded that struggling through adversity provides resiliency. All three of these stories of frugality, living through the tough times of societal mistreatment and just “hanging in there” all underscore the notion of a collective perseverance. Through gambatte, gratitude, the act of positive acceptance and embrace of our current situation can follow.

Questions to reflect upon:
How have you been resilient in your life? What did it look like, sound like or feel like? What are your thoughts on resiliency?
How can resiliency continue to be a positive resource in your life now?


3/2012
Half-full Glass Perspective

Last week I was struck by two separate clients, both African American females, mention how other persons notice that they view the world from a “glass half-full” perspective. Both of them have lived through some very difficult societal and personal challenges, and yet, are conscious that their positive framework are strengths.

I don’t remember hearing that particular phrase much while growing up, however, I do believe that even when there were troubles on the farm, and worries about finances, the notion that we would make it through was always prevalent.

I remember times that were tough, when much of the almond trees or crops were damaged by rain at the wrong time, or when it was difficult to afford/obtain enough water to irrigate the crops. I also remember worrisome times when my grandfather had suffered a heart attack and when my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. Yet, there was always a sense of hope and faith that we would weather through it. I feel fortunate to have lived within a family who carried this outlook.

I am grateful that I was aware of the hard times my family was facing. I think it has helped me to value all the relationships and belongings that I have and to put things into perspective.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you ever looked at a situation through the “half-full glass” perspective? Had you not, how might the outcomes been different?
If you have not experienced this “half-full glass” perspective, can you replay a difficult situation from the past through this framework? Has the intensity of this memory shifted?


2/2012
Reflection

“I LOVED HAVING MY THOUGHTS BEING HEARD BY ANOTHER PERSON. This provided me with some form of feedback and probably a way to hear my own thoughts when I verbalize it.” Lakshmi, Language Coordinator

While coaching people, I engage the following processes: Reflection (see “thoughts” 9/2010), Focus (12/2011, 3/2010), Congruence (8/2011, 8/2010, 3/2008) and Flow (9/2011, 5/2011). Reflection is the inward journey, focus compels the discipline, congruence brings the alignment and balance, and flow unfolds the ease and effortlessness. When I read part of Lakshmi’s evaluation of the coaching engagement, I realized she was referring to how coaching allows one to reflect.

Our lives are so busy that setting aside the time to consciously reflect seems difficult. And yet, it is through reflection that transformation can begin. A shift of one’s perspective or behavior begins with reflection. Today I was mentioning to my dentist that I don’t notice any tension or pain in my jaw, except for when I lie down in bed. Interesting enough, she said that when she was on vacation and in the evening just before bed time, she was beginning to have a migraine. She couldn’t understand this because she thought she was relaxed. Her doctor said that when one begins to relax the muscles and the body is winding down and tired, it hears the pain signals.

With the recent passing of the solstice, the Gregorian calendar New Year and Lunar New Year, the Winter season seems like a great time to focus on reflection.

Questions to reflect upon:
When you experience pain, how do you respond? What resources help you in shifting the level of pain?
When you feel frustrated with a particular outcome, how do you respond? How does the frustration change when you reframe that outcome?


1/2012
Focus of Growth for Year

I had a business coach that shared with me the process of choosing a theme for the year. In 2011, I chose “Centering Self: Letting go of that which is not mine.” Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I have come to recognize that for most of my life, I’ve been really good at fixing things, whether it be administrative communication, opening channels for looking at oneself to change habits that are not conducive to positive growth and interaction. Until the past 5-10 years, I’ve tended to focus on the immediate outcome and less so on the processes which require a shift in the way of responding so that one begins to be conscious of one’s reactions which transforms and affects future behavior and effectiveness. This theme of letting go of what’s not mine has helped me to juggle many transitions in my life and to unburden myself of the emotional weight of difficult or discordant things happening around me. With this focus, I have moved towards concentrating on what I can change, what I have power over. Of course, that means changes within myself. This process continues to be a humbling and in some ways, never-ending one.

For 2012, I have chosen one of the reiki precepts (principles) as my theme, “Just for today, be compassionate to yourself and others.” Just as in many spiritual and religious traditions, this concept is so simple, yet so redemptive. Love yourself and others. For only if we truly love ourselves, can our hearts and souls be fully open for love to flow though us to other people.

Questions to reflect upon:
How has compassion played a role in your own growth?
Just for today, how can you be compassionate to yourself?
Just for today, how can you be compassionate to others?


12/2011
The Lighthouse: Establishing Focus

Have you ever forged ahead and moved towards your destination despite the fact that some relevant factors had changed? I want to share a story. At sea, a captain was in the fog and saw the light from the lighthouse in the not too distant shoreline. He radioed the lighthouse keeper, who instructed him to not come in. The captain bellowed, “I outrank you. You’re a non-commissioned officer and I’m coming in.” The lighthouse keeper responded, “I suggest you move. I’m not moving.”

Do you ever disregard signs that shine out to you, telling you that something is amiss? Sometimes I become so intent on reaching my destination that I don’t recognize how the fog may cloud my perspective. Sometimes I see clients intent on charging ahead with their plans, not recognizing the warning to back off.

A coach can be like the lighthouse, helping clients see through the fog, supporting them in charting the right business course while being a thought partner in seeking new opportunities, meaning and success. As your coach, I can accelerate your ability to hear the foghorn and see your beacon of light.

Questions for Reflection:
Do you currently live your life consciously?
What are the advantages of bringing more consciousness into your daily life?


11/2011
Shifting Styles

“I can show you the door, but you have to walk through it.” -Morpheus in the Matrix

Have you ever been in the situation where you see or know the answer for how to do things and the other person dealing with the situation doesn’t? Each of us have a dominant kind of style for handling situations, and each of the styles can be the most appropriate for any specific situation. But, what if we use the same style for dealing with every person we work with, and for every situation?

I have a client that came to me to wanting to work on his supervisory abilities. One of his staff persons was spending a large chunk of time complaining about the disrespect he felt he was encountering during the intake process for their services. My client was having difficulty as they had been spending a lot of time in the “check-in” phase of their weekly debriefs and was wanting to move beyond the employee’s “complaints.” My client was committed to being a good listener as it seemed important to set a good climate for their working relationship. Through our work together, my client realized that he felt uncomfortable because there was a part of him that wanted to “fix” the working relationships of his staff person and participants of their programs. Even though my client had begun asking questions to engage his staff person in resolving the complaints, the discomfort from wanting the problem to stop and saving time by telling his staff person how to fix it had remained. When my client became aware of the style he automatically moved into, he was able to reflect upon the real outcomes that he wanted and to create the kind of processes he wanted to use to get there. He began to understand how his reactions could lead to certain responses. He is now able to catch himself and change his style for responding, not “fixing” the situation for his employee, but coaching him to develop alternatives for relationship building and for the intake process. My client is building his staff’s capacity to serve their participants and helping his staff to be fully responsible for their own work. He has been able to create change by shifting and integrating into his actions something that is meaningful to him, helping his employee better deal with their participants. This shift is a huge transformative one, which is helping him be a better supervisor and team leader. And, he is feeling less angst about his supervision.

Returning to the reference of the door to which Morpheus referred in the Matrix movie. There may be one door to walk through. That door may open to many other doors. Or that door may be a revolving one. How can you make your best decisions about which door you walk through and how you walk through it/them? Are you conscious of walking through the door?

Questions to reflect upon:
Can you think of a time when your style or your response did not get you the desired result? How might you respond differently to get the desired response, or closer to the desired response? How much time are you willing to invest in the other person or on the situation to achieve the desired result?
How can you become conscious of your automatic responses?


10/2011
Identifying Power in Leadership

“The general belief about moral and character development [is] this is something that we learn at home, as adolescents. I actually think the formation of character is a lifelong process.

“Abraham Lincoln said that people think that the real test of a person’s character is how they deal with adversity. A much better measure of a person’s character is to give them power. I’ve been more disappointed with how people’s character is revealed when they’ve been given power.”—Professor Nitin Nohria

I read this interview with the Dean of Harvard Business School, in Wall Street Journal, 9/26/11. It resonated with me as we often see individuals rise to the occasion when faced with adversity. And yet, what is it about being stressed with expected outcomes and performance that it seems to make it so easy to lose one’s moral compass?

It seems to me that most of us don’t really believe that we have much power, especially power over institutions or groups of people. And yet, we are basically aware of our personal power to take responsibility for our own lives. How conscious are we of our own decisions when we are in positions of power? -When we are a manager or supervisor? -When we are the adult or parent? -When we are the leader of a group, even if it be providing a response in a group and everyone follows suit? -What kind of influence do we have? What are we consciously doing with that influence or power? Are these instances stories that you would be proud to share with persons you are mentoring or parenting?

Like Professor Nohria, I believe that one’s character and leadership are developmental and that we can take advantage of opportunities to continually grow.

Questions to reflect upon:
In reflecting where you are now, can you identify an experience that helped you grow? Knowing what you do now, is there anything that you would do differently? Is there a significant person who helped you develop your moral compass? How can that memory be a resource for you now?


09/2011
Flow

I was swimming laps one day. I generally swim twice a week. Although I usually have a day in between before swimming again, I had only swam once/week for a couple of weeks and decided to swim two days in a row. On the second day right after I entered the pool, I noticed a rhythm, one that I usually don’t feel until half-way into the work-out. It was refreshing, with no moments fighting myself to continue. It was a feeling of effortlessness, of being fluid with the water. I considered, is this a result of the daily regimen? I swam a third day in a row, and experienced being totally in the present moment. Even after returning to a twice a week swim routine, with at least a day in between swimming, I could feel this flow. I’ve tested this premise again when I felt myself forcing myself to swim. The discipline of swimming daily and focusing on being in the present allows me to glide along. Now whenever I swim, I try to remember what the flow looks like, sounds like and feels like, and I perceive that sense.

I believe that there are certain processes* that can help one to develop oneself. Reflection, focus, becoming congruent and experiencing flow all contribute to transformative growth (see past blogs, Reflection-9/2010, Focus-3/2010, Congruency-8/2011, 8/2010, 3/2008, Flow-5/2011). Focus asks for one’s full attention, clarifies the issues and helps us get comfortable with the discipline required. Flow is a dynamic process, an unfolding that can be tapped into by becoming more attuned to meaningful coincidence and harmony. Berlitz and Lundstrom in The Power of Flow, help us understand how we can practice certain techniques to surrender ourselves into more synchronicity and flow. They write that one way to increase flow into our lives is simply to notice it.

Lately, I’ve noticed flow, with potential clients. While attending a conference, there were specific persons I had hoped to meet with, but it didn’t work out. And yet, different persons came up to me and engaged me in conversations about potential avenues for expanding my services and I networked with people in a way that was interesting, easy and effortless.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you noticed flow? What is meaningful about it? Watch, listen and be open to see how flow continues in your life.

*I am incorporating 3 coaching processes identified by Donald Gerard, MA, CHT, Relationship Coach, that he formulated as Clarity, Alignment, and Acceleration.


08/2011
Being Congruent and Changing Oneself

I have a client who has been exercising her leadership skills. With an eye to trying to balance the needs of the clients, her agency and those of the staff, she often felt overwhelmed and anxious at the prospect of taking corrective actions where necessary. In the short time we’ve been working together, she has changed dramatically, digging deep within herself and responding differently. “My thinking really has shifted. I feel more confident asserting my opinion and speaking my truths without undue regard for others’ reaction. I have new tools to use to continue to do the work on my own and I understand my own patterns better so that I can begin to change them. … I can feel the shift in my behavior; it’s not just an intellectual thing. And it feels so good. I can tell I am modeling better leadership—I am less tentative, more decisive and clearer about direction.” -Melissa

My client has caused me to remember that being congruent—aligning all the parts of one’s mind and body, is a key to change. Being congruent is a major component of making the kind of “shift” or transformation that can be sustained. I continue to learn from my clients and realize areas in which I’m not moving forward as I would expect and to explore how I can become more aligned in my business life as well as my community and personal lives.

Questions to reflect upon:
Remember a time when you successfully achieved a significant change where there was some initial internal conflict that was resolved.
What helped you move forward from point A to point B?
Was there something that helped you integrate your mind with your body?
What did the change look like, sound like and feel like?


07/2011
Appreciating Community

In my coaching with leaders, I have noticed that building community is such an important part of creating an environment where people are motivated, productive and happy. This past 4th of July week-end, I was reminded how enjoying community creates vitality and a sense of belonging. My dad is a retired farmer. In celebration of his 90th birthday, I brought some refreshments to the company next to the cooperative almond shed, where he hangs out. He comes here twice a day to visit and drink coffee.

When I was growing up, I understand that my dad used to regularly meet several farmers at a cafe. Only during the extremely busy harvest season did my dad not show up. My dad was actively farming until a couple of years ago, and we wondered what he would do after retiring. On week-ends, he and my mom started to drive north to where all of his daughters and most of his grandkids live. Yet, I wondered what he did with his week-days. Now after meeting his coffee buddies, and watching them relate, I can tell that this rhythm of going to coffee, provides him a structure for his day, a social outlet, and sense of community. Although a few of the same farming friends with whom he has been meeting for years still come, many of my dad's friends from his generation have passed away. This coffee group, is an avenue for my dad to enjoy people who are engaged in agricultural work and who, are primarily younger than he.

My mother has mentioned to me that when she told one of his fellow coffee mates, that if she and my dad were to physically relocate closer to their daughters, he would really miss them. The listener responded, and said, “I think we would miss him more.”

Questions to reflect upon:
When was the last time you felt a sense of community? What does it look like, sound like and feel like?
How would having a sense of community make a difference in your life presently?


06/2011
Summer and Transition

Summer is a kind of transition period. The regular school year is on hiatus. People often take time off, and enjoy the longer day light. Although many people may become busier with vacations and activities, we also seem to consciously slow down to enjoy the weather and outdoors. It’s almost summer time, yet there is cold and rain in California (and unusual non-seasonal weather in many other parts of the world.) I returned from my extended family’s annual Memorial week-end trip to Lake Tahoe--it was snowing at a time when in most years, people are enjoying water sports.

Like the weather on the cusp of the different seasons, during periods of transition, it can be more difficult to know what to expect. The truth of the matter is that we are always going through transition. William Bridges expresses how organizational and personal transitions take us through a rocky period after which we end something, followed by a period where we experience loss before we can fully start something new. He identifies this passage as the three stages of “endings,” “neutral zone” (middle ground), or period of psychological adjustment and “new beginnings.”

I remember the summers on the farm where I grew up with my sisters. Our farm of grape vineyards and almonds was quieter in June, except for when we had sweet potatoes. Helping with the irrigation—moving pipes in the morning and early evenings, was the primary chore for almonds and we didn’t help with the fall harvest of the almonds until we became adults. The grapes were harvested by other adult crews, so the primary task was pruning and “cutting of the middles,” which is what we girls did, and was reserved for the late fall and winter. However, in the row crop of sweet potatoes, there was always work to be completed—starting and moving siphon pipes and constant weeding. During our high school years in June, we packed nectarines and plums in the fruit sheds, as these crops had earlier and longer harvest seasons.

Busy or quiet, the rhythm of summer was always different from the rest of the year. We weren’t in school, and although it was very hot on the farm during June, with highs of 90-100 degrees, we were outside a great deal-- working on the farm, playing baseball and swimming. I often think of the transitions of the seasons on the farm when I am going through different changes in my life. Summer is a reminder for me that hard work can be invigorating, and that the pace of my life fluctuates. Summer also reminds me that life is full of transitions and that through these transitions I can learn to let go of the old before I fully embrace the harvest of life to come.

Questions to reflect upon:
If you are experiencing transition in any aspect of your work or life:
What things are ending? What might you be losing? How can you let go of the old?
As you move through this transition period, what is energizing you to a new beginning? What does this new energy look like, feel like, and sound like?


05/2011
Flow

“With ardent practice, may all the obstacles be removed.” -Nancy Clarke, yoga teacher.

I am the chair of the local Multicultural Community Center (MCC). It’s a wonderful group of board members, who are single-minded in our vision for building community and multicultural civic engagement. We are at a critical phase, that in order for us to continue providing the “space” and foundation for multicultural programming and community-building, we have to gear up into action. There are many issues within our processes where there has been “magic:” unexpected answers to what we are trying to create. Although there are many substantial meaningful coincidences of this type of magic, or what I’ve called “flow” in past blogs (Hustle & Flow, 5/08), I want to present this seemingly incidental convergence of events, as it worked for me personally. For months I had been trying to get the board to identify another monthly date to meet, as for the past year, I had not been able to attend another organization’s bi-monthly meeting that fell on the same day and time. It is my nature to organize meeting dates as early as possible, because I prefer to have things scheduled, so that I can be prepared and ready to fully participate. After the previous meeting, there appeared to be only one day of the month that all of us could attend and that did not conflict with one of the Center’s activities. It would have been quite hectic for me to commit to that day, and when I brought it up, another date, which I had advocated for earlier, opened up. Very soon, I was going to have to miss one MCC meeting if we did not change it, because I had agreed to present a workshop at the other organization’s meeting. Just going with the flow and focusing on the need to change the date, while staying open to the availability of everyone involved, we worked out a date that had no conflicts for any of us. Furthermore, had I pushed through a date in earlier months, that day would not have been open.

Question to reflect upon:
Do you notice a flow in your life? What is it? As you look for it, do you notice more welcome results?


04/2011
The Japanese Earthquake-Gaman

It has been very interesting for me to listen and read about the sharing of stories about the Japanese people during the aftermath of the Earthquake. Nicholas Kristof in the New York Times, 3//11/11, writes about how we could learn a great deal from “the perseverance, stoicism and orderliness” of the Japanese people in the aftermath of the Kobe earthquake. Not to say that the government’s handling of the 1995 quake was good, but how the culture of the people seems to provide a sense of “gaman,” or toughing it out that is “steeped into the collective soul.” He found this “collective resilience,” the stoicism and the automatic willingness to put the group ahead of oneself, and the acceptance of living with the natural world to differ from western culture. Growing up as a Japanese American, I can relate to how gaman, and how the collective belief of “shikata ga nai,” it can’t be helped, can be a resource for collective survival.

Sukeyasu Yamamoto, a nuclear physicist in Tokyo, who was educated at Yale, understands both Japanese and US culture. Christopher Joyce of NPR, http://www.npr.org/2011/03/24/134800624/in-japan-feelings-of-accept-pain-dont-complain?sc=17&f=1001, reported that Yamamoto believes that gaman might also be a factor in nuancing the devastation of the radiation from the radiation plants that have been crippled by the quakes. Since they need electric power, they feel “shikata ga nai.” Yamamoto also explains how younger people who haven’t lived through the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki may not connect nuclear power plants with atomic nuclear fall-out. Although there has been much education and a sentiment for understanding the destruction from nuclear energy, it seems to be fading from their cultural memory.

I know that people around the world grieve for the losses of life, worry for the safety of the Japanese people and the grave consequences and ripple effects of this natural disaster. I hope that we can learn many lessons from the Japanese people and from this disaster.

Question to reflect upon:
What beliefs have helped you be resilient in times of struggle?
Can you think of any beliefs that have provided a collective resiliency for your group/community?
Can you think of any beliefs that have camouflaged important perspectives?


03/2011
Radiating Effects of Transformative Change

I have been working with a client who has been dutiful and tends to accomplish things by persistence and hard work. She has become clearer and clearer about what is most important to her and what makes her happy. She is changing the way she thinks and the way she moves towards her desired outcomes. Even though working toward these goals may take “hard work,” she is beginning to see her efforts bear fruit. Her work has become less stressful. She is becoming more healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. She has begun to see and acknowledge how her seemingly small “shifts” are affecting the people around her.

The effects of her changing in a transformative way are radiating outward and changing how her colleague, her assistant and her partner relate and respond to her. She is developing a new kind of energy that acknowledges her commitment, courage, passion, openness, appreciation and trust.

Question to reflect upon:
How do you see transformation happening for you in your work and in your life?


02/2011
Celebrating Traditions

Gung Hay Fat Choy (Chinese), chúc mừng năm mới (Vietnamese), Saehae bok man-hi ba-deu saeyo (Korean), Amar mend uu? (Mongolian), Tashi Delek (Vietnamese), Happy New Year. Although the celebration of my cultural calendar being Japanese American, is the same as the western calendar year, I recognize many similarities between the Japanese new year and other Asian lunar celebrations. Tsanaan San, a Mongolian holiday of white moon, is celebrated about the same time as the lunar new year, where candles are burnt to symbolize enlightenment. Most of the Asian new year celebrations include being with family. Koreans often visit their parents, families and ancestral grounds. The day before Losar, the Tibetan new year, is the last day of the year to cleanse and prepare which is a similar practice for Asian new year celebrations. On Losar, the Dalai Lama consults the Neching Oracle and people participate in a ritual of gratitude, giving offerings to the spirits, which basically are embodied within the elements of earth, fire, air and space.

Acknowledging the Lunar New Year, I am taking this opportunity to cleanse my mind and spirit, center myself, and reflect on what is really important in this moment. What do I have control of? What are the outcomes that are most important to move towards? How can I perceive signs that specific outcomes are just not meant to be? Am I open to hearing other alternatives that might be a better process or outcome than what I’m envisioning? Celebrating the lunar New Year is a reminder to align myself with the spiritual, not only the mental and physical. I invoke my 2011 year theme of Centering Self: Letting go of that which is not mine.

Working with multicultural clients, I am beginning to notice that there are many traditions that are good to keep and that some which may hold us back in our work. I work with each client in finding ways to honor the spirit of one’s cultural traditions while finding alignment in values and desired outcomes.

Questions to reflect upon:
What traditions do you celebrate that are meaningful to you?
What traditions do you celebrate that are good to keep? What do you like/enjoy about them?
What traditions might hold you back? What is it about engaging in the tradition that holds you back? What new traditions can you create to help you move forward?


01/2011
Appreciating Meaning

“Tom Landry wrote, ‘A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you have always known you could be.’ You are helping me in this way. Slow, but sure.’” -Joan, Small Business Owner

”I really appreciated your listening skills on our call the other day and your understanding of the nuances of non-profit culture and leadership.” -FH, Executive Director

Shinnen Omedeto, Happy New Year. I hope that 2011 ushers in the shifts and transformations that allow you to reach your desired destinations. As the 2010 year was ending, I was reflecting upon everything that I am thankful for. Many things around my coaching practice filled my thoughts. I am so appreciative of being able to accompany my coaching clients in their journeys to get “unstuck,” to become more balanced and effective in their work and lives. I am grateful that my clients trust me and are willing to share their stories. One of my core values is that coaching sessions are meaningful for my clients. I marvel at how each of us have unconscious habits and patterns which have kept us from hearing, seeing and figuring out the puzzle pieces in the current processes of our work and life journeys. I am filled with awe and reverence in the coaching sessions when I hear how each person has different strengths and how each person uniquely and creatively utilize their talents to deal with their challenges.

Recently, while reviewing the message from Joan, I realized that many times we seek discipline in our lives to help us reach our desired outcomes or the paths which we know we are called to walk. Joan’s reference to “slow, but sure” struck me. She values the changes that she is making in her life and appreciates the discipline and discovery about herself that she is creating through coaching. Through FH’s comment about my listening ability as a coach, I realize something else I receive from her and all other clients. Coaching provides a container where I am totally present. What a gift this is. Being present enhances meaning in my own life.

I am hoping we find meaning in the New Year. May 2011 bring you continual opportunities to experience the present.

Questions to reflect upon:
Reflecting upon 2010, what things are you thankful for? What events, experiences were meaningful to you?
How will these things that are meaningful help you to continue your journey and growth?


12/2010
Gratitude

Recently my partner returned to work after being out for a month as a result of falling from a 22-foot ladder. He doesn’t remember the actual impact of the fall, for which I am grateful, nor does it appear that he will sustain lasting disability. I believe that there were and continue to be a series of small miracles that happened, and for which the philosophy of gratefulness buoyed our spirits and helped us sustain a sense of calm immediately after the accident and which continues to help in the healing processes.

With an accident, I think one tends to just react. Immediately after the fall, I found Peter in shock and unable to speak. We both instinctually, tried to help him get up. All of a sudden, something told me to stop. I realized that he should not move, and we needed to get the ambulance. I ran inside to get my cell phone, and the 911 operator stayed with me until the paramedics arrived. The EMT officers asked which hospital we preferred, with one of the officers mentioning the name of the County hospital, which I knew had an excellent 24 trauma center. Before we got into the ambulance the respirator and IV were hooked up. The ambulance driver told me that, “His vitals are fine, we’re only taking him in as a precautionary method,” which was a little “positive” stretch of the truth. On the ambulance, I remember feeling thankful that Peter was OK, that we had the cell phone technology where I could phone for help while returning to Peter’s side, that the EMT and paramedics came so quickly, that we were going to the best trauma hospital in our area, that we had insurance, that I had seen Peter “schooch” his feet towards the board as they got him onto the guerney so that he probably did not have extensive spinal damage.

Since leaving the hospital, there have been a maze of specialists, doctors and dentists that needed to be coordinated. The timing of getting referrals, getting appointments and transferring medical records to was more complicated because the County hospital was not with our insurance carriers. I am grateful for the relatives that were accessible just at the right moments to help expedite these processes, many of which were coincidental and synchronistic. I am thankful that my husband had so many days of sick leave, and an understanding boss and coworkers, who graciously picked up many of the pieces of his workload. I am grateful for the friends, neighbors and family members who have been so supportive to us. I am grateful that I was able to take the time to be a caretaker and just be with Peter. In retrospect, it is clear to me that being in a state of gratitude precluded any room for fear. For the most part, my usual habit of worrying to figure out if I’m doing the “right/best” things, could not surface and take away my focus of being open to what needed my attention in any particular moment.

Questions to reflect upon:
Reflect on a period in your life when there was a crisis and a positive outcome. Notice what it feels like, sounds like, and looks like.
Has there been an experience that you have been grateful for? What shifted for you when you felt gratitude?
What are you presently grateful for? How does being grateful affect what you are doing now?


11/2010
Synergy and Being in Tune with One’s Team

The San Francisco Giants, just clinched the World Series. From a team of misfits and cast-off players, they played with heart and determination. Every night there were different heroes. Being a home team for me, it has been very exciting to not only watch them win, but experience how they fed off each other, never giving up and all responding about how they were just doing their part while giving props to their teammates. As the underdog team going into the Series, the Giants seemed to have an indomitable spirit that held them together, scoring so many of their runs when there were already two outs.

Both the Giants and Rangers had incredible pitchers. What helped the Giants do so well? What created the sense of team? What allowed them to play well until the end of each game? How did they play better with each series following the regular season? I think the Manager, Bruce Bochy’s leadership may have been pivotal in the disciplined playing, while being planned and in the moment with the changing currents of each game. In his laid back manner, he didn’t get overly excited, he seemed to be really in tune with the players, especially the pitchers, knowing when they were feeling “up,” and when they couldn’t quite deliver. He also seemed to know when to let his coaching manager call the changes and when to just decide. When the decision to change pitchers came, I’m sure that the pitchers may not have been happy, but, one could see that they accepted the decisions. They got to the World Series with their pitching, but may have well won the Series with the change-up of players. Bochy was unafraid to mix up the player roster and batting line-up. He strategically called upon different players at different times to create their strongest defensive or offensive plan for each game, inning and moment. And yet, it may well have been more than just leadership and great playing. I think the Giants created synergy, something that is stronger than the sum of its parts. Webster’s Dictionary-Thesaurus states synergy as “ combined and correlated force,” which when applied to a team, could be summed up as the concurrence of action from different parts of an organization. How delightful to watch such synergy in action!

Questions to reflect upon:
Having witnessed the synergy that took place with the Giants, how can it happen in your life? What would it look like, sound like and feel like?
If you have experienced synergy how did it affect you at the time? Now?


10/2010
Resiliency

Most people come to me as a coach in hopes of reaching specific outcomes in their work or their lives. The primary shifts that my clients make tend to be changing habits and becoming more resilient. This reminds me about the Ecological and Resiliency Model that I learned about while working in youth development. The Model identifies how multiple factors work together to help young people grow into healthy adults. These factors are illustrated through concentric rings with the individual being in the center sphere, and family, community and informal adult/peer relationships forming rings around the individual. These relationships become protective factors which help youth to grow and develop in a positive way. I wonder; how does this model change as we become adults?

What makes one person survive and thrive through the same environmental conditions that makes other individuals become victims of insurmountable troubles? What parts of this model for development still work for us and what parts don’t? Although we may not notice, the people and relationships represented by the different rings of family, community and formal/informal relationships keep changing. Our tendencies as creatures of habit are to go back to what feels comfortable and/or what has worked for us in the past, even if the particular behaviors may not be the most effective process for what we are presently encountering.

I believe that everyone has the potential to be resilient. As a coach, I will help you identify the resources within you and guide you to access these resources to be resilient in any challenging situation.

Questions to reflect upon:
How have family, community and other relationships been resources for you? What does it feel like, look like, sound like?
Think of a time when you were resilient, able to bounce back from a difficult time. What did it feel like, look like, sound like?


9/2010
Reflection

Have you ever made the same type of mistake over and over again? I have heard many persons say with regard to young people and young adult behavior, “Oh well, they’ll learn.” In reality, I’ve experienced that most of us don’t necessarily learn from mistakes. What is it that helps us identify what were the circumstances in which we made a mistake, what can we learn from it and how can we move forward and not get stuck again with a similar undesired result? I call this process “Reflection.” (In previous blogs, I have identified other processes* I use in coaching: Focus, 3/10; Congruency, or alignment, 8/10 & 3/08; and Flow, 5/08.)

In the learning and development field, it is said that it is not the experience from which we learn. It is Reflection upon the experience that is rich for learning and developing oneself. While stopping the process of continuing to act in the outer world, Reflection moves us through the inner journey of meaning and uncovering different perspectives.

In placing Reflection in context with learning and coaching, I’ll share an example from my life. I’m very committed to my work. Growing up on the family farm, my family survived, in part, because when there was watering of the crops, sprinklers that needed to be changed, hot beds of sweet potato plants that needed to be covered with plastic because of dropping temperatures, harvest that had to be completed before it rained and while we had possession of the shared harvest equipment, we dropped everything to help out.

I realize that I have approached my work with the same type of imminency. I remember suffering from an injury to the back of my left knee, getting a shot of cortisone which was not effective, and in fact further inflamed the leg. I went to work the next day because I had organized a photo shoot at numerous sites and rode with the camera persons and hobbled around. I owned a stick-shift and when I got inside my car to drive home, I knew I couldn’t drive home without considerable pain. I remember screaming in pain each time I used my left leg to shift gears. And while I learned that I needed to take better preventative care of my body, a few years later in my life when I incurred a back injury, I went ahead and overworked myself at critical junctures when babying my body would have avoided reinjury and other potential lifelong consequences. Reflection upon my behavior and responses, have helped me to take better care of myself.

In any given situation, Reflection helps me identify what has happened, any patterns of response that seem automatic, and allow me to create new ways of responding. Alternatively, when I have done something right, Reflection helps me understand the processes and how my reactions have moved me towards the desired outcomes. As your coach, I can assist you in achieving your goals through focus, reflection, congruency and flow.

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of a time in your life when you felt totally aligned with your existence, when everything felt right, and you were amazed at your good luck.
Why do you think this occurred? Why did it change? What changes could you make in your life right now to bring back that sense of alignment?

*I am incorporating 3 coaching processes identified by Donald Gerard, MA, CHT, Relationship Coach, that he formulated as Clarity, Alignment, and Acceleration.


8/2010
Being Congruent

A triangle is made up of congruent angles. The sides align perfectly to form the shape. Similarly to a triangle, when all the parts of one’s self are in alignment, one is congruent. When this is the case, there is no question about what one believes or what one is focused upon. One’s mind, body and spirit are in agreement, just like the sides of a triangle, and that energy is conveyed as confidence, self-assurance and inner strength.

When my clients are congruent about what they believe, they are able to make complicated and difficult decisions with ease. They report that their decisions are less questioned by other persons. Somehow the clients have conveyed their alignment and commitment to the decision. How does one become congruent? And since being congruent is a dynamic process, how does one stay congruent?

Congruency is a process of becoming whole, of getting and maintaining balance. The yin and yang are present, making it possible to get “unstuck.” Congruency is one of the processes*, along with Reflection, Focus, and Flow that I help clients use in coaching sessions to envision and achieve their goals. I introduced the concept of Focus, about how I noticed that athletes from the Winter Olympics were disciplined in my 3/10 “thoughts.” (I will touch upon Reflection and Flow in future ”thoughts.”)

I have had several clients who have were considering leaving their jobs. Until they became congruent about it, they were not able to take this step. I was impressed with the courage it takes to do so in this difficult economy. They recognized that they’ve finished what they came to do in their present positions and were ready to move onto the next step in their journeys. Along the way, it has been fascinating and satisfying for me to see their new-found confidence in all that they have achieved and all that they have to offer the world.

Questions to reflect upon: Think of a time when you were quite sure about your position, idea or decision. What did it look like, sound like, feel like?
How do people respond to you when you are congruent?

*I am incorporating 3 coaching processes identified by Donald Gerard, MA, CHT, Relationship Coach, that he formulated as Clarity, Alignment, and Acceleration.


7/2010
Resiliency & Learning New Things

"'You must speak clearly, … and be sure to get out at the right grate…’ ‘Don’t panic and get out too early, …’ Trying hard to bear all this in mind, Harry took a pinch of floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire.” -J.K. Rowling

This July 4th week-end, I was on the family farm reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Harry was thrust into a learning situation without much meaningful guidance which could have disastrous consequences. I turned to my older adult son, “Remember how Harry learned to travel by floo powder? That’s how I learned to do things on the farm, learning by necessity.”

I was referring to how I learned to drive when my father instructed me to “Bring the pick-up to the other ranch.”

It was interesting to hear my son’s response, “Learning that way could make you not want to learn something difficult, even when given the opportunity, because it’s discouraging.” I could relate to what he said. And yet, in my case with driving the car while being on the farm, having little pressure of other cars behind me if I stalled out the clutch, and ample time to make it to the field, I was able to learn by necessity. I believe this type of experience helped me to figure things out, while gaining this sense that I can do anything that I really needed to.

What provides us with the eagerness and confidence to explore new things and what makes us turn away from them? I wonder what opens us up to new experiences and what makes us become fearful and shut down? I think that acknowledging different natures in individuals may give us a clue. Perhaps recognizing one’s patterns or habitual ways of responding to past occurrences that were difficult may provide additional insight. This reflection moved me to begin pondering, “What makes us resilient?”

Questions to reflect upon:
Think of a time when you were thrust into a new learning environment and had positive outcomes. What did it feel like, look like, sound like and/or how did you figure it out? How would you use this new resource to open yourself up to new experiences?


6/2010
Being in the Moment while Calling Upon our Elders

Last month, a week before Mother’s Day, I was singing at a festival. I could tell that most of the people were not focused on the musicians, but were enjoying each other’s company, the good food and beautiful weather. I was physically tired after a couple of weeks of work helping to prepare for the event. I’ve sung in this festival for several years and my presentations tend not to be as strong as other venues where I only offer music. For a second I caught myself thinking, “what the heck am I doing here, this is probably too much for me and I should skip the singing next year.” And then, I heard a voice, saying, “just be in it.” I happened to be singing a song about my grandmother, and closed my eyes. I saw and felt her presence. I no longer felt tired, and by the end of my set, was energized again. My grandmother was a very strong woman, full of confidence. I remember how she toiled on the farm, nurtured her garden and was also quite musical and artistic. As Mother’s Day approached I recognized how powerful remembering our mothers and our grandmothers can be.

Questions to reflect upon:
What is it feel like in your body when you think of a loved one? What does it sound like, look like?
How might connecting with the memory of being with them help you be more in the moment?


5/2010
Laying the Groundwork for Change

“Nemawashi (根回し) in Japanese means an informal process of quietly laying the foundation for some proposed change or project, by talking to the people concerned, gathering support and feedback, and so forth. It is considered an important element in any major change, before any formal steps are taken, and successful nemawashi enables changes to be carried out with the consent of all sides.”—Wikipedia definition

I have many clients who put the priorities of the collective above their own priorities. The cultural values of western society values the individual goals before that of the collective. Both styles have their own strengths. I believe that it can be helpful for us to be conscious about which “lens” we are looking through. Having worked with many clients who value the collective and report being told that they lack leadership skills, I also hear their reluctance to “toot their own horns.” They may have difficulty fully expressing their contributions when asked, “How are you a good leader?” On the other hand, if they are asked, “What things have you done which have helped the group become more productive, work together better, move the group forward, problem solve in a more effective way, or lay the foundation for change or a project, they have plenty to say and identify efforts and results that may have gone unnoticed because major problems were averted. For persons who value the collective it may be easier or more natural to embrace and use nemawashi in their work and lives.

Wikipedia further describes the process, “Nemawashi literally translates as ‘going around the roots’, from 根 (ne, root) and 回す (mawasu, to go around [something]). Its original meaning was literal: digging around the roots of a tree, to prepare it for a transplant. Nemawashi is often cited as an example of a Japanese word which is difficult to translate effectively, because it is tied so closely to Japanese culture itself, although it is often translated as 'laying the groundwork.’ ”

Questions to reflect upon:
What subtle processes in your life have laid the groundwork for change within you?
How have these subtle processes continued to sustain the change?
How can you elicit these processes presently to influence change in your work or life?
How do you know that the change occurred? How are you seeing, feeling, hearing and doing things differently?

*Thank you to Kevin Uchida, LAc, OMD, for introducing me to the concept of nemawashi.


4/2010
Ritual of Silence

I had the opportunity to visit Japan again. The Tokyo area where we primarily stayed, is very dense in population. The hustle and bustle can be intense and most Japanese people take very few consecutive days for vacation—one or two days in conjunction with the week-end is considered a long time. As I toured some of the sites with my family, my cousins arranged for us to participate in the partaking of green tea. One occasion was in the outdoor bamboo gardens, where there was a natural waterfall with beautiful landscaping within the large bamboo that was only a few months of age, and another time was in a tea room looking into a castle garden where the sakura (cherry trees) were blooming. Both times, the ritual of receiving and drinking of tea were in quiet. The second time was quite ceremonial yet, with the reverence of silence. I can still remember the sounds of the water, the bristle of the wind, and the deliberateness of the person serving the tea. Amidst these two different places, a “new” bamboo garden, that is constantly being cut back, and the garden of a 600 year-“old” castle, I experienced the same feeling. In these moments, I could feel beauty and peace abound.

At the castle there were two different rooms, one for tea and one for coffee. I realized that in the US, we also have rituals around coffee, although when people meet with others for coffee, it is generally to talk and socialize. I began to wonder how I could create rituals that offer the opportunity for me and for those around me to step into the silence where we can fully experience the moment.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you experienced a sense of fullness through silence and stillness? How did it look, sound and feel? How can you take that moment and integrate it into the next moments?


3/2010
Discipline and Focus

I enjoyed the Winter Olympics. It was amazing to watch the athletes trying to hit their peaks at a particular time, while competing under tremendous amounts of pressure. I was struck by a comment that Lindsay Vonn blurted out immediately after winning the gold medal in alpine skiing. She was crying and said, “My whole life…, I’ve worked so hard for this.” I’m sure that all of the athletes at this caliber work hard and it’s just not this element that makes them champions. Yet, she was clear about her need to work hard. Commentator and previous gold medalist in men’s skating, Scott Hamilton, spoke about how figure skater, Evan Lysechek, worked hard, retooled himself, presented the whole package and came back with a flawless program which garnered him the gold. I realized that with the words of “hard work” these persons were referring to consistent practice and the “discipline” of that practice. Katherine Reutter, who won medals in the short-track rink, found ways to maintain her focus. She would practice by the Chinese flag, to remind herself of their work ethic. At other times she would bicycle by the US flag, which spurred her on to finish her work-out.

Discipline is one of the processes* that I help clients establish and find within themselves in reaching the outcomes or changed behaviors that they desire. Coaching allows clients to find their focus and to discover what motivates them to maintain their discipline. As a coach I use strategies that help clients Reflect, Focus, reach Congruency (become fully aligned) and then experience Flow, or move easily and effortlessly towards their goals. I have incorporated the process of discipline into Focus: Focus brings about clarity and concentration, which can lead to habit or practice. It is a process of getting grounded and creating the mindset that opens the way for removing any obstacles. In my coaching work, marketing, growing in my coaching abilities and fully completing my work are my practice. In my life, enjoying music through singing and playing the flute are important hobbies for which I have established a practice to continue growing and receiving the uplifting energy they give me. Swimming, walking, stretching, doing weights and yoga, are part of the discipline which keeps me mobile, pain free and heart healthy. Meditating is a discipline that contributes to wholeness in my life. All of these disciplines help me maintain balance and appreciate being alive. (More about the other processes of Reflection, Congruency, and Flow in future “thoughts.”)

Questions to reflect upon:
What are the disciplines/practices that make you a top rate leader, learner, entrepreneur, educator, artist, parent, spouse, child, citizen of the world?
Do you remember a time in your life that discipline helped you focus on achieving the outcome that you wanted? What did it feel like, look like, or sound like?
Can you become disciplined in other areas of your life to create similar results?

*I am incorporating 3 coaching processes identified by Donald Gerard, MA, CHT, Relationship Coach, that he formulated as Clarity, Alignment, and Acceleration.


2/2010
Coming Home

I have a colleague with whom I offered to be a sounding board regarding her role in leadership of a professional organization. She is bright, visionary, committed and tireless in creating meaningful outcomes. She also reflects upon her experiences. My friend recently moved to another part of the country to join her significant other, which also includes a ready-made family of children and pets. She loves her new life, and is very happy, yet her voice sounded more tired than I ever remember hearing in her. She longed for uninterrupted time for problem solving and getting her “bearings,” in the new surroundings of geography, family and community. I took her through an exercise of visualizing a time and place that she was at her best. The words she associated with this optimal problem solving space were “feeling grounded” in the physical, mental and spiritual realms. She recreated a walk in her mind of her former residence, one that she took whenever she felt “stuck.” Through this process, she recognized that some of her discomfort with this new house and neighborhood was likely a “throwback to the negative emotions” she was experiencing way back as a teenager, which was the last time she lived in a similar setting. With this new understanding, she began to feel differently about her new residence. To make a long story, or a continuing story short, she received a GPS from her mother, which has helped with the physical grounding. She is still working through the implications of the childhood emotions. And yet, several days after our conversation, she reported returning from an out of town business trip to her new residence, and it felt like “coming home.” Home for her, is a powerful place where she can feel safe, resourceful and open to living in the present.

I do believe that coaching helps clients to “come home” where they can appreciate and develop the “best” that is within themselves. I’d love to accompany you in your leadership and life journeys of “coming home.”

Questions to reflect upon:
Reflect back in time, to a place where you had positive feelings and where you felt safe. It can be a building, a place in nature or an inner sanctuary.
How has it helped you when you are experiencing difficulty?


1/2010
Shinnen Omedeto, Happy New Year

In Japanese culture, on the days prior to New Year’s day, one is supposed to pay all their bills, clean their houses, and basically get one’s personal and business lives in order. On the days prior to New Year’s, one is supposed to pay all their bills, clean their houses, and basically get one’s personal and business lives in order. Tradition has it that on New Year’s day one does not work or cook, and enjoys family and friends, eats mochi in ozone (rice-cakes in soup), sushi, oden (Japanese stew), kuromame (good luck beans), tai fish, gobo (root that is sliced thinly with teriyaki flavor), gomame (crunchy little fishes), namasu (stringed daikon radish and carrots with vinegar) and other dishes that each family seems to have added to their celebration.

I remember one New Year’s season, when my grandmother, who lived in a house next door in the same country driveway, was confined to the bed due to cancer. Several of her granddaughters were working on different dishes and we ran over and asked her how to make a particular food, and step-by-step, we learned how to recreate many things that she had been making all of our lives. I find it interesting that I remember these moments above the eating of New Year’s foods. Even with her illness and not physically being able to show us, we learned. It was all the more remarkable because from the time my grandmother fought cancer, she began speaking only Japanese, and our capacity of the language was quite limited. This was a special time of being handed down some of our traditions.

I understand that in Japan, the knowledge of cooking many of the traditional foods has been lost because one can buy them already prepared. There are fewer persons who cook these things here in the US, too, because it’s very time-consuming and in many ways we may not fully appreciate the time and effort to prepare them, nor what they represent. And yet, many Japanese American families still celebrate Oshogatsu as the New Year begins. From my mother- and sister-in-laws, I am continuing to learn the names and symbology of New Year’s dishes. I am reminded that rituals in which I participate, I always have the ability to choose or change how I incorporate the meaning of each celebration. It is with a sense of appreciation that I acknowledge the passing of 2009 and stay open to new life, new growth and courage to experience life in 2010. I am grateful for all of the things I have experienced this past year and thank each of you for the part that you have contributed to my learning and meaning in life.

Questions to reflect upon:
How has a significant person in your life influenced who you are now?
What are rituals in your family or culture that you appreciate and value?


12/2009
Thanksgiving/Unthanksgiving

With my younger son and husband, we attended “Sunrise at Alcatraz” on the day dubbed the Thanksgiving holiday. It was the 40th year commemoration of the occupation of Alcatraz, when Native Peoples came to the island to put into action a law that says that federal lands which were not being used could be claimed by Native Americans. As the sun came up, it was a beautiful day, warming up our cold bodies as we listened to the drumming and connected with the history of our country’s unjust treatment of Native people. The first occupation of Alcatraz was a galvanizing event that started the civil rights of Natives. I’m thankful for the opportunity to remember that amidst all of our joyful family traditions, including the spirit of thanks for the bounty of the harvest, and friends and family, in order for me to fully hear my soul, I want to consider and remember that Thanksgiving and Columbus Day are grieving periods for Indigenous people. I began to wonder, how do whole communities of people heal from the travesty of massacre and domination?

It is interesting--for some time I have wanted to attend this Sunrise event. For me, “Thanksgiving” has always been about family and community. Growing up on the farm, this day symbolized time to reflect upon the fall season--for the bounty of the harvest, gratefulness for the hard work and time with extended family. This time, being at Alcatraz, I felt privileged to be with the Native community and puts a damper on our celebratory mood. Going to the Sunrise Ceremony helped me hear their stories of courage and perseverance. I heard the word, “Unthanksgiving” and it made sense.

I have been searching for ways to put in alignment these two different meanings of this day. Over 15 years ago, I wrote an article for the University of California’s youth program and school-age childcare newsletter, about how the November and December holidays might not be so joyous for all people. I touched upon how the history of how Thanksgiving and Christmas are not really inclusive for many persons. I was somewhat surprised to receive so many angry responses and notes that I didn’t have the facts. It seems that each of us come from different perspectives and carry emotions around our celebrations, especially religious holidays. I understand that being reminded about our country’s inhumane treatment of Natives really puts a damper on our celebratory mood. Going to the Sunrise Ceremony helped me process this day, and move closer to making meaning of this day. I continue to reflect upon this experience and how rituals influence what I do.

Questions to reflect upon:
Are there rituals in your life that affect what you do?
Which of these rituals have a positive influence on your life?

How has it helped you when you are experiencing difficulty?


11/2009
Double Edged Reality

In a coaching session, a South Asian Indian woman was recalling a time when she was feeling very successful. We were going to use this memory with a new challenging situation. She had owned her own flower design studio. While at the wholesale flower market, she could see the beautiful flowers smiling at her, and their scents filling the space while the sun shined on her and warmed her spirits. She was very good at her work and knew the flowers were bringing joy to her and her customers. In recalling this story she suddenly fell silent. She had flashed upon the reason that she left the flower business--persons saw her come in with clothes befitting a florist, yet, treated her like she was a hired hand, speaking with her like she was "less than" a person. She mentioned how she had grown up with privilege, and although she didn't care that persons may think she was a helper, rather than an owner, she eventually decided that that she couldn't stay healthy in this type of environment. At the end of the session she thanked me for the cathartic healing of that moment. I thought it was interesting that she had chosen for a recollection of "feeling successful," one that contained both a joyful and a painful experience at the same time, like a double-edge sword.

I realized that when a person experiences prejudice, his/her moments of success can be paired with the soft bigotry of low expectations. For her it was like a double-edged sword that many people don't recognize cuts both ways.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you had an experience of being perceived differently? How did it feel? How did you arrive at this view?
Now that you reflect upon the discomfort of your own experience, have you ever inadvertently or purposely looked down on someone? How does that make you feel?
Now that you've reflected on both of these experiences, and having greater perspective and resources, how would you respond differently?


10/2009
Habits: Relationships

"In a dynamic and healthy relationship, you need to go into it willing to be changed.”

I have written several blogs about habits--creating new ones, sustaining them and changing undesired ones. I offer this particular story because relationships are critical components of our work and our lives. Our behavior in relationships become habits, and we may not be aware of them or that some habits in our relationships have changed.

I was listening to a client converse about how he was coaching a colleague who had another business. His colleague was bemoaning how in his interactions with his partner they kept opposing each other’s ideas. My client responded, “In a partnership you’re not going to have everything you want.” He later added, “A marriage is the same thing.” I responded that you can’t expect the other person to change. And then my client offered the pearls of wisdom, about the inner journey, the transformative change we can make if we enter relationships with the willingness to be changed.

How much of our lives are spent wanting to change other people? How effective are our efforts? How much time do we spend trying to change ourselves? Do we notice when our relationships offer us opportunities to change and grow? For me, these words were quite humbling and produced many things to think about.

Questions to reflect upon:
When did you notice that you made a positive change in the past?
How did this change affect the people close to you?
What if you could make a change now? What would it feel like, sound like and look like?


9/2009
Letting Go of Things

I recently coached a client who had just retired. He had gone through all of his materials from work and had many training binders, books and papers that he had culled down from his library and files to 20 boxes. He had more boxes from the home of his sibling and parents which had been in his garage for over a year. To place the client's personal habits into perspective, he is not the typical "saver," who holds onto "stuff," and mentally he really wanted to get rid of these boxes. He knew he was at an impasse. In the first session, we explored the positive intention of why he kept getting this feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he earnestly began to sort through any of the boxes. In the process, he discovered there were totally different reasons for why he was having difficulty getting rid of the contents from his work and from his family home. The interesting part was that we hadn't fully completed the exercise, but it was the right time to stop. He had negotiated with himself to look at the things and keep some of what he really did need for some facilitation roles that he was still conducting in his retirement. He called me the next morning, saying that within the two hours at the end of the day, he had been able to not only go through three of his work boxes, but that funny feeling had disappeared. It wasn't there anymore. We met together for a couple more sessions and although at the close of each session, he wasn't fully convinced that the issue was resolved, he noticed progress. Strangely enough, within the same or following days of each session, he moved through another 6 boxes. I heard from him again when he reported completing the 20 boxes. After a fourth coaching session, the client is enjoying the process of going through the boxes from his family home, having developed a creative way for remembering and preserving the memories. I was astonished with the pace at which he accomplished these tasks. He already knew the primary reason why it was difficult for him to let go when he came to me, and being able to explore the attachment to the "stuff" allowed him to make record time in going through them. It made me think about some things in my life where I am stagnant. What am I attached to and what am I holding onto?

Questions to reflect upon:
What are you attached to?
What are the positive intentions of these attachments?


8/2009
Changing Direction and Sustaining Change

Last month I reflected about "Sustaining Change" and I wanted to elaborate a bit more about one concept I included, about "changing direction." As a child, I was chubby and pretty much up until my 30's, I was very careful with my eating and exercise habits to achieve and maintain a healthy weight. Often, it seemed easier to just stay away from my culprits of overeating, even when friends/family would say, "oh just have it this one time." Even when I was maintaining my target weight, it was difficult to say "yes," only occasionally when I desired a treat and really wanted that particular treat. It was as if continuing to go in the same direction was easier than to entice myself to just go back to eating the "banned food" whenever it was available, without thinking about the choice I was making to eat it. In the past 20 years, maintaining a healthy weight has not been as significant an issue for me, even with my changing metabolism and body fluctuations due to aging. Once I was able to find tools for learning how to change direction, one decision at a time, this approach could be incorporated into my life as a new direction.

Interestingly enough, my husband has recently embarked on a whole new way of eating, and has been told by his doctor that he is at a healthy weight. He said to me, "I didn't eat the Neldam's chocolate dream cake, even though I love it, because it's easier to just to skip it." My son, who, like me avoids wheat and sugar to maintain allergy-free symptoms, often says, "I don't want to eat any sugar, (the lesser of the two allergens), because "if I start, I can't stop." Eating just one bite of dessert/candy or food with sugary sauce, starts a spiral where he fears will get out of control.

Dieting and learning healthy ways of eating and exercising are not rocket science. Incorporating the changes in one's life seems to be the difficult part. It took me years to develop the strategies for my own weight control. I know that coaching could have accelerated that process of changing direction. Moreover, coaching could have provided me with resources for sustaining the positive habits over time. Coaching is a great method for helping one change one's habits and experimenting with moderating processes for one's life. Coaching can help one discern whether modifying one's patterns are healthy and help one create that new direction. It can also support one in aligning oneself to achieve one's goals. Each person's path towards improvement may differ from another person's. Whether it be about eating, exercising, getting more sleep, bringing your projects/dreams to fruition, reacting differently to one's boss, employee, lover, significant other, coaching can help you change direction and sustain that change.

Questions to reflect upon:
What is one positive thing that you changed direction in during in your life? What do you think sustained the change?
What if, you take a moment to stop and reflect. Reflect on how you responded differently to a situation that gave you positive results. What did it look like, sound like or feel like?


7/2009
Sustaining Change

Recently one of my college-aged sons, who's away at college, came home because he had caught a cold severe enough to keep him out of school and work for a few days. I began making associations with patterns of how people learn to take care of themselves. I hear how my clients work themselves into the ground before realizing that their bodies have given them notice. It popped into my mind, how I have continually made adjustments to learn how to take care of my body. I remembered how I got very sick when I was in college and worried about the intensive summer school class I had just started, and couldn't make it to the first day of school. From that experience, did I learn how to listen to my body, explore what was going on inside and link it up with what was going outside my body? I remember wondering if I'd ever get well but don't recall observing signals to prevent future episodes. It's interesting because I think that as soon as I get healthy, I forget what it's like to be sick. I think there's a positive side to this in that I don't dwell in the discomfort, and also another aspect that allows me to go down the same path of not noticing my body until it's too late for preventative methods. I think this type of habit is similar with other patterns in our lives that we want to change. We are not in tune with our ways of responding to our lives that are automatic until some major impasse demands that we notice or ask for different strategies. For example, we don't really hear ourselves saying, "I'm feeling sick," and understanding the importance of it with our subsequent actions.

With a little more reflection, I realized that after I was ill, I took good care of myself, and was fortunate to have persons around me who supported me in healthy patterns of taking care of myself. In my personal timeline, it wasn't until I was working a supervisorial job with tremendous responsibilities and pressures that I again remember driving myself until I dropped. I remember one instance where I was pretty sick and also had a minor injury to my leg, which prevented me from driving my manual shift car to work sites. With the cold, I remember my doctor saying that it was probably better to stay home for a day, instead of medicating myself to go to work, be ill for a longer period of time, and perhaps miss more days of work. Come to think of it, I needed more than my doctor's words to change my pattern. I eventually incurred a back injury and was suffering chronic pain. I had established the habit of swimming and walking, which were helping with my stress and back mobility. I didn’t know if I should skip them because I felt cold symptoms. She responded, "When people are going in a certain direction," (in this case my keeping to the exercise regimen) "it's hard to stop.” In her observation, “most people continue going in the same direction." These words were the beginning of some very powerful understandings that I have about myself. Just stopping and changing direction for one time, for one day could make a difference. I already knew that I had difficulty making good decisions when I was sick or stressed, but learning to listen to my body, allowing it to give me signs about my physical, mental and emotional health has become a lifelong process.

One other observation I've made about learning from experience. I don't think that people automatically learn from their mistakes. For example, I kept getting sick and not noticing, not hearing my body, not stopping or changing my pattern until I was too sick to do anything else. So, how did I change this pattern? It was not until I recognized the pattern and reframed how I responded. After I learned to rely on new resources, instead of staying in automatic pilot, could I shift gears. Coaching can help clients reflect, reframe and shift their personal habits and patterns. Coaching can accelerate these processes, so one can learn from their experiences and change their lives.

Question to reflect upon:
What resources make you resilient?


6/2009
The Joy of Letting Go: Graduation & Parenting

This is the season for graduation: a ritual for young people as well as for parents and significant adults who have been responsible for them. My younger son walked through college ceremonies this Spring. Parenting has always been the most rewarding and challenging aspect of my life, and I notice this is the case for many of my clients, friends and colleagues.

With my type of personality, it would have been easier for me to just totally “let go” of parenting when my children entered college. When I went through college, financially I was on my own and worked to pay for it. Times are different now, and it’s extremely difficult for a person to go through college without some financial assistance. Yet, parenting isn’t only about financial support. It’s about relationships. I know that I am incredibly fortunate that my parents have been there for me. As our young people matriculate through pre-school, middle, high, college, and graduate schools; other training programs, and when they enter and move through the work world, that wonderful relationship of being a parent can still exist. It just changes. A parent gets to “let go” of the responsibility and enjoy the changing relationship. With nurturance and some luck, I believe the relationship keeps on growing and changing.

From the time my boys entered high school, I tried to step back and let them take initiative and responsibility for their classes and routines. There were a couple of times when by their words and actions I could see I needed to accompany them when going to see a teacher, counselor or principal. It would have been far more comfortable for me to not go and not get the feeling that other people think I’m this pushy parent. I now realize that my choices around supporting them in this way rested upon whether I felt they could learn from the situation, and whether the environment would make it difficult or impossible to do so. My role was to be there so they could talk through their situation and make their own decisions. Throughout their college experiences, entering the work world and developing their own communities, my husband and I continue to hear their processing around their decision-making. Looking back, I recognize that the process of helping them sort out their objectives, supporting them as they developed their own way to weave through the possibilities for deciding and helping them make their own decisions were the real “parenting” issues. That role is very similar to the coaching role. Although it’s delightful when our children ask for our (their parents’) opinions, I’m finding it much more interesting to watch them discover their own journeys. That’s really the same thing that a coach does. However, with parent and child, it’s easy to move back into the familiar role of the parent taking responsibility for the child. (Thus, a good reason for young adults to have a coach who is not their parent or mentor.)

Questions to reflect upon:
For parents:
What have you or your child recently “graduated” from? What did you let go of/what are you letting go of?
For everyone: What are significant changes in your life this past year? What transitions surprised you? Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently now and in the future?


5/2009
Confidence: Being Different and Fitting In

I recently returned from a trip to Japan, which was primarily personal but had some business meetings. I’ve only visited Japan once before. The experience was different this time. When I first visited Japan 28 years ago, I was conscious of entering an unfamiliar culture, especially with my limited knowledge of the Japanese language. This time, all of the subway signs were in English (as well as Japanese) and the hotels and information desks in the Tokyo area seemed to have persons who had a great deal of English facility. The experience didn’t feel much different from driving through Asian communities of California, where there are bold shop signs in two languages. (Note: I’m not inferring that Japanese and Asian American cultures are the same—just that the external visuals and the usage of the English language provided me with a feeling of familiarity.)

It was a perfect time to visit Japan, with the blooming of the “sakura” cherry blossoms and watching how the Japanese people engaged in the reverence (and commercialism) of celebrating Spring. Visiting extended family relatives, meeting with friends with whom we’ve not seen in 3 decades, while also renewing relationships with business friends, it was a time for me to connect with things from the past and present and to take in a breath for the future. Getting on and off the subway, I noticed Japanese people walking with the physical posture of confidence. I thought to myself how, although I’ve seen many Asians in the U.S. with good posture, this “air” of confidence was different. For me, it reflected being in the majority, fitting in and being part of the norm. Although through conversations in Japan and elsewhere with international, bicultural and multicultural persons I am aware that even if one is in the majority culture, individuals feel differences; I was reminded that there is a great deal of energy wrapped up in noticeable differences. Some of the learnings that I may glean from this observation include: How does the kind of person I am trying to become carry oneself? How does a spiritually evolved person carry oneself? How does a good listener carry oneself? How does a leader carry oneself?

Questions to reflect upon:
What differences do you notice about yourself when you enter into an unfamiliar culture?
In your workplace, how does the leadership of a person from a different culture affect you personally?


4/2009
Transformative Change: Developing Oneself and Creating New Habits

I’ve been engaging in a year-long coaching job with several people who supervise staff that work with youth. Unlike most of my clients that come to me with specific issues that they want to develop, I was assigned to them. They weren’t necessarily requesting coaching, and yet all of them developed a leadership development plan. They accomplished transformative changes—shifts within themselves, not just adjusting or controlling results for one particular action. I’ve come away with a great appreciation of their commitment to developing young people, which is very inspiring considering the institution in which they work. One of the insights that I’ve gleaned from this experience is that coaching supports people in developing new habits. These habits include gaining perspective from persons with whom they were having “issues,” and reframing how they (the clients) were dealing with the issues. Some clients developed new ways of dealing with stress, eating more healthy, and avoiding excessive drinking or other addictive-type behaviors. Other clients became more conscious about choosing their responses to situations in which they have very little control.

These shifts took a certain amount of courage to be willing to deal within their individual selves. I witnessed resolution in both outcomes and inner turmoil. As a coach, I did not provide the answers, but facilitated the processes for them to develop new ways for dealing with their lives and moving towards the worlds they are creating.

Questions to reflect upon:
What habits are working well for you professionally and personally? What habit would you change that would give you greater flexibility?


3/2009
Letting Go: Emptying Self of the Practice

One of my teachers said that in yoga we move towards “emptying self of the practice.” I was not sure what she was talking about. Does emptying oneself mean letting go of my attachments? Is it being in the here and now, so that I’m not carrying excess baggage? Is it detaching so that I can fully engage in the beauty of this moment? Is it letting go of my own ego and seeing myself from other perspectives? I think it may be all of these things. I find in my own life’s journey and in accompanying my clients, letting go of my ego is powerful.

I was working with a client helping him see events from three different perspectives: from his own eyes, through a person he works with and then in the third person viewpoint. When he stepped into the last position, he said, “Oh now you’re making me care about this person,” (-the person he works with). I laughed and said, “No one else is really in this room, but you can choose what you want to do with any information that you gain from these perspectives.”

Reflecting about how this type of perspective shift occurs, I realized that “emptying myself of the practice,” can help me see from a different lens. For myself, this is the kind of continual transformation and insight that I desire.

Questions to reflect upon:

What are you attached to?
What has holding onto your perspective or point of view given you?
In this particular situation, what is it that you really want or feel called to do?


2/2009
Transitions

In my coaching practice, I am continually reminded that we are going through transition. Transition means some things are “ending”, and we may be going through a “middle zone” of psychological change before we can move on to “new beginnings.” I was listening to a client speak about how his schedule was changing for the third time this year, only three months before the regular annual change. Schedule changes cause uncertainty about which shift or floating shifts each person will have and affect the employee configurations within departments. They can produce feelings like “loss of control,” typical during transition. I’ve seen how disruptive and stressful this change has been for the entire organization. My client said he was trying to not focus so much on it, not worry about it, even though he knew everyone was pretending that it didn’t bother them.

I suggested that he might want to use different language instead of negative language like “not focus” in his thinking, as the brain has difficulty processing the negative and tends to filter around it, subconsciously viewing it as the affirmative command of “focus,” which is what the person is trying to avoid. I asked him if he’d like to set an intention about what he wants to focus upon, instead of what he wants to not focus on. He replied, “No, I’ve sent a memo about which extra week-end shifts I can work and know that I’ll speak up for myself if the new schedule simply won’t work with my family needs.” He basically was telling me that he’ll do what he needs to do and seemed to have a healthy attitude about it. He and his fellow supervisors had collectively put together suggestions for schedules with each change, including this time. He wouldn’t know when the new schedules would come—it could be anytime within the next two weeks before the new shifts were implemented. He had told me that he hadn’t wanted to come to work that day, but did so, anyway because of additional workload that had been piled upon him. He was also eagerly awaiting a week-end trip which he felt would be a good distraction for him.

I realized that he was moving himself in a very positive direction by focusing on his trip. My statement about using the negative, might have been helpful, but didn’t address the crux of the situation. My query about setting an intention had the result of focusing on an outcome for his schedule. Being in transition about his schedule, he didn’t need to focus on the outcome of his schedule because he really didn’t have any control over this change. I remembered William Bridges, a guru of transition, outline four principles of transition: show up, be present, tell the truth and let go of outcomes. My client was following all of them. Once I realized that my client knew what was best for him during this transition, it was a matter of asking specific questions for him to continue to access resources that help him through transition.

Questions to reflect upon:
Do you remember a time in your life that you realized that you were going through a transition?
Reflecting back, what were the positive factors that helped you through your transition? What would you do differently now, having the resources that you learned from past experiences?


1/2009
Hope in our Leadership

"Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job,” Onion, November 5, 2009.

“This is the first time I’ve ever felt proud to be an American.”-Donald Gerard, principal of Prism Coaching, a culturally-aware coaching collective, on Veterans’ Day, November 11, 2008.

“State Jobless Rate hits 9.3%--A 15 year High, SF Chronicle, January 24, 2009.

We were there—all 2 million of us. My family stepped onto the Metro subway at 5 am, moved with wall-to-wall persons in the dark, claimed a spot on the Washington mall in the 20 degree weather at 6:15. We became friends with the diverse group of people around us, felt grateful to make space and sit down for a couple of hours, huddling next to each other, gaining warmth.

The jumbotron (large TV screens) came on about 8 a.m., replaying the star-studded concert from the Sunday before at the Lincoln memorial. They handed out flags to everyone. People got up and danced, and moved around to keep warm and enjoy the celebratory mood. Being rather short, and with the movement and flag-waving, I could see glimpses of the ceremony through the jumbotron. Finally, about noon, our President, the first African American, (that we know of) took oath. I cried, along with millions of others, sharing in the moment, cognizant of the historic moment, while understanding how the impact of this process has strengthened persons feeling of belonging to this country.

After the election of President Obama, a colleague of mine shared with us the pride he had in being an American, something he hadn’t particularly noticed before. I think I understand how he feels. I also think everybody else in the National Mall felt the inclusiveness that this administration is building. I believe the trek we made to Inauguration is a continuation of the grass-roots organizing of his campaign and a journey of service towards building a better nation and world. Amidst these difficult and uncertain economic times, I feel hope.

Questions to reflect upon:
Electing Obama as President has given us hope in our own leadership, in the possibility of being a leader, and making a difference in our community and nation.

Community leadership is not limited to traditional roles such as elected officials, bank presidents and executive directors. It can mean roles such as journalists, teachers, organizers, parents and volunteers. Fill in the blanks:

If I shut my eyes, and let go of my fear, my dream leadership role in the community of _______ would be ___________. I know I have skills related to this area, which are ___________, and I want to learn more about __________. I can create change within myself and influence everything around me.*

*Thanks to Coro Foundation and Niel Tam for the idea for these reflection questions.


12/2008
Gift Of Ourselves

"Holidays with the family is a period of transitions. In a way it is like stepping back to the past, but at the same time noticing the subtle change in the present. Some of the habits are deeply embedded, yet new habits continue to manifest themselves. It is a period where we can reflect, observe and at the same time be thankful for where we are today and to enjoy the present, and be present with new eyes, new ears and new feelings, and being thankful of the opportunities that happened this year."—Nielsen Tam, School Board Member, Former Principal and Community Leader

I was listening to a speaker talk about Alzheimer’s and how it causes persons to lose short-term memory while retaining things from their past and how almost childlike, persons with Alzheimer’s live their lives “in the moment.” I remembered how I marveled at my kids when they were young and how living in the moment brought us so much joy. The boys were playing, fully enjoying each other’s company and we needed to go somewhere so that we would “be on time” and celebrate with extended family. I had been focused on getting things in the car and leaving. For a moment, when I was able to stop and share in their happiness, something within me shifted. Their lives were a wonderful cue for realizing what was important to them and how I could refocus my life to experience the same kind of joy. Their presence and sharing of themselves were bigger gifts than I could ever ask for. Moreover, being in the present was the best gift I could give them. These thoughts coalesced and I began thinking about how during the holiday season, amidst the hustle and bustle we all can give and receive this gift. Hearing the speaker on Alzheimer’s reminded me that living in the present can provide a perspective of the past, while opening up the potential for new discoveries.

This year many persons are saying they would rather not exchange presents, even if in the past they were exchanges of simple, baked or hand-made things. We know the economy is slow and donations are down, therefore focusing away from the materialism of our lives and giving more to people and communities in need may be different ways that we can celebrate with meaning. These actions also remind me that being present in the moment, giving fully of myself with this moment, may be the most meaningful gift. And it’s something that I have the opportunity to give and to receive everyday.

Questions to reflect upon:
What does being present with a person look like, sound like and feel like for you?
How does the past affect how you act in the present?


11/2008
Harvest Time on the Farm

I grew up a Japanese American Christian farming community. Thanksgiving was a time to celebrate the bountiful harvest and the advent of a slower winter pace. Most of my first cousins were scattered throughout the East coast so we didn’t see them but it was a time when many of my second cousins from Los Angeles and Oakland/San Francisco areas of California, all came to celebrate with us. My grandmother spent the night before making huge plates of “o”sushi. Aunts and uncles and my cousins, who were a little older than my sisters and I, helped with preparation, setting the tables and cleaning up. My mother, who actually grew up in a city (Oakland), seemed to give great thought as to including things in the meal that were grown on the farm: almonds, walnuts and kuri (chestnuts) in the stuffing; oranges, lemons, grapefruits, apples in the fresh cranberry relish, and sweet potatoes, sometimes in the casserole dish with marshmallows, but often baked in the skins, so that each person could add butter and brown sugar by themselves.

As I think back upon it now, my cousins were so kind to play with us and make us feel included in their social activities. We often played into the night, and if there was no fog, they could stay later. My sisters and I always looked forward to seeing them and spending time with them. From when we were little, we helped with many different things, but I just remember the fun we had. That was my perspective about Thanksgiving until I grew up and learned how Thanksgiving isn’t necessarily such a thankful time for Native Americans. After learning about how Native Americans must be insulted by our myth about how settlers “discovered” America, “taught” the Indians how to be at peace with them, I see that celebration around Thanksgiving can be complicated. And yet, if there really was a Thanksgiving celebration like we were taught in school and in church, we should be thankful for the cooking and farming skills that the Native people passed onto the Europeans. Perhaps that is the point of Thanksgiving—to be filled with gratitude which opens our hearts and minds towards more peaceful ways to live together. With thanksgiving of the harvest, perhaps this is a time to thank the land, the earth and it’s inhabitants for what it gives to us. Thanksgiving may be the time to recognize the interdependence and stewardship we are given for the earth and for each other.

In this season, I am thankful for my health, the health of my extended family and community. With my 96 year-old auntie and the pastor of my church, a social justice activist, both recently suffering from heart attacks, many of us are very thankful for their healing and the limited damage that was incurred by both of them. I am also truly thankful for the coaching clients I have who continue to teach me about learning, loving, resiliency and healing.

Questions to reflect upon:
What do I notice about the experience of Thanksgiving? What do I now know that I didn't know a year ago? Five years ago?


10/2008
A New Set of Eyes

Have you ever had really good insight that you knew would be helpful for your child, friend, colleague or client?
Have you ever had the best advice for someone else, and either didn’t realize it or couldn’t follow that advice for yourself?

I have had repeated times where I’ve thought that if my clients were willing to experiment with finding a third person perspective that they could give themselves the insight needed to shift from feeling helpless to understanding what’s true and necessary to move through the situation. Creating a movie where you view yourself interacting with someone else can often help illuminate a deeper meaning of the situation. Then it hit me, that I’ve had limited practice of doing this for myself. For years, I’ve used the technique of second person perspective, or “stepping into the other person’s shoes” by role-playing the situation, discussing issues with the other person, and/or asking for the advice of a third party to listen to the situation and help me understand other possible perspectives. This has been helpful. But, the third person perspective takes the process one step further, providing a different kind of information where I can gain insight into my own needs and expectations. Interestingly enough, I had the perfect situation to try and learn more about my own perspective.

I came away from this experience with a new set of eyes. I realized that there were many things that I logically accepted. But on an emotional level, I was unconsciously holding onto a certain aspect of the relationship that may never have been there. I was clinging onto a desire for things to be a certain way. I’m learning that my expectations in all arenas of my relationships, whether they are business, community or familial can affect how I respond. In reflecting upon this, I gained two powerful lessons: practice what I preach, and after identifying what I’m clinging onto, be willing to let go or not.

Questions to reflect upon:
Have you ever experienced a new perspective, an “aha” moment?
What experience gave you that moment that all of a sudden you could “see” the tree that was always there?
What does this profound moment look like, sound like and feel like?


09/2008
Fall Transitions: Moving the “Fire in the Mind”

I have had such a full summer. Both of my sons were living in our home during the summer—a rare occurrence in the past several years. One child graduated from college and was preparing in August to move for a job, and the other child planning his life after he finishes college in a couple of years. Since this would be the third year that both boys would return to their own routines away from our home, I expected that the typical flurry with the onset of Fall would no longer be a major transition time for me. Fall began and life has been busy with work, business and personal travel, music, community and other family gatherings. It’s all been good. And yet, I have found myself and several of the other people I work with feeling engulfed by noticeable transitions and carrying the highs and lows of our clients’ lives.

I continued my regular meditation, exercise, healthy eating, but the schedule was not as routine. The work rhythms especially have been unavoidably frenetic and I felt like I was expending a great deal of time to keep my energy from being frantic. After sessions with an acupuncturist and a healer, I realized that I’m out of balance--my mind is too full. The acupuncturist told me that our bodies are just energy and there’s too much fire in my mind. I was encouraged with my work, community and family to give what I need to and then let it go. I am beginning to envision how to empty my mind. I’m working with moving this fire out of my mind, fully emptying myself. I’m recognizing the dynamic flow of energy. Like the falling of the leaves, the emptying of my energy clears the way for new energy and new growth to take its place.

Questions to reflect upon:
Are there noises in your mind, maybe like a tape that keeps playing even after you have done some problem-solving?
If your body is only energy, what is it telling you? Or, what do you notice about your body with relation to its dynamic state of energy?


08/2008
Attachment

Attachment is that which rests on pleasant experiences. Aversion is that which rests on sorrowful experience. –Yoga Sutra 2:7-8

Recently a client remarked how attachment to work had been keeping her from being happier. She has been pondering whether to pursue some other career. She began to create new challenges in her work and be fully present with the processes. She felt lighter and happier at work.

Interestingly enough, she was offered a promotion at work. She believes that when she was not so attached to her expectations, her attitude changed. Serendipitously a new opportunity opened up. She finds the new job more interesting. Simultaneously, she is in a better place to consider changing careers, returning to school and pursuing something else if that is where her path leads her.

The wisdom I draw from my client’s experience is that one can expend a great deal of energy reacting to something. One can choose whether to be controlled by an outcome. By letting go of the attachment one experiences the fullness of what is unfolding, whether it be sorrowful or joyful.

Attachment and Aversion Practice:

Do you find ever find yourself feeling irritated because things don’t seem to be going the way you want them to? Try this experiment.

In Living Your Yoga, Judith Lasater suggests counting the number of times that you become frustrated because things don’t go as planned or anticipated.

Questions to reflect upon:
What was the last time you had this kind of attachment? What would you do differently?


PREVIOUS THOUGHTS

BALANCE--HEALTH & WHOLENESS

Do not Worry
12/2007

Much of what my clients are searching for is congruency: when the physical, mental and spiritual are aligned. Although alignment can be dynamic, if one thinks about something else or physically moves, that state of congruency can be elusive. One of the ways we can maintain alignment is by being in the present moment, not letting any other thoughts or distractions cloud our connection with what is unfolding before us, right in this very moment.

This past Thanksgiving I was visiting my family on the farm. It was a wonderful spirit of everyone--adults and kids helping with the meals, house and outside work. As we were laying concrete to the walkway towards the outside laundry/Japanese bathhouse, I felt very present. In reflection upon this, I realized that the work, the land and the company—the community of my extended family, were collectively grounding all of us. Of course, my family cannot be on the farm, especially on holidays, without also feeling the presence of my grandparents, relatives and all of our ancestors. It was the same feeling as when we’re out in the fields and receiving the energy from the earth, feeling nurtured and spent, all at the same time.

In returning to my home and work, I have begun meditating on the principles of reiki, healing through touch. The first one, “For today, do not worry.” I’m realizing that this is a great way to “be present.” For my daily practice, I am focusing on this principal, engaging in energy (ki) exercises to ground myself.

Questions to reflect upon:
What grounds you?
How do you know you are centered and balanced? What does it feel like, taste like, look like, sound like?

Congruence
03/2008

I am learning and re-experiencing through the stories of my colleagues, friends, and children how being congruent, or in alignment can be transformative. I first heard about congruence in connection with the type of confidence and personal power that leaders display. As I work with coaching clients, I understand more clearly how congruence, or the embodiment of mind, body and spirit in the moment seems to emit a type of clarity, coupled with determination and simplicity. Recently a colleague told me of how she was on the platform to board the BART (transit) train, in the middle of the day with about 30 persons in the vicinity. Someone bumped into her. She looked through her purse and realized her wallet was gone. She began chasing him, which by this time, allowed the person to get a good lead. She spoke aloud, “He’s stolen my wallet and there he goes.” She ran as fast as she could, down the stairs. Strangely enough, the man stopped, which gave her a chance to catch up to him. By the time she reached him, he had the wallet visible in his hands. “What the >>>>?” she said, as he stretched out his hand to return the wallet. He responded, saying she had dropped it and he was returning it to the station agent. Calmly and resolutely, my friend walked back to the platform and boarded the train. There was silence; none of the other bystanders said a word.

My friend was not afraid, nor had she desired for the wallet snatcher to be punished. In her congruence, she confronted him, put out energy communicating that, of course, he knew better and she expected better of him. She reported feeling peaceful and powerful.

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you experience congruence—when your mind, body and spirit are aligned?
Can you think of a time when you had expected there to be some questioning or refuting or your ideas or action and there was none? What did that feel, look, hear, smell, or taste like?
How do we access that congruence,incorporate it into our daily lives and move forward to more effectively accomplish our vision and callings in life?

Hustle and Flow
05/2008

“I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river, I’ve got peace like a river in my soul”-African American Spiritual

Like a river, I can experience peace. Currently, in my life, I’ve been “working” at going with the flow and recognizing how “letting go” can allow energy to move in, provide tranquility and a sense of peace. So much of my earlier life has been about intensely attacking a goal or fixing something. I had become good at problem solving in this manner, often feeling the need to rush and hurry. This morning I opened a deck of angel spiritual cards, and randomly selected the card: “Hustle and Flow”. I thought this was an interesting pairing of ideas and wondered if I could be in alignment with the two concepts at the same time. The word hustle means “to work or act rapidly or energetically” (Webster’s College Dictionary). I generally think of tranquility and peace as being a sign of a spiritual flow of energy, but continued to ponder the juxtaposition the word “hustle” with “flow”. Hustle or quick movement of energy doesn’t necessarily have to be oppositional to a sense of peace. Hustle need not mean harried or frenetic. Hustle can mean intensity or quick energetic movement. Like a river, I can experience peace, whether the flow is tranquil and slow or rapid and intense.

Question to reflect upon:
Do you notice a “flow” in your life?


TRANSFORMATION

Your Transitions/Transformations
11/2007

The crane in my logo depicts the Japanese children's story about a man, who, instead of spending money for blankets, gives it to some young men in return for releasing a crane from their trap. The crane returns to the man's house, as a young orphaned girl, asking to spend the night. The couple adopts the girl. Eventually the girl offers to weave cloth throughout the night, for the poor couple, requesting that they not disturb her. The cloth is beautiful and is sold. The young woman continues to weave cloth until the couple becomes very comfortable. Curiosity gets the best of the man, who opens the door while the girl is weaving. What he sees is not a girl, but a crane, who is using her feathers to weave cloth. "I am the crane you set free. Now I must return to the sky."

You may know that I've been coaching for the past seven years, finding fulfillment in accompanying clients in envisioning and achieving their goals. Life is a journey and through coaching, the client's unique stories spring forth. Aspects of service, reciprocity, receiving comfort, love, healing and livelihood, transformation and moving on are all embodied in the crane story. The story contains many aspects of transformation and transition that my clients resonate with. Coaching can help persons move through the transformation and transition portions of their life stories.

Questions to reflect upon:
How do you relate to the crane story?
What are transitions that you are going through in your life?
What transformations do you wish to experience?
What transformations have you experienced? How are they giving you deeper meaning in your life?

Appreciating and Valuing Beauty and Brilliance
04/2008

Ap-pre’ci-ate, v., 1. valuing the act of recognizing the best in people or the world around us, affirming past and present strengths, successes, and potentials, to perceive those things that give life (health, vitality, excellence) to living systems 2. to increase in value, e.g., the economy has appreciated in value. Synonyms: VALUING, PRIZING, ESTEEMING, AND HONORING

Inquire’(kwir), v., 1. the act of exploration and discovery. 2. To ask questions; to be open to seeing the new potentials, and possibilities. Synonyms: DISCOVERY, SEARCH AND SYSTEMATIC EXPLORATION, STUDY.

-From A Positive Revolution in Change: Appreciative Inquiry, Cooperrider & Whitney.

A client related an experience of being at a spiritual retreat, watching the night sky, seeing the stars and noticing how immensely beautiful they were against the pitch black sky. She described the sensation created by the experience as a sense of fullness and awe that brought her great peace. She slept deeply that night and woke with the same feeling of gratitude and groundedness. Another night she was watching the sky and then thought to herself how wonderful it would be if she could see a shooting star. Then she caught herself and said, “No, it’s perfect just the way it is. Thank you for this magnificence.” At that moment a star shot across the sky, in a flash of brilliance.

I took three lessons from her story: 1) So often the simple act of noticing and appreciating beauty can bring peace that we often feel is lacking in our daily life. 2) In these moments it feels like the universe is conspiring with our highest intentions to help us create the best of what is possible. “Magic” happens. 3) So often when we’re able to let go of what we’re desiring, it comes to us.

With Appreciative Coaching (see appreciativecoaching.com), inquiry taps into our experiences. Appreciative coaching reveals our positive core and reminds us that there is much that is “right and true” about oneself that can guide future possibilities. I am continually amazed and inspired by the creativity and growth that my clients exhibit in moving towards envisioning and achieving their goals.

Questions to reflect upon:
What are past experiences of beauty that helped you appreciate your life?
What was your new or renewed perspective?
What did you come to value about yourself as a result of your experience?
How might these things you value help you face challenges you’re currently facing?


LEADERSHIP & LEADING OUR LIVES

Leading and Following within a Group
06/2008

"A good leader must know how and when to lead and how and when to follow." --Wendy C. Horikoshi

I participate in musical groups with voice and a little bit of flute and piano. Recently during the instrumental solo part, the musical director asked me to play claves—the sticks that become the beat of the music. The director has always maintained that all of the instruments get their rhythm from the claves. In the band, I had been accustomed to letting the drums, conga, rhythmic guitar, piano or bass lead the music. The rhythmic instruments provide a foundation or core for the music. For that short portion of the solo, I was learning that the claves need to lead the music. The claves contain a concentrated energy. They can be quite loud and powerful. They provide the pulse.

Another person was also playing the claves, but the other claves had a different sound, making the combined output stronger and more interesting. When we came to the solo part, the rhythmic pattern of 2-3 came naturally for me and I could hear that the other clave player was not quite in synch, but then very quickly we were altogether. These were magical moments, all of the instruments aligned--breathing and sounding as one. I kept listening and then heard the other person just slightly miss the first beat of the pattern. I thought we were enough in a flow that we’d be fine. But, by the end of the pattern I was off the beat.

Listening for me has two parts: it helps me feel the whole and it also helps me hear the quality of my own output. And yet, there’s a special tension between listening and what the musical director terms “being there,” being ready to play, essentially, being ready to lead. Within the music, I believe that it’s the same balance between laying back into the music and being right there to move the music forward. Leading a group can be akin to this tension: asking questions and listening for different perspectives and needs of the individual members balanced with critical moments of moving the group forward to make decisions or initiate action. Returning to the story about the claves and music, I began to ask myself, what do I need to do to stay in balance between listening and being there? What’s my balance between leading and following? The lesson I took from this is: it’s important to blend with a group, to mix in and follow appropriately. And yet, when it’s my turn, I need to keep my focus on leading.

Questions to reflect upon:
Are you conscious of when you’re leading?
What is your balance between leading and following, being there and relaxing?
How do you know when you need to listen or follow?


LEARNING FROM LIFE'S STORIES

The Stories in our Life
01/2008

Have you ever watched a movie or TV program, or read a book where you knew the story and didn’t like the ending? Or watched/read something and quit watching because you felt like it’s the same old story?

What storylines are we living? Do we keep repeating the same story and action lines, hoping that the outcomes will change? As we start the new year, what story might set a course for you in the journey you want to live?

A wise coach shared with me her practice of choosing an annual theme—a concept that might link together one’s dreams and focus for the year. Just as in identifying a storyline, a theme can give direction and intension. Choosing an annual theme has a timeline, while also providing a built-in rhythm or schedule to review one’s outcomes. I’ve found that selecting a theme has been very fruitful and meaningful, especially in comparison with a New Year’s resolutions, which often seem to go unfulfilled.

Questions to reflect upon:
What is your overall quest this year?
What is a theme that might link together your dreams and desired focus?
What guiding concept gives you more meaning, simplifies your life, helps you feel more whole, or calls you closer to your vision?

Making Meaning of Our Life Stories
07/2008

I recently decided to revamp my bio that appeared in Prism, a multicultural coaching collective for which I'm a founder. The brochure and website concisely explain the culturally-aware approach that each of the six principal coaches employ in our own practices and then offers some individual information about us. My bio seemed like a boring list of education, employment and training. I was depending upon the previous text to convey who I am. I realized that I had to tell my own story.

I started my rewrite with a quote which expresses the journey of my coaching clients. My story then flowed. It was as if I’ve been wanting to tell this “story” and the act of writing helped me synthesize the meaning in my life right now. My bio reads as follows:

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power.--Lao Tsu

Wendy Chiyo Horikoshi, MS, Certified Coach is a guide for knowing and mastering others and oneself. Mastering oneself is a discipline that can lead to transformation. Growing up as the second daughter within a Japanese American farming community, Wendy learned the discipline of hard work and the value of family and community support. From these experiences she understands the importance of the collective. How people learn new things and work together as a group has always intrigued her. The economic, cultural and historical milieu of each individual’s life is a fascinating way to understand the insights, wisdom, capacity and strengths that each person has to offer the world. Wendy helps people envision and achieve their goals, whether they be personal or organizational. She has trained and coached for more than 20 years. Her community-building experiences include facilitating multicultural group discussions at Children’s Hospital in Oakland, helping Washington Elementary School on the west side of Alameda create a more caring learning community, spearheading multicultural leadership training programs/antiracism seminars; administrating, developing programs and relationships for the University of California Youth Program; codirecting the Migrant Education Summer School Program and teaching at JFK University in the Cross Cultural Counseling and Graduate School of Psychology Departments. Wendy holds a MS in Multicultural Curriculum, serves as adjunct faculty for the Association of Type’s Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® program. Wendy has published several articles on leadership, diversity and human development and has also coauthored Teamwork Tools: A Revolutionary Approach for Managers and Trainers (Kagan, 2007)

Questions to reflect upon:
What is your story?
What is the short bio for you in your work? In your community life? In your home/family life?

 
 
  Copyright © 2007-2024 transformativeleadership.net. All rights reserved.